I went to school yesterday and worked with the three kids, K, D, and B. K is the one who gives me attitude. I know it’s a defense against bone-shattering fear. Last time I worked with her, I asked her where she felt the bad feeling in her body. She said all over and described it on her back. It sounded like shame to me. I didn’t have a chance to work on it at that time. Nonetheless, her behavior was better today than it had been. She delayed a little less before coming out to work with me. I used EFT on the negative feelings she described the other day. “Even though I have this terrible feeling when I make a mistake, I choose to know that I am safe.” I used Pat Carrington’s format. (I wrote I did this yesterday. I lied.)
I did the set up on the karate point. I used 8 tapping spots, adding on the top of the head. I went through all the spots for the first half of the setup, and all the points again for the second half of the setup and then went through all the points again, alternating between the first and second half of the setup phrase. She said she went from a 10 to a four on the SUDS scale. That is a satisfying improvement for one pass. She may need more help with this in the future, but we know what works now. After we did the EFT, she was somewhat more cooperative. She still twisted her body and head to look away, but I could get her to put her eyes on the work by just politely saying, “Please, put your eyes here on the work.” I sometimes had to repeat this more than once, but it took her less time to respond. We agreed on how much she had to read. When we completed it, I asked her if she would do one more page. She said yes. WOW! We’re moving in the right direction. I see a little improvement in her cooperation with every session. She also told me – reluctantly- that she is improving. How does someone so young become so withholding?
During the last session, D made it clear he was having problems remembering things he has heard and seen. With the listening exercise, his short-term memory worked very well. When I gave him a sentence to repeat, he could do it correctly. The problem was that he couldn’t remember what he heard afterward. I worked on having him pull up information from his long-term memory. It doesn’t look like there is anything neurologically wrong with him. He just developed a habit of not using his long-term memory. Why someone doesn’t wind up using it is a mystery? As he worked, he remembered the sentence I had given him even after repeating other sentences and doing other activities - distractors. I taught him to ask his long-term memory to provide him with the information and then w-a-i-t and listen for the answer.
I worked with B on both spelling and word recognition. He remembered that this spelling lesson features different spellings for the long o sound. That’s a good start. He was able to produce the phonemic sounds in each word reasonably well. He only had a problem with one word, where he pronounced the word with a short o, and he still had some difficulties pronouncing the sh as an /s/, and the s and a /sh/. But the good news is that he started using the crossbody blending strategy on his own. Yay!
Today was the day Elsa got her heartworm meds and the top spot for tick and flea protection. She loves the heartworm pill and tolerates the top spot application reasonably well. She’s a good girl.
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Musings:
As part of my perspective from evolutionary psychology, I think that all human drives that survived into the 21 century have something to do with survival, survival during the period where our brain circuitry was built. So how do fame, fortune, and power translate to survival?
Fortune is the easiest to deal with. There are basic needs for food, water, and shelter, and I will throw in aesthetics. In other words, we prefer something not just safe, but we have a preference for clean and comfortable, too; I’m adding on the last two because they are part of my minimal standard. Once we have satisfied those criteria, the rest is gravy. The pursuit of those standards in primitive times had something to do with survival, particularly the safe test. I suppose that the criteria could be extended to clean and comfortable if the environment were safe enough.
In the 21st century, the criteria for safe, clean, and comfortable far surpass anything our ancestors had, including the wealthiest people in the 15th century. But not everyone has this minimal standard. People are living in refugee camps whose circumstances do not meet it. On the other hand, some people live far above the criteria. As I have learned to consider what I have as a basic necessity, they learn to consider luxury a basic necessity. What I have is luxury to many people on the planet. Very confusing. There are moral issues here: how much do I need for myself if it limits what others have?
There are minimal standards for clean water and decent food. We all understand clean water. Or do we? I live in an area of the world where I don’t have to worry about getting water I can safely drink. (If you don’t include the discussions about the fluoride and all the pharmaceuticals that have leached into the water supply.) I know that I’m lucky.
Food. I don’t think anyone questions that this is a basic need. We were designed to pursue food. Without it, we would all die. Every animal pursues food, but not every animal has access to the amount of food some of us have today. Now food’s pretty easy for me. I’m not a gourmand or gourmet. I eat to stay alive. My indulgences run in the area of Hersey Milk Chocolate bars with whole almonds, and sometimes Haagen Das ice cream. While I don’t need much in terms of food, I do need the basics, and I need to know I can get it whenever I want, assuming it is during the store’s opening hours.
On the other hand, some need heaping plates of expensive and exotic foods. We pursue food, and then we seek more food. This pursuit of material goods is the pursuit of fortune. But so much more is available. More and more and more is better. If there is more accessible, do I have to pursue it? For some people having it all is the minimum standard. In primitive times, all was quite limited and worthy pursing. Now that we have abundance on top of abundance, pursing all we can get is not such a good idea, either for ourselves or for others.
Then there is fame. What could the function of fame be? Well, in primitive times, it would be essential to be known by every person in your group. You want to be recognized as part of the in-crowd. Otherwise, you could get yourself killed. Perhaps, that fame could extend to a neighboring tribe that would identify you if you came by and not harm you as a result. But nowadays, being known by everyone in our tribe has an entirely different meaning. In primitive times, that knowledge was mutual. Now it is possible to be recognized by someone we don’t know. Possible??? It’s a given for anyone on social media.
Power, ah, power. I think it is as simple as ‘ might makes right.” I don’t remember where I heard that expression. It’s old, and it certainly applied to the upper class. It was an equation, “If I do it= it’s right.” Sort of like the expression, “It’s Thursday, it must be Belgium.” (Anyone remember that New Yorker cartoon?) There’s no logic. It is by fiat. Oh, to be in that position and be able to assure your safety. I think most human conflict, once the basic material needs are addressed, is over who’s right- about anything. We see these conflicts between family members and between countries. We are prepared to fight, die, and kill to defend our views.
Humility: back to this subject. It has to do with understanding our minimal needs, in the world we live in, I’m going to add plus some. At what point does this all become excessive? Why is enough, never enough? Why do we compulsively pursue fame, fortune, and power? They are survival skills at a basic life level, but many have surpassed that point and purse more and more and more. Why? Maybe like Oprah, they never feel they have enough even though they are considered one of the people who have the most in the world. Or is it the Pringle Potato chip problem: We can’t just have one, not even if we are satisfied by it. How do we stop this rampage? Religions address this issue; both in how our behavior affects others and how our behavior affects us.
