Mike's death; Betty's life...: 03/16/26

Monday, March 16, 2026

Thursday, March 16, 2023

I got up with the alarm clock this morning shortly after 5:30, even though I planned to get up at 6. It was six when Elsa and I were on the road for our morning walk. My legs did well. I had no pain. There's a good chance the pain I felt at the top of the right leg was due to muscle development instead of arthritis because it's gone. Whenever Elsa stopped to sniff, I did the side-stepping exercise Katie wanted. Now that I understand its purpose, I'm doing much better. I'm strengthening the standing leg instead of stretching the inner thigh muscles.

As Nehiwa bends into Kukuna, the uphill section is particularly steep, with over 30% incline. I practice walking backward there, something also recommended by Katie to strengthen a different set of muscles.

Elsa and I made it past the second fire hydrant on Kukuna and then headed back down the hill and home. Scott was closing the gate as I arrived. Casey, Scott, and Yvette were all on their mats already. Was I that late? I had five minutes to feed Elsa and prepare for the morning's driveway yoga. Yvette announced that she would be ducking out halfway through the class. Because of the time change, she had her online yoga class with the Montessori school in Connecticut earlier. Scott would take over the second half of the class. Scott does a good job, except he is a little too rushed. He'll do it every Thursday until the fall when the time changes again on the mainland, and Yvette can take over again. I am so delighted to be living somewhere without the time change. I had a car accident every spring.

I couldn't meet with Mama K's crew yesterday because they were surfing at the beach all day till it was time to go home for dinner. I proposed meeting with them on Thursday morning. Mama K had to take her older daughter and Twin E to the doctor in the morning. She proposed I meet with Twin A at 8:30 and fourth grade K. When I was through with them, Twin E would be home, and I could hook up with her.

Twin A is knocking my socks off. Her oral reading is at a high first-grade level, and her comprehension is good, too. In our next session, I will try her on second-grade material, which is very exciting. I should get her up to a third-grade level over the summer. She will be going into fourth grade next fall.

Twin A tried to get fourth-grade K to the session after she was through. I heard her call him, and then nothing. I've been here before. Someone yells for the next sibling but doesn't follow through. Twin A returned to the meeting and told me K was asleep. It's impossible to wake him up. Mama K has told me the kids get up very early. Then, they need a mid-morning nap. I sympathize.

When Mama K got home with her girls from their doctor visits, she texted me to say Twin E was available. I worked with Twin A on high first-grade reading material and Twin E on pre-primer material. She still has problems using automatic recall. Even when she has seen a word before in the passage, she approaches it as something unfamiliar. There is no use of previous knowledge. I occasionally push recall again. She has to give her mind the letters and then wait to see if her mind gives her the word. With unfamiliar words, she has to identify and recall familiar letter patterns called word families, such as an, in, ip, it, etc. She doesn't do that either, even though she can recognize when I isolate the letter unit. She did a little better today using automatic recall. Then she saw is in a word and found it unfamiliar. I have worked on this with her before. I have to start from scratch.

I discovered today that she has difficulty identifying the individual sounds in words. I thought we had dealt with that problem. She picked up on it quickly. I suspect she has some concept of what reading should be that is interfering with her learning.

I got my new teeth today, or at least the trial version. The dentist started doing his own lab work. He got fed up with the work the commercial labs are doing. He put in temporary teeth. His dental assistant, his wife, said he is having fun with his new toys. Usually, I wouldn't get temporaries first. He is being super cautious. I appreciate it and his honesty. He screwed the caps to the posts and filled down the biting sides until they matched my lower teeth. There may be one more edge to take care of. I have an appointment in two weeks for him to check how these teeth are settling in before he makes the permanent teeth.

I had a make-up appointment with Adolescent D. We worked on Phase II. In this Phase, I dictate the letters, and he writes them. I discovered today that he writes them as I say them. I want to use this as a way to develop his short-term memory. He is supposed to hear them, repeat them, and then write them. It was a grueling session.

Wednesday, March 15, 2023

My ribs didn't bother me in the night; I slept well, even on my left side, and I had no problems getting up to go to the bathroom. My pain, which was never high, was reduced. My biggest problem was the rash I developed in reaction to the KT tape.

I was asleep when my alarm went off. I still had to do my in-bed exercises. As usual, I fell asleep between each one. I was up by 7:30. It was too late to take Elsa out without feeding her first. My ribs didn't bother me while I walked, and the muscles at the top of my right leg felt good. Hopefully, the discomfort was not caused by arthritis, as Katie suggested. We will see. If it is, I will push for a second hip replacement.

Am I sorry I didn't do the first one earlier? Definitely not. If I had it done when I was sixty-eight when it was first prescribed, I would have had a second hip replacement already. The ones from back then only lasted ten years. Also, that was when they were installing metal on metal joints with disastrous results. The grinding motion created metal shavings, resulting in infections. As I learned from a medical broadcast the other day, doctors once did one-size-fits-all. Now, replacement parts can be selected and adjusted to suit the patient.

The coconut oil, which I use for oil pulling before I brush my teeth, was solid. Hmm! It had a small pool of liquid last night. The temperature must have dropped. I grabbed a warm sweatshirt for my walk. My hip felt great. I walked up Kukuna to the second fire hydrant without problems. I got close to four thousand steps in before breakfast.

When I got home, I messaged my primary, telling her about my fall yesterday and my achy ribs and requesting an X-ray. Later in the morning, I tried to make an online appointment with a doctor, any doctor. My primary is still at home guarding her complicated pregnancy. There were no appointments two weeks ahead. There was something wrong with the site. I called when they opened. What do you know? The problem was not with the site; all appointments are booked until May 1. Holy cow! The receptionist recommended I go to Kaloko Urgent Care. They have an X-ray machine. I should go after 5 pm when time is reserved for Kaiser patients.

I called Urgent Care to check how late they were open. The receptionist told me to come in now. There were only four appointments available after five pm. After I posted my daily blog entry, I headed out. As I was driving there, I reconsidered. I already felt better. Why not wait at least another day. It wasn't worth getting the X-ray now and risking contracting a respiratory infection from exposure to patients in the waiting room. Undoubtedly, some visitors to Urgent Care would have such problems. I turned around and went back home.

Adolescent D's mom texted me about skipping today because he wouldn't be home until late. D is on vacation. Time to play. Sounded good to me.

I called Mama K because her kids are also on vacation. She was at the beach and asked if we could do it late in the afternoon, around 5 pm. She gets this service for free. Her kids are way behind the eight-ball. You would think she would make more effort to ensure our sessions, but no.

The day was devoted to avoiding doing things.

Wright wrote about the boundary of the self. If hearing the sound of the crickets outside and feeling the pain in his foot is the same thing, something that his brain perceives, neither are part of him, or both are. It might be good to realize the fluidity of things. However, it is also vital to recognize our boundaries.

It's important to know if what I am perceiving is from inside of me or from outside. Boundaries are important. Is the smell of smoke coming from inside my house or outside? Is it my child crying or someone else's? We need to discern the boundaries of objects. They require different responses.

I wrote about degrees of judgment previously. I may be repeating myself here. We can make judgments about physical things. "I think this is strong enough to hold my weight." That's a judgment. One would hardly call a person making such a judgment judgmental. We consider people judgmental when they make decisions about our character, good or bad. It's right there in Genesis. It is God's prerogative to decide what is good and what is evil. Of course, that gets us in another snafu. Suppose we don't pass judgment on anything or anybody. Do we say, "Oh, well," and think child abuse, rape, slavery, or the actions of a serial killer are just God's problem? What is our role as human beings?

We are designed as human beings to call things that please us good and things that don't bad. It's a survival trait. It worked pretty well when our brains were under construction 200,000 years ago. But now, when we encounter something that doesn't affirm or make us uncomfortable, we have the same reaction. I don't like it equals it's bad. He eats differently than me. That's dirty. He's disgusting. He's bad. He's evil. Done! Some argue that these preferences for 'the same as me' are taught. They discovered that four-year-olds prefer people who look like them, just like the most prejudiced adults.

No, I am not suggesting that we surrender to these predilections. We can recognize we have them, thank our nervous systems for telling us, and then inform our unconscious minds that we have enough knowledge to know that what we are looking at is not dangerous just because it is unfamiliar. We have a choice. We don't have to obey our hidden biases.

Tuesday, March 14, 2023

I’ve been hugging Elsa in the morning and checking her for lesions. When I find one, I apply Animax. That seems to help. She came to me today for our morning huggle. I rocked her back and forth and kissed her belly. Such a delight! Once that was done, I picked her up and carried her to the doggie door. She was still reluctant to go out. I had to stand there blocking her way.

I put on another half a pound this morning. The rate of weight gain is impressive. Some would say, ‘Look at the amount of chocolate you eat.” Yeah, but it’s not more than I had been eating. I consume about five ounces daily, including the almonds in the chocolate. There’s enough chocolate to ruin my teeth but not enough to account for the weight gain. It could be because I started eating prepackaged soup with noodles once a day or because of the muscle gain. Could there be a totally different explanation? When I ask people, they don’t see me as gaining weight.

I limited my walk this morning because of pain in my right hip. Is it because the muscles on my right leg are adjusting to a new situation, or is it due to arthritic degeneration?

I was sitting in the living room when I heard my refrigerator dump ice cubes on the floor. I rushed to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. That stopped it. We were without electricity for half an hour from six to six-thirty this morning. At that hour of the morning, the batteries would have been drained, and we would have depended on the grid. I think this is what caused the refrigerator’s seizure. The fridge must have spit out at least thirty ice cubes. I swept them down the tiled hallway and out the side door.

I drove to town for my 10:30 appointment with Katie, my PT at Hawaiian Rehab. When I checked in, the receptionist said I had no appointment. Did I call back to confirm the appointment? I spoke to the person. That appointment was for Thursday. I was sure the woman who called me yesterday said the opening was for tomorrow. However, there was an opening at 11:15 today. Did I want that? Yes. I had forty-five minutes to kill. I head off to Lowes.

I checked for 30% vinegar first in the cleaning aisle. There were two. I grabbed them. Then, I went to the garden section to look for Osmocote, the fertilizer Margo recommended. I wandered around the open-air gardening section. Wow! Their selection is much better than that of Home Depot. It was lovely wandering among the plants. It took me a while to find the section with the fertilizers. I didn’t see Osmocote. I found an employee and asked if they carried it. It was in a special area with organic products sold in small quantities. I had been looking for a 20 lb. bag.

I asked Katie about a side brush exercise she gave me. What was the objective? She watched me do it and noticed I dropped the standing hip. I thought the objective of the exercise was an inner thigh stretch. Nope, it was strengthening the glute muscles of the standing leg. Got it! I do the exercise every chance I get, in other words, whenever Elsa stops to smell the roses.

My friend Melissa called. She’s a ‘retired’ doctor. I put that in quotes because she travels to Seattle and the Australian outback to volunteer. Besides other things, I told her about the results of my medical tests. I had a bone density test. My results were -2, osteopenia.

Right after my first hot flash, I had my first bone density test when I was fifty. I had the bones of an eighty-year-old. I had terrible osteoporosis. I had a bone density test every year after that. My bone density increased by the standard deviation every year. Standard deviations aren’t considered a real change. However, ten years of a 2% increase every year accumulates. Kaiser asked me to get one when I arrived here. My measurement scale was incompatible with the original tests. I’m not sure why that would be a problem. If I measure something using inches or centimeters, the actual length of the object doesn’t change. Why would a different standard of measurement alter my comparative results? My recent test showed a slight additional loss from the one I had five years ago. My diagnosis- osteopenia. I don’t have osteoporosis. Could I have had severe osteoporosis at fifty and osteopenia now? That doesn’t make sense.

Katie also addressed my shoulder problem. The pain in my left shoulder would wake me up at night, and it was getting worse. Katie relieved the knot in my upper traps. We both thought it was a result of the work I do on the computer and the many, many FreeCell games I play. She noticed the left shoulder was turned in and told me to watch it. I should do shoulder rolls periodically.

On the evening walk, I had more twinges in the inner right thigh. Katie says those sudden pinches are signs of arthritis rather than soft tissue damage.

I walked with Lutz and his son Brian for a while on my evening walk. The pace was too fast for me. He and Brian continued on. I turned back with plans of running into them again when they came around the third time. I had reached the end of the road before they arrived. I headed back and ran into Carol and Phil. I turned around and walked back south with them until I ran into Lutz and Brian. Carol and Phil got involved in a conversation with Lutz. I walked on. I ran into John with his two labs. I asked if Elsa could meet with them. Sure. The two large dogs scared Elsa. She circled around me. The dogs followed, pushing me over. I went down. I bent my knees and went down in what Lutz described as a soft landing. Nonetheless, I felt a sharp pain in my ribs, that spot that had been bothering me since I was injured when I was ten. I lay there until I felt ready to get up.

Lutz and Brian offer to walk me home. John stood by to protect me from oncoming cars but kept his distance, concerned that the dogs would throw me off again. As I started home, Darby came holding a glass of water. She had seen me fall. She offered me some water and declared she would walk me home. She showed me her new tooth. She takes hers out every night. Soon, I will be able to show her my new teeth. She also told me she tried my walk modification, thinking of sliding the heel back in the shoe to move the body forward. She saw an immediate difference. Fortunately, I warned her that it built up muscle quickly. She was sore that night.

More on the romantic notions of the phenomenalists and Goethe. Reading about these men in Time of the Magicians informed me where I got many of my bright ideas. Daddy funneled them into me. Mostly, I enjoyed the attention and thinking about heady ideas. When I was a senior in high school, I visited an old family friend. He told me that he told my dad what he was doing wouldn’t be good for me. It did set me apart in ways I still don’t appreciate. It also taught me to think for myself and to be an ace problem solver. That combination makes me a good teacher, just not for the classroom.

There is one marker that makes it clear he didn’t do it for my good. He had no adults to share his ideas with. He was using a child to explore them. That’s not good. His focus was on creating a human being for a new world. He wasn’t as concerned about the impact on me. Did he ever realize it? I don’t know. I survived. I had a decent life. I had a good marriage. I found a suitable career in which to express my creativity and do something worthwhile in his world. I wouldn’t give him an A rating as a parent. But both his children survived and made lives for themselves that had satisfaction. That sounds like it warrants at least a B+.

Monday, March 13, 2023

I went down a New Amsterdam rabbit hole and went to bed close to eleven instead of nine. I love the feel-good show. The issues it raises are real, but the solutions are fantasy. As in the show Father Knows Best, all problems are solved by the end of an episode.

I woke up at two-thirty, a little more awake than usual in the middle of the night. I meditated and fell back to sleep. I woke up again when the alarm went off at five-thirty.

I pull coconut oil twice a day before brushing my teeth. The state of the coconut oil informs us as to the temperature here. Up till the day before yesterday, the oil was hard. I had to scrap some up to get enough. Yesterday, the oil was softer; I could scoop it up. This morning, a small well of liquid was in the center of the hardened oil. Spring is here.

I joined Dean on his morning walk. I got in four thousand steps. Dean is married to a woman born to Chinese immigrants. Her parents lived in Stockton, California. From Dean's description, Stockton is a climate hellhole. While he never lived there, he made frequent trips there as his in-laws' health started failing. They looked for another place to live and bought a house in Hawaii.

Dean speaks only a few words of Chinese. He dismisses any need for conversation because all "the Chinese ever talk about is money and food." He also says they complain endlessly. He knows when they are talking about him when they whisper.

Dean told me a trick to get rid of cockroaches. I have been noticing more around my house. He puts out a bucket, lines it with coconut oil, and puts some soapy water at the bottom. The roaches can't resist that coconut oil. They also can't get out of the container once they go in because of the vertical sides. He says he always puts the bucket outside. He argues that keeps them from coming into his home. I don't understand how that works. Will that attract some if I put the bucket in my home? I see an experiment coming. Besides a world of new information, I got in four thousand steps in my walk with Dean this morning.

When I got home, I called my financial advisor to transfer money to my nephew in Holland. I told him I wanted to send some money and that he should send me the necessary bank information. He sent me his account number, but that was it.

I emailed him to say I needed more information. That was the last I heard. I resorted to getting his wife's contact information from my sister. That did it. He got back to me. His explanation was that he didn't have the address of the bank because it was all online. He found it now.

My nephew is a wonderful, sweet man—a trait I fully appreciate in him. But he can't be bothered with mundane issues. I am sending more than he usually gets as part of his wedding present. Rather than giving him all the money at once, I'm doling it out. I imagine he won't even notice until six months from now. Then, he will wonder how his bank account increased. Hopefully, the bank can help him figure it out.

As I wrote this, I realized it would be a dirty trick not to tell him what I was doing. I emailed him and his wife about how much I deposited in his account. It may be a large sum coming from me, but I don't think of it that way. I have the money I have because of my mother's efforts.

She would want to give him a substantial wedding present. I am following her wishes.

When I flushed the toilet this afternoon, there was this incredible racket, and the pipe shuddered. I turned off the water. Did I need a plumber? I wouldn't be able to use it until this problem was fixed. I called Scott, who was in town. Should I call a plumber, or does he know how to fix it? I thought there was air in the pipes. I turned the water back on and flushed so he could hear the noise. He told me to turn the water on full blast. That fixed it. Calcium had built up in the pipe. Turning the water on high flushed it out. Done!

I called the grandmother of third grade K private school, Kps. I'm going to stop calling her Goldilocks. It has a bad ring to it. Grandma asked me if I could work with her on math, too. I sure could. At the end of yesterday's session, I asked Kps what she was working on in school. Three-digit division. What!!!!?? Are you kidding me? I checked the Hawaiian DOE standards. Ah! It means solving the problem by illustrating it. That makes sense. It also makes sense the Kps can't do that.

I spoke to her grandma today after our session yesterday. She said she had her do the multiplication problem on paper that they thought she could do in her head yesterday. She had no trouble doing it. She has a problem with abstract thinking; she needs help understanding how it connects to the concrete. She lacks number sense. We'll see. It is a mystery I look forward to solving.

Later in the day, I checked the third-grade math standards from the Hawaii DOE. Ah! The kids are supposed to use alternative methods to figure out the answer. They are not expected to use the algorithm. They're supposed to illustrate it.

I got some gardening done. I trimmed some of the shrubs along the edge of the driveway. I got up on a step ladder to trim the tops. I used my four-inch chain saw to cut the branches at the back of the plants against my neighbor's fence. I enjoy the work. If I did half an hour of gardening daily, it would make me happy. But I'm not used to doing that. I think of myself as being Vlad the Impaler in the garden. Darby's comment about her gardening skills keeps me going, "No, we're not good gardeners, just persistent." For the most part, they grow back. However, I have seen wild and unattended plants die on my property. It's downright weird.

I had Adolescent D in the afternoon. We worked on Phase I using the modeling approach. I ask the question; he decides if he will answer it or not. I wait long enough for him to give it some thought. He has been participating more, giving me more answers as we go along. He still has a devil of a time remembering when a vowel sound is long or short. We haven't come across too many diphthongs.

Wright wrote about the possible immoral use of meditation and the dharma. Everything is subject to misuse. A sociopath can use meditation to free himself from any negative feelings about killing people. Ted Bundy seems to have done that, although I have no reason to believe he used meditation, just plain ordinary denial. When he heard the verdict, he cried out, "Why? There are so many people!" What's the big deal if he killed one or two hundred? How's that for a convenient reframing? One doesn't need meditation to support immoral intent. The critical component in any religious practice, maybe what makes it religious above all else, is that it's embedded in a moral code.

While one also doesn't need meditation to support moral intent. It just makes it easier when you're less reactive. While emotions guide all our decisions, it's better if we're not flooded by emotion when we make those decisions.

Sunday, March 12, 2023

I gained more weight. Could my mix of one banana, one apple, a handful of blueberries, a few tablespoons of cashew yogurt, and a topping of granola be the explanation? Besides that, I added a prepackaged soup with some noodles. Could that be doing it? Otherwise, my diet is mostly the same. The Hersey’s milk chocolate kisses or nuggets with almonds can’t be helping, but neither can it be the cause of the problem. If it were, the weight increase would have started long ago. It drove Mike nuts that I could eat chocolate and not pack on the pounds. Ha! Ha! Is this his revenge?

I was having problems with my right hip and inner thigh. Is this because my leg is adjusting to its new reality since the total hip replacement? It doesn’t have to do all the work anymore. Does it feel neglected? Katie, my PT, said to do side steps. I’m not sure what the objective is. I started doing side stretches while Elsa pooped and pulled me to a stop to smell something most intriguing. I will have to ask Katie what her objective is.

Second grade M’s mom texted me to ask if we could not meet this week, canceling our two weekly sessions. They had another funeral to attend. I’ve worked with these folks for two years; they’ve had at least three funerals. One was for the dad’s dad, the girls’ grandfather.

I met with third-grade Kps for reading. She usually reads accurately. Today, she read cot as coat. The original phrase was, “He got up from the cot.” She changed it to, ”He got out of his coat.” Her change didn’t fit too well in the story. It looks like she changes words to suit a meaning she can understand. She does not listen to language. This may be because this is what she’s been taught to do. This is the objective of the Reading Recovery program, which has been dominant for the last forty years.

She also needed help with math. She said she needed help with three-digit division. What? Three digits in third grade? I asked if she could do three-digit multiplication. I gave her a problem. 123 x436=. She told me she could do it in her head. Oh, boy. Some kids can. One student could do complicated math in her head but not on paper. She couldn’t show her work. This was not the case for third-grade Kps. Her answer was something in the four hundreds. It suggests she has poor number sense. I had to speak to her grandmother to see what she thought was going on.

Saturday, March 11, 2023

Mama K’s crew is scheduled for Saturday morning and Wednesday afternoon after school. I sent the Zoom link and texted Mama K I was ready. She called to tell me she wasn’t home and couldn’t reach anyone in the house to help the kids sign on. I texted her eighteen-year-old son and fourteen-year-old daughter, telling them to contact me when they were up. I figured teenagers would be asleep on a weekend morning.

Eighteen-year-old E contacted me when he got up. He set up Twin A. I had prepared passages on pre-primer through the second-grade levels from the Jerry Johns testing material. A moved through the passages up to the first grade with ease. I had a few more first-grade passages for her to read for today. Her reading isn’t completely fluid; there are stops and repeats as she figures things out. However, she reads the words accurately, and her literal comprehension is good. She can recall the passage after one labored reading. She is doing very well. I will have her in second-grade material in our next session.

She got off to get “the next victim,”- my expression. The Zoom meeting shut off. I called eighteen-year-old E for help. He got back to me to say everyone was asleep. I know these kids get up very early and then fall back to sleep. I can identify; I do the same thing. I texted E to say I was looking for fourth-grade K, too. He didn’t know that. He thought I was just working with the twins.

I worked on comprehension with fourth-grade K. He has a big problem; he doesn’t know when to rely on the information in the story when to make an inference, and when to use his background knowledge. He is so confused. I can’t figure out why he has this problem.

I got a few chores done around the house. I cleaned the stovetop until it shone. I have a great system. My stove top is black enamel, which is easy to clean. The raw aluminum ones are a pain. The stove top is designed so I can pour water around the burners without having it run off. I add Dawn dish detergent to it and let it sit. If I add too much soap, getting that all sopped up is a job. Either way, all the grease is soaked up. The black enamel shines.

I also did some gardening. I trimmed the hedges along the driveway more and closely cropped my crepe, following Margo’s instructions. We’ll see.

As usual, I struggled to get up to date on my updates. I have mixed feelings about maintaining them. I resent them as a burden. My life would probably be empty and unbearable without them. I enjoy writing; putting thoughts into words is a challenge. If my educational work took off and I was in demand, I would be okay without them. I don’t know. Before I met Mike, I kept a journal; I stopped it when we got together. I never wrote journal entries the whole time. Nay, that’s not true. I recorded my thoughts every once in a while, but it wasn’t a need. I started these updates while he was in the hospital and haven’t stopped since.

I completed 11,000 steps today. Ten thousand steps are only four miles. I want to up the ante.

Friday, March 10, 2023

I called Pet Meds this morning to place an order. I tried to do it online the other day. I hit the place-order button and got no confirmation. I'm concerned it could have been a scam site. I had to give my address to the customer service provider. I couldn't think of how to pronounce Kailua. It came out wrong, or it just didn't sound right. The sounds got twisted in my head. This is what Adolescent D must experience regularly. It was scary. Is it a first for me, with more to come? What does this signal? When I was young, I had pregnancy scares; now they're dementia scares.

I went to the bank to discuss the two withdrawals in my monthly statement. I never make withdrawals. I knew I hadn't in the last week or so. The bank official pulled up a copy of my withdrawal statement. My handwriting was unmistakable, but I was sure I hadn't made a withdrawal. I never do. I write checks.

When I got home, I checked those dates in my daily updates. First, in my panic, I confused February sixth and seventh with March sixth and seventh. I knew I hadn't done anything recently. Driving home, I figured the bank had a problem clerk who figured out how to copy customer information from one form to another.

When I read the updates for February, I saw that I did make those two withdrawals. It was for that scam artist who stained my wedges for the gravesite. He did a reasonably good job but charged me eight hundred dollars. That is more than any other single phase of preparing the gravesite. The most expensive was seven hundred dollars for two granite slabs. The rest didn't come close to eight hundred dollars with everything told. I had two hundred dollars on me. The guy wanted four hundred before he did the work and four hundred after he was finished. Since he was the only one in town who could help me, I felt I had no choice. I am encouraging friends who do handyman work to get into the business themselves. It's a day's work with good money. Not that they would charge eight hundred.

I did the biggest Costco shopping I've ever done. I picked up several things on sale and some things on impulse. All Purpose Miracle-Gro contains "natural ingredients to feed microbes in the soil." I'm sure. Margo recommended Osmocote plant food. Do I know the difference between one fertilizer product and the next? Not a clue. I searched the Internet for an answer but found none. Can you imagine? A question I couldn't find an answer on the Internet. Osmocote is a 14-14-14 product- whatever that means. What else is a 4-14-14 product? I finally broke down and texted Margo. Osmocote is a slow-release fertilizer. There's less chance of damaging the plants. Knowing my luck, I have a good chance of doing damage even with that.

I posted one update to my email followers and did the Wordle puzzle for the day. I missed it. Was it rebel or revel? I chose the wrong one.

I had Adolescent D at two. I signed in and called to tell him I was ready. He usually signs on to the Zoom link without answering the phone. Today, he answered and asked if we could put the session off to five. I heard laughter in the background. "Sure. Have a good time." Then I took a nap. I woke up around four and checked my phone. D had texted to say he was ready at three-thirty. I called him to ask if he could sign on now.

We were scheduled to do Phase II of The Phonics Discovery System. It's a repeat of every other time we do Phase I. However, today, I made sure he wrote the letters I dictated. Two remarkable things happened. First, I could dictate up to six letters at a time. He was able to recall them and write them accurately. This means his auditory processing problem has improved, or he never had a problem in the first place; he was misusing the system. Second, he was excited about his handwriting. He said, "You have to see this. It is amazing. My handwriting looks wonderful. I'm writing this without lines to guide me. It's almost straight." He texted me a photo. Oh, dear. His handwriting looked terrible. When you compare it to what it was a few months ago, yes, it's better. The letters shapes and relative sizes are better. However, I don't know who this kid is. In the past, anything short of perfection by grade level standards was 'no improvement.' Now, this! I can't complain; I'm just confused.

I'm reading Lisa Genova's book on memory, Remember. When someone is 'searching' their memory in an fMRI, you can see the brain firing as they search. It's a lot like searching a room. There is a difference. Things we remember are stored in multiple locations throughout the brain. If we're looking for an object in a room, it is usually in a single location. Things are stored in multiple locations because different aspects and associated memories are stored in different locations.

Thursday, March 9, 2023

Driveway Yoga Day!! I was awake at five-thirty when my daily alarm went off. That was a surprise. I had problems falling asleep last night. I wasn't worried about anything; I just was wide awake. Usually, I can fall asleep at any time. I've had other bad moments like the one I had this morning. I have no idea why they happen. I could have gotten up and headed out. I didn't. I got up shortly before six. I dressed for a cold day: long fleece pants and a jacket over my sweatshirt. I took off the jacket the moment I left the house. I would have been sweating if I had kept it on.

I didn't want to go too far since I had to feed Elsa before yoga. I made it to three thousand steps. I saw Ann Marie with her dog Tulip walking at a distance. She had said she was interested in my approach to teaching reading and would contact me. I hadn't heard from her. I assumed she was too busy to deal with it.

I edited part of the blog post on Grammarly before Scott told me they were ready to start yoga. It was just Yvette, Scott, me in the driveway, and Deb on the phone. I was more agile. I could shift from one position to another more easily. Doing the exercises on Yoga Go, even two days a week, made a difference.

After yoga, I worked on the blog entry. I record the daily stats in my calendar. I saw that I had an appointment with the dentist today at nine-fifteen. It was already eight-thirty-five. I must take four antibiotic pills before I have any dental work because of my hip implant. I quickly swallowed them and then thought to call the dentist. I didn't have an appointment today. We canceled this one when I was taking antibiotics for my UTI. I didn't have the correct date recorded.

The phone rang at eleven; it was Shelly. Today we mostly talked about theories of personality with some interesting results. She said we pay too much attention to what goes on inside us when we should focus on the spiritual realm, where we can access perfect knowledge. I don't know about the spiritual source of all knowledge. I won't argue that it doesn't exist; neither do I accept that it does exist. I certainly don't assume that anything I receive on an intuitive level is automatically good.

On the other hand, I have had strange experiences when I got an understanding of the human condition through intuition. Also, when doing a healing, I often get information about someone I cannot know. I don't mean something vague like you have a problematic relationship with someone. Who doesn't have a difficult relationship with someone? No, my information was a detailed description of a scene, a room's arrangement, or a person's description. I saw a landscape scene and a person I described in a healig session in real life. I was shocked. While I could see a resemblance to what I had seen, I would never have described the scene or person that way. I was given an image I could describe to someone so they would recognize it.

Whether the information comes from our unconscious minds or some spiritual source, we are still responsible for filtering it. We can't assume that it's good just because it comes through some little understood process.

Even if it comes from a 'pure source,' we are not perfect receivers. I am listening to HPR right now. The broadcast cuts off and comes back on. I miss information. My ability to receive this 'message' is affected by HPRs ability to transmit it and my radio's ability to receive it. When receiving information from any source, reconciling all the opposing voices in my psyche, and ensuring they are clear of negative biases is a must. I'm concerned about people who believe whatever they receive through this automatic process must be good information. Scares me to death!

I had no tutoring appointments today. I just got some steps in and worked on updates. I took one nap. It wasn't very satisfying. Ah, I did get some gardening done. I used my four-inch chain saw on the driveway bush and the backyard bougainvillea bush. I would love to use it on the haole koas lining up against my fence on my neighbor's property, a vacant lot converted into a haole koa farm by nature.

I texted Margo for advice on dealing with my crepe bush. I love that bush. I hope I don't lose it. I must be the world's worst gardener. I plant weeds, and they don't grow well. Plants that survive unattended along the highway die in my yard. I took shots of the spotted leaves and showed them to the clerk at Farm and Garden. She diagnosed mites and recommended an insecticide. I applied it as directed. I didn't see much difference. I hadn't gone to Margo because I used her for advice more than I shop from her. I finally did text her. She gave me detailed instructions I didn't understand.

Wednesday, March 8, 2023

I heard the door flap as I slept. I jumped up and took a quick look for Elsa in the dark. Was she using the doggie door? It flapped repeatedly. No, it wasn't Elsa. The strong wind was causing the flapping- and it continued flapping. I fell back to sleep. As I was waking up, I heard the door flap again. This time, it was light already. I could see Elsa lying on the bed next to me. The wind was not gusting this time, and there weren't repeated flapping sounds. Oh, dear. Did something unwelcome slip in? I assumed Elsa would have responded if a rat got into the house. Or maybe not. Yvette and Josh have had unwelcome guests. Josh said the cat would sit there and do nothing while a rat ate his food. Do these animals consider the rats bros?

I was wide awake early this morning and got up with my five-thirty alarm.

We were getting unusually strong winds coming up from the south. They had blown all night. I was concerned about rain, but it wasn't raining now. I headed out with Elsa. I only took a short walk with her, and I was concerned something would get blown into her eyes. As we walked, the wind was blowing at our backs. On the way back, I picked her up and carried her over my shoulder so she was still facing north.

After I put her down, I headed out again on my own. I headed downhill toward the ocean on Kukuna. The view of the moon shining on the water was spectacular.

When I came home, I meditated for an hour and then went for another short walk. Wearing a hat as I walked was out.

Scott says the Hawaiian islands are surrounded by storms swirling around us. We're unaffected because the trade winds keep those storms at bay when they come from the north. Today, they came in from the south.

While we had strong winds at ground level, the clouds over the ocean were unaffected. The trees were another matter. All the fronds on the palms were blown to the north side of the trees.

I bathed Elsa today. She shivered the whole time. While the sun was out and it was warm, the strong wind chilled her. She has to sit in the sink coated in the medicinal shampoo for her skin condition for at least ten minutes. I wrapped her in a dish towel. It didn't help much.

Besides working on the updates and the blog, I did some gardening, pruning, and weeding the plants on the edge of the driveway. My neighbors don't weed at the edge of the fence. Their weeds love my property as well as theirs. What a surprise! I tried spraying the wandering coral with the vinegar brew. That did nothing. Today, I tried pouring boiling water on the plants. We'll see if that works.

I had an appointment with my PT, Katie. I think I'm coming to the end of my need for service. My hips are improving with everything I'm doing: my conscious walk, the chiropractic visits, and the acupuncture treatments. Katie asked me to do a partial bridge, pushing my hips up while keeping my shoulders in contact with the surface. I was comfortable doing it. Katie said I could hold it longer than her other clients, even those much younger than me. More evidence that I'm doing fine on my own. However, Katie gives me wonderful suggestions that help me move ahead.

At two pm, I had adolescent D. We worked with Phase II today. I continued what I started on Monday when the internet was down. I had him get paper and a pencil and write the words down. I dictate the letters. Then, we went through the procedure. 1) What are the vowel letters in the word? 2) Which vowel letters make sounds? 3) where should we divide the word into syllables if it's multi-syllabic? 4) What is the first syllable? 5) What is the syllable pattern for this syllable? 6) Is the vowel likely to be long or short? 7) Blend the vowel and following consonants 8) Blend the consonant before the vowel with what you have already blended. 10) follow the same procedure for all the other syllables in the word before blending the syllables. 11) say each syllable separately. 12) blend them. If you have difficulty, use backward build-up.

Close to the end of the session, D asked what word we were on. He hadn't been writing the words down. He used the book to read the words. OMG! The whole point of the exercise was the multi-sensory input. After the session, I also realized that my dictating the letters to him might help his auditory processing. How many letters can he hold in his mind as he writes them?

After I finished with Adolescent D., I had Mama K's crew. I prepared reading from Jerry Johns graded passages for the girls. I had a pre-primer, a primer, and a first-grade selection. Twin E made it through the pre-primer passage with support. This is her instructional level. Twin A made it through those two levels and a first-grade passage. I asked her comprehension questions. She aced those, too. Seeing the twins' reading skill levels diverge so sharply is upsetting.

I worked on comprehension with fourth-grade K. He totally messed up. From how he responded, I suspect much of his problem is emotional. He is terrified he'll give the wrong answer. He burrows inside, looking for an answer that can only be found on the page. He did well three sessions ago, and I bumped up his level. That was a mistake. Now, I will go below grade level and work on the skills.

Wright wrote more on emptiness. He entitled a section, "The Man without a Story." He says things have essence because we have a story about them. This reminded me of top-down thinking.

An example: I saw the Mauna Loa lava flow before dawn. My friends were impressed. I was not. My friend said this is molten rock coming up from the earth's center. That is top-down perception. If you just looked at it, it was a thin stream of something the color of fire in a line from the top of the mountain. The sky was cloudless. The stars overhead were much more impressive. But even my appreciation of them is enhanced by a story. I know I'm looking at a three-dimensional space that extends beyond my imagination. That knowledge, that story, impacts my response to the sight.

We can't live without stories. A hammer and a nail are useless to me without their story. Otherwise, I would have to rediscover their relationship. All the knowledge I have about the world would be gone. Viewing the world without a story doesn't sound that good. The good part about it is we view the world afresh and rediscover it the way children do. We come to the world with a beginner's mind.

I'm sure Buddha didn't do that, at least not 24/7. Knowing the difference between the world without a story and the world with one and when to use one mental state versus the other is worthwhile.

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

I was awake before four am. I dozed, did my exercises, and continued my heart-centered meditation.

When the alarm went off at 5:30, I got up, dressed, and headed out for my morning walk. I saw Elsa in the corner, eying the doggie door as I dressed. She didn't go out; she walked away. It was the first time I saw her checking out the door when I wasn't looming over her. I still had to go chase her and force her to use it. I don't have to push her out the door anymore. I block her exit. When she looks like she'd rather not, I stomp my foot. That does the trick.

Because we were up early, I walked down the hill toward the ocean for the first half of the walk. I caught a spectacular view of the moon shining on the ocean. I started my uphill walk when I reached the bottom of the hill, which is not at the ocean but a dead end two miles from the shoreline. I saved this to the end to see the sun coloring the sky before it rose over the top of the mountain. It was disappointing today. There were dark clouds that didn't allow the glow of the sunlight to penetrate.

As I turned onto Nehiwa, the school bus for disabled children turned onto the street. I was surprised because he usually comes by around seven to pick up Luke. While the driver always waves when he sees me, he said hello for the first time today. I asked his name, "J.J," and told him mine and Elsa's.

The accountant's office called. My taxes were ready. The state owed me some money; I didn't owe the federal government an overwhelming amount. I could have a telephone consult with Kitty and pick up the documents whenever I liked. Since I had a twelve-fifteen appointment with the chiropractor right around the corner, stopping off to pick them up from the accountant's office sounded good. When I came in, Kitty asked if I had lost weight. Au contraire! I've been gaining pounds and inches. How is it that I look thinner? Whatever- I'll take it. I had a short, delightful meeting with Kitty and went on my way.

It only took five minutes to get to the chiropractor's office. There were no available parking spaces. This is often the case. Yvette works in this complex. How does she deal with this problem?. I pulled to the far end, turned around, and waited for someone to leave. It took about ten minutes. I had a space right in front of Lisa's door. Lisa was coming out of a session with another client. She saw me and called out, "You know you're an hour early for your appointment. Yes, I did. I would sit in the open-air atrium and read. She asked if I wanted a pillow. The wood benches were hard. My plan to read didn't last long. I was ready for my mid-morning nap. I sat in my car, turned on the air conditioner, and fell asleep. I set my alarm for twelve-fifteen. I must have slept. When I looked up, Lisa was at the door saying, "Just five more minutes." Lisa's appointments are always long. I got out by two.

On the way home, I stopped at Long's to check if they had restocked the Hersey's nuggets with almonds. A man came down the aisle and asked if he could help me. It must have been the manager. I told him what I was looking for. He said he would look in the back. As I suspected, nothing had come in.

I had planned to stop at Costco. I was too tired. I headed home.

I was supposed to meet with first-grade Iz and her brother, third-grade J, today. Their mom called to say they would stay with their dad for the week, and he didn't want to do it. This is the first time he will have them for the whole week. Mom's theory was he was feeling overwhelmed. I can well imagine that he would feel that way. Not only is having full-time responsibility for two school-aged kids a big job, but it is also one he hasn't done in a while. I can remember each year at the start of school, adjusting to new circumstances and feeling exhausted until I made the necessary adjustments. New circumstances are always tough.

In Why Buddhism is Right, Wright talks a lot about the Buddhist concept of emptiness. In what I read tonight, he talked about a lack of essence. Everything has an essence for us. We value things because of what they mean to us personally. The last towel Mike used before he collapsed and died still hangs in the bathroom. It's never been washed. It's been four years since he died. It has an essence for me and no one else.

On the other hand, the Monday before he died, he lost his essence for me. He was gone. I recognized the man lying in the bed, a nest of tubes sticking out of him, but the man I knew and loved was gone. He wasn't mentally incapacitated; he had surrendered to death. He had given up. Damon and Cylin had told him how well I was taking care of myself without him, and he had no reason to keep fighting. He was exhausted and wanted peace. I sat vigil with a living body until Sunday when I found the courage to take him off life support after he made it absolutely clear that was what he wanted.

Monday, March 6, 2023

The tech who manages my Internet connection texted yesterday saying he had to make some adjustments on Monday and asked when I was available. I had my first appointment at two pm. I was good up till then. At around one-fifteen, my internet cut out. I called him. "I told you the morning was good for me." He said, "You said you were free until two pm." I was, but I figured starting at one-fifteen would cut it close. I anticipated that he wouldn't be finished in time. I was angry. I calmed down and thought of what I could do if I couldn't meet with D on Zoom. Needless to say, I got a text shortly before 2 p.m. saying he was running late. What a surprise!

The two pm appointment was with adolescent D. I thought we could do the work we were doing over the phone. Even better, I could involve him in a new way. I planned to work on Phase I today and do Phase II on Wednesdays and Fridays.

I told D to get paper and a pencil. In Phase I, we start with the sound of the word. I said the word. Then I asked him how many syllables there were in the word, what the sounds were in each syllable, one sound at a time, and finally, what letters represented the sounds, one sound at a time.

In the past, I wrote the words on the Zoom whiteboard. Since I didn't have that available, he had to write them. He could have chosen to wait until I said the letter before he wrote it. He didn't. He tried to figure it out on his own. At the end, I asked him how he did with the spelling. Did he get fifty percent right, more or less? He said he had over fifty percent of the spelling correct. I thought that was terrific. The boy has severe problems with memory. The more letters he has correct, the more likely that spell check can catch his errors.

Later in the afternoon, I thought, "Duh!" We should have been doing this all along. This makes learning multisensory. The possibility of this approach is legion. The trick to getting him involved was to have him say "yes" when he was ready for me to move on. It requires him to attend without putting him into an ego-threatening situation. He can hide or not. It's his choice.

When we started this process, he took at least half a minute before he responded. His response time has decreased substantially. This process gives him time to think and draw on his memory. It's so obvious, like all great ideas. You have to wonder why no one thought of it before. While I have used modeling as a teaching method, this includes a new twist. Before, I decided when I gave the answer, assuming the students would think of the answer. In this approach, I have the student tell me when to provide the answer. This means they determine how much time they need to think before they get an answer or know they have none available.

Wright wrote about the role of emotions in making judgments. The research shows they determine our decisions. He didn't discuss the role of analytic thought when evaluating between two choices. He argues that emotions are the final arbitrators.

I often hear the comment that someone is judgmental or not judgmental. That's a big deal. People who are overly sensitive to 'judgments' see condemnation in everything. There are degrees of judgementalness.

We make judgments every time we compare two things. A is bigger than B. A is sweeter than B. A is harder than B, and on and on. These must be relatively free of emotional input.

At the next level, we judge what we like and don't like. Wright argues the human mind, probably all living things, reacts to a stimulus by that metric. It will likely benefit me and support my life if I like it. If I don't like it, it is probably not good for me and may harm me. At another level, there are judgments of character or judgments against a whole person, leading to total rejection. The problem in our contemporary world is that we are exposed to unfamiliar people, which can trigger an "I don't like" response, leading to a moral judgment of that person.

It's complicated. Given that it is impossible to be judgment-free, how do we evaluate our judgments? Some people put too much faith in their visceral reactions. "If I don't like it, it must be evil." That makes all their personal judgments like judgments from God. Therefore, the lesson of Genesis is: Do not eat from the tree of good and evil. It is not for us to make judgments.

Hey, wait a minute. We can't make no judgments. Ted Bundy killed people. If we don't make judgments, do we let him go about his business without interference? As I said, it's complicated.

Then, there is the other end of judgments, those who feel judged. They walk around anticipating the judgments of others and calling them judgmental for the judgments they hear in their own heads. Now, we all do that to a certain extent, anticipating the judgments of others. To not do so would mean we were sociopaths. As I said, it's complicated.

Sunday, March 5, 2023

I set my alarm for this morning at six a.m., but my preset alarm doesn't ring on the weekends. I had to do my walk and get ready for church. I was back home by 7:30 and did some work on the updates. Time got away from me. It was almost eight a.m. by the time I got into the shower. I had to leave by eight-thirty.

I pulled out a dress I hadn't worn in a while. I used to wear dresses daily when I volunteered at the elementary school. Now, I only wear a dress on Sunday. I have about twenty, all appropriate for the Hawaiian lifestyle. I pick the next one in the row. It was a blue one with large white flowers. I slipped it on and was surprised by how tight it was. I had gained weight, but this was a shock. I decided to wear the dress anyway. I see women much younger than me with big bellies proudly showing off their bodies. Of course, they're all still fertile. As someone once said, the ugliest fertile woman is more attractive than the best-looking, unfertile one. Oh, well. I always wear a shawl I get cold. It also covers up a multitude of sins.

When I arrived at the library parking lot, all the spaces in the top one were taken. I considered using the loading dock's driveway but decided to try the bottom lot first. I could have parked against the locked fence to the DOE parking lot, but I had to back up, which was risky for me. All the spaces at the bottom were filled, so I parked in the area leading to the public lot of the farmers' market.

I was on time for the service. The folding chairs weren't set out again. I found one free wooden single chair. It was near where a Samoan family always sits. I asked if they would need the chair for members of their family who had yet to arrive. No, I should take it. I usually sit behind this family and watch their interactions. Today, I sat in front of them at a 90-degree angle. There are two young women. One is probably still in high school. They're sisters, and watching them interact was a blast. The family is connected and loving.

One member of their family always arrives late. He brings two preschool children with him. The sisters greet the girls warmly and interact with them. This is a family of devoted Catholics. The father is an usher. The mother is reverent during the service. The girls and young children are playful. No one objects.

After mass, I ran into the woman who asked me to tutor her granddaughter. She introduced me to third-grade K. Now, that was a surprise. Grandma is brown-skinned. This girl looked like Goldilocks. Not just white-skinned but blonde with blue eyes. What is the story here? Grandma has custody of the girl. K sees her mother twice a week.

When Grandma told K I would be tutoring her in reading, K made it very clear she didn't need help. I told her I would check. If she didn't, I would tell Grandma. That made her more relaxed immediately.

After church, I headed back to the library parking lot. The Samoan family gathered there, as they often do after church, right in front of my car parked today. The older man who serves as an usher greeted me. This gave me the opening I needed. I told him what a lovely family he had and asked him how everyone was related. He was the father of the two girls. I knew already who the mother was. One of the younger men was his son, one was his brother and the last was his wife's brother, the father of the two young children. I thought the father of the young children was of the same generation as the girls. The mother of the two young children never comes to church. I wonder what the story is there.

While I wanted to leave, two cars were parked behind mine. One of the girls said, "There's space on this side. You can slide through." I said, "Oh, no. I have accidents if I'm driving under five mph." They laughed. After a while, the son offered to move my car. His dad stepped in and said he would do it. As I handed him my purse with my key, which works remotely, someone came and got in the car right behind me. Once he moved his car, there was much more room to maneuver. I still had the dad move it. I don't trust myself.

I drove to Long's to check if the Herseys were restocked. They weren't, and I left for home. I went down for a midday nap, as usual. I spent most of the time meditating. I had an interesting switch. I focused on my heart. Grief is held in the heart. It changes the shape of the heart. It is possible to die of grief. I felt pain as I meditated on my heart. Following the dictates of Vipassana, I didn't call it pain but just observed sensation. It dissolved. I was happy to focus on my heart for the first time. A feeling of contentment followed. Lovely.

I have never been a heart-centered person. Others claim they are; they're not necessarily nice or loving people. I always saw myself as centered in the solar plexus. I don't know the significance of where one is centered. Centering my attention on my heart is new to me. I watch that space in myself as I go through the day. It allows for more feelings of contentment- at least for now. I wonder if focusing on the heart provides that. Do I get that feeling because of the work I've done on myself or because it is new? Will it help me be a less reactive person? I sure hope so. That would be nice.

At three pm, I met with Goldilocks. As her grandma said, her word recognition was good. She read fluently. She was able to retell the story. She ran into problems when I asked her to tell me what the story was about. I thought she would do fine, but she fell down when it came to abstract thinking. I was used to working with children who still needed to gain basic skills. Goldilocks is bright, aware, and articulate. It should be an easy fix. We'll see.

Later in the afternoon, I had second-grade M. In our last session, I noticed she didn't read accurately. Today, I gave her first-grade material and told her to tell her mind to 'see' every letter as she read. She made a few mistakes as she read but caught them herself and self-corrected. It was already much better than it had been last Monday. Was it just a bad day, or had she improved?

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Elsa didn’t go out the doggie door when I told her to again. She often comes when I call her and pops out. Sometimes, she doesn’t. I hope it means she already went out on her own.

I walked a somewhat different route today. I walked up Kukuna for one hundred eighty steps, up from one hundred twenty as usual. Then I walked down Kukuna almost to the dead end, but not to the end of the dead end. The road drops precipitously at that point. I didn’t think I had the energy to work my way back up such a steep incline when I had a long walk ahead of me. I love walking up Kukuna. The view of the mountain with the sun coming over the top is breathtaking. I usually turn off on Holoholo, a relatively flat road. Instead, I committed to walking up Kukuna. I would have hit a steep incline on ‘Ilau if I had gone the other way. However, my walk is all up and down a hill this way. Kukuna goes up for another half a mile from where I stop on the first leg of the walk. My street is at about one thousand feet. The top of Kukuna must be three to five hundred feet higher. It’s an impressive incline.

Damon called early this morning. I hadn’t heard from him in about two weeks, at least. The last time I remember him calling was Valentine’s Day, and that was only a voicemail. After talking for a while, my alarm went off, warning me to prepare for my nine am appointment with Mama K’s crew. I didn’t want to get off the phone with Damon. He would have to get off in fifteen minutes anyway. I texted Mama K to say I would be late today. I didn’t want to miss working with the kids, but I neither did want to stop talking with Damon.

We had one brief interruption as it was. As Damon was walking, he saw a hose with running water. Californians are trained to have an allergic response to running water, as they should with their perpetual drought conditions. He took a picture and sent it to his wife. She would track down the proper authorities to check on the situation. My best bet was they were draining their pool. Everyone in that neighborhood has a pool.

When I got off the phone with Damon, I checked my texts. Mama K had texted me to apologize. She was not home. She had to take her older daughter to volleyball. I had the day free to do some gardening and, of course, work on the updates.

Friday, March 3, 2023

I got up shortly before eight. When I usually get up at 5 am. I could have slept a lot longer. I fed Elsa before we walked. I couldn't ask her to wait until we got back. We only walked briefly this morning because I had to print tax forms. The law says all tax information should be distributed by the end of January. Large companies don't feel obliged to follow this rule. A company had sent some forms, but others come in late every year. Some forms contained new information, some updated information, and some were duplicates.

The company had already sent me a secure email. I still didn't see a download after going through the necessary loops to open the email. I emailed the company before I went to bed. It was there in my email in the morning. I printed it out. I tried to check which documents were duplicates and which were new. I thought I would save the accountant some work. I couldn't figure out what I was looking at. She was going to have to do it. When I saw the accountant, she thanked me for not trying to sort it out alone. Other clients do that and create problems.

I made several stops before I went home. First, I went to Long's to check if they'd restocked the Heresy's milk chocolate nuggets or kisses with almonds. Nope.

My next stop was the UPS store to drop off the Oofos sent to me in error. This was the third package of shoes I hadn't ordered. I do hope they find a way to stop this. The shoes they were sending weren't even in my size or style. I also dropped off some packing material. UPS recycles it.

I went to the bank to cash a check. There was a long line with only two clerks. I was in no hurry. I had my Kindle and a good book, Time of the Magicians, about the great philosophers in the early part of the twentieth century. After fifteen minutes, I was halfway through the line when my phone rang.

It was Shelly, my therapist/life coach. I thought she was on vacation this week. I left the line and sat in the car. I talked about how lonely I felt. It's bad because loneliness is an old, familiar feeling. I remember feeling it before my sister was born. I had hoped that her birth would bring relief. My mother was distressed when anyone related to another family member without her control. The only time I remember her being at peace was when we were all in the car together, each of us in our assigned place.

Ben finally called. He is the guy Fr. Lio assigned to glue the engraved granite plaque to the cement wedge. He planned to glue the wedges to the composite lava base and the plaque to the wedges. I told him to nix that idea. It would make it too heavy to move to get me into the grave after I died. He proposed taking the items home and working there. I told him each plaque weighed seventy-five pounds and each wedge at least two hundred. He groaned. He said he would rough up the undersides of the plaques to make it easier for the glue to work.

I had Adolescent D in the afternoon. Last Friday, when he wasn't feeling well, I started a new procedure. I modeled Phase I of the Phonics Discovery System, asking what the first sound in a word is and leaving a pause- time for his mind to answer the question- but not having him tell me what came to mind. Then, on Monday, I did a variation of modeling. I had him say "Yes" when he had something in mind or didn't and was ready for me to move on. At the end of that session, he said it was "engaging." Yes, that was the word he used. On Wednesday, I tried modeling Phase II using the same procedure I had used on Friday rather than the one I used on Monday. He zoned out. D does that when- I don't know all the reasons. It could be because he has trouble paying attention or freaks out whenever he doesn't know something. Today, I applied what I used on Monday to Phase II. It worked like a charm.

I can hear people saying, "But you have no idea if he's getting it right." I do know he's engaged. I know he will learn more if he is engaged than if he's not. I also know that making mistakes is part of the learning process. The only question is, is it more critical for him to be engaged or for me to know what he's learning? If the student is engaged, that's the best chance of getting the student to learn. Having a student learn to pay attention regardless of the stimulus is an important goal. I will work on that with D. He is not ready for that right now. I just want to ensure that he learns to read.

In addition to being engaging, this method reduces the stress on his ego. He doesn't have to worry about what I think if he gets something wrong. He can focus all his attention on what is being presented instead of spending energy defending himself from real or imagined criticisms. The only problem this doesn't solve is his attack on himself for failing to do it perfectly.

Thursday, March 2, 2023

I wasn’t tired at ten pm even though I didn’t have a nap during the day. I woke up around four and spent the rest of the night dozing. I didn’t get up at five-thirty when my alarm went off, but I did get up before six, my backup alarm. I only set the latter on Thursdays when we have driveway yoga at seven am.

Yesterday, It was very cold when I walked. I could have used gloves. It was minus six on Mauna Kea. Today, I was bundled up in fleece pants, a hoodie, and a jacket, and it was warm and muggy. Quite a switch.

I called Oofos as I walked. It may have been six am here in Hawaii, but Oofos is in Tennessee. They were open. I told the customer service clerk

I had another shipment of shoes I didn’t order. They weren’t even my size or style. This was the third shipment of shoes I hadn’t ordered. I asked them to determine what was happening so this snafu would stop. She emailed me another mailing label. I planned to drop the package off at UPS on Friday when I have an appointment with my accountant.

It was just Yvette, Scott, Casey, and me for yoga. Casey said he still couldn’t grasp that Jared, his husband, was dead. I said, “It will be four years tomorrow since Mike died, and I’m still having problems.”

I posted last year’s update on the public blog after yoga. Then I took a nap. I think grief is weighing heavily on me. When I sit with it, I get a relaxed calm. I can be content. You’d think it would make me immobile, but it doesn’t. I took care of some tax issues; I’m still compiling data. I need statements from the chiropractor and rehab. I made those calls.

I also straightened a messy area in the yard and sprayed my crepe bushes for an insect infestation.

I took out a yahrzeits candle for the fourth anniversary of Mike’s death tomorrow, March 3. I planned to light it at sunset and then forgot. Okay, better late than ever. I told Scott there was a candle burning on the kitchen counter and what it was for. He thought, what a great idea. I informed him this wasn’t mine but a Jewish tradition. I was reminded of the other part of that tradition, saying the Kaddish. I would do that tomorrow, too.