Saturday, June 27, 2020

    Sleep was not an option for most of the night. I was so angry about the nonsense going on with the insurance company. I felt so trapped in this unreality. I was obsessing. I finally got up and folded some laundry. I also wrote notes about actions I can take: get the police report for Adam’s car accident and Mike’s, call Shivani, ask why she called for road assistance, and contact the DMV to find out how to get the abstract report. I was twisting and turning. I tried meditating; I tried to exercise, but nothing worked. Finally, I asked God why I was put in this situation. I got my answer. “You wanted to work on your temper issues. Here’s your opportunity.” Great. And oh, so true. I had already failed miserably. I kept telling the people I was talking to that what they said made no sense. It didn’t, but that was not helpful behavior. I should have focused on what I wanted. 

    I was up at 2:30 a.m. when Judy texted me. Her brand new grandson had been born, and she had forgotten to include me in the group text. I was indeed a little worried, hearing nothing. I thought something might have gone wrong, and texting everyone was the last thing on her mind. 

    Not only had everything gone smoothly, but it was an easy delivery. Judy called me about 4:30 pm yesterday to tell me labor had started, and the baby was born at 8:35 pm, 9 lbs. 15 oz. Jazzy had a home birth in a tub. Judy sent me videos. Her five-year-old grandson, Leon, was there for the event. He spent time in his dad’s lap. Judy said that, at one point, he had gone up to his mom, and she kissed him. If I haven’t told you, these kids are great parents. 

    One Progressive Claims customer service provider told me something that did make sense. She said it was absolute authority. Only it was complete bullshit. She must be used to deflecting customers like me. She was the one who told me that the insurance on the Ford was more because it was an SUV. But my insurance costs almost the total value of the car each year. I got the answer: you must consider the vehicle it may hit. What about the car the Prius may hit or my new Kia? Don’t they count? Any of these vehicles can hit a BMW and create an expensive repair bill. 

    Here’s what I have discovered: 1) if the DMV has three accidents listed against the names on your insurance premiums, your personal insurance premiums will go up. Therefore, don’t bother getting that insurance with your rental car. Doing that adds an extra expense. Second, even if the people and the cars involved in the accidents are no longer on your insurance, your premiums will not be reduced until the five-year period has passed. Insurance premiums are increased - even if that insurance company never pays a cent for accidents. Got that?? 

This is crazy-making, at least for me. I am going crazy. I don’t like it. Are your eyes flying wide open in amazement? Mine did. I’m not overly optimistic about being able to get these accidents removed from my abstract. 

    I called Shivani because her name was attached to one of the accidents. She had trouble remembering the incident. Somehow, I thought she had borrowed my car and run into trouble. Fortunately, her memory was better than mine. I had an accident on the 27th when I rear-ended a pickup truck with a hitch sticking out. It only damaged my bumper and pushed out the fenders. I had already had an accident with the front end of the car. I figured nothing inside the car had been affected. Then, as Shivani and I drove up Kaiminani on the 28th, the air conditioner went, and the triangle warning light came on. The car slowed down. 

    The next day, I used Mike’s car to go to Bikram and had Shivani call the insurance company to pick up the car. Unfortunately, Shivani called the claims department instead of the roadside assistance number; I probably gave her the wrong number. She must have told them there was an accident. I would have done the same thing. I believed that if no claim was made, there would be no penalty. As I discovered, no such luck.  

    I didn’t do much for the day. I did walk 6,000 steps for my morning walk. I limited my path to the street I live on. I didn’t takSaturday, June 27, 2020

 

    Sleep was not an option for most of the night. I was so angry about the nonsense going on with the insurance company. I felt so trapped in this unreality. I was obsessing. I finally got up and folded some laundry. I also wrote notes about actions I can take: get the police report for Adam’s car accident and Mike’s, call Shivani, ask why she called for road assistance, and contact the DMV to find out how to get the abstract report. I was twisting and turning. I tried meditating; I tried to exercise, but nothing worked. Finally, I asked God why I was put in this situation. I got my answer. “You wanted to work on your temper issues. Here’s your opportunity.” Great. And oh, so true. I had already failed miserably. I kept telling the people I was talking to that what they said made no sense. It didn’t, but that was not helpful behavior. I should have focused on what I wanted. 

    I was up at 2:30 a.m. when Judy texted me. Her brand new grandson had been born, and she had forgotten to include me in the group text. I was indeed a little worried, hearing nothing. I thought something might have gone wrong, and texting everyone was the last thing on her mind. 

    Not only had everything gone smoothly, but it was an easy delivery. Judy called me about 4:30 pm yesterday to tell me labor had started, and the baby was born at 8:35 pm, 9 lbs. 15 oz. Jazzy had a home birth in a tub. Judy sent me videos. Her five-year-old grandson, Leon, was there for the event. He spent time in his dad’s lap. Judy said that, at one point, he had gone up to his mom, and she kissed him. If I haven’t told you, these kids are great parents. 

    One Progressive Claims customer service provider told me something that did make sense. She said it was absolute authority. Only it was complete bullshit. She must be used to deflecting customers like me. She was the one who told me that the insurance on the Ford was more because it was an SUV. But my insurance costs almost the total value of the car each year. I got the answer: you must consider the vehicle it may hit. What about the car the Prius may hit or my new Kia? Don’t they count? Any of these vehicles can hit a BMW and create an expensive repair bill. 

    Here’s what I have discovered: 1) if the DMV has three accidents listed against the names on your insurance premiums, your personal insurance premiums will go up. Therefore, don’t bother getting that insurance with your rental car. Doing that adds an extra expense. Second, even if the people and the cars involved in the accidents are no longer on your insurance, your premiums will not be reduced until the five-year period has passed. Insurance premiums are increased - even if that insurance company never pays a cent for accidents. Got that?? 

This is crazy-making, at least for me. I am going crazy. I don’t like it. Are your eyes flying wide open in amazement? Mine did. I’m not overly optimistic about being able to get these accidents removed from my abstract. 

    I called Shivani because her name was attached to one of the accidents. She had trouble remembering the incident. Somehow, I thought she had borrowed my car and run into trouble. Fortunately, her memory was better than mine. I had an accident on the 27th when I rear-ended a pickup truck with a hitch sticking out. It only damaged my bumper and pushed out the fenders. I had already had an accident with the front end of the car. I figured nothing inside the car had been affected. Then, as Shivani and I drove up Kaiminani on the 28th, the air conditioner went, and the triangle warning light came on. The car slowed down. 

    The next day, I used Mike’s car to go to Bikram and had Shivani call the insurance company to pick up the car. Unfortunately, Shivani called the claims department instead of the roadside assistance number; I probably gave her the wrong number. She must have told them there was an accident. I would have done the same thing. I believed that if no claim was made, there would be no penalty. As I discovered, no such luck.  

    I didn’t do much for the day. I did walk 6,000 steps for my morning walk. I limited my path to the street I live on. I didn’t take Elsa for the whole walk because she was limping again last night. I picked her up last night, flung her over my shoulder, and carried her home. I thought she injured her leg by jumping off the bed each morning. I rethought that. When I picked her up yesterday to give her an infrared treatment, I grabbed her by her shoulder joints. Maybe I’m the one causing the injury.

    I did record the items I plan to donate to Habitat for Humanity. I checked on the three cheap sprayers I had bought before I got the slightly more expensive one, which I blew out by allowing it to sit for weeks with vinegar in it, destroying the plug in the pump.

    I did some reading and some writing. But I felt the way I do when I’ve been lying around all day recovering from an illness. Of course, I listened to my Saturday shows. I wrote an email I had been putting off.

    I took Elsa for a walk before bedtime. For the last few nights, she has wanted to go for longer walks. It used to be that I put the leash on, we went out the door, she peed in the nearest spot she could find, and she turned back to the door to go inside. Tonight, despite the longer walk, she didn’t do anything.

    When I walked into the bathroom, the wee-wee pad was soaked. That’s why Elsa didn’t have to pee on the walk. While the pad was soaked, she also got quite a bit on the bathroom floor. Not a problem. It’s tile; very easy to clean up. I think the problem is that I got it on the edge instead of the middle when I marked the pad with her pee. I had rushed out to catch her flowing pee when she went out the back door a few weeks ago. She only uses a wee pad once every several weeks. In the meantime, the pad lies on my bathroom floor, waiting.  

   e Elsa for the whole walk because she was limping again last night. I picked her up last night, flung her over my shoulder, and carried her home. I thought she injured her leg by jumping off the bed each morning. I rethought that. When I picked her up yesterday to give her an infrared treatment, I grabbed her by her shoulder joints. Maybe I’m the one causing the injury.

    I did record the items I plan to donate to Habitat for Humanity. I checked on the three cheap sprayers I had bought before I got the slightly more expensive one, which I blew out by allowing it to sit for weeks with vinegar in it, destroying the plug in the pump.

    I did some reading and some writing. But I felt the way I do when I’ve been lying around all day recovering from an illness. Of course, I listened to my Saturday shows. I wrote an email I had been putting off.

    I took Elsa for a walk before bedtime. For the last few nights, she has wanted to go for longer walks. It used to be that I put the leash on, we went out the door, she peed in the nearest spot she could find, and she turned back to the door to go inside. Tonight, despite the longer walk, she didn’t do anything.

    When I walked into the bathroom, the wee-wee pad was soaked. That’s why Elsa didn’t have to pee on the walk. While the pad was soaked, she also got quite a bit on the bathroom floor. Not a problem. It’s tile; very easy to clean up. I think the problem is that I got it on the edge instead of the middle when I marked the pad with her pee. I had rushed out to catch her flowing pee when she went out the back door a few weeks ago. She only uses a wee pad once every several weeks. In the meantime, the pad lies on my bathroom floor, waiting.  

    

Friday, June 26, 2020

    I woke up at 6:30, even though the alarm was set for 5:30. I have a remarkable ability to sleep through anything. I did wake up to pee during the night. I felt urinary tract irritation again. I immediately took an AZO pill so that I would be able to function during the day. My problem is clearly not an infection because it clears on its own. I gave the pineapple to B, so that couldn't have caused the problem. I ate some of Amy's frozen enchiladas last night. They were delicious. It may be the peppers in her food that trigger the problem. What a shame! I like her food. I like Mexican food. 

    My leg still bothered me. I walked up and down my street, staying close to home in case I had to pee. However, my leg was much better today. What did I do differently? I used Yvette's trigger massaging machine on my glutes, the muscles on the left side of my back, and the left side of my abdomen. After that, I could bend my left leg further without discomfort. This has always been the question, how much of my hip problem is caused by the loss of cartilage in my hip joint, or how much is caused by soft tissue issues all over my body? I've been aware of problems with my left leg or the left side of my body since my early thirties. When I was in my late forties, a massage therapist commented that the muscles on the left side of my back were actually swollen. I had no problem with my hip at that time. Conclusion: there is more going on with my body than meets the X-ray's eye.

    I spoke to Dorothy as I walked. We shared family stories. She has different stories about family events than I do, and I love hearing them. I also learned more about my mom as I heard how Dorothy experienced her. 

      I have to call Progressive today. Oh, boy, was I not looking forward to that. I have identified why the insurance on Mike's Ford is $400 more expensive than the other two cars. He had an accident in May of 2018 in Kauai in a rental car. I vaguely remember it. I would call the car rental company because I was sure we had insurance with them. I thought I would have to check with National to prove that, but that was unnecessary. When I looked up the incident on Progressive, it said there was no charge to Progressive. That means National had to have informed our insurance company. In addition to the rental car insurance cost, I have put out $1500 for my own car insurance. It was a bumper dent. I could have paid it out of pocket, and it would have cost less. Besides, I took Mike off the insurance. I have no idea why the insurance penalty was still in effect. Every conversation I have had with Progressive goes like this: the accident is attached to the VIN number, period end of sentence. Does that mean if I sell the car to someone else, they will be charged higher insurance premiums because that car was associated with an accident? No, of course not. This is crazy-making.

    I screwed my courage to the sticking point and called Progressive. I got one woman who did the usual, "There's an accident reported on this vehicle." Then she got rid of me and sent me off to some irrelevant department. That guy sent me to someone who seemed to know what she was talking about. She said the higher charge wasn't a penalty charge; it was because the car was an SUV. I will have to check with my local insurance broker if that makes sense. Josh looked up the Blue Book value on the car. It's $1800. How can there be such a high premium on such a car? More research is called for.

    I kept myself busy while I made that call. I cleaned my stovetop and made tuna fish salad for tonight's dinner. That helped a lot to comfort me and keep me calm. I felt better because I was moving and doing something productive. I felt stronger. 

    At 9:00, I started running a wash. Solar energy kicks in during the summer, so all the electricity I use is free. At 10:30, I had my Zoom tutoring appointment with D.

    This went much better today. I wasn't exhausted, and D. did somewhat better. This is a slow process, two steps forward, one step, and sometimes two or three back. When he makes a mistake on a word, he stops more frequently, and sometimes, he will figure it out on his own. However, today, he had to decode two words, and I had to remind him of the procedure from scratch. He read picked for plucked. The good news was it was the correct meaning. I told him that he had made sense and gave him a choice if he wanted to decode the missing words. He said he did. He started with the first letter in the word. P. That only works if the reader is secure with large chunks of the word beforehand. For example, if he had seen luck in the word, starting with the p and adding on luck would have made a lot of sense. But he didn't, so it didn't. The procedure is, if you are still determining the word, START WITH THE VOWEL. I don't know how many times I have said this to this boy. I would think that he would qualify as learning disabled by any standard measure. The question is still, can I help him overcome his memory problems? If I can't, let's classify him as learning disabled. If I can, well, he's not learning disabled. The term only means, "I don't know how to help this student." Maybe no one knows.  

    Again, Daniel asked to work on the reading before the math facts and the sequencing exercise. I visually cue the math facts. That was much more successful. He said he had been working on both the math facts and the sequencing exercise on his own. I asked him what he was doing so I could pass it on to other students. Often, students will think of things I haven't.

    While today's work indicated that his visual memory may be better than his auditory, that does not mean that he shouldn't develop his auditory recall skills. He needs both. We all do. One can be better, but D.'s problem creates limitations for him.

    After the session, I spoke with his mother today. I want her to post the math facts we are working on in various places in the house: one sheet with the multiplication fact 9x4=36, one without the answer, 9x4=, one with the addition fact 9+4=13, with the answer, and one without. She asked about having him repeat the problem. I had found that his repeating the problem didn't work for him.

    I distinguish between active and passive rehearsal. Active rehearsal involves speaking or writing. Passive rehearsal consists of hearing a voice or seeing an image in our minds. It's different. They involve other mental circuits. When D. said the problem out loud, he had no recall. When he remembered my voice in his head, he did. As I spoke to his mother, it occurred to me, how about saying the fact and then hearing 'his own voice' in his head? The trick is hearing the facts in his working memory.

    At one point, his mother offered to buy multiplication flash cards. I told her not to do that. I advised her to work with just the four facts we had been working with. I explained that we were working on getting the memory circuit built, not learning math facts. Once the circuit was secure, then we could add more facts for him to remember. If too many facts are added, his system would feel overwhelmed, forcing him to revert to old, familiar, safe circuits. Those don't work for him. 

    After I got off the phone, I called Josh and told him I wasn't willing to pay that much more for the insurance for a car he was driving. I held on to Mike's Ford because Adam was borrowing it. Then Adam offered to buy it. Damon asked me not to because he wanted to drive his dad's car when he visited Hawaii. Damon only visits twice a year for four or five days at a time. I told Damon if he wanted me to keep the car so he could use it when he visited, he should contribute to the insurance bill. He wrote back, saying there's no point in holding on to it only for his sake. He can rent a car when he comes. I don't want to be without a car altogether. Is it worthwhile getting my Prius fixed for that purpose?

    I just heard from B. today that Hertz is selling its whole fleet. It went bankrupt and is going out of business. I told Josh he should look into that. He contacted me and said he had checked the Bluebook value for the Ford. It's under $2000 for the car. He offered to pay my $2000 and take the car off my hands.

    Adam, who hadn't been driving the car for a while, skateboarded over to my house to give me the key to the Ford and money to cover his share of the car insurance. Okay, another chapter closed. We talked about his wife and the wait for her labor to start. We have been waiting since the 4th. They decided they had miscalculated. It was due between the 19th and the 23rd. Judy called me at 4:30 to tell me the labor had just started. She was putting out an APB for prayers.

    After Adam left, I drove to town to drop off my broken Rainbow vacuum at the repair shop. I broke it when I poured water into it, trying to get a plastic filter out to clean it. With Scott's help, I did get it out, but it never worked again afterward. I waited for several days and tried again. It still didn't work. I had given up.  

    The lady at the shop, who is not the technician but knows a great deal about them, plugged it in. It purred away, and water poured out of the bottom of it. Where that water came from is your guess as good as mine. I wanted her to let it keep running to see if it continued its good work. She was upset by the water pouring out on her desk. Instead, I took it home. I made one more stop at the bank to cash Adam's check.  

    When I got home, the 'miles' available on the car's electric motor was 6. I had used 18 miles. It is still remarkable. I had used zero miles on the three-mile drive down the hill, really mountain, from my house to Queen K. I plugged it in first thing because I wanted to use the solar while it was available. Then I got the vacuum cleaner out of the car and plugged it in. Again, it ran like a happy animal. A little bit more water came out. Wow! This is good news. 

    Before I took my nap, I cut off a slice of the sourdough bread Steve and dropped off the other day, slathered it with butter, and popped it in the microwave for thirty seconds. Hmm! 

    While driving to town, the illogic of that high insurance premium on the Ford. The yearly premium on the Ford is equal to 2/3 of the value of the car. That doesn't make sense. I tried calling my local Progressive agent. She's a lovely lady but no more equipped to deal with logic than anyone else I've spoken to. 

    She told me that my rate was high because of the accidents with the car. Mike's in November 2018, Shivani's call for roadside assistance on 11/27/19, and Adam's accident in February 2019. It took me several times for her to remember that I said that not only was Adam not driving Mike's car when he had his accident, but his car was parked, and he wasn't even on my insurance at that time. If that accident counts against the insurance, that means that if someone hits you while parked, the repairs are paid for by their insurance, but it still counts against you. What!!??? She went back over and over, saying he was driving Mike's car. I had to start all over again. She was rearranging the facts to fit her narrative. Then she told me to call Progressive and straighten it out. I told her that no one at Progressive had any idea. She really had done all she could do to help me. She knew no more than anyone else did. She finally hung up on me. I should learn not to argue with people who insist on rearranging facts to suit narratives. She was trying to help me, but she wasn't. She just had a bad rhetorical habit.

 

Thursday, June 25, 2020

        I was up by 5:30 and out on the street with Elsa. I walked only up and down my street as I have been doing. Between my left leg and my urinary urgency, I didn't dare get too far from home.  As I walked, I passed a woman looking at the property on the corner. I assumed she was looking at the mangos lying on the ground.  These were the mangos  Judy had asked me about the other day.  I told her the story. The property was a vacation rental, and I knew a friend who would contact the owner and ask if people could pick the mangos and lychee.

    The woman joined me as I walked. When we came to the end of the block where I turned around, she turned around with me. She visited her son, his girlfriend, and the one-year-old child. Now that inter-island travel was open again, she and her husband took turns coming over for a week to help out.  

    When we came to my house after I completed my 5,500 steps, the driveway gate was closed, meaning the dogs were already in the driveway. Yvette was setting up for the Thursday driveway yoga class.  I asked the woman if she wanted to join.  Yvette provided her with a mat.  It was when Yvette asked that I learned her name, Naomi.  She was heading back to Oahu tomorrow. 

    After the class, I cleaned the table on the lanai and myself quickly.  I had a healing session with one of the yoga students.  When that was done, I went outside to plug in the car to finish its charge while the sun was up, utilizing the solar panels.

    I was already exhausted but had a 10:30 Zoom tutoring session with Daniel.  I hoped that I would get energy in the session, but that didn't happen. I've been feeling sluggish and downright tired.  I worry that my age is catching up with me. However, I hear that many people feel this way. 

    D. had no memory for the multiplication facts. He even had trouble remembering that they were multiplication problems versus addition. I asked him what he thought we could do that would help him remember the facts. He suggested doing the math facts at the end of the session. It was worth a try. More importantly, I wanted him to ask himself the question, "What can I do so I will remember my facts better?" Just asking the question has an impact.  I told him that if we couldn't solve his memory problem, someone in his lifetime would. 

    We discussed his feelings about his limitations.  He wasn't very distressed about his inability to remember things.  However, he was reasonably interested in improving his memory. I have no idea what to do to help him.  He did do well on his reading today.  Also, his mother said she sees an improvement in his self-confidence when he reads. There were several points where he caught his mistakes. There were also two incidents when he misread words but substituted words with the same meaning.  

    After I got off the Zoom meeting, I went to lie down for a nap. I lay down shortly after eleven and got up again around 1:30.  I was still tired and lay back down for another half hour. I did get something done today. I squeezed all the lemons I had, threw the remaining T-shirts into the washing machine, and folded the shirts I had taken off the line the other day. I also called the vacuum repair store. The answering machine gave some weird information. I sure didn't sound like the repair shop. 

    About half an hour later, the lady who owned the shop called. They run on aloha time, which means whenever the spirit moves them. I asked how I could know when the shop was open to drop off my vacuum cleaner. She told me to call first. She also told me it would cost me $50 to examine it. She said repairing it wouldn't cost more except for the replacement parts. I told her how I had the carpet attachment repaired twice, and it never worked properly. She said she would look into it and get back to me.  Now, I have to consider putting out $50 to have the vacuum evaluated. 

    I have been thinking about the Progressive bill on the Ford, which is $120 a month versus the $79 a month for the Prius and the brand-new Kia.  When I called the adjuster, I found out that the extra charge was for an accident Michael claimed for an accident he had in a rental car.  I checked. Progressive hadn't paid for that accident. We had insurance on the rental car. If Progressive didn't payout, why were they charging us more?  

    I will call Progressive tomorrow to ask about this. I hear them say the penalty was issued because of the VIN number. Okay, let's say I sell the car. Does that mean the next owner will get charged more for his car insurance? Does the charge follow the VIN number? If it follows Mike, why didn't the extra charge disappear when I took his name off the insurance? It's unlikely that he's driving the car anymore. It is equally improbable that the car will be responsible for another accident. 

    Yvette texted me to tell me that today was the sixth anniversary of our move to Hawaii. 

-    - - - - - - - - - -

Musings:

I remember a woman in Licking Heights expressing the belief that black people have more encounters with the police because more criminals are in the black population.  I have difficulty believing that there are no whites who commit petty crimes, make small drug purchases, or pass counterfeit $20.  Anyone who argues that blacks are treated the same way whites can post police videos of how they treat whites in similar situations. 

     I was once stopped for speeding.  I pulled over and said, "Oh, shit. I know perfectly well this is a speed trap." He let me go. I'm a white woman. Could it be better?  

    I had only one bad encounter with the police. The siren went off in the car behind me after using an access road to get onto a highway.  I pulled over even though it was an unmarked car. A well-dressed man got out of the car, came over, and gave me hell for driving slowly. Really? I think he was a cop, but what was he on? Other than yelling at me, he didn't do anything else. Although he threatened to give me a ticket. I doubt he would have done that to a man.  

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

    I went to bed very late last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie The Healer (2018). It is a feel-good movie. Ah! Enough of TV shows showing crazy cops chasing crazy criminals. 

    I must have slept right through my alarm this morning. When I went to bed, I gave myself permission to sleep later. None the less I woke up around 7 and headed out with Elsa. I suffered from urinary urgency again this morning, but it was not as bad as yesterday. Our walk was just up and down and up and down our street to be on the safe side. I stopped each time I passed the house to go to the bathroom. Because I didn't take Elsa's leash off when I stopped by the house, she waited for me to leave again. I had never done that before, but she intuited the plan. I managed to get 5,500 steps in. My gait was more symmetrical today.

    I continued listening to TED talks as I walked. I also called Dorothy. I love calling her whenever even several times a day. So far, she hasn't objected. Unlike Judy, she usually answers her phone. Judy puts her phone down and then doesn't hear it ring. Maddening. She did order an earbud. Then she won't need to find her phone – unless she takes it out and leaves that somewhere, too. She did order one, but it didn't hold a charge. The brand she ordered is known for that problem. She ordered a new one.

    I worked on the updates. I also called the adjuster from Progressive. She told me that the extra charge for the Ford was due to Mike's accident with a rental car when visiting Maui. I want to know the name of the rental agency. Mike and I always got insurance whenever we rented a car. Why, then, would we be charged extra on our car insurance? How did Progressive even find out about it? I have another question for Progressive. Since the increased premium was because of an accident a driver had rather than the car, does it make a difference that that driver is no longer on the insurance? No less, no longer alive?    I called the adjuster to get the name of the rental company. Now, I have to get the bill out of them to see if Progressive was charged.

    My therapist/life coach from Ohio called. I told her how I've been feeling, blah. It is mainly about the political situation. Everyone is upset; we see everything from opposite perspectives. My problem is not being able to run away from the horrible reality of how black people are treated, particularly black men—this is malicious treatment. One guy was shot in the back for running away from the policeman. Was he resisting arrest? Yes. The policeman wanted to arrest him because he wanted to walk home while drunk rather than accept a ride from the police. I have sympathy for the police, who have to fear for their lives in their jobs. How about some sympathy for this poor black man who had good reason to suspect he would be in worse shape if he surrendered to the arrest than if he ran. He panicked, too. And the only weapon the man had in his hand was the policeman's taser. Remember, he was running away, not charging the police officer. The police are seriously undertrained. 

    I have a long history of low tolerance for contempt and cruelty. I have friends who refuse to watch movies with me because they know I will leave a room when the going gets rough. I've been known to charge up the aisles of movie theaters in an involuntary run. 

    It drove Mike nuts. He would say, "It's a movie. It's not real." I would say, "The behavior represents a possible behavior of human beings." I can't stand seeing it, even thinking about it.  

    I am more disturbed by my internal problems than what is happening in the world. I can be calm and accepting of what may occur when there is political upheaval as things become more equal among people. It's not that I will like the impact. It's that I understand what caused the change was unjust. 

            What I can't accept is my own anger from intolerance. My intolerance doesn't manifest as an annoyance of whole groups. I don't mean that I am comfortable with everyone. Not at all. The intolerance I am uncomfortable with my intolerance for those around me, my spouse, a child, and my students, when I don't get things my way. When they do something that I don't think is 'right,' my way. I don't like the anger that grows out of what I consider my ego's intolerance for not getting my own way.  

    My mother was like that. She was comfortable acting out and attacking me to relieve herself of stress so she could feel better. I didn't have children because I was terrified of being like her. Much of the limitations I have put on my life result from harnessing that type of anger. There are other types of anger, righteous anger. Of course, it is not so easy to discern the difference. 

    A white person might consider his anger righteous when he shot a black man for not stepping off the curb when he walked by. I remember a story about Sidney Poitier. He had been raised on a small island in the Bahamas. Things were relaxed there.

    Then, he moved in with a relative in Miami. He got a job as a delivery man. One evening, the KKK surrounded their house. His family said, "What did you do?" He had the nerve to deliver a package to the front instead of the back door. Those white men felt that their anger was righteous. They were entirely in the moral right to lynch the whole family if necessary. Discerning the nature of our anger is tricky, tricky, tricky.

    I plugged in my car to get it fully charged. If I get it fully charged once, I will have some left after most trips to town, and it will take less time to recharge it. When I got in the car, the total charge was 24 miles, not 26, as promised. Is this one of the variables Damon was talking about?

    I drove to town to get my license plates and registration. Someone from Kia called yesterday to let me know they were in. While there, I asked how to change the position of my rearview mirror. I just had to apply force, but I wanted to do that when I was sure that was the case. Also, I discovered there are some buttons on that mirror. I had pushed one by accident, and it announced it was calling for roadside service. Fortunately, I could cancel.

    When I got home, the first thing I did was plug the Kia in to recharge it. The electric motor still had 9 miles available; I had used 15 miles. It's not really linear miles. I don't use any electricity when going down Kaiminani; I use double the charge on the way up. 

    I finally put all the rubber floor pads into the Prius and took pictures. I washed the trunk and closed it. I thought we had the problem of opening it solved even though the latch had fallen off. Scott and I had figured out there was a small strip with a little red button that could be pushed. It just took knowing where it was. I couldn't get it to work. Therefore, I didn't get any pictures of that area. Once I take those final shots, I will send them to Scott to post on Craig's List. Judy said she doesn't even bother looking at an ad unless there are pictures. I hope there will be more responses once the photos are posted. 

    I also took all the clothes off the line. They weren't dry this morning, but they were now. The day was bright and sunny.

            

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

 

    I went to bed very late last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie The Healer (2018). It is a feel-good movie. Ah! Enough of TV shows showing crazy cops chasing crazy criminals. 

    I must have slept right through my alarm this morning. When I went to bed, I gave myself permission to sleep later. None the less I woke up around 7 and headed out with Elsa. I suffered from urinary urgency again this morning, but it was not as bad as yesterday. Our walk was just up and down and up and down our street to be on the safe side. I stopped each time I passed the house to go to the bathroom. Because I didn't take Elsa's leash off when I stopped by the house, she waited for me to leave again. I had never done that before, but she intuited the plan. I managed to get 5,500 steps in. My gait was more symmetrical today.

    I continued listening to TED talks as I walked. I also called Dorothy. I love calling her whenever even several times a day. So far, she hasn't objected. Unlike Judy, she usually answers her phone. Judy puts her phone down and then doesn't hear it ring. Maddening. She did order an earbud. Then she won't need to find her phone – unless she takes it out and leaves that somewhere, too. She did order one, but it didn't hold a charge. The brand she ordered is known for that problem. She ordered a new one.

    I worked on the updates. I also called the adjuster from Progressive. She told me that the extra charge for the Ford was due to Mike's accident with a rental car when visiting Maui. I want to know the name of the rental agency. Mike and I always got insurance whenever we rented a car. Why, then, would we be charged extra on our car insurance? How did Progressive even find out about it? I have another question for Progressive. Since the increased premium was because of an accident a driver had rather than the car, does it make a difference that that driver is no longer on the insurance? No less, no longer alive?    I called the adjuster to get the name of the rental company. Now, I have to get the bill out of them to see if Progressive was charged.

    My therapist/life coach from Ohio called. I told her how I've been feeling, blah. It is mainly about the political situation. Everyone is upset; we see everything from opposite perspectives. My problem is not being able to run away from the horrible reality of how black people are treated, particularly black men—this is malicious treatment. One guy was shot in the back for running away from the policeman. Was he resisting arrest? Yes. The policeman wanted to arrest him because he wanted to walk home while drunk rather than accept a ride from the police. I have sympathy for the police, who have to fear for their lives in their jobs. How about some sympathy for this poor black man who had good reason to suspect he would be in worse shape if he surrendered to the arrest than if he ran. He panicked, too. And the only weapon the man had in his hand was the policeman's taser. Remember, he was running away, not charging the police officer. The police are seriously undertrained. 

    I have a long history of low tolerance for contempt and cruelty. I have friends who refuse to watch movies with me because they know I will leave a room when the going gets rough. I've been known to charge up the aisles of movie theaters in an involuntary run. 

    It drove Mike nuts. He would say, "It's a movie. It's not real." I would say, "The behavior represents a possible behavior of human beings." I can't stand seeing it, even thinking about it.  

    I am more disturbed by my internal problems than what is happening in the world. I can be calm and accepting of what may occur when there is political upheaval as things become more equal among people. It's not that I will like the impact. It's that I understand what caused the change was unjust. 

            What I can't accept is my own anger from intolerance. My intolerance doesn't manifest as an annoyance of whole groups. I don't mean that I am comfortable with everyone. Not at all. The intolerance I am uncomfortable with my intolerance for those around me, my spouse, a child, and my students, when I don't get things my way. When they do something that I don't think is 'right,' my way. I don't like the anger that grows out of what I consider my ego's intolerance for not getting my own way.  

    My mother was like that. She was comfortable acting out and attacking me to relieve herself of stress so she could feel better. I didn't have children because I was terrified of being like her. Much of the limitations I have put on my life result from harnessing that type of anger. There are other types of anger, righteous anger. Of course, it is not so easy to discern the difference. 

    A white person might consider his anger righteous when he shot a black man for not stepping off the curb when he walked by. I remember a story about Sidney Poitier. He had been raised on a small island in the Bahamas. Things were relaxed there.

    Then, he moved in with a relative in Miami. He got a job as a delivery man. One evening, the KKK surrounded their house. His family said, "What did you do?" He had the nerve to deliver a package to the front instead of the back door. Those white men felt that their anger was righteous. They were entirely in the moral right to lynch the whole family if necessary. Discerning the nature of our anger is tricky, tricky, tricky.

    I plugged in my car to get it fully charged. If I get it fully charged once, I will have some left after most trips to town, and it will take less time to recharge it. When I got in the car, the total charge was 24 miles, not 26, as promised. Is this one of the variables Damon was talking about?

    I drove to town to get my license plates and registration. Someone from Kia called yesterday to let me know they were in. While there, I asked how to change the position of my rearview mirror. I just had to apply force, but I wanted to do that when I was sure that was the case. Also, I discovered there are some buttons on that mirror. I had pushed one by accident, and it announced it was calling for roadside service. Fortunately, I could cancel.

    When I got home, the first thing I did was plug the Kia in to recharge it. The electric motor still had 9 miles available; I had used 15 miles. It's not really linear miles. I don't use any electricity when going down Kaiminani; I use double the charge on the way up. 

    I finally put all the rubber floor pads into the Prius and took pictures. I washed the trunk and closed it. I thought we had the problem of opening it solved even though the latch had fallen off. Scott and I had figured out there was a small strip with a little red button that could be pushed. It just took knowing where it was. I couldn't get it to work. Therefore, I didn't get any pictures of that area. Once I take those final shots, I will send them to Scott to post on Craig's List. Judy said she doesn't even bother looking at an ad unless there are pictures. I hope there will be more responses once the photos are posted. 

    I also took all the clothes off the line. They weren't dry this morning, but they were now. The day was bright and sunny.