Mike's death; Betty's life...

Thursday, March 26, 2026

Monday, April 3, 2023

I was up early. Elsa came over to the edge of the bed. She prefers the tea tree oil for her lesions over the salve with the strong steroids. Whatever made me think an external cream she would lick off would be better for her than some pill that compromised her immune system?

I found another pile of poop on the lanai. I should learn by now to take her out after she's eaten if she didn't do something earlier. Wait! Last night, it was pouring. I lured her out the doggy door. She peed. I watched her, but she didn't poop. It was still pouring when I went to bed. What choice did she have?

A friend recommended the wee-wee pads, but the open-air living means the wind blows them around. They don't stay flat; often, they wind up somewhere else altogether.

I had to leave by 7:30 to make it to the dentist on time. I was up before the six a.m. alarm and home from my early morning walk before seven a.m. I made soup to take with me. I planned to stay in town until my ten-thirty doctor's appointment at Kaiser.

I arrived at the dentist's in plenty of time. I sat in the waiting room. KC came out carrying Cash, her infant. Her mother stopped by to pick him up after she dropped the other kids off at school. I was scheduled for an hour, but Kris decided he wanted to wait to fill the cavities. He just worked on seeing if the teeth he made for my posts fit well. We talked.

I commented on how great his skin looked. Winds up, he and KC are into skin care. They both get Botox treatments to prevent wrinkles from forming in the first place. I have yet to learn how they learned about this, but you must start Botox in your thirties to avoid wrinkling. Once wrinkles form, they are not that easy to eradicate. Interesting. Pretty novel for me. But of course, I don't know if there was such a thing as Botox cosmetic treatments when I was thirty. Neither KC nor Kris is particularly vain. They don't want to look old if they don't have to.

KC and Kris live in an extended family situation. They lived as a nuclear family in the house around the corner from me for a while. The extended family bought two abutting lots. Kris and KC are building a house on one of them. Right now, everyone is living in one house. That's fifteen people. Three couples, the mother of all the wives, seven kids, and a visiting niece. Kris and KC live in one normal-sized bedroom with their three kids and a dog- and it's all going smoothly. I would love to have a situation like that. They're people who delight in working out things with each other. What a blessing!

We talked about what made it possible for them to work out their relationships. They both said talking to each other about their needs. Kris and KC saw their parents' relationships sour because their mothers never spoke up to their fathers. Kris's mom left her dad after thirty years of marriage, leaving him heartbroken. She finally had had it – but she had never voiced any complaints. She had been a 'good' wife. Is that really what a good wife does? Both Kiss and KC saw their mothers as responsible for the failure of their marriages as their dads. I agree.

I talked about the things that made my marriage with Mike work. Mike liked to say, "Our marriage works because there is always one adult present, and it's not always the same one." Toward the end, I asked him if he felt controlled by me. He said no. I was concerned because I was so happy in our relationship; I wanted to make sure he was okay, too.

I had been full of energy all morning. Then, I had a sad thought, and my mood changed abruptly. I now know that the exhaustion I had been feeling was all due to sadness. The good news is I don't have some physical disease.

While I was scheduled with the dentist for an hour. I was out of there by about eight forty-five. I went to Office Max in town to buy some legal weight paper, something more durable than multi-purpose 20 lb. It was much more expensive than I thought it was going to be. I had to buy a ream. Then I found some on sale, 36 dollars for two reams. That was a bargain, given that others were close to thirty for one. I checked before I purchased if I could buy just one of the reams. No, okay. I will always need paper.

While I was in town, I stopped at Target across the way to check on their supply of Hershey's Milk chocolate nuggets with whole almonds- actually, I don't think they're doing 'whole' anymore. Then I went to Kaiser.

I was at Kaiser early. I brought my computer with me, figuring I could do some work while I waited. They have outdoor tables with umbrellas by the pharmacy—a Hawaiian waiting area. I sat in the car and made some phone calls. I called Utah Valley University to get some answers to questions. B's grandson will be going there. He gave me information that didn't sound right, so I wanted to check it.

I called the dorm first. Yes, anyone between the ages of 18 and 27 could live there. They didn't have to be attending the University. My guess is their enrollment is low, and they need paying tenants. That checked out- great. Next, how did one become a resident of the state? His grandson had given me a state number to check. It was the tax department. That didn't sound right. I called the university admissions office. Taking a class wouldn't block the possibility of acquiring state residency; it might even enhance it. Why would a school help students get residency when they can get them to pay out-of-state tuition for courses? I don't know why, but they do.

My appointment with Kaiser went smoothly; it was no big deal. I thought I might have a problem, but I didn't. The only problem I had was signing in at the kiosk. I couldn't remember my Kaiser number, which is scary. I can't begin to tell you how often I repeated that number when I was with Mike in the hospital. His first five digits were the same as mine. I messed up on the first three today. Oh, dear.

I had a disturbing experience on my evening walk today. As I walked down Kukuna, a truck came up the street. I pulled over to get Elsa out of the way of temptation. The truck pulled into a driveway a hundred feet away from me. As I passed the driveway, I noticed a purple suitcase on the side of the gate against the rock wall. Concerned, I went to check. It must have been dropped off by someone from the airline, a lost suitcase. There was a document attached. I saw it had the owner's numbers on it. I called her cell; there was no answer. As I dialed the home number, the gate opened, and this man came tearing through yelling, "Are you stealing that?" Huh?

I'm an old woman with white hair walking a thirteen-pound dog. As the gate opens, I don't move. I am relaxed, undefended. What are the chances I was trying to steal anything? I explain. "You drove in and left the suitcase. I tried calling your wife to let her know it's here." He grabbed the suitcase and took off. His energy was so intense. If I had been a person of color, no less a young man, he would have physically attacked me. He's the reason we need gun laws.

His response was so over the top I assumed he was on a chemical or had a mental illness. This is a small community off the main drag. No one comes back here unless they have a destination.

Hmmm! A few years ago, a young man unleashed his dog to attack a neighbor's, resulting in considerable physical damage. When Shawn reported the incident to the police, he discovered the young man had already filed a report against him for being rude. That's possible, knowing Shawn, but I don't think responding with violence is legal. The young man was the son of a police officer. Oh, dear. , I pray for an early retirement before he injures someone.

As I continued walking, I ran into Gail on her evening walk. We chatted about the neighborhood. It is warm and friendly. Most people greet me. Once, I had five or six quick exchanges with people while on the phone with Damon. He said, "You're popular." Eh, maybe. Maybe not. Well-known for sure. I like knitting a community together. I learn everyone's name and introduce them to each other. As I talk, I learn how people have connected to others. We're all here for each other- with a few exceptions.

Sunday, April 2, 2023

I woke up before my six-thirty alarm. I had to get up early to get my walk in before church. Yesterday, I applied the tea tree oil to Elsa's lesions for the first time as I did the morning check-up on them. The ones on Elsa's belly looked better. Wow! If this works, that would be fantastic.

My right glutes were bothering me as I walked, so I took an easier, shorter route. I fed Elsa and took another short walk to get my numbers up. I ran into Rosemary. I walked with her for a bit. She is being evaluated for dementia. Alzheimer's runs in her family. Her mother and one of her sisters had already died of it. She tried two medications. One gave her so much gas she discontinued it. The second clouded her mind; she felt like she had dementia. She got off that, too. She is pursuing a healthy lifestyle as a solution.

I applied my green tea face mask. I worked on the blog update while I waited the recommended fifteen minutes. I love this face mask. Applying it is a joy, and my face feels smoother afterward.

I was on my way to church by twenty minutes after eight. I was surprised by the crowded parking lot when I arrived fifteen minutes early. I don't pay attention to the schedule. It was Palm Sunday. No wonder the church was packed. The Mass was longer than usual because of the special gospel reading, the Passion of Christ.

I was going to stop at Office Max on the way home to pick up the quality paper for my revised will but decided against it in favor of a nap. I thought I would nap the moment I got home. Church always exhausts me. Instead, I contacted Mama K and asked if this was a good time to work with her kids. We missed yesterday. She thought she had them set up, but her house had no Internet reception. I could only work with them briefly this morning because they were going to the beach. Mama K takes the kids there to get rid of their energy. Having five kids in the house is a lot. I started with Twin E, the one reading on a pre-primer level. I had her reread the selection we read last. She missed several words but got some that she would have missed in the past. Can anyone tell me why kids have trouble remembering the difference between her and here? It was one of Adolescent D's lingering problems.

Twin A reread the last passage we worked on. It is on a beginning second-grade level. I may get her on a beginning third-grade level over the summer. That would mean she would only be a year behind when she starts fourth grade.

If I could get Twin E to a solid first-grade level, she would be three years behind. I would keep plugging away. All of Mama K's kids have been developmentally delayed. The first two were left back in first grade. They are both doing well now.

I worked on a fourth-grade passage with fourth-grade K. When I asked him what it was about, he was stumped. I said what I always say when students respond that way, "Is it about elephants?" It was obviously not. "It's about . . . ." He said it was about why people move in their sleep. It wasn't. It was about sleep and people moving in their sleep, but it said nothing about why. He asked to see the possible answers. I said no, reread the passage, and be clear about whether it says anything about why people move in their sleep. It took a few minutes, but he did it. This is a huge breakthrough. He approached the passage with a clear mind. He said, "No. It says nothing about why people move." I gave him the answer. It only says that people move and how often.

I texted third-grade KPS's grandma to ask if we could meet at 2:30 instead of 3. She texted back, apologizing. They had a previous appointment; could we meet on Tuesday at 4 p.m.?

I took my longed-for nap. It took another short walk and got my steps above six thousand five hundred, but that still left close to four thousand more steps to complete before I reached my goal of ten thousand two hundred steps for the day.

I wound up not meeting my quota. It was pouring at six, and it kept pouring all night. I didn't get to walk Elsa either before dinner or before bed. Fortunately, I did get her to pee in the back lanai. I anticipated a gift on the indoor lanai in the morning.

Saturday, April 1, 2023

I woke up early; it was still dark, and the roosters were silent. When I finally got up, I assumed it was close to seven. It wasn’t; it was close to eight. I had a nine am appointment with Mama K’s crew. I fed Elsa before we left. While she ate, I put some chips in a bowl and a cup of water in the library. I would be ready for the session with them with available nutrition.

B’s grandson has plans to move to Utah with a friend, enroll in a local college, live in a dorm that does not require people to take courses at the college, work, and get Utah state residency so their tuition will be one-third of what it is now as out of staters. I had some questions about this plan. Could they indeed stay in the dorm without being full-time students? More importantly, could they earn state residency while attending school? Why am I involved? Mike had a big investment in the boy. I’m Mike’s surrogate. I don’t know half as much as Mike did, but I may know more than the boy’s family or friends because I’ve dealt with several colleges in my day.

I sent Mama K a message that I’d sent the Zoom invitation. She called to say she was off to a craft fair. She sells items to earn extra money. The kids were ready to connect. Nothing. I sat at the tablet for an hour doing the Wordle puzzle for the day, some of the daily NY Times Crossword puzzles, and some work on the updates. They never showed. I heard later that they had no internet connection and asked if we could do something on Sunday.

I went to Paulette’s to pick up water. The car charger was still plugged in. I had to pull it out to free the car for the drive. It came out easily.

Because of the rain, Paulette, Elsa, and I remained indoors for the visit. Elsa still got Paulette to throw her the cat’s stuffed mouse endlessly. Paulette and I talked about cabbages and kings while a baseball game was played on the TV. Surprise. Paulette likes baseball. I’m not into any team sport. I barely know which team is from which city. The Yankees are still in NYC. It’s the only baseball team left from when I was young. (the Mets came later.) We, NYC, had the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants, besides the Yankees, when I was young. There was one World Series that the Dodgers won when I was young. OMG! The excitement. All of Brooklyn wept for joy.

I started listening to podcasts on the Science of Reading. It is all very disappointing. They don’t teach anything about teaching; they just say that it should be explicit. They also cover the politics of the movement. The problem is explicit “means one thing to you, I see, and something quite different to me.” (The quote is from Marat/Sade. Charlotte Corday says, “and now I see, love meant one thing to you and something quite different to me,” right before she stabs Marat to death. Explicit for whom? We all need different degrees of explicitness depending on the circumstances. The trick is figuring out the right amount and the suitable approach.

Traditional phonics teaches the relationship between the sounds (the phonemes) and the letters. A valuable lesson. I emphasize how to learn phonics and how to figure it out yourself. It is also explicit but explicit about a process of discovering the relationship on your own, not the relationship itself. Both methods have validity. I don’t assume every teacher will like teaching the discovery method, nor will it be equally effective for every student. I can use my method effectively. I make adjustments when I find a student gets stuck.

Friday, March 31, 2023

I had an appointment with Shelly today. I had a huge breakthrough. I am haunted by trips people lay on me. Some of them are absurd and factually wrong. Mike sometimes accompanied me on visits to therapists. He didn’t understand why they didn’t get me. Thank God Mike did. There are others in my life who don‘t get me, too. Some think I’m the most self-centered, and some think my generosity of spirit is my greatest strength. I have been in conferences where I spoke up. Afterward, some would come and tell me what a terrible person I was; others would say I was the most trustworthy person in the room. Go figure! None of it made a lot of sense to me. I’m not bothered by the over-the-top praise as long as that person is not an ongoing presence in my life. I don’t like people who admire me more than they like me. I’ve never had a good experience with that.

As I worked with Shelly, I realized that these folks wanted validation as much as I did. That was clearly my mother’s problem. She thought if I disagreed with her about anything- if it was going to rain, if a color was more blue or green, or if someone was pretty- she thought any difference of perception or opinion was me putting her down. What she needed was validation of her point of view. I thought of allowing that to happen with someone. It was the weirdest experience. Shelly and I could feel a change at a body level, but neither of us understood what was happening.

I have always believed that someone who disagrees with me has a slice of the truth somewhere, just as much as I don’t have the whole truth. I’m not comfortable with a winner-take-all battle over ‘the truth.’ I don’t see the value of telling someone their point of view is correct when I don’t believe it is. I would like to see an exchange of ideas take place where we both learn something new. Some people are not capable of that. Some believe engaging in that exchange demonstrates a lack of integrity and moral corruption.

At any rate, I spent the session sending validation to someone in my life who had a terrible opinion of me. Mike and I saw her together. We sometimes sat there with our mouths hanging open at some of the things she said. When we told her she was wrong, she apologized but never changed her approach to understanding me. I have no idea how I was validating this person. It was all happening at an energetic/body level. Shelly didn’t understand either. How can I validate someone who puts me down? I don’t mean someone who criticizes me for a behavior. That’s in my ballpark. People who assault my character don’t even give me specific examples of what I’ve done so I can understand what they object to. It’s Kafkaesque. That’s what life with my mother was like. It was torture.

I found a pile of poopy under my laundry line today. I know it wasn’t there before. I’ve been looking. This means Elsa is comfortable using the outdoor lanai to relieve herself. I’m still waiting for some evidence that she will use the doggy door herself without a treat or foot stomping.

I texted Adolescent D’s mother to ask her to look up his grade on his last video assignment. He got 100 points out of 100. D had heard back from his uncle; he said he would be honored to be interviewed by D. I reminded him to ask him to host the Zoom meeting so he could record it. He said no, he could do it. I asked if he knew how. No, he would look it up. I told him to look it up now. He did. We went back to the reading work. I asked him if he wanted to do Phase I, starting with the sound of the word, or Phase II, beginning with the written word. He chose Phase I. He did pretty well.

I thought it would be worthwhile trying a reading passage. I chose one at a third-grade level. Once a student can read at a high third-grade level, they have mastered the task of word recognition, which means they can read the word out loud. The rest of schooling involves learning new vocabulary and general knowledge. D already has a lot of the latter. He needs word recognition skills. He got through the passage on his own but slowly. He applied the decoding procedure he learned to most words. His reading would improve if he read for ten minutes every day. He doesn’t. He won’t.

Wright wrote more about the not-self. He defined it today as not thinking one is the center of the universe and understanding that someone else’s needs and wants are as valid as yours. What about the people who think their own needs are not as valid as anyone else’s? Are these people considered truly enlightened? Gee, I hope not. It sounds like a nightmare to me.

The other point I would like to make is that everyone should see themselves as the dead center of their universe- just no one else’s. Everyone should recognize that everyone sees themselves as the center of their universe. I am the most important person in my world. Without me, I don’t exist, even to care about anyone else.

Thursday, March 30, 2023

It was a busy day. I was up when my alarm went off at 5:30. It was driveway yoga day. I had to be back from my morning walk before seven to feed Elsa before the class. We got in fewer steps because of the time limit.

The class was great. I could get down on the floor again without experiencing pain in my ribs. I noticed my shoulder blades were much looser because of all the work the acupuncturists and the PT did and the shoulder blade exercise the PT gave me, which I did diligently.

After the yoga class, I had half an hour before I had to leave for my nine-fifteen haircut appointment. I packed miso ramen soup and my computer because I had a make-up appointment with the chiropractor at ten thirty. The hair salon and the chiropractor are on the same street. Why make two trips?

When I arrived at the hairdresser's, I saw the sign on the door saying they opened at ten. I was about to call Randee when she opened the door. All the operators are free agents and can make their own schedules. She had to put something on the door and chose that opening time. I loved her current haircut. It's a bob with her natural hair color: a very, very dark brown. Randee commented that I didn't really need a cut. I agreed. I could have gone another two weeks. I don't know why my hair is growing more slowly. She said we should leave at least ten weeks before my next appointment. It is always a pleasure to see Randee.

I drove down to the chiropractor's right after my haircut. I always worry about finding a spot. Once parked, I left the car running, got into the passenger seat to escape the sun, and napped. Getting a haircut is exhausting. I got up at ten thirty when my alarm went off. The door to the office was locked. I texted her that I was there and would be in the open-air atrium. She texted me back that she got a call from her son, who was visiting Tahiti. Time had gotten away from her. She'd be there in eight minutes.

I sat in the atrium reading Time of the Magicians on my Kindle. Around 11:15, I received a text that she was in. When I arrived, she said she had to make a phone call. She was trying to reach my insurer, who wanted to drop her. She said she tried to call repeatedly but got an announcement that said the office was closed. Great! One reason I go to her is that she accepts my insurance. I got out of there at twelve-thirty. That sounded about right. I always plan for two hours when I see her. I don't know if her work is spectacular, but it makes a difference.

The chiropractor asked me if I had lost weight when I got on the table. Wow! My scale is going in the opposite direction; I've been gaining. My PT tries to assure me it's increased muscle mass. She could see muscles on my left upper thigh that weren't there before. She concentrated on my left shoulder and arm in her work with me, which got damaged in that 'fall' I took two weeks ago. She recommended I return next week instead of waiting a month for my next one.

When I got into my car, I called Randee, my hairdresser. I told her the story of my visit to the chiropractor on Tuesday when Lisa got a phone call from a friend asking her to come immediately because someone was trying to kill her. Lisa's husband was free and joined. When they arrived, their friend was hiding in the bushes in fear, claiming that this other woman had taken a shot at her. She felt the bullet whiz past her head. The other woman said she was removing the guns from her father's house. She had never tried to shoot Lisa's friend. Lisa said her friend was an alcoholic. While she was a talented professional, she had problems with reality. Lisa and her husband concluded their friend was delusional.

I had some shopping to do before I went home. First, I stopped at Ace Hardware to look for a claw hoe I could use while standing. They had two left. Then, I went to Island Naturals to buy tea tree oil to treat Elsa's lesions. Melissa told me the ointment I had been using on her had a powerful steroid. She licks it off, ingesting it. Have I done more harm than good getting her off the Apoquel medication that reduced her immune response and using only the ointment? I hope this works. I ordered nine tubes of the ointment. That's me; I always order more than I need in anticipation of the future. If the tea tree oil works, I'll donate the extras to Petco.

I had a make-up appointment with Adolescent D. No, he hadn't downloaded the questions we had written together for his interview assignment. No, he hadn't contacted his uncle to ask if he could interview him. I worked on writing a list of tasks. If he mentioned one task, I wrote subtasks, breaking down the big one into smaller ones.

I told him to text his uncle now. He dictated a text. Then it wound up he hadn't sent it. I asked him to send it for real. He did.

Did he share his questions with his teacher? No. Why not do that now. He had excuses. He would do it later. He had to do it over Zoom. He finally agreed to forward the list I wrote as we composed it. He said he sent it. I don't know when his teacher will get it. I do know the video assignment was due today. But that is D.

He does whatever he can to not get his work in on time. I understand the impulse. He knows he will not get a good grade because of his inadequacies. If he doesn't hand it in, he gets a zero because of something he could do, withhold the work. I asked him if he often does the assignment after the due date. He said, "Not all the time."

I asked D what grade he got on his last video project. He said he didn't know, and he didn't know how to look it up. I texted his mom to ask her if she could find out. We'll see.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Elsa and I made it up to the intersection on Kukuna. It had become an easy walk. I worked on turning in my right leg and pushing my left shoulder back more to push my left leg forward. Katie told me my steps were still irregular. I also saw it in the wear of the heels of my shoes. While the difference was no longer as remarkable as it had been, it was still there. I completed almost five thousand steps. I hate to think how many my thirteen-pound dog completed simultaneously.

Melissa called me yesterday when I was in the middle of a session. I called her back on my morning walk. She invited me to come up for a visit. I’ve had a couple of visits with her. I enjoy them. I considered making this a regular event, as I do with Paulette. It seemed she was on the same page as I was. That was great. Damon pushed me to have more in-person contacts. I was having some scheduling confusion. I called her back and proposed coming up today. We agreed on ten am.

While Melissa lives just beyond the intersection on Kukuna, Elsa and I drove up there. In the past, Melissa made me a cup of boiling water. I sipped while we sat in rocking chairs on her patio and talked. Today, I brought my own refreshment, my ramen noodle soup. Melissa and I share many ideas and talk. I told her my problems with some of my students, particularly Kps. I will work on my feelings about her with Shelly on Friday. I think I’m burning out. I feel overwhelmed by these kids’ problems, be they academic, emotional, familial, or social. Some of these kids are facing terrible problems. I can’t be much good for them if I’m overwhelmed by their problems and want them to disappear. In the past, I maintained my perspective. I had high hopes for their future but focused on the immediate, rejoicing in every minor victory. I have always remembered that whatever I do with the students may only impact them years from now.

Melissa commented on how visible my love for Mike was when I talked about him. I had a good forty-five years, which got better in the end after a dry period.

I got two phone calls while visiting Melissa. One was from Jean, my Hanai sister. I got a text from Cylin, her daughter-in-law, this morning saying their flight was delayed three hours. She hoped Jean and John were up for a late visit. I called Jean earlier. John answered. I told him to sleep during the day so they could visit with Damon and Cylin when they arrived. Jean was out. John thanked me. Jean called me while I was with Melissa. I gave her the same message that I had given to John. On our last phone call, she shared how she regretted that Damon and Cylin would be there for only two days before visiting New York City with old friends. With the flight delay, their visit would be even more abbreviated. I hoped Jean and John would plan their day so they could stay up later. Damon and Cylin would be on California time and wide awake. When I got off the phone with Melissa, I asked, “Could you hear how much we love each other?” We are both lucky. I think Damon is too to have his mother and stepmother be so close. No, we did not know each other before I met Mike. Our relationship developed over many years.

I got a second call from T.J. from the church. She asked me if I would be willing to be one of the people who got my feet washed in the Holy Thursday mass at seven pm on April 6.

When I got home from Melissa’s, I took my second nap. I got up when my alarm went off, warning me to get ready for my session with adolescent D. I felt weighted down by the prospect of any of my sessions for the day. When I called D to tell him I had sent a link, he texted me he had other plans for the day. Being told at the last minute is usually not a problem for me. I’m home, so I can easily switch to another activity- or nap. However, it would be good if he or his mother got into the habit of telling me beforehand and not waiting until I’ve signed in, waiting for him to sign on. I set my alarm for two-forty-five for my session with Mams K’s crew.

When I had signed on and sent the message to Mama K that I was ready, I noticed she texted me that the kids were home at two p.m. and ready to go whenever I was. My phone was right by my side, but it never binged. This was very frustrating. I felt weighed down at the prospect of my sessions with these three kids.

I started with Twin A. She has started reading beginning second-grade material. She told me her reading is better, but she still has trouble reading the big words. That observation is as good as gold. Wow! I started formal training in the decoding procedure. 1) name the vowel letters. She could do that, but not in the correct order. It is essential to learn them in the conventional order or, more accurately, any consistent order. They shouldn’t have to think about what they are. I drilled the sequence by having her repeat the a, e, i, o u ordered while erasing the letters one at a time. 1) teach her to identify the vowel letters in a word. 2) the vowel letters that represent a sound. The third step is identifying the syllables, recognizing that there is a syllable for every vowel sound. She fell asleep as I was teaching. I know the kids are exhausted after school every day. I just had her read the same story she read in our last session. She does much better on the second reading.

Twin E is doing much better, too. She read the second pre-primer story fluently, only missing the word here. Here and there are tough ones for many students. She reread the story we read in our last session, answered some comprehension questions, and then read a new passage.

One was a passage about a parade with a marching band. That passage said, “Here comes the band. There is a man in a tall red hat. Here comes a black and white dog.” For me, it was a parade with a marching band. Twin E pictured a stadium with a rock band. I used the same passage with fourth-grade K. He also saw an arena with a band on a stage. I had to back off. I could see their image, except for the presence of the black and white dog. I asked if they had seen the Christmas or Fourth of July parade in Kona when they lived here. Yes. There was no band in either parade. Experience and background knowledge make a difference.

I asked K if he was seeing improvement in his reading in school due to our work. He said yes. After working with him on the pre-primer passage, I switched to a fourth-grade passage we read long ago. It was about barbers using bear grease to groom men’s hair in the eighteenth century. He didn’t know what grease was. He only knew what grooming was because we had read the passage before. I asked one question from category #2, where he had to infer the answer using the words in the story. He knocked it out of the park. He wasn’t even hesitant. This was a big improvement. While I dreaded the sessions, I wound up having a wonderful time. I have no idea what is going on.

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

I was overcome with sadness again this morning. The weird thing is it clears up at night.

I had an appointment with the chiropractor for twelve-fifteen. I diligently set my alarm for half an hour before to make sure I was there on time, even though I was sure Lisa would be running late. I have little grounds for complaint. I am also a beneficiary of her long, indulgent sessions.

As I was heading down Kaiminani, I got a call from her. She was running half an hour late. Did I have a chore I could do in town? I thought of stopping off at Home Depot to pick up a gardening tool but decided against it. There was a chance I would wait fifteen minutes in the parking lot before I got a space. That's what happened last time. Today, I got a space right away.

I spent my wait time sitting in the open-air atrium in the center of the building, watching a Yoga-go video. Of course, I couldn't do all the postures under those circumstances, but I couldn't do them anyway because of my rib problem. Just watching someone go through moves triggers mirror neurons and has an impact. I did a little more than that. I made small moves following the directions of the model. I should do it every day. While limited, I still execute a range of motion I wouldn't get in otherwise.

When the video finished, I read more of Times of the Magicians. The section I am currently reading details Wittgenstein's frustration with getting his work understood and accepted. Man, I sympathize with his dilemma.

When I walked into the office, Lisa was still finishing with her previous client. She was about to wipe down the table and then run off to pee when her phone rang. The conversation went something like this. Is your situation desperate? Can you wait an hour? She hung up. The phone rang again. "You need me to come now? You think they're going to kill you? Have you called the police?" When Lisa got off the phone, she explained the situation. Her friend became a companion to a dying older man worth thirty-nine million dollars. She was in his will. She believed his relatives helped him on his way by overdosing on his medication. When she called Lisa, the woman was hiding in the bushes, saying she thought his children were trying to kill her.

I asked Lisa if this was a friend was somewhat off the mark. No. She wants me to be a witness. Lisa was casual. I told her I thought she should go. I left the office. As I drove out of the parking lot, I saw Lisa was still in her office. She didn't seem to be in a particular hurry. I headed home. Only afterward it dawned on me that sending her into a potentially dangerous situation was ridiculous. The woman needed the police, not a friend.

I had third-grade Kps at four p.m. We worked on long division. I gave her a problem to solve to see what she did with it. She was completely off the mark. Then, after five or ten minutes, she did the problem perfectly and said, "I always knew how to do it." I asked her why she didn't do it correctly the first time. I felt tricked.

I talked with her grandmother after the session. Her son, Kps's father, died of an overdose. He had been drug-free for 4 years. He lost his job due to Covid. She found him dead in his room downstairs. Kps lived with him in the basement. She said her son and Kps were very close. Fortunately, Grandma found her son before Kps did.

I also learned Kps's mother is into alcohol and possibly drugs. She prostituted herself for a while. It sounds like she has a history of sexual abuse.

I got some work done on the will. I checked a newly printed copy against the others I had already checked against the original. It looks reasonably good. I ran into a problem with the formatting of the document that threw me off course.

Yvette called. She was at Costco. Would I share a sweet kale salad package with her? They come in two packs. I buy them regularly. If left in plastic bags, they spoil quickly. I take them from those packages and wrap the salad fixings in a kitchen terry cloth towel. It lasts a long time that way.

I went to get the charger out of my car. The charger no longer released at the injection site. I had to open the hood and pull a release button. I had fun doing that. The button didn't work this time. Now what? I had a hairdresser appointment on Thursday. I stayed calm and started thinking of alternatives.

When Scott came home, I told him about the problem. He said he would look at it immediately. It was already dark. I told him to wait till morning. He went and figured it out in two seconds. The emergency pull cord was not designed for repeated use. I had been pulling on the orange knob with one hand while holding up the hood with the other. I had to prop the hood, hold down a black plastic sheath with one hand and pull the orange knob with the other. The plastic sheath was pulling up with the knob. He rescued my car and me. He is a delight to have around. He is considerate of me and has a great understanding of mechanical objects. He's very helpful.

Paco, the guy Mr. Lemus had recommended to fix my irrigation system, called back. He said he would stop by sometime next week. I prefer to wait for Mr. Lemus. When he surveyed the job, he explained his plans and why. My kind of guy. Also, he has tried to find someone to do the job for me when he couldn't. He has been very considerate and reliable.

Around five-thirty, while I was sitting in my old-lady chair typing away, I heard someone at the front door. It was Lutz with my dinner. He had made a lamb and green bean stew and was bringing me some. He said it had started to ferment. He made a large pot of it last night. It hadn't cooled enough to refrigerate when he went to bed. It sat out all night. He told me to freeze or boil it immediately to kill the fermentation. I boiled it. I went out to join him and his son Brian for my evening walk when it was through.

Lutz worked as an X-ray technician for Kaiser for years. He is a glutton for scientific information. I asked him how it could be that I had severe osteoporosis at fifty, the bones of an eighty-year-old, and now, at eighty-two, I had osteopenia. He asked if I had taken any medication. Yes, I had taken Boniva and been on hormone replacement. He said, there's your explanation. I still want to know why I lost so much bone mass before menopause.

Monday, March 27, 2023

I got close to five thousand steps in my morning walk with Elsa. Reaching the intersection on Kukuna is easy.

The Hawaiian Public schools were closed today for a state holiday to celebrate the birthday of Prince Kuhio. He was the son of a monarch of the Kingdom of Hawaii and would have been next if he hadn't died young. Some private schools are closed, too, but only those with Hawaiian connections. Mama K's crew, Adolescent D and second-grade M were off.

I asked Mama K if we could get an extra session in today. She agreed. Twin A read a second-grade passage today. She needed help with all the two-syllable words. In our next session, I will focus on decoding skills using this passage before I work on comprehension.

Twin E finally read the pre-primer passage we worked on for several sessions. She remembered all of the words. Yay! I didn't know if it was a breakthrough in her memory function or if she needed that many repetitions before it stuck. Either way, today was the day we moved on to the next selection, also on the pre-primer level. We'll see how it goes. I continued working on comprehension with K using fourth-grade level material. He did reasonably well. He still has difficulty using the words in the text when he is called upon to infer the answer, but he has the other two down pat.

I got a text reminding me I had a nine am haircut appointment on Thursday morning. I checked. As I thought, I had a PT appointment with Katie simultaneously. The haircut appointment was hard to come by. I was in desperate need of a cut. I called to cancel my PT. I could miss a week. The receptionist said they had one opening on Tuesday. I saw it put me in conflict with my appointment with my chiropractor. That was out. Could I make it today at 4:30? I had to check.

I called and texted second-grade M's mom. Yes, we could do it earlier. Now would be good. I worked with her on a third-grade reading passage. Her word recognition was good. She missed a few small words, which didn't interfere with her comprehension. She is still in second grade and was left behind at first because she was so far behind her peers. Now she must be one of the better ones in the class. Despite her good performance, the class dragged. I was exhausted. This is the second time I have felt that way. Something is going on. I feel very heavy-hearted. It could be grief. It certainly feels like that. It could also be something physical. I'll have to see how long it goes on.

Because M could meet with me at eleven instead of our usual four pm appointment, I could make the four-thirty slot with my PT. Katie worked on my left shoulder, arm, and my neck. I gave myself a tennis ball massage last night. That helped with my arm and my ribs. The problems are connected. Katie and I speculated on a rotator cuff problem. I might have torn something when I 'fell' the other day. Right before we moved to Ohio, I had rotator cuff surgery in 2003. Katie said it might have given out. I expect medical sutures to last forever. After all, our body parts are designed to do that, even if they sometimes fail. We forget our body parts are in a constant state of degeneration and renewal. Sutures don't do that. If I do need another operation, they will do a shoulder replacement. I only recently learned that was a possibility. Katie managed to improve the mobility of my shoulder by the end of the session.

Mr. Lemus called to tell me he found someone else who might redo our irrigation system. It was breaking down here and there. Every time I get one of those leaks fixed, it costs me a hundred dollars. It must be at least twenty years old. In the long run, it would be cheaper to get the system replaced than to do piecemeal repairs.

Mr. Lemus advertised in the church bulletin. That's why I first contacted him. He had good ideas and seemed very professional. Then he fell off the face of the earth. I called him. He said he had personal problems. His landlord was forcing him out of his house. Oh, boy. Finding a place to live here is almost impossible now. There needs to be more houses to accommodate everyone who needs it. Mr. Lemus said he and his family may have to leave the island.

I called the name he gave me. The guy said he would stop by, but he never did. I saw Mr. Lemus was still advertising in the bulletin and called him again. His housing situation was okay. He was in the middle of building something with someone else. He wouldn't be able to help me until April or later. Today, he called to give me someone else's name who might help me.

Later in the day, I had Adolescent D. I talked with him about his self-sabotaging behavior and his video assignment. In our last session, when I asked him to think of someone he had a question for, he chose a classmate who cheated a lot. He wanted to know why he did it. I thought it was a peculiar question and wondered why D would ask something like that. It occurred to me that this is what D did: he cheated. Where his classmate cheated to win or get a better grade, D cheated to escape the judgment of others. Even if he did the work, he didn't hand it in. He made sure he always got zeros on everything. Better a zero than a 20%.

I sympathize with him. I did something like that with my mom. I could never do anything right, so I stopped trying. Whatever I did, I was going to be criticized. If that was the case, I was going to control it. I would do nothing. All she could attack me for was not trying in the first place. She couldn't say I had done it wrong. She couldn't put down my effort.

Scientists did an experiment with rats. They put them in a large tank filled with water with an island in the middle. When they got tired, they could swim to the island and rest. The scientists would periodically shock the rats when they climbed on the island. After a while, the rats made no effort to climb it. Instead, they stayed in the water and drowned. It's called learned helplessness. You learn not to make an effort. You're better off not trying in the first place.

Sadly, there are better strategies for D. I made it clear there was nothing I could do to force him to do any of his work, no less the video he had been assigned. The question was whether he was interested in overcoming his resistance to doing work and taking on new challenges. He said he was. He realized that his behavior was not good for him.

I reviewed his small safe zone. It was deemed dangerous if an activity didn't fit into that small, safe space. There was that middle section he had to explore with degrees of safety. By the end of the session, he said he asked me to send him the questions we had worked on together. He would add some more, call his uncle (the person he planned to interview), and make arrangements to do it. At first, he said he would ask the questions over the phone. I reminded him it had to be a video. I recommended doing it over Zoom. His uncle might know a better way to do it.

I continued to watch New Amsterdam. Now, Max and Helen are in London. The British medical system is shown in the worst light: endless waits for an appointment, random doctors for the same problem, and no personal choice. (My friend in England says she loves the system.) Max steps in and foments a revolution without regard for Helen's approach to dealing with the system. He looks so proud of himself but is undermining any possibility of change. The guy is shown as a jerk. I like the show better when it was all fantasy, Max cruising through the corridors ordering this change and that, participating in treating individual patients in total disregard for his managerial responsibilities. What fun! What nonsense!

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Today was the sixty-seventh anniversary of my father’s death when I was fifteen. I have been dealing with intense sadness and grief. It was a rough morning. Grief tears at me. Yesterday was particularly tough.

This morning, Elsa and I did a long walk again. I do more steps in a shorter time. I’ve picked up my pace. She didn’t poop on the evening walk or the morning one. I checked the indoor lanai. Sure enough, another present on the carpet. When I picked it up, I showed it to her and took her outside when I dumped it there. I hope she gets the idea.

Once I fed Elsa, I got ready for church. I left around twenty after and parked in the church lot instead of at the library. I meditated before the mass began. I managed to calm some of the agitation.

During mass, I heard third-grade Kps’s name mentioned as one of the elect. I walked to the area by the front of the church to see if it was my Kps. It sure was. I was surprised she wasn’t already a member of the church. Her grandmother was a devout Catholic. I don’t know if her mother was there. Grandma has guardianship.

I arranged to work with Mama K’s crew this morning, the second day in a row. Mama K is better about reaching out to arrange sessions. I started with Twin A. She reread the passage on the first snowfall we had read yesterday. She did very well. Then I asked her to tell me what it was about. She struggled with that. It sounded like she was trying to remember the exact words in the story. I asked her if she made pictures in her head as she read. She said yes. She did much better once she switched to describing the replay of ‘the movie’ in her head.

I finally worked with fourth-grade K again. We did more of what we did yesterday, categorizing the questions. He needs help with category #2 questions, requiring him to infer the answer using the text. After we had done several exercises, I asked him if they helped. He gave a clear, strong, yes response.

I napped after my session with Mama K’s crew. I set my alarm for my three pm session with third grade Kps. I asked her whether she wanted to work on reading comprehension and long division or talk to me about her feelings. She chose to speak with me about her feelings. She had a difficult visit with her mother. She complained her mother paid more attention to her boyfriend than her. Mama, her boyfriend, their baby, an uncle, and Kps went out for dinner. Mama ordered a drink. The server refused to serve her a second one, and she got angry. The best I could do was sympathize with Kps. This wasn’t a good situation. I said something again to Kps about her grandma having custody. Again, Kps was surprised. I suggested we bring Grandma into the conversation and tell her what was happening.

Grandma said she had discussed her guardianship with Kps. I suspect she will have to repeat information yearly as Kps matures and understands more. Grandma was comfortable with Kps discussing her feelings with me. She said if Kps trusted me, that was enough for her.

I asked Kps a question that she misunderstood. She thought I had asked her why she trusted me. She answered that question. She said she could feel I was a good person and close to God. She said I was magical. That is quite a compliment. I hope I live up to it.

I made it clear to Grandma that while giving a form of therapy, I was not a trained or licensed therapist. Also, I would not share information with her without Kps’s permission unless I felt she was in danger.

Grandma gave me some information about the situation. Kps’s mom gave birth to her when she was sixteen years old. It makes her about twenty-four now. She had a difficult home life and moved in with Kps’s grandma’s family. That happens a lot in Hawaii. We have the concept of the Hanai family, the chosen family, and people who are just considered family. Kps’s father died; he was grandma’s son. Grandma told me she approached the mother and asked if they could have guardianship. The mother agreed. The guardianship is renewed annually. Kps was not taken from her mother by Child Protective Services. I asked why Kps’s mother was dysfunctional. Grandma said she didn’t want to talk to me about it at that time- in front of Kps. She would call me. We agreed that I would work with Kps for two half-hour sessions weekly. She wanted to do them both on Sunday. We can start with the academic work for half an hour and then discuss her feelings.

I met with second-grade M. later in the afternoon and worked on two-step word problems. She did very well. It became clear that she couldn’t use counting by tens of five when adding and subtracting. I pulled up a hundred chart and modeled counting by tens, starting from any number between one and nine. One, eleven, twenty-one, thirty-one, etc. Without my having to ask her to, she tried one on her own. Using counting by fives when adding and subtracting is a little tricker. All the numbers must end in either zero or five.

I called her mom to say how well she was doing. She wasn’t the same child I started working with. Her mom said, “Yes. We see that. Thank you.” Ah, it feels so good to have someone say that to me. I like being appreciated.

I heard a talk on our need for darkness. Historically, light is valued over darkness. That would make sense. Every day, when the sun went down, there was limited light from the moon or fire. Humans would have been at a disadvantage. Nowadays, we can have access to light twenty-four/seven. We never have to be in total darkness. Now, scientists see how the lack of complete darkness affects us physically and psychologically. This is a wonderful insight. I suspect that much racial prejudice is linked to our notion that light is better than dark. Dark is associated with evil. Light is associated with good.

Saturday, March 25, 2023

I got up at a reasonable hour and got in close to five thousand steps in my morning walk with Elsa. I made it up to the intersection on Kukuna without breathing hard or straining. It was easy.

B called at 8:zn30 am to say he locked his keys in his car and needed the extra set from the house. He was at Matsuyama’s. I had a nine am tutoring appointment and was hesitant, but then I figured I could make it back in time. When I got to the intersection of Nehiwa and Hiolani, I realized I didn’t know which Matsuyama’s, the one on Mamalahoa Hwy or the one by Queen K. I called B to ask. He was at the one up the mountain. He was on his way to Hilo and had stopped to buy breakfast food.

When I arrived, he was nowhere in sight. I called, “Where are you?” He was waiting at the front door. I had made an immediate U-turn and was in a parking spot beside the exit. When we got home, he said he would be right back up. I explained that I had a nine-a.m. appointment and couldn’t do it. He said he had a ten-a.m. appointment in Hilo. I told him to ask Yvette.

I immediately called Mama K to ask if we could delay the appointment fifteen minutes. She said they were going to a birthday party and would do the session in the car as she drove. I asked her if we could do it later. They would be home from the party at 2:30. “Let’ do it then.” I called B to tell him I could drive him back up.

When I got home, I made sure I had all the reading selections for my session with Mama K’s crew on screen ready for the session and sat down to work on my updates and my blog post.

While I could walk well, I still couldn’t do the Yoga-Go exercises. I was limited in what I could do because of my shoulder and rib pain. Assuming it is an injury rather than a dislocation, it will take time to heal.

I called Adolescent D’s mom to tell her D was happy to do an extra session this weekend. We had written eleven questions in preparation for the video interview he had to do for school. She asked me if I wrote all the questions. Then she said he should meet with his teacher first to get the questions before he did more work with me. She didn’t want me to do an extra session with him because she didn’t want him pushed into doing the work. She said he became more resistant when pushed. I argued with her. I don’t generally push. I work on helping the student remove self-created obstacles to getting the work done. She wouldn’t hear it. I finally said, “He’s your son.” I was offended by her lack of understanding of how I worked. She couldn’t conceive of him writing questions himself without me doing it for him. I felt she had no idea of how good a teacher I was.

That stung.

After I got off the phone, I thought about my need to finish this work. I accepted I was over-invested. It’s bad enough when a parent gets that way; a professional has to back off when that’s the case. I was depressed after his mother told me about all his bad habits: not doing the work, only doing some of it, and never handing it in no matter how much he did. His asking his teacher if he could have a waiver from an assignment because he couldn’t think of what to do freaked me out. I wrote his mom that I changed my mind and agreed with her but didn’t say why. She was afraid he would dig in rather than progress if I put pressure on him. I can easily see that he would do that.

The plan was to meet with Mama K’s crew at 2:30. They were at the beach. Mama K tried to set them up on the phone. That didn’t work. Fourth-grade K got on first. His voice sounded like squawks. It was unintelligible. I tried to send a second invite, hoping it would be clear. Nope. Mama K said she would call me when they got home.

I couldn’t do any trimming in the garden because it aggravated my ribs, but I did get some boiling water weeding done. I brought an electric kettle to a boil and poured it over the plants. It’s effective and environmentally friendly.

I looked at my phone shortly before 7 pm. Mama K had texted half an hour before to say the kids were available. I met with Twin A first. She read a first-grade passage she had read the last time we worked. She sailed through it. Twin E is stuck on the lowest pre-primer level. She struggles even with that. She can’t remember words she saw earlier in the passage. I worked on comprehension with fourth-grade K. I showed him there are three primary sources of information as we read. 1. What the passage says explicitly, 2) what the passage says implicitly, and 3) our background knowledge. I don’t use language like that. For him, I say:

1. Exactly what the story says, 2. a guess you have to make using the words in the story, and 3. information you have that’s not in the story.

Here’s a passage I used. It’s from second-grade word problem/

In the monkey house, there are seven tamarins and nine marmosets. How many monkeys are there in all?

What’s in the money house? The answer is in the #1 category. The text explicitly says seven tamarins and nine marmosets are in the monkey house. If you understand the grammar, the clauses are reversed, but the message is the same and explicit.

What are tamarins and marmosets? The answer to that is in the #2 category. The passage does not say tamarins and marmosets are monkeys. You have to infer they are. Why else would they be in the monkey house?

K finally said they were mammals. That information was from category #3, his background knowledge. However, it is important to stick as close as possible to the words in the text. That should be the first answer since the text implied they were monkeys.

I watched more of New Amsterdam last night. That horrible new medical director was out of the picture for this episode. Thank God. She was hard on my nerves. While Max as a director is a fantasy and Fuentes is closer to a hard reality, I’m not interested in hard realities. I don’t know if Fuentes fiscal perspective is closer to reality or as extreme in one direction as Max’s leadership with extreme in the other. I would love a world where Max’s point of view reigned. It may be all sugar plum fairies, but it’s my preferred before-bedtime treat. I sleep better.

Friday, March 24, 2023

While I had trouble sleeping Wednesday night, I slept like a dream last night. I don’t remember waking up at all in the middle of the night. When I did wake, I could hear the roosters crowing already, which meant it was past four am. I did some in-bed exercises before the regular alarm went off. I set an alarm for six am because I had arranged to call a friend. I considered texting to say I wanted to sleep in but thought better.

Nowadays, Elsa comes to me for our morning routine. She sits at the edge of the bed. I check her for lesions and pour love into her with strokes and kisses. Next stop, the doggie door. Now that I throw a treat through the door, I don’t have to track her down.

Then, we were off for our morning walk. I called my friend Carol. She and her husband, John, were heading to Home Depot. Carol works, really runs, a community garden in her town. A group of high schoolers would be visiting to do some work. Maryland requires high schoolers to do community service. Yay, Maryland!! She was heading there to buy more gardening gloves for the students and some lettuce seeds. I do wish I had anything close to her gardening skills. Most of the plants I plant die- even if I’m not the one to plant them and they grow like weeds without special care everywhere else.

Carol is a member of a walking group. She met them in a yoga class, and they became friendly. I don’t know when or why they became a walking group. I suspect it had something to do with Covid. Every Thursday, they go out on a hike together. They became a group of people who also hang out together on other occasions.

When I met with Adolescent D this afternoon. I told him how distressed I was by his unwillingness to do what he could to complete his homework. I asked if his fear of being weird only applied to his sense of what is weird or that of others. Did he realize that asking for a waiver on an assignment because you couldn’t think of anything was pretty weird? Thank God he did. I got him to the point where he recognized that his comfort zone was tiny, and his tolerance for leaving it was nonexistent. How much of this problem was created by his learning disability driving him inward, and how much of his mental state is a form of biological mental illness, a form of autism, perhaps?

We did some work on the video assignment. I got D to ask me questions. He started asking me why I became a teacher. Wonderful question. While I had to encourage and cue him, he asked excellent questions. When I told him I majored in education, he was confused. It took me a minute. I realized for him, it was like saying I went to school to get an education. I explained the term to him. From there, I got him to think of someone he wanted to ask a question. He picked a schoolmate, possibly a friend. He wanted to ask why he cheated at everything, school and games.

Then, I got him to pose questions for his uncle. We generated eleven questions, and he created at least eight on his own

WHAT WHEN WHERE HOW WHY

1. What is your job? What do you do on your job?

2. Where do you work?

3. Who do you work for?

4. How much do you make?

5. What days do you work? What is your work schedule?

6. Why did you get into this kind of work?

7. How did you get this job?

8. What was your experience before you got this job?

9. What skills did you need to get this job?

10. How do you like your work?

11. How do you like your bosses?

A slightly different slant on the non-self. Tonight, I read a new definition: being is a state where everything is good as is. We neither want something added nor taken away. This means ‘self’ is defined as that part of us that wants something different than what we have. It doesn’t address when that wanting is appropriate. For example, if I have a toothache, I think it is appropriate to want it to stop. Wanting it to stop makes me go to the dentist. If I ignored that want, there could be serious consequences. While I see the value of accepting what is, I don’t think the teachings address that hidden problem. Goenka did address it somewhat. He said, “You’re not a vegetable there to be sliced.”

I heard another lecture on Buddhism at a Harvard site. The speaker said the Abrahamic religions focused on social change, changing the circumstances of life, while the Buddhist tradition focuses on inner transformation. We’re back to the Serenity Prayer: “God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

In all the cases I’ve written about the past few days, ridding ourselves of self involves ridding ourselves of craving and aversion. There’s also the sense of self created by categorizing ourselves as women, daughters, wives, mothers, teachers, etc. If we cling to those definitions of self too tightly, I can see that we would suffer from craving- back to the drawing board.

Thursday, March 23, 2023

I was awake by 2 am. I knew it was early because I didn't hear the roosters crowing. They start at 4 am. I have no idea why. I stayed in bed till 5:30. When the alarm went off, I tried to meditate. I have difficulty resisting the lure of the default mind when I sit and meditate. It's even harder when I'm lying down. You'd think I'd have the brains to get up, put on some clothes, and sit rather than lie there. I don't.

I started with the morning love-in with Elsa. While I was showing her affection, I also checked for lesions. Elsa was on board with this activity.

Today, she headed right for the doggie door once she was off the bed. The treats did nothing when I first used them. Now, they work like a charm. She heads for the door, anticipating finding it on the other side. She was out and quickly back in, signaling she only got the treat. Then, a few minutes later, I heard the doggie door flap. She went out on her own to pee. This is a first. At least, it was the first time I heard her go out alone. Now to get her to do that when she has to poop, too.

We had yoga this morning. It was only Yvette, Scott, me, and the dogs. Yvette left early again to teach her Montessori yoga class online, leaving Scott in charge. I did the whole class while sitting in a chair. My ribs were hurting, and getting down to the floor and back up were not options.

I managed to post the day's blogs for 2022 before heading to town for a PT appointment with Katie. I left early afraid I would get caught in rush-hour traffic. The roads were wide open. I had plenty of time. I stopped off at Long's before PT instead of after. Yvette said they carried the skin-sensitive KT tape. I couldn't find it, but they still had Hersey's milk chocolate nuggets with whole almonds on sale, and the shelf was stocked. I grabbed four.

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

I was up shortly before seven. If I didn't have Elsa and the updates, I doubt I'd get out of bed until it was time for an appointment. On my morning walk, I made it up to the second fire hydrant on Kukuna without trouble. That was surprising since the pain in the bottom of the ribs on my left side was active.

That pain is connected to the problems with my left shoulder. Katie, my PT, thought I had issues with my left shoulder because of all my time on the computer. The shoulder distortion was to protect my neck. Given the connection between my shoulder and the pain in my ribs, I suspect that is the connection; the rest is peripheral. I discovered that I use my left arm to support myself. It's always locked in one position or another. I don't know if this is in response to the spinal curvature that has me listing to the left or if the spinal curvature is caused by my left shoulder response to the rib injury I suffered when I was ten. It can be a little of both. Either way, I work on unwinding.

I called one of the local public schools this morning to report a possible predatory situation. They have a vulnerable nine-year-old boy who spends much time talking to his 'brother' on his phone. What older brother of a nine-year-old spends hours talking to him no matter how much he cares about him? It may be the case, but it warrants being checked.

I found out about the situation through the daughter of a friend of mine. She had the boy, a classmate of her son's, over for dinner. She knew already that he was often not in school. She had seen him wandering on Ali'i Street during school hours. When she had him over, she learned the refrigerator in his house is usually empty, and his sister spends all her time in her room when she's not in school. She goes to school by bus. The mom must pay for that. There must be some support from home. At one point, my friend told the kids to put their phones away so they could all watch TV together. She asked what the boy did on his phone. He 'talked to his brother." Oh, boy. This child is a perfect target for a predator.

I had another incident like that earlier this week. Third-grade KPS told me that her mother yells at her and hits her when she sees her two days a week. I told KPS she had to tell someone and only visit her mother when other people were around, so she couldn't behave that way. KPS was opposed to that. I could lose my license for not reporting it if I were a mandated reporter. Since I am no longer licensed, I let it lapse. Therefore, I have no worries. I am inclined not to tell anyone without her permission. I assume I am the only one she has trusted with the information. I don't want to violate that trust. However, I am worried about KPS.

In response to her description of her mother's treatment of her, I told her my story. My mom didn't hit me, but she berated me constantly. I wanted the child to know that having a good life after childhood is possible, even if it is sh-t now. I also told her how brave she was. She was seeing a therapist. KPS said the therapist wasn't helpful, but she liked her and enjoyed visiting. At the end of the session, I asked if I could pray for her. We sat in silence for a few minutes while I did. She said it made her feel better. I don't know if what I did was helpful.

I encouraged KPS to tell her grandmother about what was happening when she visits her mother. Now, I will continue to support her and slowly introduce the idea that she can set limits on her mother's behavior. The girl's father is already dead. This makes me suspect that the problem with both her parents was drugs. I can't guarantee that things will go well when she sets limits. The mom is one sick puppy. Who knows what kind of action she would take against the girl or against herself?

I had an appointment with Shelly at 10 a.m. I discussed the two situations mentioned above. She agreed I did my best with the boy who speaks to his "brother." That has to be investigated. She also supported my not sharing KPS's information about her mother. Shelly worked in an agency for children in distress. She said some of the agency's solutions for the kids were worse than their situation with their families. She also said it was important that I not violate the child's trust. From what she said, I was the only one she shared this information with. I hope to guide her through this situation. I also hoped I wouldn't be pulled off the case because she was talking about this to me.

At 12:30, I had an appointment with my acupuncturist. She worked on my sore ribs. I injured them when I "fell" last week. Fell is in quotes because I didn't fall. I lowered myself to the ground quickly. I was afraid I was going to be knocked over by surrounding dogs. In defense, I chose to get myself down to the ground before they toppled me. It wasn't a conscious choice. At first, I thought I had been knocked over by the animals. I felt a sharp pain in my ribs when I got down there. Why? No one understands how that happened. My ribs never hit anything.

They got better over the week. Then they started hurting again on Monday night. It took me a while to figure out that I had reinflamed them when trimming the vastly overgrown lavender. The acupuncturist worked in the area around the sore ribs.

I spoke to Adolescent D's mother the other day. She complained about his work habits. This is the first time she has shared these details. The bad news is his work habits are atrocious. The good news is his mom is complaining. The bad habits of others only bother me once the person is ready to make those changes himself.

She told me D delays doing any work. He will then do some of it and not complete the work. Worst yet, even when he has done some, he won't hand it in or posts it incorrectly. I spoke to him about these behaviors in our session. He said he doesn't want to hand in half-finished work because "It's weird" to do so. Oh, boy.

In addition to these poor work habits, there was the way he responded to a recent assignment. He was taking a videography class. He completed one assignment. The assignment was to make a video of an interview with someone. He would be the interviewer. He told his mom he planned to request a waiver because he couldn't think of anything. His mom told him he couldn't do that; it was an assignment. His mom was at his side in an online session. The teacher asked all the students whom they planned to interview. D was last. He asked for a waiver. The teacher's response was what his mom told him it would be. When I spoke to him, he said he didn't want to do it because it was weird. He has a stunningly limited comfort zone. Moving out of it is beyond his capacity. To this day, he still doesn't allow me to see him on video. His mom says the school demands he show his face on Zoom so the teacher can monitor student attention. D only allows himself to be seen from his eyes up and wears a hat to cover his hair, which he hates. His introverted personality is so extreme as to be dangerous for him.

I was exhausted before the session with D. I called Mama K to cancel my session with her kids. I have never done that before.