Sunday, April 10, 2022

 Sunday, April 10, 2022

 

    My leg did well this morning despite feeling a little weak. I still used the walking stick, but my leg didn’t hurt. It was clearly on the mend.

    Again, I got the Wordle puzzle on my first try after putting in my three trial words.

    I hadn’t heard from Judy, so I planned to go to church on my own this morning. I planned to leave around eight because I figured the church, and therefore the parking lot, would be packed because it was Palm Sunday. I was showered and fully outfitted shortly after eight when I got a text from Judy asking if I was going with her to church. She picked me up shortly before 8:30. While waiting, I perched on a rock in my front yard and read some more of The Corfu Trilogy by Gerald Durrell. 

     Durrell’s book is quite a change from What My Bones Know. Egad! Reading it was personally upsetting. The author’s childhood was much, much worse than mine. I had parents that cared about me. However, I had a mother who had PTSD, and she vastly overreacted to even the most trivial events. She terrified me. 

   Mike was a shield against that terror. The first time he visited my mother’s house, I needed a nap before dinner. I went to my old bedroom to lie down. Mike followed me, pulled out the desk chair, set it facing the head of the bed, and read. He didn’t say a word, but his message was clear. He understood that my mother would tear into me for being rude when we had a guest. To my mother’s considerable credit, she not only stayed away from me but also respected him for his actions. She loved him for protecting me- even from herself. 

   I am without that protection now. It’s not just protection from others that I’ve lost; I’ve lost protection from myself, my inner impulse to be dominated by fear. When Mike was alive, I had moments. Someone would do something, or I had done something I thought would get me in trouble, and I would be overwhelmed by fear and terror. I could calm myself with Mike there, or he would help me. Now, I’m alone. I don’t like it.

      I got an email from Dorothy detailing the week after her hip replacement surgery. While this was helpful, it was also upsetting. Her daughter was with her for 5 days. If Mike was still here, he would be glued to my side for the whole procedure. He would have gone to the first appointment I had with Dr. Salassa. Mike was a wonderful support person. His absence made me feel terribly alone and helpless. It was a day of deep grief. It got worse once I read Dorothy’s detailed description of all her daughter did for her when she had the operation. Karin was by her side two days before the operation and 5 days after. Judy will fly to Oahu to pick me up, but I have no one to stay with me for two days after the surgery. Dorothy said she was good on her own after that, except that she couldn’t drive for 11 days. Besides needing someone to shop for her, she needed someone to drive her to PT. 

     I had a hard day, feeling very alone and helpless. I thought of asking Alexandra, a high school student, if she would stay here for two days. I thought of a friend who might do it, but she didn’t think of offering her services when I told her of my predicament. I might have to stay in Oahu for a week in a rehab facility. I wrote a long email to my surgeon to get more information. While I may be early to make these plans, better than waiting for the last moment.

   I had the M & W sisters today. I had to apologize to the first-grade M because I lost the story she wrote yesterday. She decided she wanted to write another story. This one was about two Pandas who became friends. I continued working on decoding multi-syllable words with W. I also worked on having her name the letters in each word before reading it to train her visual perception. She misreads words because she doesn’t take in all the letters in longer words. Of course, she also misreads for for from. Misreading those little words is an old error she was still stuck with.

   There was a glitch in the Zoom connection, and I ended the session a few minutes early. I texted the mom and asked her to call me. I had several concerns. The first was with the check she sent me. I thought she overpaid me. I don’t know if she agreed or disagreed with me, but she had a whatever attitude about it. Okay. 

     I also asked her about the results of the testing by the educational therapist. She said first grade M tested just a little behind grade level, but W tested far below grade level. What??!! That didn’t make sense. Mom didn’t think so, either. I asked her to send me a copy of the testing. She said the tester had said she wasn’t allowed to. She had an incident when someone sent her results to a school, and there were some legal consequences. What is the purpose of testing if you can’t share it with the student’s teachers? From what I could tell, this woman did the testing and the follow-up teaching. 

   I was awakened from a nap by a call from M & W’s dad. He had a very nervous, anxious speaking voice. He expressed concern for his children. His parents were educated; his father had a Ph.D. He was expected to go to college. However, sometime in third grade, he decided he hated school and was a problem after that, refusing to do his work, etc. He spoke so rapidly that I wasn’t sure what he said, but I believe he went to college. He has been successful in his field since then- a leader. 

  I asked him if I could speak frankly. I said I felt his anxiety about his kids wasn’t good for them. It was hindering their progress. He said it wasn’t just his anxiety that caused problems. His wife constantly yelled at the girls about cleaning the house. That’s how she was raised. It was a source of conflict between the parents. 

      He told me that the educational therapist worked neurologically. Whatever that means . . . I do that too. He also told me that the mother’s interpretation of W’s results was exaggerated. She was a little below grade level, 75% instead of 100%. But there was one area where she tested at a 7-year-old level. I told Dad to tell me what it was. He also said W had problems with executive function; she had problems remembering her homework and bringing home the needed books. I told him to tell me about any issues, and I would work on them. He told me he had seen progress with his children since I started working with them. I asked him if they looked happier. He said yes. This man’s fears will make it difficult to settle on a single course of action, evaluate it slowly and make a sound decision.

    Sadly, I had watched all the available episodes of Striking Out. I found a single season of a series called Madame Blanc. It takes place in France, but it’s all in English. I prefer that because I find it too had to follow the closed captions.

 

 

Monday, April 11, 2022 

    I woke up terrified. So alone. I have no one who has to be there for me.  

    Dorothy detailed her recovery from THR. Her daughter took off from work and stayed with her for about a week. Dorothy needed some help preparing for surgery. Other than that, she said she needed Karin for two days after surgery but appreciated her staying longer.

   Who could stay with me for two days? I can’t expect people to give up their lives to do that. I called my Long-Term Insurance company to see what my plan covered. It only covers licensed therapists, nurses, or employees of a certified care company. I suspected I wouldn’t get what I needed here on the Big Island. I called the three companies I found on the Internet. Two were out of business. One was a lone woman who said she didn’t have time to talk now because she had to take care of her patients. She also said she didn’t have the staff she needed. This was scary. I was so alone. If Mike were here, he would be glued to me throughout the process. 

    I called Jean, my hanai sister. She was out, and I spoke to John, who was very upbeat. His daughter visited him the other day, and he had a wonderful time. Jean was at PT. She got herself there with her scooter. She lives in a retirement community. The skilled care facility is on the grounds. They gave her a four-wheel scooter. She was happy as a clam.

    I called Jean, my friend, to bemoan my circumstances. Boy, Mike and I didn’t think all this through. We made assumptions about our circumstances that didn’t pan out. After sympathizing with me, she told me of her own problems. That was comforting. Listening to someone else talking distracts me from my thoughts and feelings. This didn’t work for me when I was younger. I can only be grateful for small gifts. 

    Jean, my friend, just bought a ticket to come out and visit with her daughter and grandkids. I knew she would be here right before my surgery. My niece Shivani will be visiting with her five-year-old son, Sidney. We planned to do a beach day, so all the kids could play together. Jean was scheduled to return to the mainland on June 2, the date of my surgery. She proposed changing her return flight so she could be my caretaker as I recovered. That would be great. While I am not counting my blessings yet. This is quite a stretch. However, just having the offer made me feel better.

     I had my reading and writing office hour this morning. Two Step-Up tutors had signed up. One had canceled before the start of the class. The other woman came on late. She had only had three sessions with a ten-year-old girl who only spoke Spanish. The tutor said she spoke some Spanish but not enough to help the girl. She planned to ask the Step Up administrators to find a more suitable match for the girl. Good luck!   

     They had done math in the sessions, but the girl wanted to learn to read English. I’m a trained and certified English as a Second Language teacher (although they don’t call it that anymore.) However, I never liked teaching beginning speakers, but I knew enough to give the tutor some ideas. I recommended the Starfall site. When I checked it, I saw it provided videos covering numbers, colors, and some animals. The student can listen to those videos on her own. I recommended she start with My name is. . ..... I showed her she could expand this simple sentence to include, My sister’s name is  . . . . . etc., using the family relationship and name of everyone in her family. I also showed her how to access my 5 Stories and Phase I of The Phonics Discovery System. 

    She said she needed clarification about the long and short vowels. I gave her a short lesson on what they were and how to identify them. The tutor was a college student at the University of Southern California. She couldn’t be a slouch. I looked through my Appendix for the vowel chart included there. It’s a fifty-page document with a ton of information. The first part is information on the English phonemic system. A vowel chart is buried somewhere in this tome.

   I was calmer, at least on the surface. I have to deal with the combination of grief and aloneness. I don’t like it. If I had to, I decided to stay in a rehab facility on Oahu or here, on the Big Island. 

   I called TJ, who helped me locate medical equipment to borrow. She knows everyone through the church. She might know some way to deal with this. She told me what I thought. We could find someone through the church who would spend two days with me if necessary. She thought to call Judy and Margaret, both just had hip replacements recently. The medical establishment must have pushed a spring sale on hip replacements to church members. Don also had one a little earlier. But first, I had to find out what Kaiser had to offer me.

  I had a session with the M & W sisters. I found first-grade M’s missing story. We worked on editing that. She added something to it. We also reread her second story. We added titles to both of them. She was full of energy. She said she wasn’t tired today. She was more energetic than I had seen her before. She also stayed focused. Usually, she bounces around. I often don’t see her face on the screen.

   Fifth grade W and I worked on decoding multi-syllable words and comprehension. She wrestled with a bad bout of tinnitus. I asked if she had ever told her parents she had this problem. I didn’t know all the causes of that problem, but I knew some of them could be serious. No, she hadn’t. She thought it was a result of ear wax. Apparently, it was a problem she had. She often cleaned her ears by pouring vinegar or hydrogen peroxide into an ear, holding the liquid in her ear for ten minutes while  lying on her side. The wax floated to the surface. I had never heard of this solution before. Very interesting.

   W  made no mistakes with multisyllabic words, but she did with one sight word. She still confuses some of them. I have to think of a way to break the grip of an old memory. Despite not feeling her best, she was fully present and cooperative.   Given the change in both girls, I suspected it might have something to do with the mom’s absence. Mom was away for work. M even talked about her never coming back again in an upbeat way. She didn’t sound distressed. Dad told me yesterday the mom yelled a lot about house cleaning, as her mom had done with her. Both girls had commented on this too. Could it be the mom’s behavior that is negatively impacting their work? So sad.

   I got a call from Karen, Dr. Salassa’s appointment secretary. She laid out my schedule in preparation for the operation: an appointment with my primary, blood work, EKG, and a consultation with the anesthesiologist. I also have to call the travel department to arrange my flight to Oahu and back for me and my caregiver. Kaiser pays for these flights. They won’t release me from the hospital unless I have someone pick me up. I fly home the day after the operation. If I have any questions, I should call the support service. I have tons.

  Isaac called; could he come over to print a shipping label and visit? I told him he didn’t have to visit. He can just come to print. If he wasn’t flying home on June 3, I would have him be my pickup person. He said he’d love to visit Honolulu when he heard I was going. I thought, why not? We could go over together, and he could do his visiting. He’d at least have an afternoon there. He was uncomfortable with the idea of abandoning me. It was just his sense of propriety talking. I would be okay with him having a good time.

  I watched another episode of Madame Blanc Mysteries. It’s pleasant but not terribly good. The mysteries are weakly written, but the relationship between the two main characters is a delight.