Mike's death; Betty's life...: 06/14/26

Sunday, June 14, 2026

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

I had a good night's sleep. I had no agitation, and I slept well until 4:30 a.m. When I saw Dean and Nina on my morning walk with Elsa, they updated me on the progress of their chickens. One is definitely a rooster. They wanted to have four of those guys with the rest hens. They expect a shipment of 18 baby chicks by the end of the week. Nine of them are replacements for the ones that died. The rest are a new order. They are going to have quite a flock.

It was an Ulu Wini day. When I arrived, they warned me it was 'store day.' I assumed they meant it was a day for free food distribution. I didn't understand why this would affect my work with the kids, but ok. It wasn't free food day; it was the day the kids could pick out toys. They built up points for service. Fifth-grade Rosemita had the most points. The kids were excited, but a number were anxious to work with me.

5th grade M was sitting at the table set up for my work when I arrived. She wanted to work with a group of her friends instead of alone. I understood her desire, but the needs of the children were too diverse to make that possible. As it wound up, I could have included at least one more girl in the class. I had M read a grade-level passage and then tell me what it was about. Oh, boy. Way off. She picked a few words from the passage, and that was it. I asked her if she visualized the meaning of the words as she read. No, of course not. There are many reasons for this; being unable to visualize was not one for her. When I asked her if she could visualize her room when her mom told her to clean it, she said yes. The kids work so hard to read the words and cope with the unfamiliar vocabulary and sentence structure that they have no brain power left to focus on the meaning.

The vocabulary and sentence structure are unfamiliar for two reasons. First, English is not their parent's native language. Second, they don't hear complex language, even in their parents' native language. They would need help understanding a unique complex sentence in their language, no less in English. I worked with her on visualizing the meaning of the words in the sentence. I can do that with at least two or three students at a time.

Next, I worked with 2nd grade TC. She reported a dramatic improvement in her reading. Whereas last time she read Reading Roots 11-13, today she read 26. The text is mostly one-syllable words with a lot of repetition. Her reading was much better. She didn't once guess a word based on its first letter. She took the time to decode each word and read at a fairly good clip. Did my work really make that difference? I know I'm good, but I'm even skeptical that the difference could be from something I did. Surely, the teachers at school continued to help her. My gift is to diagnose and address the problem's root cause.

The last time I worked with third-grade SP, he was so hyper I couldn't get anything done. He was much better today. He wanted to work on a story he had read before because he could rely on memory. I pushed decoding. He could retain the sound of a phoneme as he blended. His blending skills were good. He prefers not to decode because he can't read fluently.

I find third-grade LE challenging to work with. He's defensive to the point of hostile. He will be a troubled teen and trouble for everyone else. However, his word recognition is good at a low level. He read the material at a third-grade level reasonably well, if somewhat haltingly. When I asked him what he wanted to work on, he said reading louder. I had him read one of the stories from Reading Roots on a first-grade level. His reading was smooth and loud enough. I concluded that he mumbles when he reads to the teacher at grade level because he can't read smoothly, and he's covering for his lack. He doesn't have enough practice at grade level with multi-syllabic words. I hope he comes back so I can help him overcome this minor obstacle.

I was packing up to go home when I spotted second-grade MI. She's the one I've been helping with math. I called her over. She groaned but came. I reviewed the place values. The last time I worked with her, lining up numbers for addition on the vertical confused her. We solved this problem today. Maybe I'd better say we made substantial improvement. She asked me to give her another addition problem to identify the place value of all the numerals. Then, at the end of the session, she became confused again. I hope this doesn't turn her off completely. I discovered today that she didn't know how to use counting-on. I showed her how. She could do it immediately. She may forget it just as fast. We'll see.

MI has a problem similar to the one Adolescent D used to have; she blanks out and disappears into space. He did it so frequently that I thought he should be checked for epilepsy. He denied he was frightened. MI denies it, too. Neither can handle the discomfort of not knowing what the teacher is talking about. Well, the more they absent themselves, the further behind they fall, the worse they feel. What a dilemma.

I rediscovered Royal Pains on Netflix a week ago. I saw it a while ago. I thought it was pretty silly. It's a story about rich, beautiful people living in luxury. I needed something light to counterbalance my bad moods. I enjoyed it more with each episode rather than less. I love the addition of Paige's character and the relationship between Evan and her. They look like what I understand a loving couple to be. The medical stuff is almost silly. No matter the emergency, Hank always pulls the right equipment out of his bag for the occasion or McIvers a solution. I binge on the series when feeling low.

Monday, April 29, 2024

One hell of a night. God, I felt terrible. Grief. Fear. Over-all anxiety. I think this is what Mike felt all the time. That's why he risked his health with the above-prescribed norms of anti-anxiety medication. I was concerned about it. He said he would rather be dead than live with those feelings. I understand perfectly.

This is the way I felt after my father died in March of 1956 until I left my mother's house for college in September of 1958. I didn't have one good night's sleep. Fear dominated me. I had lost my protector.

You might ask why I took her into my home at the end of her life. Good question. I have good answers. I loved my mother. She was crazy but she allowed a select few to love her, my dad, my sister and me- and she was loveable the way a young child is loveable , regardless of what they do.

Shortly after Mike and I got together, I took time off from my relationship with my mom, aware that it might be a permanent separation. I wrote her a letter telling her I had been afraid of her all my life and had tried everything else. This was my last resort.

In that letter, I also told her I dreamed of a situation where I would live communally, and she would be living there, too. I saw her sitting on a slope with children running around her.

Several months after she received the letter, my mom called to tell me she forgave me for what I said in my letter. She was old and would see me again. See the problem? Zero concern for my thoughts and feelings. Zero. I told her I wasn't ready yet. That stung. But if I hadn't done that, taking her in the last 18 years of her life would have been out of the question. Mike would never have allowed it. I would never have allowed it.

Besides impressing upon her that I was an independent agent over which she didn't have control, I did something else. In my mind, I set a limit to how much criticism or insult I would tolerate. The number was three. If she exceeded the limit, I would make an excuse to leave with plans of coming back again. I learned this from my meditation retreats. The meditation leader would say, "Start again! Start again!"

The final piece, which may have been the most important, was how Mike dealt with her behavior. On our first visit to her home, when I introduced Mike to her, there was a determining incident. I needed to nap. I went up to my old bedroom to lie down. Mike, knowing exactly what my mom would do (tear me a new one for being rude), came up to the bedroom, pulled out the desk chair, turned it to face the head of the bed, sat in it, opened a book, and read. The message was clear. My mom didn't attack me when my dad was around, and she wouldn't with Mike there. At some level, she knew it was inappropriate. She was just too damaged to control her worst impulses. Having someone who made it clear he wouldn't accept her behavior protected me and her from her worst impulses.

I didn't do gentle yoga this morning because I planned to do Turtle Chi Qigong on the beach at Old A at 8 am. I spoke to Jean, my Hanai sister, and Carol, an old friend, during my morning walk. Jean told me of the first meeting of the political discussion group she organized with a similarly inclined next-door neighbor. Eight people showed up today. The decision was to table the Israeli/Gaza situation to avoid conflict. They would start with health care.

One of the attendees at the meeting was in the healthcare business and agreed to make a presentation. Two participants were journalists, one was a Nobel Prize winner, and the others all held advanced academic degrees. This high-end retirement community is right outside Princeton. Need I say more? I was thrilled this was working out. Hopefully, they won't fall into the spirit of the zeitgeist; my way is the only way, and I'm prepared to kill or die for it. What a nightmare world we're living in!

When I got home, I called the solar warranty company. Could I send in my agreement form via email? Yes. I signed it and sent it in. It will be a good deal. It will at least cover the replacement of the old system that hasn't been working too well. I got a batch of bad panels, and ten of the twenty-five already needed replacement. It's a great deal since the panels I will be getting will be a newer variety than the ones I originally installed and were replaced with similar ones. The old ones were 300-something; the newer ones were 400-something. There's only one company currently even making 300s. I'll get another good ten years out of the new babies.

I wasn't expecting the Qigong to be good. The man who had been leading it left for six months. He and his wife are snowbirds in Hawaii. The fellow who was going to lead it didn't look like he knew what he was doing and didn't do the moves particularly well. I had a wonderful time! He did different exercises than the previous leader. The woman beside him could help him when he ran into trouble. She could have led the class. We did a few movements and repeated them sixty-six times. It was wonderful. I could get into the movements.

I got a message from twenty-six-year-old S that she was sick and couldn't meet with me this morning. I got the message before I left the beach. I took advantage of the found time and sat at a picnic bench under a tree and watched the waves for an hour.

While I sat there, I called to make a same-day appointment with our beloved Dr. Reed. The woman is a fantastic doctor and person. She is so kind and loving. She's on reduced hours now because she wants to spend more time with her new baby. It was supposed to be a same-day appointment. When she had nothing available that day, I thought I would

have to call again on another day. No, the clerk gave me an appointment for Thursday morning at 8:20.

I went to Target next. I wanted to buy a loaf of Dave's bread and a cucumber. I checked out the sales on frozen food and wound up with a $42 bill. When I went to check out, I looked at each counter, looking for Judy, who works there starting this week. She's doing much better at this job than her job at Costco as a food demo worker. There, she had to stand in one spot with little movement. On the Target checkout line, she is in constant motion. At Costco, she had to woo people to try the wares. At Target, she just enjoys her contact with people as they checkout. This is wonderful.

I went home after Target and sat down to write the above. Writing helps me. It's not what I say; it's just putting thoughts into words. I enjoy the craft when I'm not avoiding it concerned, I will never find the words.

Sunday, April 28, 2024

Elsa doesn’t have lesions anymore. Since I started using Royal Canine Ultima instead of Science Diet, her skin has been golden. I don’t have to check her for lesions anymore. Now, I just hug her and pet her. I give her a good body rub with plenty of hugs and kisses. It’s good for me, and she seems to enjoy them.

I chose Saturday for my weekly application of the renewal lotion to my eyes. My God, this stuff really works. Someone said I looked ten years younger. The wrinkles under my eyes are much less, even if it does make the black lines more visible. The applicator works with a pumping motion. I pumped and pumped. Nothing. I thought, ”I got a dud. The applicator is empty.” But, just in case, I packed it into my purse to check with Paulette when I saw her at church.

When I saw her, I told her the problem. Before I got it out of my purse, she asked, “Did you take the lid off?” Lid??? What lid?? Sure enough. I had left it on. I had a good laugh. I see differences in my mental processing that I hadn’t when I was younger. I don’t consider as many options as I once did. I don’t consider the impact of an action beyond the immediate as much. When I do, my range is less. It’s weird. I’ve been someone who makes wild connections and considers the impact to the 10th degree. No more. Well, maybe just less.

While I sat there laughing, Monica came up to say hello. She asked why I was laughing. I told her. She told me her own story. When she was in her twenties, she had a funny experience. She was filling the gas tank on her parents’ new car. She was standing with the nozzle in the car. Another car that looked like her parents’ car pulled away. She panicked, thinking he was stealing her car. We both had a good laugh.

Third-grade M was in a weird space today. She participated, but she dialed in from a remote location. I would spend several minutes showing her a video to help her understand a vocabulary word without putting the visual image on Share, and she said nothing.

There was a reference to a ‘tug,’ meaning a tugboat. I figured M wouldn’t have any idea what one was. Again, she let me ramble on, showing videos and explaining what they do. Then she said she was on one. What??!! Her dad’s job has something to do with the port in Hilo. Of course, they use tugs to help bring the boats safely to the docks. She knew more about tugs than I did.

I had a session with Adolescent D. He chose coding over reading aloud. He did all the coding independently while I just observed. The only mistake he consistently makes is in identifying the Vowel-Consonant—e (VCe) pattern. He’ll split the base word into two syllables and identify the silent e as sounded.

I asked if I could use him as a reference if I advertised my tutoring service at his school. He said, “No, thank you.” I still have never seen his face on Zoom. He is the most hidden person I have ever met. Nah, I think I know some people who are just as bad. It’s just they have a better social face.