Back on the wagon: made it to Bikram today. During my Elsa walk this morning, I pressed my big toe into the ground as I finished the step. This engaged my inner thigh muscles. Hey. For anyone who tries to duplicate what I do, no one change is recommended. I am following the sequence which is right for my body. First, I got the outer edge of my left foot to the ground as I walked, next came the little toe of the left foot, and now, while holding the other two in place, making a point of finishing my step by pushing off on the big toe. I've been at the big toe before, but then I had to switch to the foot's outer edge. This is my sequencing. My guess is I will revisit emphasizing the outer edge of my left foot again sometime in the future.
My heart feels heavy most of the time now. It's getting harder. I am struck that I can get in touch with my missing my dog Peaches more easily than I can feel missing Mike. Peaches was an amazing dog. The breeder named her when she was born, a little black Portuguese Water Dog with the name Peaches. She had the most beautiful face - and her energy. . . She is the only dog who I felt was interested in sharing energy. I love little Elsa, but she almost never gives affection without an agenda: throw the balls, scratch my belly or give me a treat. She will cease and desist if I say no firmly. She isn't endlessly demanding. Peaches' energy was so amazing, that all the children would run out to greet her when I was walking her. When Horatio, a male PWD from the same breeder a few years younger, joined us, they no longer came out.
At some point, I repeated my question to Kathrin if she is interested in reading my blog. She said yes. I warned her that there were comments about her, how sometimes I resented her presence. I assured her that it wasn't a huge problem, but it did come up. I told her it was just normal between all people to resent each other's presence periodically. She said she was so glad I had brought it up because she felt that way and wondered what was wrong with her. I assured her it was normal. It's not a comfortable feeling, but it is essential not to take it literally. What is important is to evaluate the number of positive interactions versus the negative. I said I thought we were doing amazingly well for two people who didn't know each other with a 48-year age difference. She said she thought so too. But if you live with someone, it comes up. I compared it to that occasional sexual feeling you have for someone miscellaneous person other than your mate. You note it, but you shouldn't feel compelled to follow through because you had that feeling.
The Glicksteins came over around 6 pm for Jazzy’s birthday dinner. Salmon, asparagus, roasted potatoes and for dessert, homemade lava cake with vanilla ice cream and mixed berries. The food was fantastic. My guess is my palate is more responsive because I rarely eat a meal like that these days. When Mike was alive, a full meal was a regular thing. Mike was present for the dinner and pleased . Kathrin blended in perfectly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Musings: I'm putting this separately so those who are not interested can choose not to read it.
I have been wondering how to speak about what made my marriage a good one. There is nothing I can point to. There is no activity we shared, no project we worked on together. It was as subtle and simple as two animals being comfortable in each other's company. We were glad to be together. We created a safe haven for each other. We knew we were welcome home and that we welcomed each other home. So simple. So ordinary. So stunningly spectacular.
