Mike's death; Betty's life...: 12/29/25

Monday, December 29, 2025

Saturday, March 6, 2021

Yvette pointed out that most of us will feel like we’re falling backward if we stand straight. Her yoga guru dropped a line from her shoulder to her ankle and had her line up her vertical body with it. When I applied that principle to my stride, I discovered that I did a slight backbend with each step. Backbends are so good for the spine. They push them in yoga classes as a cure for backaches. Now I see, if I walk correctly, my spine experiences a small backbend with each step. It requires I not look at the ground and bury myself in my own thoughts. It feels great. I haven’t fallen down backward yet.

This was a driveway yoga morning. Have I mentioned how spectacular it is to lie flat on my back and look up at the clouds? Since the class happens after dawn but before sunrise, we can look up at the clouds without being blinded by the sun. The clouds are colored by the still-rising sun. It’s not the same as just looking up at them while standing. I’m lying flat on my back on a yoga mat laid out on the asphalt of my driveway. The combination is incredible. When I first started looking at the clouds, The Cloud of Unknowing came to mind. I can see why he referred to clouds for the image of unknowing. There’s no consistent pattern. Talk about fractal! In the middle of class, I got an emergency phone call. Someone was having a nervous breakdown. I stepped out to take the call.

I had several appointments. My 10:30 texted me an hour before saying she didn’t just wanted to cancel but stop coming altogether. She said her daughter, S, was overwhelmed with all she had to do. I didn’t realize when mom signed her up with me that she was already in school and receiving not just instruction from Kumon with mountains of homework. I already had enthusiastically agreed to cut down the girl’s sessions with me from two half hours a week to one. This made sense.

S’s mom hired me because when she worked with her daughter, they ran into conflict. I wrote mom a strategy to help her work with her that may help avoid conflict.

Here’s my email to her and her response.

You initially hired me because of the conflict that came up when you worked with S. She was uncomfortable when I tried to instruct her too. I started just modeling what I do to figure out a word or a sentence and told her that she was smart and would figure it out. You might try the same strategy with her. That will help you avoid conflict. Doing that means you will have to figure out what you would do if you came across a word you didn’t recognize immediately.

Mom’s response:

I appreciate your help. We had a conference meeting with her teacher Wednesday, and she said she is doing way better in her reading and feels more confident. I feel like you gave her some confidence and helped her not get scared of tasks, and I thank you for that. I have been reading with her every day, and so far, she is not resisting or nagging. I just let her figure out the words on her own and praise her more. I just think we overloaded her with Kumon and her school. She has 12 pages in reading and 12 pages in math to do for Kumon every day( 6 homework in reading, 6 in math), and I think that is too much for her, so I am reducing that too and let her enjoy some free time on the weekend with us. Like today her dad took her to the waterpark to enjoy some well-deserved playtime.

I liked your method, and in the future, if I feel that she needs more help, I will definitely contact you.

So lovely of mom to have responded that way. So many people forget that I am a human being, too, and need feedback. I have to pull information out of both parents and teachers. The teachers will tell me that I’m doing fantastic work but not give me regular feedback on the progress the child I have been working with has made. Even better, when I ask, I’m told about inadequacies, referring to a new problem I never heard about before, no less worked on. When I ask about the one I worked on, I get “Oh, yes. That’s not a problem anymore.” Very frustrating. I hope they don’t treat the kids that way, always focusing on the next problem and never giving joyous positive feedback.

I had A at 11. I texted his mom, asking for payment last night; she promptly paid for twelve half-hour sessions. The stats on the audio file on Bandcamp showed that no one had played it yesterday. He started a new story. I notice misused prepositions and incomplete details. This boy has lots of problems. I think it is time to ask if he has been evaluated or received other services. He has one of the worst sensory perception problems I have ever seen. It’s so bad; it could be confused with mental retardation. I am sure that retardation is not the problem: he learns too quickly, the stories he creates are sufficiently complicated, although very literal. He’s better at expressive language than receptive. Since mom was not playing the audio file for him, I devoted the last few minutes and even gave him some extra time. I gave him directions to relax; he had overstressed himself in the story writing activity. I told him it was all right to fall asleep. His mom actually called out orders to pay attention, contradicting me. I don’t know what to do with this woman. Mom tells me that A’s teacher reports she has seen improvement. Why do they fight me? Unfortunately, mom makes me very angry. It’s not just that she doesn’t do what I ask/instruct; she is downright arrogant about it. I don’t do well with arrogance.

I had an acupuncture appointment at 1. I left at 12:30 to make sure I got there in time. I arrived before she did. While she worked on me, we talked about her son. I have felt her son and I were meant to work together. She gave me extra time because we spent time talking about him. I felt like I was running my own Infomercial. I sent her exercises to start doing with him on his visual problems, which she thinks are the core of his problem.

I started cleaning the frig. This chore was a monster job that required a full day when Mike was alive. He had the frig packed with food; there was no room to maneuver. It all had to come out, and every shelf and drawer had to be washed on the same day before it all could be back. I could shove the stuff from one shelf over to the next, wash that shelf or that drawer, and let it dry overnight before I put it back.

Friday, March 5, 2021

I had a lousy night's sleep. The day's events upset me, and I couldn't calm myself. It wasn't quite as bad as the incident with the trees. I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night and watch a bad movie. I slept the sleep of the insomniac.

After my morning walk, I called the credit card company. Between the church having no record of my giving and the mysterious cancellation of my payments in November, I was concerned about what was going on. Had some scamming sites set up an imitation of the church site? I know that they had sent around bogus emails in Fr. Lio's name saying he needed financial help. I was hoping they could give me an Internet address other than the church name and location. They couldn't. The only option was to file a disputation claim. If it arrived at the church, we would know that the payments were legit; if not, they would track down the receiver. The church needed that information as much as I did.

At 9 am, I called the church. I reported the situation. I was told that the person in charge would call me back. The person on the other end of the line planned to hang up on me because they couldn't hear me well. I had to yell to get them to listen to me. I wanted to warn them that they would get a letter of disputation.

I had a session with D at 11:30. He had a new tablet, one his grandmother gave him for his birthday. As it wound up, it was her old seven-year-old tablet; she was buying herself a new one. It will serve D well for video games, but the mic was dysfunctional. It added vibration to his voice that made his speech unintelligible. I spent much of our time figuring out what he was saying. We did get through three items from the Barnell Loft Drawing Conclusions book. He wasn't as bad as when we did the exercise the first time, but I had to push him to look back and explain what words in the paragraph supported his conclusion. Meaning doesn't have too much meaning for this kid, but we can get there.

I got a call from Pam from the church later in the day. She said she would have Peter, or was it Paul, contact me. He's in charge of the online payments. He found the statement of my payments immediately: each week from January through November. Pam called me later to tell me it was all straightened out; she would send me a payment statement for my 2020 taxes.

I got out of the house today. I went to the vet to pick up medicine and food for Elsa. I rolled down the hill to Costco after leaving there. I tried again to pick up vinegar. The parking lot was jammed, and the checkout lines were long. If I could get vinegar, it would be worth the wait on the line. They were out.

I needed a nap when I came home after my lousy night's sleep. I set my alarm for my four pm class. I was set up: I sent the invitation, pulled up the files I would need for the session, and texted the mother that I was ready. Nothing. I called, No response. I know mom is a nurse and is often called into work. I am sympathetic. I abandoned the site and went about my business. At 5 pm, I was still waiting for a return call explaining the missed class. We had missed it on Monday because of a birthday party- understandable.

After my experience with A's mom yesterday, I checked my Venmo account to see who's been paying. No, I don't do this for the money. I do this primarily for the activity, but I don't mind the money. I am happy to do a sliding scale. There are people I also do for free. The pay clients I get from my Craig's list ads. More than unpaid charges, I object to the treatment. It's disrespectful. That hurts.

Thursday, March 4, 2021

Before Yvette started the yoga class, she asked if anyone had any particular body concerns. I told her about my shoulder, which was pretty bad. Deb said that shoulder pain was a pretty common side effect of the vaccine. Yvette did more work to help with that area of the body. She also asked me if I planned to go back to Bikram since I had my vaccine. I was still reluctant to have close contact of any kind.

The Bikram studio limits the number of people who can attend; you have to make a reservation and pay for it if you don't cancel in time for someone else to take that slot. I believe folks are wearing masks, but I'm not sure about that. That would make breathing hard. I know the room is sprayed with some special stuff after each class which kills viruses. Nonetheless, it is a closed and heated room. I'm so used to thinking 'cautious' I don't know if I will ever be able to come back to normal. I don't know if I ever should.

I was on the computer for two hours going down an internet rabbit hole. Jean, my hanai sister, sent me a link to "the best voice in the world," some youngster from Kazakhstan with a six-octave range.

I had my weekly appointment with Shelly. I worked on my fear again and how much I hated it. Behind the fear lay shame, the shame of being afraid, triggered when someone expressed contempt for me. I felt demeaned and wanted to hide that person's effect on me. Naturally, the most' effective way' was to fight back. The reaction was natural enough, but my 'life' was not at stake. Therefore, the response was dysfunctional.

I napped and did tons of work on blogs and updates the rest of the day, but not much more.

I spoke to my friend Jean in Arizona. She got her second vaccine yesterday. She and her husband had to travel to Phoenix from Tucson to get it, but now it's done. I could hear she was having breathing problems. I know the Arizona air is usually good for her. She explained they were having strong winds resulting in dust storms. As they came home from Phoenix, there were times when they were scared. She said everyone's breathing is challenged by these dust storms; people whose lungs are compromised have even greater difficulty.

I also finally got hold of my friend Carol. Mike and I met her and her husband John in 1982 when they moved into the house next door to us in Princeton. Now, Carol and John were on their last leg of a several-month trip across the US. They have a travel trailer that they attach to their truck.

It was a day of unpleasantness. I had called the church to ask for a statement verifying my donations to the church in 2020 for tax purposes. I was told there was no record of any donations. When I checked my credit card statement, it showed a donation every week, mysteriously ending in November. I was concerned I had signed up on a scam site instead of the actual church site. That was an upsetting thought, not only because I would be out the money and the tax credit but because the idea that scammers rob churches is sickening.

I only had A today for tutoring. I had him read the rest of his story. He is doing much better. However, when he gets stuck, he panics. I can appreciate his feeling. He was reading at a Kindergarten level when he was in second grade. When he misses a word, he starts struggling in counterproductive ways. I have to tell him to relax, to let me guide him. I asked him if his reading was better when he used what I told him to do. Yes. Could he trust me that I'm telling him to do the right thing? He is hardworking, and that is great. He just has to know when to push and when to let it happen. He wrote several stories that suggest he is socially isolated at school. I can see that his behavior might be inappropriate. I also see enough to think that mental retardation is not an issue. His problem is all audio processing and some sort of sensory disorientation. This affects his ability to understand conversation and respond appropriately. If he has a more significant problem, it would be autism. I don't know if he has ever been evaluated. His parents haven't offered any information.

I played Reggie the Robot on the audiofile at the end of the session with A. It drives me nuts that I can't get parents to make sure their kids listen to the audio file. I can't guarantee that it will help, but I can be reasonably sure it won't do harm. It doesn't cost anything. Parents are willing to pay me to help their kids and won't do this free activity. I called A's mom later in the day. She insists that he listens every other day. I told her I could see the stats. She told me I was arguing with her. I was. She was saying that A is supposed to turn it on. He must not be doing that. I'm almost at the point of telling parents that I won't continue working with their children unless they do play it. It is better for the child and me if it does work; I won't have such a steep mountain to climb. The mom was right, however, that I was coming on strong. That serves no purpose. I will watch the stats.

I wouldn't want someone to play the audio file for a preschool child unless there was evidence of a speech deficit – for that age. I don't believe in promoting left brain development early, which heightens phonemic awareness. In fact, I'm on Rudolph Steiner's page; children shouldn't be exposed to print before seven. In the meantime, they should do what the Waldorf Schools does: develop listening and speaking skills by exposing children to complex language through storytelling. Too much emphasis is placed on word recognition in contemporary preschools; it's much, much too early. However, I am not a whole language person either. Both are important once word recognition is appropriately introduced.

Then I had a friend tell me that she thought it was remarkable that I was never fired from a job. She said it in the context of talking about Pat Conroy's movie, Conrack. He taught in a two-room schoolhouse on a small island off the South Carolina coast. His students are all blacks, the descents of slaves who lived there. He became aware that education was deliberately withheld, raised a fuss, and was fired. I think she sees me as someone who would have fought for those kids and been fired as a result.

Sadly, it triggered wild feelings in me. My mom once threatened to call my boss to tell him I should be fired because I was doing something she didn't like. I also had a therapist who saw me as incapable of holding a job. All things given, that therapist was crazier than my mom. In her defense, when she met me, I was working privately. When I did decide to go back into the workforce because we needed health insurance, when Mike went back to school, she was shocked.

Why do people see me that way? It's not that I haven't run into trouble with one or two people in my life, but they are usually people with whom everyone is having trouble. Most of my coworkers and supervisors have considered me a valuable worker and fun.

Besides my mom and the therapist, Mike told me on two occasions that he would fire me if I was his employee. On one occasion, it was because I used all my own methods for teaching, following my own instincts. The second time it was because of my behavior.

I had been exhausted one day at school. I was working in a small charter school in New Brunswick. I was on my lunch hour. There was nowhere to lie down. I crawled under the lunch table (a very large one) and took a short nap there. That completely freaked Mike out. Let's get real, folks! I'm not socially deaf and blind. While some of my coworkers were a little startled, no one thought it entirely out of order for me, and it didn't occur to anyone to 'report' me. If they had, the principal would have supported me. There are situations where I would not have done that, no matter how tired I was. I know when I can get away with something. Concerning my work, I mostly get praise for my outstanding results; concerning my personality, people mostly get a kick out of me. I still get affectionate notes from people I worked with.

Shortly before Mike died, I mentioned that he had told me twice that he would have fired me. He said my behavior frightened him. Mike was terrified of chaos. While my mother's comments hurt me, Mike's never did. I believe this aspect of me is one reason he plucked me out of the bin, and it was he who did the plucking and pursing. He picked me because he intuitively knew he needed what I had to offer. I knew that I needed some of his love of order; I don't believe he ever consciously acknowledged his own needs to come to terms with the value of disorder, randomness, the unexpected. In the year before he died, he had come to the point of saying he found me endlessly entertaining; he never knew what would come out of my mouth next.

Many people miss that some of my random behavior is for comic effect. An important aspect of comedy is surprise, mild disorientation, a small dose of fear. I read a book years ago analyzing comedy. It talked about the relationship between fear and comedy. It gave this wonderful example: If you approach a young child you know well with a mask, he will laugh. If you leave it on too long, the child will become frightened. If you pull off the first mask and have a second underneath, the child will become terrified.

Even my mother eventually understood that I was funny, and we had moments where we could laugh together. That was lovely.

March 3, 2021

When the alarm went off, I continued lying in bed, completely relaxed. Lovely! I got up late, 6:30, and went for my morning walk. As I walked, I noticed I felt somewhat fuzzy. It is the feeling I associate with finishing a big project. The world feels different, fresh, and new. I first thought this feeling had to do with Mike's death, the second anniversary of the end of a 45-year project, my marriage to Mike. Later in the day, I remembered I had my second vaccination yesterday. My arm knows that something happened, but I would hardly call it pain. However, this floating feeling, which I associate with being sick and change moments, maybe a result of that shot.

I mediated and napped. Judy called to ask how I was. She was a Godsend during those five weeks Mike was in the hospital, and I was in Honolulu. I spent every day in his hospital room. I could reach her any time, night, or day, when I needed help. It was Judy I called when he was moved up to the ICU the second time. I didn't get that he was unlikely to survive two trips to the ICU. I held on to my false belief. It was also I called the night I had no place to stay. She researched finding me a hotel room at the last minute on a holiday night. She was a lifeline.

I'm at peace with his absence. I wondered if something was wrong with me. I think it was because whatever I had with Mike was enough. I was always comfortable. There was that time when there was dead air between us. That was an unhappy time, but not unsafe. We still had great respect for each other.

As I think about it now, there was a crisis moment. I tell the story now with humor, but I can remember a few moments when I knew that I could never be the person he wanted me to be; I was not willing to be the person he wanted me to be. It was the moment when he insisted that I think the way he thought, linearly. He said my skipping from topic to topic drove him nuts, and I had to change. The therapist said the magic words that changed Mike's point of view. "She's a phenomenalist." If Mike had continued insisting I conform to his thinking style, I think we would have come to the point of irreconcilable differences. I couldn't live that way. The leap from the way I think to the way he wanted me to was just too great. Just thinking about giving up that way of thinking causes fear. That doesn't mean that I didn't see a need to become more linear in my thinking. I appreciated Mike's impact on me. It also did not mean that I was interested or prepared to become exactly like Mike or his academic colleagues. They're into explicating something, always staying inside the designated box. Me, my objective is to see things in a new way. Very different.

It occurred to me the other day that one reason I have been doing well is that I started preparing for his death from the moment I entered the relationship. I had a therapist who interpreted that as an attachment disorder. Let me see, I stayed with and loved the man for 45 years. I was passionate about him. Doesn't sound like an attachment disorder to me. But I lost a parent as a child. That changes one's perspective. You 'know' you always must be ready to leap to the solo act from the duet. I was always prepared to cope with being alone. That coping has been made easier because I'm living in Hawaii. I can't begin to describe the difference between being here and at our last stop in Columbus, Ohio. I don't know if I could have made it. I would have been entirely alone. It would have been way more than I could have coped with.

I had planned to go to Costco to pick up some vinegar. There was supposed to be a shipment on Tuesday. I was too lazy. I did have one gallon. I put it into the dispenser and sprayed the rest of the weeds in front of the house. I had done half a few weeks ago. Yvette said you're only allowed to buy two gallons at a time. She takes Scott with her so she can get two more.

I spent a good part of the day napping. I'm sure it was a reaction to the vaccine.

Damon texted to say he had a few moments; could I email him my PowerPoint Presentation. He would fix up some of the images. This is his profession; he works for DreamWorks Animation.

At 5:30, Yvette and I left for Kua Bay for the sunset. I brought the yahrzeit's candle with me to light it. A yahrzeit's candle is from Mike's Jewish heritage; it burns for 24 hours. It is lit for the dead on significant anniversaries, birth, and death dates. It is a ritual way to remember the dead.

We took Elsa with us; she had a grand time with unfamiliar scents. Other than pooping on the walkway and having to sniff everything in sight, she was wonderful. We didn't go down to the beach but sat in the shower area. We sat at a picnic table overlooking the ocean, watching the boogie boarding and looking out for spouting whales with some folks who were there for that purpose. I had put the candle in a widemouthed jar to protect the flame from the wind. It all worked perfectly, and it was wonderful to be near the ocean. I haven't been that close for years now. I go when we have guests. No guests.

At 7:30, Yvette, Scott, and I left for Gertrude's bar for a comedy show. The boyfriend of one of our yoga buddies was doing a set. While I'm glad I went, I wouldn't recommend much about the experience. The food was horrendous. They served sandwich fillings on herb crepes. The food was stale as if it sat around for half a day. The lemonade was good.

The comedians weren't much to write home about either. This must be true for any open night event at a comedy club event. Gertrude's isn't just comedy. There was music on before the comedy started.

The best comedian was the 'newbie,' a woman who had never done standup before. Her set was well structured; she moved back and forth between serious issues and comedy, creating a context for the comedy. The worst was someone who didn't have a clue about the elements of comedy. You need context, and, aside from context, timing is everything. No one in the audience booed. It was worth the experience just to be in the company of our wonderful Hawaiian residents who are kind. One of the comedians was a black guy. He said once a woman came up to him, looked him right in the face, and asked, "Are you black?" After telling that story and getting a good laugh, he said the Big Island is the least biased place he's ever been. Oh, were that only true! I think it is for black people, but native Hawaiians are considered second-class citizens, and they look down on the Marshallese. No, Hawaii is not bias-free.

When I got home at 10:30, I had only completed 8,700 steps. I had to decide if I would try to get in the 10,000 or give up for the night. I went for the 10,000. I have a designated walking pathway in my house, which I use when rain prevents me from walking outside. This section of my house is tiled, so I don't have to worry about wearing down wood or carpeting. It didn't take me too long to reach my goal.

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

I was up and wide awake in the middle of the night because I was upset about the work the tree men did. To maintain our ocean views, we need to trim these trees regularly. There would be few people with views if that were not the case. Yvette gets very upset with how the tree crews treat our trees; they top them. I have asked them not to do this to our fruit trees. They say no and then do it. Yvette sent me an email saying she accepted that the tree services here don't know what they are doing and attached an article on tree topping versus tree pruning. I was so upset, I got up and watched a terrible movie, Lake Effects. Egads. I was back in bed by 3:30 am and slept till 5:30, when the alarm went off.

Mind you, I never had a sleepless night during my five weeks in Honolulu while Mike suffered and ultimately died, nor in the weeks after I got home and created a life for myself. Now, I got upset about trees. This is a situation where I feel I have no agency. Now, you could say I had no agency during those five weeks while Mike was in the hospital. No, I didn't. But I didn't expect to. In the case of the trees, I should have agency. And except for one bizarre doctor who had got weird on me and one nurse who hated women, everyone treated me with respect.

I had one experience with a tree man that still haunts me. A friend introduced me to his cousin, saying he said he was good. The two of them stood on my lanai, pressed up against the screen, blocking me out, and discussed what should be done with my trees. I doubt they would have treated Mike that way. Note: Mike is male; I am female. I was the little woman they were going to take care of. Not. It was my home, my trees, and my signature on the check, and I wasn't included in the conversation. Didn't like it!

On my morning walk, my left leg complained. I believe it is because I've gotten more out of it, and it's objecting, not because the problem had gotten worse. There are good things around the corner.

The driveway yoga was delicious, relaxing, and over too quickly.

I spent a good part of the morning tracking down donation receipts. I managed to make two separate donations to three companies. I thought I was being systematic as I went through my list at the end of December. Guess not. As I worked, I heard a noise from the bottom of the driveway. It was Trent's crew chipping the branches they had cut down yesterday. I wanted to go down and talk to them, but I had to leave to get my second Covid shot.

When I was a block from the vaccine site, I remembered I was supposed to bring a card they gave me to this appointment. I wasn't sure if I could get the shot without it. Then I figured I couldn't be the only one who forgot that paper. They must have some other provisions. There was one other person on the check-in line before me. I filled out the paperwork while I sat inside, waiting my turn. I didn't have time to do much reading before I was called. It took some effort, but they could give me another card. Now, they explained what it was for. It was my proof I had had the vaccine shots. This time I put it directly into my wallet.

On my way home, I stopped at Costco in search of vinegar. It was open by 9:30. As I walked in, I saw a sign saying Kukuna, seniors in Hawaiian. Costco was still opening early for us. I went straight to the spice aisle, looking for white vinegar. None. I commented on it to the guy checking packages at the exit on the way out. He said white vinegar is the first thing to go among the foodstuffs. Of course, it isn't just used for food. We use it to clean and kill weeds. I need large quantities for the wedding. I asked why they don't order more. He said it was ordered at headquarters. The local Costco had no control. He did say their orders were in response to how much was bought. Well, since white vinegar goes quickly, they should order more. He said it might also be a problem in the supply line. My guess is that's the problem. White vinegar sounds like a profitable business to go in. I wonder how to make it.

At 11 am, I had a telephone healing session with a new client. I had to introduce her to my protocol. Step one, work on something that you find annoying, not devastating. It's a safer way in. Something devasting is too loaded to be easily unpacked. Annoyance is a sign of access to change. I use that in my teaching. Sometimes I don't work on a problem I am aware of until I find it annoying. I have learned that annoyance signals the students' readiness to learn something new. Second is the principal Buddha the Brilliant developed; we have feelings of aversion and craving. Those feelings cause our worst grief; whatever the original pain might be, A & C magnify them. Therefore, when a client, or I in my own work, hit a strong feeling that feels impassable, I apply these releases: "I release anything negative about my hate for this feeling or situation, keep anything positive or anything I still need," and then, "I release anything negative about my love for this feeling or situation, keep anything positive or anything I still need." Then we wait to see if there is any energy release. I can feel the energy release. Sometimes clients can, and sometimes they can't. If they can't, my question is, "Do you feel more relaxed?" This is the criterion for a successful auction. If the person feels greater tension, we are moving in the wrong direction. All very simple, but it works.

Judy called. She is doing a little better each day. She is resolved to stay on a regular regime of pain killers, Tylenol, until she knows she can get off and be moderate with her physical activity. The doctor told her to stop whatever she was doing when she felt pain and rest. She can do damage. Those tissues need a chance to heal.

I got a text from D's mom. Tomorrow was his birthday; could we have his session on another day? Yes, today at 1:30. I tried to get a short nap in. After 45 minutes, I was good to go. I went for one of my short walks to build up my step count. I have been working with him on the Barnell Loft inferencing exercises I initially prepared for M. This is perfect for him. I am so glad I participated in that conference. While one woman was nasty, downright contemptuous about my work, she did help me knock myself off the course I was stuck on. D's teacher had brought me on board because she hoped I could help D. with his memory problems using my Brain Management Skills program. I have had zero success with that. There are other ways to work around that problem. There are other things to work on. I have ignored them. I was hoping D's mom would tell me she didn't want me to work with her son anymore. She did that with D's third-grade teacher. "It's okay. You don't have to work with D. anymore. Betty's okay." Did she do that out of consideration of Mrs. B., who had the whole class to contend with, or because she thought I was doing a better job? We didn't know.

I walked down to the bottom of the driveway to talk with the tree men. Yvette's article gave me a framework for discussing the problem. It wasn't the lead guy, Trent, I had dealt with before. It was his half-brother, Irwin, and his father Thad. Thad has been doing tree work forever. I asked if they knew the difference between pruning and topping. They said yes. I asked if it was possible to do more pruning instead of topping. They said yes. Thad said Trent understood I wanted the view preserved, which would mean topping. I asked if I could have more pruning done. I understood it would involve more labor and, therefore, more money. They said sure. Thad explained that the concern for tree topping had more application in places that experienced extreme temperature changes. Where you might be able to top 1/3 of a tree in that area without killing it, you could top 2/3 of a tree here without worry. It also occurred to me there was no way to make a tree shorter without topping it. The problem isn't Hawaiian tree men; the problem is the residents (me) who want our views.

Monday, March 1, 2021

My sleep pattern has changed. I go to sleep quickly. When I wake up, I am convinced that it is almost time to get up because I feel fully rested. Last night I went to bed at 10 pm and woke up at 11 thinking the night must be over. I have no complaints about my lovely sleep, but I do find that I need several naps during the day. I believe this weird sleep pattern is a sign of my current grief. This, too, will pass.

Busy, busy day. It started with our morning walk, and then I edited and sent out the blog for the day, only to discover one I hadn't posted for February 29, 2020. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. There was no February 29 this year. I edited and posted both entries for the end of March. The number of readers of the blog is slowly increasing-for now. Instead of zero or one reader for a day, the numbers look more like one or two readers for the day. Sometimes, it's 87 for one day but not the next day.

I was supposed to go through my PowerPoint presentation with an old school chum from Ohio. Yesterday, I created a revised 'notes' document to go with the PP. The notes remind me of what I want to say with each slide. I no longer have a verbatim script, just keywords.

Carol, my Ohio friend, had trouble with the sound system on her computer. Her granddaughter came over to fix it. That was done. However, when I sent her an invitation, it was unusable. Carol called her daughter, who said she couldn't do it on her computer. I texted back that maybe her computer was too old and wouldn't support Zoom. That was right on the money. Her computer was twenty years old. I guess she doesn't use it much, just for the occasional email. We would do it on her phone, but her daughter told her that Zoom was blocked on her phone. I'm not quite sure what that was about. I spent the time rehearsing the presentation and making more revisions.

I was exhausted after all the morning's activities and needed a nap. Before I did, I called some charities for which I didn't have donation receipts. There are three charities I donated to twice on the same day. I'm hoping they can send me one compiled receipt. I don't think the IRS will be impressed with two donations for the same amount on the same day.

Now that the PowerPoint is pretty well done (only pretty well because every time I go through it, I notice something else I want to change), I'm free to attend to some other issues.

I had placed an order with Dr. Marty's online. I ordered a standard batch of six and noticed that they had a special sale for a group of twelve. I tried to order the sale amount. I couldn't manage their online order system. I wound up ordering two sets of six, two sets of twelve, and one set of some high-energy powder. The group of six was $172 apiece; the group of twelve was $312, and the special powder was $375. Holy Cow! When I saw that I had ordered the powder, I called immediately to cancel. They said it had already left the warehouse; I would have to return it. I did that and remembered getting the refund for $375. The problem was I had only received eighteen packages of food instead of thirty-six.

I finally figured all this out today, working from the credit card bill. When I called, I got this woman with a strange speech pattern. She asked, "Could I ask you some questions?" It's a standard question; it was just her voice was particularly solemn. My first thought was she would ask me if I was a citizen. I told her about my reaction. She was somewhat defensive. I assumed it was just a bad moment on her part or mine, but as our conversation continued, I realized this was just the way she spoke. Every utterance was delivered with some inappropriate solemnity.

Our conversation concluded when it was clear I had been reimbursed all the money except for one order for six bags and another for twelve. I wanted the second order for both of these. I'm not sure why they were canceled, but that was preferable to being charged and not getting them.

I had H at 2:15. He wanted to play Science Games. When I Googled that, I found the PBS Kids offer something called Science Games. He confirmed that's what he wanted. I think asking any seven-year-old to be specific about the site would be asking a lot.

Since I was the one who downloaded the site, I was the one who had to manipulate it, and he had to give me directions. Perfect. He had to be patient with me and communicate clearly; that's what we're working on.

I had J at 3. His sister, Ju, wanted to participate too. She wanted to work on the words, do the Phonics Discovery System. First, we worked on the words he requested. They are laughing and fooling around. They consider the activity play not learning. I demonstrated using Phase Two of the method to decode 'antidisestablishmentarian.' J did great.

Then we worked on writing a story. Their bird had died earlier in the day. The story was about her illness and death. Ju dictated most of the story. As they worked, I became aware that both had poor verbal expression skills, not just J..This is probably not just because Spanish is spoken at home but because they don't speak a very high caliber Spanish either. I anticipate their language skills are poor in both languages. He still isn't listening to the audio file on his own. I insisted that we play it. I was surprised to find listening to it deeply soothing. J and Ju said they found it that way too. I played all the tracts of the Quiet Queen. When the audio file was over, j and Ju laughed and said they played with some game as they were listening. I said, "Perfect." I don't recommend that people listen in a focused way. I advise parents to play it for their children as they fall asleep. It should be background noise unless someone follows the transcript to improve their reading. I have used it to help with speech deficits and other auditory processing problems. Listening is how phonemic awareness is developed, regardless of one's reading level.

The tree man came up to check the view. He took out a tree on the corner of the property that helped expand the view. I love this guy. He is a joy, does a great job with the trees, and doesn't charge top prices. Win, win, win + win.

I finally got hold of Judy today after four attempts over two days. I was sufficiently worried to try her sister Paulette. Although I can't imagine I wouldn't be called if anything went terribly wrong. Judy's been in pain post-surgery. She finally had her conference with the surgeon. He was able to tell her that she would have pain for six weeks at least. The muscles had been detached from her spine so he could get to her spinal cord to remove the tumor. Judy discovered how much her back muscles are involved in every move she makes.

I signed up for a health site to get more information on combating incontinence. I spent $125 for access to one infomercial after another. Yuck! I did get the information she promised to include. I was valuable, maybe even worth the $125, but the informercial flood is annoying, if not downright disrespectful.

Elsa has been developing skin lesions again, which the vet says result from an allergic reaction. I have been treating it with Science Diet prescription food, Dr. Marty's food, vet prescribed medication, and Intrasound powder. There was a point when I got her completely clear of lesions. Yesterday, I applied some Intrasound Gel directly on the new lesions. While they didn't disappear, they got better immediately.