I got up, walked Elsa, did my oil rinse, drank my two cups of water, but no Bikram today. I had too much to do. First, I called our financial advisor in Princeton, NJ. We started using Raymond James when Merrill Lynch was exposed for mismanaging the Enron situation in 2002. We were using a broker in Merrill Lynch. When he moved over to Raymond James, we followed. Or I should say, Mike followed. I’m like one of the three monkeys when it comes to money. The only thing I’m sure of is I don’t want to be in debt, a carry-over from the financial management style of my parents. I don’t know what Mike’s financial habits were a carry-over from. He was confident in making financial decisions. One good one he made is not getting out of the market in the 1989 crash. He said, “Good time to buy more stocks.” He held on to our money and made more for us. I accepted that I was handing over the responsibility to Mike, and was prepared to live with the consequences of his decisions. If I abandoned my role, then I had to live with his choices. I had no confidence that I could do better. Now that Mike is gone, Damon will take over the role of managing my money with Rick White at Raymond James.
But, one decision we made recently I fought for was paying off the mortgage. He preferred being in debt. I had proposed paying it off long ago, but Yvette wasn’t up to it. She didn’t want to be in debt to me. Mike wasn’t interested either. He preferred being in debt. Josh, Yvette’s husband, and I are on the same page. Pay off what you can. Yvette changed her mind because our relationship has improved a lot, and the market is looking wonky. Mike and Rick agreed to slowly pull out money on the days the market bumped up. Now, I have money coming in from Life Insurance. Mike wanted to hold off and pay off the mortgage all at once. I wanted, and want, to pay it off as soon as some cash becomes available. I think the money pulled out of the stocks and in a cash account isn’t going to make us any money. Therefore, better paying off the mortgage. That way, the monthly payments that Josh also makes will pay off more of the principal, and less of it will go to interest. I’ll find out if I’m right.
Rick, our financial advisor, wasn’t available. He was traveling in Europe. He will call me on Monday when he gets back. Hopefully, that will be enough time before the market does something absolutely sad. I need to figure out how much he has already pulled out and how much more we need including the money from the Life Insurance Policy.
The other piece of information I need is how much money was in Mike’s individual account. If it’s under a certain amount, I won’t have to go to probate. We can do something more straightforward. Now, if Mike had put that account under the trust, it would have come to me automatically.
Our lawyer, horrified, listened to me say that I had no idea if he had put his account in trust. She said she told us to do it. I like our lawyer, but in the future, I will keep in mind that she isn’t reliable in giving directions. She said something like,” Put your private accounts in the trust. The form is in the folder I just gave you.” A better approach might be: “You need to put your private accounts in a, or is it the trust. Here is the form you need to file with your financial institution. This is the information you have to provide. See Line #1, etc. etc.” She assumed a level of understanding and competence that neither Mike nor I had. However, I got the message now. When I see her on Monday, I will have her pull out that form, make several copies for me, go over the form line by line, making sure I understand what information I have to provide and who I have to send this form to. Then I will take care of it by Tuesday. That way, if I’m hit by a bus, my inheritors won’t have to go through probate, as I will to secure that private account of Mike’s.
I did some cleaning of the study, vacuuming the gecko gifts that accumulated over the time we were away and before. I also emptied out all Mike’s bags with books I could find so his bible study students could pick from the books he was carrying at the time.
Judy Chaput, who has the email list for the evening bible study class, posted that I was offering students from that class the opportunity to select a book from Mike’s library, or just see his famous library with its 3,000 books. There weren’t many people who came, just Don and Brenda Nelson, Mellissa Smith, and Mike Hernandez. I know that Judy Glickstein and Sandor and Mealiinanai Hernandez will also want a book apiece. I said that everyone has to come before the 28th when John Coughlin and the seminarian Ace, who is serving at St. Michael’s, will come to scan Mike’s library to create a catalog of his books for seminaries across the country to pick from. The first seminary to get to pick will be Notre Dame in New Orleans, which is still suffering from the impact of Katrina.
Besides doing a decent surface cleaning of the library, I found a drawer on Mike’s side of the bathroom that was filled with old medications. I checked for which ones had expired, only to find out afterward that the expiration dates were greatly exaggerated, and many of the medicines I tossed could still have been used. I collected the still valid drugs for Melissa. She is a doctor who travels to third world countries in need to provide medical care. While these medications can’t be used for someone who doesn’t have a prescription here, they can be used in these other areas. It is wonderful to have a way of disposing of medications without feeling I have to just throw them away.
At 11 am. Erika ( not her real name), the student I worked with briefly yesterday, arrived. She is a bright 12-year-old child even if she is reading on a first-grade level. She was able to follow my descriptions of how the brain works and give me precise information about what she experiences. Her visual processing seems strong for art, although she reverses b and d, and confuses t and f when it comes to letters. She told me the tricks her teachers had taught her to resolve the b/d confusion, and she was able to incorporate the additional mental methods I showed her. This isn’t just a matter of knowing what the problem is and being able to articulate it, it is a matter of changing the wiring in the brain. We always have to look for what will work to get the neurological changes necessary to overcome a problem. Erika is a good learner. She allows changes to occur in her brain. There are those who don’t. They keep any information safely stored in their prefrontal lobes. They don’t let the big changes necessary to make changes long-lasting.
I concluded that Erika’s perceptual problem is with her auditory processing more than her visual processing. She uses the visual area of the brain to do auditory processing. Yes, it is possible to use that part of the brain for listening to sounds, but it is just harder to get it to work. I met a woman who had been a thalidomide baby and had no arms. She was able to use her legs and feet with a dexterity which almost rivaled what I could do with my hands. It’s possible to use a part of the body or the brain in an unusual way, but it requires special training and great effort.
I showed Erika what part of her brain was best for processing language versus music. She was easily able to switch over once we resolved a problem that interfered with that switch. When I asked her if she experienced sensations of spinning in that area, which interfered with her understanding of speech sounds. She drew a spiral that went from the outside in, slowing down, and from the inside out, speeding up. It came out that the slowing process came first, and the speeding up process was a fear reaction to the slowing inward moving spiral. She told me that her teachers would tell her not to zone out or go to la-la land.
Ah, I told her to look at the view of nature in front of her and follow that inward spiral. A wonderful calm overcame her. This is a lovely skill which helps her keep calm. Unfortunately, it does not serve her well when it comes to those left-brain skills like reading and math.
I drew a rough picture of the two halves of the brain, explaining that the left half of the brain controls the right side of the body, and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. The goal is to be able to coordinate the two sides of the brain. She demonstrated that she could easily tap her hand on the top of her head and rub her belly at the same time. Not only that, but she could also do it reversing her arms. I think she has an exploratory mind. Wonderful!
I had her do a few minutes of alternating her focus from her right brain and her left brain. When she focused on the right brain, she achieved that wonderful calm. I had her listen to me read while focusing on using the auditory center on the left side of her brain. Then back again to the right brain, and back to the left brain, back and forth, back and forth. This is how I learned to coordinate my hands in the tapping/rubbing activity. I did one hand, stopped and did the other, and went back and forth like that until I could comfortably do both together.
I gave her some homework. I told her just to name the letters in sequence in running text. Naming the letters helps you monitor if you are doing them in the correct order. Naming also pulls on the auditory recall, drawing up labels for quick recall.
Erika’s great-grandmother brought her today because her aunt couldn’t. She is one month less than a year older than me. She also lost her husband. Boy, she didn’t give up and sit on her duff. She got her bachelor’s degree and is now working on her master’s. She does substitute teaching in the local middle school. She says she’s used to being busy; she raised 8 children. Geez, Louise! There are those who make me feel like a complete slouch. I want to get to know this lady better. She’s a good role model for me in the years to come. I have a master’s degree and can’t think of anything I’d like to do less than get a Ph.D. Well, maybe cooking. I love creating ideas. I learn about other’s people ideas to nurture my own. When I was in graduate school, someone said,” Do you ever read something for its sake instead of yours?” Mysteries. I read them for sheer enjoyment. Otherwise, I read to learn something new that will help me improve my life or the life of others. It’s the same problem I have with travel. I don’t understand collecting information for its own sake. When I am talking to someone, I want to know more about them. Aside from the pleasure of getting to understand someone’s point of view, I like making people feel seen and heard, letting them know that their story is important. Each person’s story is a glimpse into another world. Learning about their lives helps me get insight into my own and the lives of others.
I wrote a piece on my idea of the nature of selfishness for yesterday’s entry. I deleted it because Judy had too many challenging questions. However, when I talked to Melissa about my ideas. She looked at me and said, “Doesn’t everyone see it that way?” This woman is a doctor who travels to third world countries to deliver free medical care to the poor. She understands that she does it because it gives her pleasure.
I showed Melissa some of the principals of the work I did with Erika. I thought since there was a neuroscientific orientation, she might find it interesting. She gave me some additional information from her medical knowledge. I didn’t have time to listen to it at the time because we only had a few minutes. One suggestion was about monitoring which half of the brain is receiving increased blood flow by feeling the carotid arteries. The other was that some disturbances in the corpus callosum show up on MRIs in people who have learning disabilities. I need to follow up with her.
The folks from the Kona Flower Shoppe called back. This is the first time I heard from them since the lady delivered the flowers from my buddies from Licking heights South, and I gave her the shot of the flowers Damon had delivered to Mike in the hospital that I want for the funeral. The lady I dealt with wasn’t in. The other lady said her partner, Shelly, was on it. They had discussed it. Shelly had called their supplier and was trying to get the coconut shell base for the plant. I assured her I wanted the arrangement in any form they could give it to me. We are only allowed one plant for the funeral because of Lent.
I finally sent out Tuesday’s blog only to discover I hadn’t sent out Monday’s yet. It had been ready. I must have been interrupted. I am often very busy and have to deal with unfamiliar chores. I’m not up to a routine yet.
Someone arrived as I was working on the blog. I called come in without being sure who it was, but the voice was friendly. It was Judy Shibley arriving at the appointed time for a hula practice. The other day she mentioned that she and her husband have regular appointments with a physical therapist. I pointed out some changes she could make from the perspective of body mechanics, so she doesn’t injure herself. Apparent, her hula kumu, her hula teacher, doesn’t pay attention to those aspects of a dancer’s moves; he only worries if she has the sequence of the movements correct. Also, her physical therapist doesn’t ask her to demonstrate how she does the hula. From my perspective, body mechanics are crucial to all movement.
After Judy left, I sat down to do some more writing. Dealing with Mike’s life is a full-time job. I walked Elsa, had dinner, watch TV, walked Elsa, and went to bed.
