Sunday, July 5th, 2020

             Elsa and I spent the whole evening of the fourth in the library with the doors and windows shut. She spent a fair amount of time clinging to my neck. Those firecrackers.  But she took her place on the floor peacefully before the evening was over.  She seemed to get used to the sounds.  I went to bed before midnight. There weren't too many firecrackers, probably because there were only small gatherings, and it rained.  Elsa and I didn't do our before dinner or our before bedtime walks. I found she had used the wee-wee pad. This system is working.

            I woke up a 7 am.  Because I wanted to do some gardening, I decided I wouldn't go to church but spend the morning hours ripping out weeds before it got too hot. It took a while for me to get myself out there. My reluctance is based on how difficult it is for me to get down on my knees and then back up again. I managed and got a fair amount done. I was pretty pleased with myself.  I have been looking at those weeds in the backyard out of my bedroom door, or should I say they have been accusing me.  I didn't get them all, but I did pull up all the knee-high grass. 

            While I weeded, I listened to a TED talk by Michael Merzenich on brain plasticity. I was particularly interested in his comments about a program that actually altered the brains of the learning disabled.  Since he is a neuroscientist, I assumed his remarks are made as a result of fMRI results. He referred to a program that took 30 hours that did that job.  I suspected it might be Fast Forward. When I checked it out on the Internet, sure enough, that's what it was.  I got badly upset.  The audio file I produced has a similar effect. Of course, I have no scientific evidence, but my audio file is free. Fast Forward costs $1100 for a computer program for thirty hours of exercises and $3500 for work with a tutor.  No program can guarantee success for everyone. I have had a lot of success with my audio file. 

            While I don't have scientific evidence, I do have anecdotal evidence. I had one case with a seven-year-old whose speech was unintelligible to his older brother and sister.  I got his older brother to play the audio file for him while he slept. No, I didn't note how many times. I would say at least fourteen. The older brother told me he noticed his younger brother understood what was said to him more, and his speech became more intelligible.  Shortly, his speech became normal. 

            I started working with him on reading. He was still at a low kindergarten level in the middle of first grade. I applied my method of teaching reading, and he rapidly progressed.  Because my focus is on teaching and not proving anything, I never make notes. However, my audio file is free, and I have never had it do any damage, not even to someone's pocketbook.  Why not try it? You may like it. 

            Since the seven-year-old and the older brother shared a room, I thought to ask the older brother if he experienced any differences. The older brother was getting As and Bs in high school. At first, he said no. But I had seen something in his eyes, less fear. That made me ask him, "Do you understand what you're teachers are saying better?" Surprise came to his eyes, "Yes." Making this ninety-minute audio file improved my listening skills as well as my speech, and my reading speed increased. I was fifty-four when I first made a copy. I had completed my master's with straight As. Oh, yes.  I had a 760 out of 800 on the verbal section of the GRE.  This audio file will impact anyone. It may make a great difference for those with auditory processing problems that interfere with their reading.

            I don't listen to the audio file now, but I use the work's approach with students when teaching reading.  I don't know if it continues to develop my processing skills. Perhaps it delays their decline. I am almost eighty now. 

            Since January, I have been trying to get my grandson to help me get the audio files on YouTube. There was one problem after another with his schedule and formatting the file to work on YouTube. We had put it on bandcamp.com, but something went wrong, and it only played one track at a time instead of all the tracks for a single story in one sitting. Maddening. That's why I wound up looking for other sites to post it on. 

            After listening to the TED talk this morning, I was angry to the point of tears that that audio file wasn't out there.  I think it can help people. I'm not looking for people to contact me, but I do know what impact this audio file can have. That I can't get someone to help me is driving me nuts. 

            I called Adam the other day to ask for Brian's number. Brian works for a computer company. I hoped he could help me find someone I could pay.  My sixteen-year-old grandson is not committed to the task.  Judy called to say that Brian was busy, Adam would call me. Not really. My frustration level was over the top. I was ready to cry. I called Judy to vent. She said Adam thought Brian was too busy to help me.  All I needed was a recommendation; I needed to know what kind of help I was looking for.  

            I finally thought to ask August. He got back to me and let me know that there is an online clearinghouse for people who do all sorts of computer work piecemeal, fiverr. They do small jobs, which is what this is.  Judy said she would get Brian's number from Adam when she went down to his house to pick up Luke after getting home from church. Adam and Jazzy are expecting guests. It's his brother and his family.

Given that Jazzy just had a baby a few days ago, I suspect they will be more helpful than a hindrance once they arrive.  Judy said Adam can help me. I am concerned about relying on him because he has so much on his plate already.  Judy said this coming week was out because of the guests. We'll see.  I have to get this out on as many sites as I can. No, this audio file can't help everyone, but it can help many people, children, and adults. If it changed my brain, it could help improve people who are functioning at grade level or above. 

            I did some more vacuuming and worked on the updates and reading the NY Times.  I read about Pomodoro, a time management technique.  I had tried something like that because it is too easy to get involved in monotonous activities with the shutdown.   I couldn't stick to it.  I will try again.

            Because it was pouring most of the day, I didn't get around to trimming Elsa.  It was clear enough in the late afternoon to do the job out in the yard.  She wound up with a very uneven cut.  This is because Elsa clings to me like saran wrap while I'm working on her. I can't see what I'm doing. It's good enough. The bald spots grow in fast enough.

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

            Got up at 5:30 without my alarm.  Who needs one at this time of the year? The birds make such a racket; we’re lucky we can sleep through it. Not. I sleep just fine if I’m tired. I can sleep through my alarm clock. The bird noises are a delight.

            Elsa and I headed out.  She pulled back.  I pointed out that I was the larger of the two of us and made the decisions.  She came along.  I only completed 2,500 steps before I went in. My leg was bothering me.  I sat down to meditate after laying out my mat for the morning’s driveway yoga.  I knew I would hear people when they arrived and join them.  Yvette called my name. She said no one had come today; did I want to do yoga with her? I told her to take the day off.  I guess no one wanted to come because it was the holiday. 

            Damon set up a Zoom meeting with his mom, me, and himself.  We started this on Father’s Day, three people, all highly invested in Mike, two wives, and one son.  It’s a new format, and it’s a little bumpy.  I enjoy speaking to them independently more.  However, I get to see their faces. Damon sits under a pergola at the side of his pool.  His skin looks great, glowing, luminous. It’s a great background, greens, flowing fabric draping down from the pergola.  

            I went to do a light vacuuming of the kitchen.  I had walked on it barefoot after I allowed ice cubes to melt to fall on the floor and get it dirty again.  My Bissell is great. It allows me to wash the floor with minimal effort.

            I called Progressive to check my premiums over time: January 2018, January 2019, and July 2019.  I have not been able to get information from Progressive as to why my premiums have been so high.  They claimed Mike’s accident in November 2018, Adam’s accident in February in 2019, and mine in November in 2019.  I wanted the three dates because Mike’s penalty should have been dropped in April of 2019. Our premiums should have fallen to the original price until November of 2019, when Shivani and I volunteered information about my accident, not realizing that the insurance company would have been recorded as an accident even if I never made a claim.  Every time I asked someone at Progressive why things are the way they are, I get a different answer. Today I was told that Adam’s accident would have counted against him even if he wasn’t responsible – no fault.  This would mean that if my car is parked in a shopping parking lot, sitting empty while I was in the store, and it was hit, and the other driver took responsibility, it would still count against me on my insurance. Yikes!

            I called Geico to get confirmation.  I spoke to someone in the claims department. He told me that he didn’t know, but he would connect me to service. Did you get this? Unlike progressive, Geico referred me to an expert rather than giving me a bullshit answer. Then it came out there is a state board that oversees the insurance companies.  If I have a complaint, I can have them look into it. The fellow in service gave me the name of the department in Hawaii and the telephone number. The difference between Geico and Progressive is legion. 

            I took another nap. When I got up, I gave poor Elsa a bath. She is poor Elsa because I gave her a bath.  She hates them.  Afterward, I washed the bathroom floor. Dinner was in the library with the tv on. It’s July 4th- firecrackers. This is not Elsa’s favorite day of the year. We closeted ourselves in that room, closed the door and all the windows, and hid out. When the noise is bad, Elsa jumps in my arms and clings to me rather more like a monkey than a dog. She grips me with her arms.  

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Musings:

            What constitutes a learning disability?  I have written that it mostly means “no one knows how to fix it,” except by offering compensatory strategies.   Since I have been giving the matter more thought.  If a person is described as learning disabled or disabled in general, they do have a limitation. However, that limitation is only about a societal standard.

            When we roamed the savanna, no one would be considered learning disabled because they couldn’t read. It wasn’t a skill anyone was expected to have. I suspect that expectation is a relatively recent convention. 

            My husband couldn’t carry a tune. It was not considered a disability. If our culture found singing well a social requirement, it would have been.

            While cultural expectations are one of the parameters for considering something a learning disabled, the other is the availability of services to remedy or minimalize the lack.  I need to wear glasses for all activities.  Before glasses were developed and perfected, I would be considered disabled.  I wouldn’t have been able to see well enough to perform many tasks.  I don’t think anyone considers vision impairment a problem up to a certain point. The certain point is our inability to correct the vision.  If we can’t correct it,  then it becomes a disability.

            I just learned that people with cleft palates were once considered mentally impaired. That was the case until someone discovered a tube filled with fluid. That fluid distorted their speech sounds.  Once a doctor figured out that when the liquid was drained, they no longer had problems learning speech and reading.  People with cleft palates were never cognitively impaired.  

            There are two factors: 1) societal expectations and 2) our ability to help those with ‘learning disabilities’ overcome them, determining whether or not we consider someone to have a learning disability.  There is no absolute measure.