Mike's death; Betty's life...: 02/06/26

Friday, February 6, 2026

Saturday, April 30, 2022

I was in doze mode for most of the night, thinking of many things I had done wrong, failing friends and family, and processing shame. While I told my friend she had no need to feel so angry with herself, my morning reverie reminded me that shame, in her situation, is not a choice. Shame hits us reflexively. She would just have to process it. That would be her present to herself.

B passed me on the road while on one of my short walks. He asked," Do you eat . . . .?" I had no idea what he said. He reached over to the driver's seat and showed me a plastic bag with half a dozen fish. I had no idea what they were. Could I do anything with these fish? I can barely make something satisfying with the prepared frozen fish I buy at Costco. No, I didn't want one. Only if it came cooked. "You cook it; I'll eat it." I'm no fool. He asked me when I generally ate -between 6:30 and 7 pm.

It was a low-key day. I washed another section of the library floor. It was surprisingly dirty. I measured the space between the two bookshelves and the queen-sized bed in the guest room. The futon would fit in there perfectly.

I didn't have the patience to work on the wordle puzzle. I got the answer again after putting one of my test words in. I was close. I had lar, but I didn't follow through. I might have gotten larva. I was just too stressed to handle that frustration.

I had the M & W sisters this afternoon. First-grade M wanted to work on a new story about Rabbits. She announced she wanted to do research. I found a site for kids: National Geographic Kids, rabbits. We spent a good part of our time with her reading the information. It is well above grade level. She only made one questionable mistake; she read off for.

Fifth grade W said she wanted to write a new story and then changed her mind. She couldn't think of anything. I told her that was what I wanted to work on. I wanted her to learn how to generate ideas if you just let your mind wander. She came up with the image of an RV that served as a home for a family of five. The story developed from there.

When I was out on my before-dinner walk, B texted me to tell me dinner was in my microwave, ready to warm up. He came in when I got home. He didn't prepare the fish he showed me. Those are filled with bones. He went out to buy fresh ahi. When I peeled back the aluminum foil, there was a good-sized piece of fish, white rice, and a side bowl with zucchini and mushrooms. While I expected the fish to be good, the vegetable side dish was a surprise. I hadn't tasted anything like it since Mike died. He would cook veggies that way. Me, I put some frozen veggies in a bowl with some butter and toss the mix into the microwave for three minutes. It keeps me alive.

While B was here, I had him do one of my chores. I cleaned the fan blades earlier in the day. One of the fanlights was filled with animal remains. I tried to get the globe off but couldn't. It was too tight for me. B had to struggle with it. In the process, one of the layers of glass got cracked. Nothing fatal.

In Batchelor's The Faith to Doubt, he discusses how Buddhism spread from India to China. He says those two cultures are as different as either one of them is from any Western culture. Confucianism was the dominant religion in China when Buddhism first arrived. The focus of Confucianism is the maintenance of the existing social order. Everyone has to maintain their place to preserve order. But then there was a disruption. A ruling group was overthrown. Confucianism' failed.' Buddhism spoke to individual salvation, not the salvation of the existing social order. Buddhism developed in India about 500 years before Christ, who also promoted the idea of personal salvation. I find it interesting that from the perspective of Confucianism, Buddhism brought an emphasis on the individual. Whereas by Western standards, Buddhism advocates the denial of the individual.

Both Christianity and Buddhism emphasize the individual's salvation more than the earlier religions. These two religions developed at roughly the same time in two very different parts of the world. Interesting.

Friday, April 29, 2022

I woke up early and did slow releases in the vein of MicroMoves. I couldn't sleep. I was anxious about cleaning the house before Damon, Cylin, and August arrived. There was lots to do. I got up before 5 am and worked on the glass shower door to the outside. I used bottled olive oil rather than Pam oil, which is recommended for removing water and soap residue. The Dawn dish detergent rinse I used didn't remove the oil. I checked the Internet for how to remove grease. They recommended a water mixture and vinegar to get grease off windows. Grease often gets on kitchen windows because of cooking oils. The vinegar helped, but the oil was too heavy to do the job on one pass. It was going to take more work. The glass looked pristine afterward.

When I finished with the door, I went into the library to get it ready for August. It has an air-conditioning wall unit. Damon thought August would love to sleep there. I dusted the shelves and washed a section of the floor with my Bissel. I was amazed. The floor wasn't that dirty. My carpets are the worst. The other rooms' floors get filthy because they are more open to the outside.

At 7 am, I left for my appointment with Katie at Hawaiian Rehab. I started by going over the exercises she gave me. I needed help understanding part of the instructions. What did doing 1-3 sets 1-3 times a day mean? Each set had ten reps. I had trouble communicating what my confusion was. Was I supposed to do ten reps, walk away and come back to do a second? She explained that 10 was an arbitrary number. You're supposed to do as many as you can at a time. If you can only do five, do five. If you can do sixty, do sixty. Do as many as I can at one time. I did a good job on most of the exercises. Just the one with the back brush needed more attention. Trying to incorporate that exercise into my walk wasn't working.

Katie did more work on my kneecap, loosening all the muscles in the leg. I told her what the doctor told me about the contraption I would be in for them to do the operation. Egad! https://muvehealth.com/hana-tables-101/. I want the doctor to allow me to experience the boots and the movement before I go under. I want my body to be familiar with everything and know it all has my consent.

I headed to Target after PT. I had seven items. I estimated $10 an item for a total of $70. It came to $54. I was surprised. I bought six frozen dinners, a container of Clorox 2, and a squeegee.

I had an appointment with the acupuncturist. I asked her to work on my inner left leg. She often does good work. Today she pushed a little too hard. Not that causing pain is always wrong, but I prefer a subtler approach, easing the body into a new pathway. She also did nothing with that left inner thigh I was concerned about. It was very taut. It would cause problems during the surgery.

I developed an approach I call Micromoves, involving very subtle movements. The other day I asked my PT, Terry, if she would use it. This is the first practitioner who has been willing to try it. While I have shown it to others, Terry is the only one who responded, "I might be able to use this with some of my clients." Because of her response, I felt free to ask her. I directed her to move my left foot back and forth from side to side with very slow, very slow movements and stop when she reached resistance and head back the other way. I told her I thought this would impact my tight inner thigh muscles. She said, "You know I will only move your ankle joint?" Yes, indeed. But I also knew it would impact my whole body. Everything is connected. I was surprised by her response. She worked on me in this vein for about 10 minutes. I felt a tremendous difference—the most significant difference after a single short treatment.

Elsa and I went up to Paulette to get water. Judy was there too. I told them the story of a new scam going around a friend had fallen for. She got a call out of the blue from the "Amazon Fraud Department." Someone had made a $900 purchase on her account. $900 is not a chump change for my friend. She was anxious to regain her money. While she kept saying, "This sounds like a scam," she followed all their directions and bought gift cards. Why? Something about tricking the scammers to find them. Rule: never give money, any information, or access to your computer.

Aware of the scam and trying to convince my friend to get off the phone, I tried to reach Customer service at Amazon. They no longer have that handy 'by phone' option. I called a number and got a busy signal. Can you imagine a busy signal, not even, "Your wait time will be two hours?" You can no longer have an Amazon customer service person call you. After getting a busy signal several times, I managed to get through to someone. Yes, someone had ordered a phone on her account. Yes, they had a fraud division. No, Peter Williams was not an employee at Amazon. He was probably the one who ordered the phone on her account. He took control of her phone and brought up her bank account on his instructions.

While my friend didn't respond to my cries of alarm, her husband finally put a stop to it. He heard her on the phone, realized what was happening, grabbed the phone from her hand, and told the scammers where to go. In the meantime, my friend had ordered $3,000 in gift cards. She managed to get her money back. There were a few tense days.

Tommy, my tech, stopped over to download the three videos The Phonics Discovery System videos posted on YouTube onto my computer. I can access them through Google Docs and go onto Movies on my Microsoft program.

The tech told me he was getting a dog. A friend of his girlfriend was getting rid of one. This woman had opened a dog training business with her boyfriend, who had recently been sent to jail for something. The dog was his, and she already had four. When the boyfriend was arrested, she ran a check on him. Nothing he told her about himself was true. He wasn't a veteran. He hadn't gone to a friend's funeral; it was the funeral of his eleven-year-old daughter. Oh, and why was this poor woman in a wheelchair? She and her boyfriend were fighting while driving on a freeway. She demanded to be let out of the car. He stopped right then and there. She got out and was hit by another car doing 70 miles an hour. One of those TV shows that tell of horrible things happening to people would be interested.

I got back into watching The Crown. I put off watching the next series because Margret Thatcher is in it. That woman gives me the creeps.

Thursday, April 28, 2022

When I got up, I saw that my friend Carol from Ohio had called. I never heard it ring. I had no idea why. I called her back. We chatted about our lives. She was on her daily route to pick up her three grandchildren from school. Her daughter and grandkids are so lucky to have her, not only because she does these chores but because she does them joyfully; she is grateful to have this involvement. I completely understand. There’s nothing worse than feeling like no one counts on you.

I ran into Julie on my morning walk. Vince was out fishing. Julie is a fund of miscellaneous information. We talked about gold. She was wearing a necklace with a charm that looked like a hunk of melted gold. She said it was only 14-carat gold. Yeah, what else would it be? I know my grandmother’s wedding band was 24-carat gold. It was so soft that it warped on her finger. Then Julie told me she had some gold coins. Her grandfather had kept some when everyone was required to hand them in. Huh? I knew the US had gone off the gold standard, but I didn’t realize that we had used real gold coins before then. Everyone was supposed to hand them in and get our current coinage in exchange. Not everyone compiled. Her grandfather’s coins were passed on to his children and then split among his grandchildren. When I got home, I looked up when the US got off the gold standard on June 5, 1933. Holy cow!! That was only seven years before I was born.

I had an appointment with Shelly at 10 am. I worked on that shock response I had the other morning in reaction to remembering I hadn’t taken care of a package of prepared salad. My whole body responded. I felt spinning in my solar plexus and then counterclockwise spinning in my head from the perspective of the front of the head using the right-hand rule. I watched the tight spin expand. Shelly asked if it wasn’t disturbing. No, not if I watched it calmly, as taught in my Buddhist meditation. I would be very disturbed if I fought against it. Then the spin switched direction and slowed down. I had the image of my mother carving a groove into the spin. I interpreted it as her effort to embed her feeling into me, so she was not so alone with them. The effort to embed yourself into your child’s makeup seems normal to me. Unfortunately, she had some bad experiences that resulted in PTSD and had some disturbing feelings to embed. I am not angry at my mom. I feel great sorrow that she suffered so. She was a woman with a great capacity for love and caring that got twisted by circumstances. It is a parents’ job to achieve neuronal synchronicity with their child. It’s what we all look for in others. People we can ‘groove with.’ Because of neuroscience, we know this is not just a metaphor; our brains synchronize when we respond to something in the same way.

When my mom was young, it was believed that children couldn’t be damaged by the experience. They would always bounce back. The idea of long-term negative impact may have been a twinkle in some psychologist’s eye, but it wasn’t part of the mainstream thinking.

I felt my mom was behaving this way with me to regain something she had lost. Her dog came to mind. My mom had a remarkable relationship with a Doberman Pinscher named Lordt (SP?) for 9 years, starting when she was two. It was from him that she learned love and mutual caring. She wanted to regain that lost sense of deep connection. Problem: I was not an obedient dog. I was a human being with my own take on life. It made our relationship problematic.

I had adolescent D in the afternoon. No, he had not listened to the audio file the night before. He forgot even though his mom had reminded him. Yes, he had read in school today. It went badly; he hadn’t been able to read it.

Today, I started a new procedure to encourage him to decode every syllable in multi-syllable words. I told him if he decoded every syllable, I would blend the word for him. It worked like a charm, better than I expected. When he did that, he often could figure out the words. This was wonderful.

We had to quit our first Zoom connection and start a new one. Our voices were garbled on the first one. I heard that once before on a brand-new computer. I thought something was wrong with the speaker. It may have been the same problem. It’s good to know the problem can be fixed by exiting the meeting and starting another one.

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

I woke up anticipating my call with Dr. Salassa, the orthopedic surgeon. I was afraid I was going to have to argue with her. Then a miscellaneous thought of the sweet kale prepared salad I bought the other day passed through my mind.

I didn't take the salad out of the sealed plastic bags. Usually, I take the salad out of those bags immediately, wrap it in a terry cloth dish towel, and store it in the fridge. If I don't, it goes bad quickly. If I do, it can last for over a week in A1 condition. That thought I had left the salad in the plastic bags to go bad triggered shock. It wasn't shame unless we felt shame when we were shot. Perhaps we feel shame at a time like that. We feel we did something wrong when we get shot. Were we somewhere we weren't supposed to be? Did we offend someone? Did we violate some rules? If not, why were we shot? While shame may be one of the feelings, shock is the main feeling. My whole body spasmed. It was exhausting.

Wow! When I checked my blog stats today, I only had 10 visitors yesterday and zero this morning. I hadn't seen that digit for over a year. Zero!!!! As I suspected, once a teacher no longer assigned the blog, my numbers would drop precipitously. They have. Numbers on The Phonics Discovery System Phase I video jumped from 211 for days to 241 overnight. I'd followed Dorothy's suggestion, posting my ads on Facebook for Reading Teachers and Homeschoolers.

Damon sent me an article reviewing The Bad Guys published in Sojourners, an ecumenical Christian magazine. The Judeo-Christian community loves this movie. Everyone will. It's a movie filled with upbeat messages of goodwill. We all need this desperately. This movie has legs. I was so thrilled and relieved about Damon's success.

Dr. Salassa called a few minutes before 10:30. I couldn't ask for a more responsive doctor. She was aware of my osteoporosis and made plans accordingly. Whadaya know? There may even be an advantage to osteoporosis when it comes to THR. The outer, compact bone gets thinner with osteoporosis because it doesn't regenerate, but the underlying spongy bone remains intact. The spongy bone looks like a sponge with holes in it. The doctor's plan was to cement the implant in place. This works better with osteoporosis because the cement fills the holes, improving the grip.

The doctor had already examined my knee's X-ray, which was just taken last week. She said I had age-appropriate arthritis but nothing to write home about. The one point of concern was her attitude toward my muscular problems. She believes they will automatically clear up with the THR. Yes, the muscle problems were caused by a bad hip. But there's more to it than that. I have a matrix of issues that all caused each other and made each other worse: spinal curvature, anterior hip rotation, and contracted muscles. My overly contracted left inner thigh muscle was fully evident in my twenties. I took dance classes. I couldn't stretch it.

I had a session with Mama K's crew to squeeze in between the doctor's call and a call from her scheduling nurse at 2:30. I started with third-grade K. I wrote two addition problems (3+3+3+3 and 1+2+3+4). I asked him which I could write as a multiplication problem. He got it right and was able to explain why. He told me his teacher had sent him home with a multiplication book to study over the spring break. He got better and then forgot it. As far as I could make out, she had him work on memorizing the multiplication table. That's a good goal, but learning other ways to solve problems is essential. That's what creates lifelong mathematicians in all those kids who don't have good associative recall. K is one of those people. I worked on showing him how to solve 7 x7=. Make an array of 7+7+7+7+7+7+7=. Add 7+7 and 7+7 to get 14+14. Add 14+7=, then add them all together. He had trouble figuring out 14+ 7=. I showed him the 4+7= 3+8=2+9. He could solve the last problem with ease. He then had to add 28+ 21=, easy peasy.

I had Twin E. and continued working on automatic recall using BrainManagementSkills. She did not use the correct parts of the brain. I finally got her to use the correct section for visual working memory when I asked her to imagine her dog. She was able to describe his activities.

At 2:30, Karen, the orthopedic scheduling nurse, called. To remind me to get a blood test. I had already read two sets of instructions. One said to get it the day before; another said the week before. Karen, Dr. Salassa

s nurse, said I should get it on May 6, a month before. I had to go to Kaiser anyway for another matter. Okay.

B arrived today for another stint working with Hawaiian Stage and Lighting. When the gig is finished, he'll return to the mainland to help his stepmother care for his father. He stopped by to say he was off to Costco; did I want anything? I could use another packet of salad. I opened it immediately and swaddled it in a clean terry cloth dishtowel this time. He also brought another package of the miso soup he knows I like. I didn't need another now, but one is always welcome.

I already knew I had to sleep on clean sheets and wear clean clothes after showering with the antiseptic soap the night before the surgery and shower again in the morning with the other half of the antiseptic soap before putting on freshly laundered clothes. Since I would travel by plane and cab to the hospital, I would have plenty of opportunities to get contaminated. I would wear long pants with bike pant cuff clips to block the dirt from the tarmac and the airport getting up my leg. I needed a pair of long pants that would be comfortable. I had only one pair left. I didn't wear long pants in Hawaii; I never needed them. I found the perfect pair. A flair bottom faded knit with a drawstring waist. Perfect. I remembered where I got them. Mike's first wife gave them to me. They were her pregnancy pants. Damon is now 47 years old. They're still good. I put them in the laundry. Once they're dry, I will put them in a plastic bag to keep them clean until needed.

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

I shared my Netflix password with Judy briefly. She quickly ordered her own subscription. However, I would get blocked when I wanted to watch because she was on the account. I called Netflix yesterday to find out why Judy was still considering password sharing with me when she had gotten her own account. The agent said she had never signed out of my account and into the new one. I went to my account. Her name was still on it. I was able to delete her name. I watched Anatomy of a Scandal. My friend Jean said I would love it. Nay. It made me tense. I don’t do well when the main characters are in peril. At first, I thought the charges of rape were a political maneuver. As the show went on, it was clear that neither of the main characters had a clean bill of character health. I checked out the plot on Wiki. Okay, I’m done.

I woke up feeling lousy this morning. I struggled with the significance of my osteoporosis in my recovery from a total hip replacement surgery. With osteoporosis, the bone doesn’t grow around the implant. This makes the connection weaker, and the hip can pop out. That would not be good. I was also suffering from a wracking bout of grief.

As Elsa and I left our driveway, we ran into Vince and Julie. Vince said, “Did you say you would need a ride on June 2?” Yep. “Ah, that’s my fishing day. I can’t do it. I’ll have my taxi service drive you.” The taxi service was Julie, his wife standing by his side. I protested. I picked Vince because I knew he got up in the middle of the night, at 2 pm, daily. The whole point was I didn’t inconvenience someone. Julie assured me that she got up early. There were just some days she lingered in bed. I was used to hearing Vince complain about how he couldn’t get her out of bed to take her morning walk.

Julie apparently runs a taxi service for friends and family. We live within minutes of the airport. People drive from all over the island, leave their cars for free in Vince, and Julie’s yard, and Julie drives them to the airport and picks them up. She said she was concerned her car seat would be too low for me to get in. “Do you drive a sports car?” “No, a Subaru sedan.” I have trouble getting in my SUV. It’s a little too high. If I lose more height, it may become a struggle for me to get in. She suggested I stop by and see if it fits.

There was a steep drop in visitors to my public blog. Only nine visitors by this morning and the total number for yesterday was only 159. Boy, am I ever spoiled? When this started, I was thrilled when I got two visitors in a day. The English language teacher must be on vacation. If my champion is retiring, I will no longer be a phenom.

Yvette came up. She wanted to thank me in person instead of on the phone for assuring her of stable housing. The housing problem in Hawaii is wild. No one can find a place to live. Landlords raise rents and throw out people, families, and single mothers so they can sell their homes now at inflated prices. We have our house free and clear. We have to pay taxes. I remember when people lost their homes in the Great Depression because they couldn’t pay their taxes. I doubted Yvette knew that. I planned not to tell her. One of us worrying about problems is bad enough.

I brought up another problem I wanted to discuss with her. It came to my attention that getting home health care here is impossible. It may be hard everywhere because of the heightened standards, reduced Medicare reimbursements, and the lack of recent immigrants willing to do that work. Yvette said she knew the situation and that the job would fall to her. Wow! Mike had said she wouldn’t have to do it. She was aware of the situation and had resolved to step up to the plate.

When I saw my PT Katie today, I asked her why she thought I wouldn’t be happy with a THR. She said it was because of my overly contracted inner thigh muscles. My body won’t know what to do with the new hip. I asked if that contracted muscle couldn’t be released. Apparently, this is a hotly debated topic in her field. She gave me a list of post-op exercises to start working on so my body would know what to do when I was struggling with recovery. She worked on my kneecap. It was very tight. Was it tight because of problems within my knee, or was it tight because of the surrounding muscles?

I washed the vegetable oil off one side of the shower glass door with Dawn dish detergent. The oil dissolves water stains leaving a clear glass. I still had oil on the other half of the door. I let it sit for a day.

I had Adolescent D in the afternoon. No, he had done no reading in school. How come? “We played games and watched videos.” Was it a special day? No. He gives that school a bad name.

Had he listened to the audio file with the 5 Stories? Yes. Did he put it on, or did his mom? He did. Great!!! We started reading the phonemically transcribed text of the Hawaii Driver’s Manual. Today, he made it through all the ones we’ve been working on and two new ones. Yes, he used his familiarity with the text to support his reading. However, he is still saying the words correctly. His memory isn’t good enough to remember the text word by word. I once had a student who could do that. She could recite a whole text from memory. When I told D, I was impressed, was he?

I still have problems getting him to pay attention to every syllable in unfamiliar words. I had an idea. I would say the word if he said every syllable. I can model the blending process. He will never succeed if he ignores the letters on the page and glosses over them. Let’s see how that goes.

I finally did some work on the Phase III video. Jana’s feedback was invaluable. I was making it too complicated.

I searched Netflix for feel-good movies. I found one about a dog. I was watching it when I was bumped. Judy must have signed on to watch Bridgerton. I texted her to tell her our problem wasn’t solved. I watched a documentary on Amazon about historical injustices made right.

Monday, April 25, 2022

I slept well. Sadness lingered, eating at my gut. It was particularly frustrating because, in my world, there were solutions. But if I have to deal with someone who won’t talk, I can do nothing. I appreciate that the people I am thinking of associate ‘discussion’ with being manipulated or bullied into doing something someone else’s way. That was their experience. But it’s not the way I operate. I discuss; I don’t argue. I present my point of view with vigor, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think the other person’s needs are just as important. I expect the other person to be as concerned about my needs as theirs. Mike saw that capacity in me. He observed me in group therapy sessions and understood I was just as concerned about the other person’s needs as mine. I always prefer an our-way solution over a my-way. I often asked Mike if he felt controlled because I was so content. He said no. Did that mean I liked everything about him, or he liked everything about me? Absolutely not. But we both got enough of what we needed to have the situation be at least good enough and often fantastic. Boy, do I miss that relationship? It started well and got so much better over the years. How can I get over a loss like that?

I called the long-term care company today. When I called last week, they said their insurance covered licensed nurses, therapists, and aides employed by certified agencies. Well, accredited agencies no longer exist on the Big Island, for now. My PT said Medicare is putting them out of business by tightening the standards and lowering the reimbursement. As my friend Carol pointed out, the current immigration policy has eliminated a pool of people willing to do that work. Several industries feel the loss of that labor pool. My question today was what constituted a licensed therapist. It must be someone certified in physical, occupational, or speech therapy. I assumed I would need a prescription for one of those for the insurance company to cover it. At least I’m not paying premiums anymore. Our agent tricked us into buying premium insurance; when one of us required long-term care or died, the other would no longer have to pay premiums. It used to be $5,000 a year. That was a chunk of change I no longer had to pay once Mike died.

Yvette came up this morning to slip a compression sleeve on my left knee. Josh lent me his knee brace. It didn’t feel like it was doing much. I found the sleeve draped over the arm of my old lady chair when I returned from one of my walks. I tried to put it on this morning. Good luck! I couldn’t reach my left foot to slip it on. I think it’s too snug for me to get it on using the handicap tools. Yvette did a great job.

I didn’t solve the wordle puzzle today. This is the second time I have missed it. Thank God they give you the correct answer now. When I started, I could try endlessly by refreshing the site. Now, I only get six tries before they provide the solution. If I never knew the answer, that would be painful.

I had my Reading & Writing office hours this morning for Step-Up Tutoring. Three people were scheduled, but only one showed up. A second came on briefly as I worked with the first and then left. Acuity said they were ‘bounced.’ I wasn’t sure what that meant. Did she leave the site, or was she forced off? I emailed her, assuming she had left because I wasn’t discussing something that interested her. I sent her an email explaining that I answered each person’s questions. She was welcome to ask hers.

The one person who did show up wanted help with comprehension. She was working with a 3rd-grade boy from a Spanish-speaking family. As I always do, I explained that these children don’t understand academic language in Spanish any more than they do in English. There is no need for it in their South American communities. Students who come to the US with a rich academic background learn the language very quickly and have no problems with comprehension. The importance of lateral transfer is huge. I showed her how to ask questions about each sentence. Language is a puzzle to be figured out. It took half an hour. I wasn’t sure how much the tutor understood the process. I hope she gets back to me to let me know what worked. There are many skills involved in comprehension. Just understanding the relationship of the words in the text to each other is just one.

Later in the day, I got a call from a volunteer from the Hospice service. I had asked to be included in the spouse bereavement group before Covid. They told me the meeting had been suspended due to Covid. Today I got a call about a meeting at noon tomorrow. They met on Zoom during the pandemic, but no one called me. Probably, they were short of volunteers. I told her I was not meeting in any indoor situations without some distance until after my surgery. I didn’t need the bereavement group when my husband died, but it’s getting worse now. She asked if I would like to speak to a counselor. Yes. Susan called an hour later. I set up an appointment for Friday. The sessions were free, but they accepted donations.

I read two books on similar subjects that say the same thing from different perspectives, Steve Batchelor’s Faith to Doubt from the Buddhist perspective and Thomas Merton’s Seed of Contemplation from the Catholic one. Both authors say the goal of mediation/contemplation is not knowing, living in a constant state of uncertainty. Buddhism is grounded in the here and now and in Nirvana. Its goal is the cessation of suffering. According to Merton, the goal of contemplation is to seek God, always ask what is God way, accepting that we will never achieve a solid answer. The mystery of God is too great. Merton also says the goal should only be to know God, not to expect or even hope for peace of mind. He’s a lousy salesman. He doesn’t say why anyone should do this.

However, I heard a Buddhist teacher say pretty much the same thing. We come to meditation because we want peace of mind. That represents craving, a slippery slope that leads to defeat. As we mature as meditators, we should come to the process with no goals, no expectations, and no cravings.

What both these men say resonates with me. I read The Cloud of Unknowing when I was a kid. I didn’t understand a word of it then. The language is arcane and tortured. I mean, I literally didn’t understand a word. I recently tried to read it. I still didn’t understand a word, but the title had meaning for me. These men describe that experience while coming from two very different religious traditions. Regarding contemplation, the deep spiritual aspect of religion, all religions come together in a shared vision, each with its own twist.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

I finished the Amazon series Delicious last night and started watching Balthazar again. I didn’t remember it. Why had I stopped watching it? That became clear. It is horrifyingly violent. When I read my entry for April 24, 2021, I found my comment about the show. Too edgy; filled with psychos. I wasn’t going to watch it anymore. I came to the same conclusion last night.

I made it to church for the 9 am service. I got there too late to park in the church parking lot. I turned around and parked in the library staff parking spaces. Church was good for me today. I have been suffering from grief and anger. During part of the service, I dozed. It was healing. I felt much better for having gone.

I had the M & W sisters today. With fifth-grade W, I used 2nd-grade material to eliminate the need for decoding longer words. I had her read as if she was reading a list of words and keep her focus on the left side of her head. Since she usually used her right brain for most things, she had to make a conscious attempt to use her left brain. I theorized she could accomplish this by deliberately focusing on that area of the brain. I saw a difference as we worked. I saw an increase in the speed of her recall. She reported no difference. When she read, I got the image of her straining, like swimming upstream. She said that did describe her feeling. Reading should feel like falling off a log rather than swimming against the current. We did about fifteen minutes of this exercise with the 2nd-grade material before switching to the sixth-grade material. We could see the difference when she read a passage at that level. Her word accuracy and processing speed were better than usual. Wouldn’t it be great if this fixed the problem?

With first-grade M, I had her read her Unicorn story for purposes of review and editing. The language was above her reading level. She did a great job. She carefully decoded any words she had trouble with.

My friend Carol Zim called. She and her husband, John, were driving back to Maryland from visiting their son in NYC. They went to a flamenco concert and visited an art gallery that displayed the work of their son. They were running late getting home because they had trouble getting to the art gallery. The streets were blocked because there was a Brooklyn marathon. They had to park their car and take a subway to get there.

We talked about my plans for THR surgery. I told them some of my concerns prompted by two bodyworkers telling me they didn’t think I would do well. Their concerns have to do with my muscular problems. I plan to ask the PT for details I can share with the doctor when I speak with her. The PT also mentioned that osteoporosis could be a problem without knowing I had it. The osteoporosis could prevent the remaining bone from adhering to the device. I had my first bone scan at fifty. The doctor told me I had the bones of an eighty-year-old. The results of the surgery could be a disaster. If the hip doesn’t take, I could be in as much pain as if the femoral head collapsed. I would be in pain within six to ten years with the hip replacement. If I didn’t have it done, it would happen sometime within the next 15. My choices suck.

My friend Jean recommend Anatomy of a Scandal on Netflix. She thought I’d love it. I tried to sign in but couldn’t because Judy was watching something on my Netflix. That was weird because I knew she had her subscription. They borrowed mine briefly before they bought their own. Why were we having problems? It is possible that while they bought the subscription, they never signed out from my plan and signed into theirs. I watched something silly on Amazon, Harry Wild. Jane Seymour plays a silver fox who gets involved in solving crimes in unconventional ways, much to the dismay of her police officer son. It’s silly.

Saturday, April 23, 2022

I slept well. I will never take good sleep for granted. I remember when the mere sight of my bed was painful. Insomnia is the worst.

I ran into Julie and Vince this morning, as I had hoped. "Vince, I want to ask you a favor." Before I asked, I turned to Julie and asked, "Can Vince say no if he doesn't want to." She gave an emphatic nod yes. "Vince, I need someone to drive me to the airport early in the morning." I know Vince often gets up a 2 am. He also goes to bed between 6 and 8 pm. He prepares his fish jerky. It's an elaborate operation. He often does his work in the middle of the night. "What time?" he asked. I said, "4:30." They both asked if it was an international flight. No. "If you go that early, no one will be there yet. You'll be fine if you leave at five for a 6 am flight." Vince told me to remind him a few days beforehand. This is great. I was creating the least disturbance for people.

I told Lutz several times this German consulate wasn't like a traditional one. It was run out of someone's garage. Mike and I went there when I got my passport. I checked the German consulate in Honolulu online. It was closed every day of the week except Friday. June 3, the day of my scheduled return, was a Friday. How's that for good luck. I called Lutz to tell him. The penny finally dropped. This embassy was nothing like the ones he had seen in his travels. It is called an 'honorary' embassy. It is barebones. The guy who runs it has a tech business out of his garage. Lutz's ears perked up with that information. He realized he'd better make an appointment. He said something about calling on Monday. Well, if they're closed every day except Friday, what difference does it make when you call.

I went over to speak to Mei about summer camps. I thought I could put Sidney in one for the second week. Hopefully, he'd have a blast. I walked over to her house. As I was about to enter, I realized I didn't have a mask on. I wear one in all enclosed circumstances. Before surgery, I wanted to avoid getting sick with anything, no less Covid. Going back home was a long haul; I decided to take the risk.

Mei and her family had just finished breakfast. I asked Mei what people ate for a Chinese breakfast. She offered me some 'Chinese bread." Yum. French toast. I compared recipes with Mei, Yep, eggs with a bit of milk. I told her French toast was eaten with maple syrup. Mei gave a look of displeasure. Chinese bread is eaten with salt.

Mei's five-year-old daughter wanted me to play with her. I made a deal with her. I would after I talked to her mom, but first, she had to let me do what I wanted to do. She cooperated.

Elsa and I went up to Paulette's for Kangen water. I felt overwhelmed with sadness. It was a combination of the loss of Mike and his wonderful caring ways and the lack of satisfying relationships with some of the people who are in my life. I didn't expect a Mike substitute, just people I could laugh with and resolve differences. Sadly, some people cannot do it; they believe if shouldn’t have to resolve differences. I spoke to a woman recently who had this problem in her marriage. Her husband couldn't tolerate any form of discussion. I can't breathe around people like that.

During our visit with Paulette, Elsa pushed her to retrieve the cat's mouse for her to play with from under her bed. She had Paulette throwing it nonstop. Paulette and I talked about our neighbors, not in a bad way, just sharing updates. I feel it's a way of knitting a community together. Gossip tears a community apart, isolating people.

I met with the M & W sisters this morning. Their mom was still on Oahu for work. Her internet link wasn't strong enough to forward the link I sent her. Their dad texted and asked me to send the link to him.

I always ask first-grade M what she wants to do, presenting her with a menu of possibilities. She chose story writing. She wanted to write about unicorns. She started, took a long pause, and said, "Can you help me?" Amazing! This is an eight-year-old child who said that. Mostly kids just sit in awkward silence when they need help. I have to offer. I gave more input as a result.

With fifth grade W, I continued working on automatic processing using the left side of the brain. Last week, I did an exercise where she drilled a word by silently switching between seeing the image of the word in her mind and hearing the word in her head. All this must be done silently, internally. She reported there was no difference in her reading. Today, I tried having her work on recalling words while focusing on the left side of her brain while I wrote words from the basic sight word list. The theory is that we can fire a particular part of the brain by focusing on something stored there, or we can fire it by focusing our attention on that part of the brain. Imagine a weak limb. The PT has you focus on it and get as much out of it as possible. It may not be as much as its mates, but you will never get it to fire if you don't demand it by keeping all your attention there. I thought I saw a difference.

I finally came to the end of my last four-pound bag of Hersey's Milk Chocolate kisses with whole almonds. It took me eighteen days to make it through that bag. Not too bad. That comes to 3.5 ounces a day. But remember, at least 50% of that is almond. That gets my sugar intake down to 1.25 ounces a day. I had another 4 lb bag on the ready. I went to order my next four-pound bag online. The sites didn't look the same. I thought, "Yikes, I can't get my chocolate anymore!" I figured it was the impact of some combination of Covid and the international political situation. I was impacted directly, no more Hersey's milk chocolate kisses with whole almonds. Meanwhile, there is an image of a starving baby in Somalia, unable to get food because of the current circumstances.

Friday, April 22, 2022

The number of visitors to my public blog passed 50,000 today. Germans, or people living in Germany, constituted most of the visits. Now the Germans have all but disappeared. I only have a handful a week. While the Germans have dropped off, the Indonesians have picked up. I will have over 100 in 24 hours. If the Germans dominate, the Indonesians are nowhere to be found; what happens to the Germans if the Indonesian dominate? I’d seen this pattern before. I think an English language teacher travels between Germany and Indonesia. About 13,000 Indonesians are living in Germany. I can’t imagine why they would want to learn English if they lived in Germany. This lone teacher is responsible for most of the visits to my site. If anything happens to them, my popularity will vanish.

My Hawaiian rehab PT, Katie, put me on the schedule twice a week for pre-op work. She worked on small bones on the outside of the knee. Before, she recommended walking less; now, she says I have to build up my muscle strength in anticipation of lying in bed for a few days. Muscle loss comes fast at this age; muscle gain comes slowly. All the opposite of weight gain and loss. My knee still hurts.

As directed, I stopped off at the Kaiser pharmacy to pick up the antibiotic, antifungal surgical soap I was supposed to use the evening before and the morning of the surgery. They didn’t have it. They hadn’t been able to get Hibiclens in for a while, “Try Longs.” I got online. There was only one item listed as a soap. The rest were cleansers. The cleansers were under $20; the soap was a two-pack at $40. My sister applied a cleanser. Would that be good enough for this doctor? I put in a call to the orthopedic advice nurse. While I was at Kaiser, I got that knee X-ray Katie had recommended, and Dr. Reed had ordered. If my knee is screwed up now, it will interfere with my recovery from the surgery.

In pursuit of childcare for Sidney, I called everyone I could think of. I called Mama K, who knows everyone on the Big Island. She said she would post the information on her Facebook page and her two Moms’ sites. I also texted the teenage girl down the street. She would be interested, but her mother blew up at the thought of her working during the summer. She made it sound like she wanted her home all the time. This is an eighteen-year-old girl who just graduated high school. I assumed she would want to spend some time with her friends. Is her mother going to refuse to allow her to do that? The mom may just have been overstressed. She is a Russian immigrant; at that time, her aunt and uncle were stuck in Ukraine. Since then, they left and went to Russia to live with her parents.

Lutz decided to use his time in Honolulu to visit the German embassy to renew his passport. I didn’t know why he had one. I got one because my father and mother had to flee Germany for their lives. All the children and grandchildren of German refugees from the Holocaust are entitled to German citizenship. This is nothing to sneeze at. It means I can live anywhere in the EU should it become necessary. However, I can’t imagine a safe place if the political situation blows up.

Lutz would need several hours to travel to the consulate, do his paperwork, and get to the hospital in time to pick me up. His flight was scheduled to land at 11 am. He had to pick me up at the hospital for discharge around 3 for the 4 pm flight home. I recommended he change his flight to Honolulu on the morning of the third to an earlier time. Honolulu traffic is worse than the Long Island Express, known as the longest parking lot in the world. Also, he would be dependent on bus and shuttle schedules.

I have been making all sorts of preparations for eventualities. If I can’t come home on the third and need to go to skilled nursing care, I won’t be here when the gardeners come. I wrote a check for them for June and told Yvette where to find it.

A character in a TV show was having surgery and commented that the anesthesia was the most dangerous part of the procedure. It occurred to me I could die. I texted Cyclin and Damon the contact information for the engravers in Honolulu. Cylin wrote that my death was unlikely, agreed, but it would be ironic if I did, and no one knew there were two completed gravestones.

Today Damon’s first movie as a producer was released in the USA. It’s already been playing in foreign countries and doing well. Yvette, Isaac, and I intended to go see it.

Thursday, April 21, 2022

I woke up at 3:30 pm and had trouble falling back asleep. I worried about the upcoming Total Hip Replacement surgery. At Tuesday’s PT appointment, Katie mentioned a problem with osteoporosis. I was told I had the bones of an eighty-year-old at the age of fifty. Why did I know my bone density at that age? I asked for a bone density test to get a baseline. The results were a big surprise. I took medication for 10 years. While it was not supposed to regrow my bones, it was expected to strengthen the bone matrix. The remaining bone won’t grow around the implant if the osteoporosis is bad enough. When I got up. I checked the Internet. I could suffer from late aseptic loosening. That means the medical contraption would not be properly attached. My leg would hang loosely, useless.

Yvette canceled yoga again because all the other students weren’t coming. She was grateful. Her sleep was messed up because of her cat Brooklyn. He had dementia. Periodically he would set up howling. The first time I heard it, I thought it was a baby crying. I was concerned. This howling went on during the night. After a while, I didn’t hear it anymore. I knew what was happening, and I could do nothing about it. Yvette got up during the night to comfort the disoriented animal. She didn’t get good sleep.

It was good she canceled the yoga because I got up late again, 6:45. I remembered to move the car last night. I should have set my alarm for six am to remind me not to linger in bed. I would barely have had time to walk Elsa before the class.

I called Jean, my friend. She sent me inconvenience underpants from Willow, saying it’s the best, absorbent, and comfortable. I wanted to wear it during the operation and immediately after recovery so I didn’t have to worry about going to the bathroom during the night.

I sent a letter to Dr. Salassa, my orthopedic surgeon. I had concerns because two body workers (a PT and an acupuncturist) told me I wouldn’t be happy with a THR.

-My atrophied muscles in my left leg are not a result of my hip problem but the cause.

I had disproportionally put weight on my right leg since I was twelve. I don’t know if it was caused by my spinal curvature or a result. They anticipate my recovery will be more difficult.

-I also have osteoporosis. I was told I had the bones of an eighty-year-old when I was 50. There has been some additional loss in the last thirty-one years.

-If I run into problems due to osteoporosis and require a revision, how much does success depend on surgical skill versus the degree of osteoporosis? I understand that statistically, only 5% of cases cannot be resolved.

-My bone problems are caused by some difficulty absorbing minerals. I have always been physically active, eaten a healthy diet, and never had an alcohol problem. I did smoke from age 15-34 a lot.

-Will untreated aseptic loosening be as problematic as a fractured femoral head?

-From what I’ve read, late aseptic loosening is often successfully repaired in all but 5% of cases. I had a bone density test after 2014 here in Hawaii. Should I get another bone density test before surgery? Love to hear what you think.

My case may not be standard, requiring longer fossilization and a possible stint in a rehab facility. I would prefer to know what my chances are beforehand.

-I am prepared for a difficult recovery because of my circumstances. I am concerned that I will be worse off than I am now. I want to do it now to avoid femoral head collapse,

FYI: I had an MRI, which required me to lie on my back with my legs straight for forty-five minutes. I experienced excruciating pain in the area of my left SI joint. I got up and walked out to the reception area afterward. Shortly after I sat down, I went into a full-body spasm that lasted about two hours. I’m thinking about my body’s reaction to lying on my back for 4 (?) hours.

The spasming is a temporary condition, not prohibitive. I don’t know its impact if it occurs during a surgical procedure. I thought you should have a head’s up.

There is a funny story with this event. As my husband and I sat in the waiting area, I moaned in pain, occasionally taking a break to comment on the flooring. My husband, embarrassed by my moaning, wanted to get me out of there as soon as possible. I was able to walk. I went for the grab rail on the wall- I had to reach up. A man in the reception area yelled out, “Get that woman a wheelchair!”

I had an appointment with Shelly today. I made my position on how I wanted to work on my fear explicit. She agreed with me. I was concerned she would mind because of some comments she had made recently. I was relieved. When confronted with my fearful response, previous therapists argued that I was out of touch with reality. No. I was perfectly in touch. I understood that there was no serious threat; I understood I was dealing with a coiled rope, not a snake. For me, the problem was the uncontrollable fear response.

I would jump at some unexpected sound in my early years with Mike. He would make fun of me. It was torture. I persuaded him to stop, convincing him I had no control over my response. That’s what trauma does. The body takes off and does its own things, bypassing the mind. I tried to sit with the fear. I told Shelly all the way the fear response had already improved. Being without Mike has brought it up again.

I had the image of fear standing behind me with its claws in my shoulders. It was larger than me and had a monster’s face. I spent time trying to pull away from it. I finally turned around to face it instead of running from it. It had to be cut down to its appropriate size. Fear needs to be accepted but controlled.

Fear is like our beloved dogs that bark at everything. My thirteen-pound dog, Elsa, ruthlessly attacks vacuum cleaners and Mac trucks as they come down the road. Yeah, she’s crazy. But I know if anything unexpected happens, she will alert me. Fear is a valuable part of us. As with all good things, there’s such a thing as too much and at the wrong time.

Therapists thought I was afraid of anger. Nay. I was afraid of fear. The anger was just my coping mechanism. I preferred anger over fear. As I write, I still do. It’s like favoring one child over another or the right side of my face over my left. I’d better accept it all as is if I want to live in peace with myself. All emotions have a rightful role. Fear, if proportionately too small or too large, are a problem.

I have been searching for childcare for 5-year-old Sidney when Shivani comes to visit and take care of me post-surgery. The first I heard childcare was $35-40 an hour. When I checked with Shivani, she said she paid $15-20 in Pacifica, California. The cost is double here. When I spoke to Jazzy about it, she said that’s how it is. Childcare is hard to come by. This makes me particularly angry because I have trouble getting that much for tutoring. I have a master’s degree in reading, fifty years of experience, and an impressive success rate. Terrifying.

I added a medley of cooked vegetables to the disappointing Chinese chicken soup last night, left it in the fridge overnight, and warmed it up tonight. So much better than what it was. See, I can cook!!

In the evening, I worked on editing Tuesday’s entry on my visit to Lex Brodie for my car inspection. An image of a letter from the motor vehicle bureau flashed into my mind. I had noticed it when I picked up the mail and then only pulled out another piece from the pile and tossed the rest into the garbage. I got up immediately to check. Yep. There was my car registration form in the trash. I wrote the check immediately and put it in the mail. That’s done.

Wednesday, April 20, 2022

I had Mama K’s crew today. I worked with the Twins but not K. He had a killer earache. I was so looking forward to continuing our work on multiplication. He had no idea what it was about. As I think of it, his number sense may be poor in general. When I asked him which addition problem would make a good multiplication problem,4+3+5= or 4+4+4+, he chose the first problem. That was after seeing 3x4= rendered as 4+4+4, plus many other examples. With math, I would love to be working in person. The sensory input of the manipulatives makes a difference.

I had Twin A first. She read most of the words in the first selection of the Carpenter series, Sassy the Cat. She remembered words I had read for her once. She could be on grade level by the end of the summer, at least in word recognition. I had thought she would get there on her own; I guess not. However, she has made remarkable progress. She was the one I was most worried about when we started. She was behind Twin E. Their positions have reversed.

Then I worked with Twin E. She didn’t remember the word WAS even though we had spent some time working on memorizing just that one word. She went back to decoding it. She did a good job decoding the word if it had been phonetically regular. It’s not. It requires some degree of memorization. She has either serious auditory processing problems and/or memory problems.

I called Mama K in a rage. She had to play The Phonics Discovery System auditory file for her girls if she ever had any hope of Twin E learning to read. Truthfully, I can’t guarantee it will work, but the results so far have been excellent. It is certainly worth a try. It only requires the parent to turn it on while the kid sleeps. She can put it on low enough so she can’t hear it. Children’s hearing is much more acute.

Kaiser’s travel department called me back. All surgeries are done on Oahu. We have to fly over there. Kaiser pays for the flights and transportation from the airport to the hospital. I must catch a 6 am flight on June 2 after showering with the special antibiotic antifungal soap. The surgery is scheduled for 11 am. The agent scheduled three other flights, one for Lutz to come over the morning of the 3rd and tickets for Lutz and me to fly back to Kona. She made taxi reservations for me to go to the hospital from the airport and back. Lutz will have to catch the shuttle to pick me up. He’ll be traveling with me on the way back to the airport.

I had a session with Adolescent D later in the afternoon. I had to switch his Tuesday appointment to Wednesday because I needed to drive to Waimea for my Covid booster. I wrote three versions of the driver’s manual items. One is the normal transcription; it looks just like what you’re reading now. In the second, I di/vi/ded the mul/ti/syl/a/ble words. In the third, I t-r-a-n/s-c-r-ib-ed ea-ch w-o-r-d i-n/t-o i-t-s p-h-o/n-e/m-i-c u/n-i-t-s, b-o-l/d-i-ng th-e v-o/w-e-l l-e-t/t-e-r-s. D always prefers the first version. He hates to think analytically, especially about reading. It seems he does do it when it comes to learning a new video game.

I could say D doesn’t want to do anything that requires effort. But I sympathize with him because of my daily struggle to solve the Wordle problem. Some days possible words come quickly. But there are those days when I can’t envision a single word using those letters in those places. It can be agony. When the frustration is too much, I walk away with plans of coming back to it later. Getting any word, even if all six are in the wrong places, is better than not envisioning a single word using those letters. This is what D must feel like. The level of frustration was just too high. When he read well, he read very well. Since I always started with item #1 every time, he was relying on his memory of the sentences. However, I have found that students with auditory processing problems can never remember it perfectly. He uses the print to remind him what the words are. I decided to force him to read the fully transcribed text. That will force him to see the patterns. Hopefully, that will do something. Today, he decoded the word correction. I divided it into syllables cor/rec/tion. He got cor after I reminded him he knew or. Then he figured out rec. He also remembered tion, a significant victory. However, when he went to blend cor with rec, he lost the sound of the cor. On a positive note, he played the audio file for himself last night. I had his mother doing it. I don’t know if she made sure he did it or just forgot about it herself. I’ll have to talk to her.

Right after D, I had a Zoom appointment with Jana. She volunteered to watch me do my presentation for Phase III. We started talking about her personal life. It relaxed me to think of something other than the presentation. I felt very insecure. She asked fantastic questions. She helped me see that some of the information I included only made everything more confusing rather than less. I also needed to include a section on using this approach to teach spelling.

I watched the Amazon video Delicious. It’s a soap opera, hardly profound, but I loved it. The script has fun dialogue, the actors are fantastic, and the scenery in Cornwall, England, is terrific. Then if that’s not enough, it’s a show about a master chef. The food presentations are something else, and a restaurant kitchen is always a dramatic scene.

Tuesday, April 19, 2022

I had a 7:30 PT appointment at Hawaiian Rehab with Katie. I had to make sure I got up early. Seven would be much too late. Besides my regular alarm setting for 5:30 am, I set another alarm for 6 am, then one for 6:30, the latest I could jump in the shower, and 7 am, when I had to leave. I was up before 6, walked Elsa, and was in the shower well before 6:30. I had time to make my bed and post the public blog for April 19, 2021.

I arrived at rehab early, hoping to have some time to read. Katie was there and ready to start. My knee had improved, and I had started walking more. Last night it throbbed as I lay in bed in the early morning hours. I applied tennis ball massage. The muscles running the length of my leg were tight, but the epicenter of pain was at the side of the knee. None of the pain was inside the knee. I also told her about the pain in my right side, which started when the acupuncturist did some moderate massage in that area. Katie did some work on the left leg. I asked her to check the pain on the right side. I was concerned I'd cracked a rib. She poked around and confirmed what I thought; the problem was with the obliques.

My body was ready for significant shifts and responded to the slightest push. That happened with the muscles on the outside of my left thigh. The acupuncturist did a moderate massage there, running her finger up the outside of my leg. There was a radical shift. I screamed in surprise. She was startled. She not only felt the shift; she heard it. No discomfort or pain followed the incident. However, when she did something minor on my right side, it hurt and never stopped hurting. Of course, I pushed it by crunching those muscles to raise the right hip and lower the left.

I grilled the acupuncturist for clarity on why she thought I wouldn't be happy with a hip replacement. Muscle tone; the muscles in my left thigh are atrophic. Second, I have osteoporosis, which can prevent the bone from embracing the implant. Katie also said the anterior surgical approach will force the left leg to be turned in. That's how it is now. What's the difference? Given my complications, I might have to stay a second night in the hospital and possibly in a skilled nursing facility rehab for a day if they had room. If not, I would stay in the hospital until I passed some physical tests. She said to anticipate pain from what she said, more than the average patient. She also said to expect the leg will feel longer. Everyone feels that way after THR. It feels like you're pole vaulting over the leg.

Despite the negative prognosis on the outcome of the THR surgery of my PT and acupuncturist, I was determined to go through with it. I wasn't happy with the way it was now, and I had a surgeon I trusted willing to do an anterior approach.

Kaiser won't release me unless someone accompanies me out of the hospital. (Katie said Kaiser doesn't care if the aide dumped me into a cab and abandoned me, just as long as their responsibility is covered.)

I had asked Judy to be my pickup person. She was happy to do it. But she has an incredibly busy life. She would have to take a day off. Since both Katie and my acupuncturist warned that I might have complications requiring me to stay in Honolulu longer than one day. If the day isn't predictable, her day off may be wasted. I decided to ask Lutz, one of my walking buddies who volunteered to help me while I was recovering. I knew he had no planned activities during the day. I called him to ask if he would be my pickup aide from Kaiser after the operation. He said he'd be happy to if he didn't have to pay for the flight. He doesn't; Kaiser does. Another piece of the puzzle is in place. Now I don't have to worry about inconveniencing anyone.

I went to Lex Brodie's immediately after PT. I need a car safety inspection. An appointment was required. I made one for 11 am. I stopped to get a car wash and then headed home. I planned to stop at Farm & Garden to return the horticultural oil I bought the other day. I was too tired and just forgot when I came to turn. When I got home, I napped, exhausted from the rehab work. I woke at 10:30 to my alarm. Time to turn around and go back to Lex Brodie

I drew a blank when asked for my 'paperwork," registration, and insurance. Ah! I found the registration easily. I found several copies of the insurance, one from 2020 and several more from 2021. Nothing from 2022. Gabby said, "Have Geico email you a copy of your insurance and then email it to me." I called Geico. It was an automated process. I never spoke to a human being. "We just emailed you your identification card." Sure enough. I forwarded it to Gabby. Done!

While I waited, I made a phone call to the principal of Anna's school. Someone from her school community sent me a Facebook invite. At first, I thought it was someone interested in my reading method. Nah. It was someone soliciting financial support for the school. It's a project-based private school serving preschool through 6th grade, with plans of expanding through 12th. A school with a project-based curriculum might be open to my reading method. It fits perfectly. Peter, Anna's father, said he spoke to the principal, and she was looking forward to my call. She told me that their curriculum coordinator would make any decisions on teaching approaches. I had a pleasant conversation with the principal. When she heard my name, Betty David Ross, she immediately associated it with Betsy Ross.

I told her I had only changed my name after two years of marriage. It only occurred that I could have become Betty (Betsy) Ross several years later. What are the chances that Betty David (Bette Davis) should marry a man with the last name Ross?

I spent the rest of my time waiting for my car check to be completed editing my article on my reading method before I forwarded it to Jana, the woman impressed with my teaching methods who asked me to mentor her.

When I left Lex Brodie, I made sure I put the container of horticulture oil on my lap so I would remember to turn at Hina Lani to go to Farm & Garden and return it. I did all of the above.

I was home by 12:30 and had my alarm set for 2:15. I had to leave an hour early to make my 3:15 appointment at the Waimea Kaiser Clinic to get my second Covid booster. I wanted to be as protected as possible before my hip replacement surgery on June 2. I had plugged in the car, so I had as many bars on the electric motor as possible. I had two bad experiences with the car running out of electric bars and dying on my trips to Hilo. This car is not ideal for these roads. We're always going up or down a mountain. While I may be heading up a mountain, our roads still go up and down like a roller coaster. I find driving the car any distance somewhat unnerving. I started with 9 blue bars. When I reached Waimea, I had 4 blue ones. That would be enough to get me home since it would be mostly downhill.

When I arrived in the Waimea parking lot, I couldn't figure out the directions to the building on my GPS. Fortunately, the first person I asked knew. He pointed across the lot to a building with a red roof. I made it there in time. The process was short and painless.

While in Waimea, I thought to stop at the Chinese restaurant in a neighboring shopping center. It had been years since I'd eaten there. I lusted after their chicken vegetable soup. I knew that Covid probably impacted the restaurant. The quality would be different from what it used to be, but I had to try. I order the soup and a chicken and broccoli to go.

On the way to Waimea and then back home, I noticed a surprising number of goats and sheep munching grass along the edge of the road. I called Judy to find out what was going on. She said she had noticed it recently on her many trips to Waimea for medical appointments. She had no idea what was going on. It didn't use to be that way. Neither of us could figure out why there weren't dead animals struck by passing cars.

I had the chicken soup from the Chinese restaurant for dinner. It was disappointing. So sad.

Monday, April 18, 2022

I slept like a baby. So sweet. I did the exercises recommended in the booklet for Total Hip Replacement. I have been realigning my abdominal muscles. The acupuncturist did something with those muscles the last time she was here. I had suspected my problem was with the muscles of my legs and glutes and those lower abs, which connect directly to the leg muscles. The acupuncturist moved from my glutes to my back on the left side. Then went around to the right to work the muscles at my waist. While it felt right, they also hurt after she was finished with them. It was those muscles that I have continued to work. I use them to push my hip carriage over to the left to relax the left glutes and allow that leg to drop. It left me Charlie horsed.

At 11, I had my Reading and Writing Office hours for the Step Up Tutoring program. I was expecting one person. Two showed up, and neither was the one I expected. She rescheduled for next week. In half an hour, I gave them something they could work with. Leo was working with a third-grader. He wrote something with him but didn’t know the grade level of his work. He read it to me. I said low 2nd grade. The boy produced a list of things he did over the weekend. He didn’t develop a single idea.

Nancy had similar problems with her student. Her writing was below grade level. She needed help with both verbal expression and spelling. I told her to deal with this as two separate problems, focusing on one at a time. I showed them how to use the co-writing activity, being the amanuensis and asking questions, leading the student to develop a single idea.

I also talked about asking detailed questions about each sentence to teach students to see language as a puzzle to be figured out. Students with problems will use background knowledge to answer comprehension questions rather than the information the author provided. Leo recognized that his student would have the problem.

Damon called. God bless him. He tries to call me once a week. How lucky am I? Today he called from work. He was in a lull now, waiting for the release of his movie on April 22. Everyone is holding their breath to see how it is received in the US. It was already released overseas and well received.

Damon had had a busy weekend. One of his best friends from college was in town from the east coast, checking out colleges for his oldest son. They all went to visit Occidental, where August was going to school. Damon saw Oxy in a new way as August showed Ollie around. Damon also got to see his son flourishing. What a joy! They say a parent can only be as happy as their unhappiest child. Damon and Cylin are blessed.

I had a session with the M & W sisters. I had fifth grade W first today because first grade M had taken off with a cousin to feed some pigs. W was not pleased to go first. We knocked off some items from BL DC F at a sixth-grade level. Her reading was halting, but her comprehension was good. She missed the word SINCE. I asked her if she had memory problems. She said yes. How did I miss that? I worked on the memory exercise I developed with one of the Twins and also used it with adolescent D. I haven’t met with the latter two to find out of this method worked. It made intuitive sense to me. Wouldn’t it be great if it did work?

When M got on, I continued working with the third-grade material for comprehension, asking many questions about a single sentence and the following one. It took a while for her to understand she had to use the information in the text when it was available. I might have to work on a lower level. That wasn’t a happy thought. The lower-level material was harder to work with; it was generally dialogue. Her work today was light years better than when we first started. This was only our second session, and she rocked it.

The phone rang with an Oregon number. It didn’t say SCAM, but who would call me from that area code? I got a voicemail. It was Terry, my PT, who promised she would call me. I entered her number into my address book and texted her that I would recognize her number next time.

Paulette called. Was I busy teaching? No. Could she stop by to drop off food? I told her she could stop off any time to drop off food. The door was unlocked, and she knew where the fridge was. She also asked if I had the user’s manual for my weedwhacker that was in residence at that home. She wanted to order a new line. I looked while she drove over. I couldn’t find it. The model number must be on the machine. She couldn’t find it. Did you check the charger? Ah, no.

I watched the last episode of Northern Rescue. Well, that was disappointing. I found it weak from the beginning, but I was looking for the Hallmark ending. Boy, did I not get that. Each family member faced a new crisis in the final episode. It would have been good as a season closer, but not for the end of the series. It was shot in 2019. No, there’s not another episode in the can. I think the writers made sure there were all these crises at the end to force the powers that be to produce Season 2. Covid intervened. From what I read, the series will not be renewed.