I heard a TED talk about grief that resonated with me, not about moving on, but about moving forward with it. The talk helped me fill my heart with Mike. I know that he is always here for me. His love for me and my love for him remain satisfying.
On my walk, I saw Josh getting into Mike’s car, which he owns now. For a moment, I thought he was Mike. The moment was ordinary, as joyful as it always was when I saw Mike. I thought it was strange. I didn’t have the reaction of overwhelming joy that he had come back. No, instead, it was just as if he had never left.
During morning driveway yoga, I asked everyone for the names of people who could help me post my audio file on YouTube. What I need is someone who can do video editing. Elise does it, but she is off-island and won’t be available for a month. I want to complete it sooner. Alisha asked me if it was many files or just one. She said she could check how to do it. Maybe I could do it on my own. I had to contact August, my grandson, who did the work for me. He said it was one file. This will make it easier to get the visual effect I want.
August sent me a text about something related to YouTube. I had assumed at the time that it was instructions for downloading my files onto YouTube. I was waiting for the merged files to come through. August told me that’s what they were. He sent them to me again. They had a single static image, not the PowerPoint slide show I had put together. I was surprised. Boy, we’re not on the same page. He told me that he didn’t know how to do video editing. Okay. He’s sixteen. He has a life of his own. He has no obligation to me, not even to communicate clearly. I texted Crista, the owner of the Bikram studio, to find out who designed the Bikram Website. She gave me a name.
I worked on my article on my reading method. I put it off and put it off and then wind up enjoying the work when I do it. The other day, I finally posted two ads on Craigslist, one for the Big Island and one for Oahu. There was no response. I can’t seem to give it away. Oh, well. I would love the work just for the stimulation.
After completing some work on the article, I addressed my insurance complaint. I couldn’t believe that what Progressive is doing, raising my premiums when no claim has been made, is incredible. I need to see it in-writing. It’s mind-boggling if that is true. It makes them utterly corrupt. They’re stealing thousands of dollars from people. When I respond affirming this, I will not only file a complaint but also advertise that I will file complaints on behalf of others. It seems unlikely that I will be able to get my money back. Why would I bother putting out the effort if I can’t- because the immorality of their behavior makes me sick.
I called the name of the IT person Crista gave me. This woman charges $75 an hour and figures it will take half an hour for each file. Really! I have trouble with that on so many counts. The big one for me is that teachers don’t earn that kind of money. I find the disparity outrageous. Alisha made it sound like I could do the video editing on my own. I am prepared to try.
Adam hadn’t gotten back to me about making an appointment. Judy called to tell me that he was interested, and he was going to charge me a lot less than $75 an hour. If he can do it, that would be great. She said he hadn’t gotten back to me because Jazzy was sick in bed with a high fever. She appears to have contracted something from a family member who visited them. I asked Judy if it could be Covid. She said no, she had no trouble breathing. I then asked Judy if she had difficulty breathing when she had Covid. She said no, just some pressure in her chest.
It is going to be a while before Adam can work with me. Once Jazzy is better, I wouldn’t want to contact him before he’s guaranteed for two weeks. I have been putting off posting the Phonemic Awareness audio file on YouTube until I have it the way I want it to be. I decided this morning to post what I have. That way, I can tell families that they can use it.
In the meantime, Adam has his hands full, taking care of her, the baby, and Luke. Leon knows he can go up to Grandma’s and Auntie P’s house. Judy was talking about taking Luke off Adam’s hands. Zion, the new baby, has been crying a lot. He is also proving to be a bruiser. He was large when he was born, and he is gaining 2 oz a day instead of the usual 1 oz that most babies gain. These kids have their hands full. Thank God they live on the same property as their grandmother and aunt, so they have plenty of help.
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Musings:
For some people, learning to read, or for that matter, doing anything, happens effortlessly. For others, it requires effort. Having to make an effort to learn what many can do with ease creates an unpleasant experience. It suggests that there is something wrong with us.
This tendency to self-judge is ingrained in our brains. It’s a survival skill. Yes, self-evaluation, seeing how we compare to others, is a survival skill. How so? Easy. When we roamed the savanna in the bad old days, survival, basic physical survival, was everyone’s daily objective. Where was the next meal coming from? Where was the next attack by animal or hostile tribe coming from? When survival is at stake, diversity is an unaffordable option. Diversity is a luxury of abundance.
Think of the military culture. Everyone has to fit into a mold. People who deviate too much have to be eliminated. Fortunately, these days people who deviate too much are just not accepted into the military and are not abandon in an isolated place to die. That’s what was done with children who couldn’t conform in our hunter-gatherer days. They weren’t being heartless. They were doing what was absolutely necessary. If the tribe took on the burden of this child, it might have survived. But if this was a precedent on how all children who couldn’t conform would be absorbed. There would be no tribe shortly. Everyone would die. Everyone had to pull their weight and be a productive member of the group. We are born with the ability to compare ourselves to those around us. The objective is to encourage us to work to learn the required skills, so we won’t be excluded from the tribe.
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