Mike's death; Betty's life...: 04/04/26

Saturday, April 4, 2026

Sunday, June 11, 2023

This entry and the next are short. I hadn't written the full update before June 13, when I fell and shattered my elbow and my shoulder, resulting in two operations, two weeks in the hospital, and three weeks of recovery at home with 24-hour care. The regular updates start up again on July 1.

Damon called to tell me the dates of his visit: August 9 through 15. That's longer than usual. He usually comes for four nights and five days. When Mike and I visited, we could never stay at his house for more than three nights. We had to move to a hotel if we wanted to stay longer.

Sometimes, communicating with someone can worsen things when you learn what they think about something, particularly you. What I love most about those situations is that there is no way to reconcile the two perspectives, and one party is unwilling to discuss them. In my experience, those people feel a loss of self if they allow themselves to understand the other person's point of view. There's not much I can do about that.

Saturday, June 10, 2023

It was a day of catching up on difficult events in my updates. I was so stressed by changes in my world that I couldn't concentrate. At some point, I can share what those changes were about. I can't at this point because I would be saying something negative about others, expressing my frustration. But things look like they're shifting. Communication is starting to happen. We may finally clear up years of misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

I had Adolescent D at two-thirty, making up for our missed session yesterday. No, he did not work independently on the driver's test. Why? He didn't know. He surrendered to the will of his unconscious mind. What a disaster!

We completed six items on the test in half an hour. When D misread words, I started saying the letters on the page and the letters of the words he said. He read skidding as skipping.

S-k-i-d is spelled with a final d the word skip is spelled s-k-i-p. While D may have misread the p as a d, it is more likely he chose a word he already knew. D didn't know the meaning of the word skid. I had to look it up to ensure I had the right nuance. To skid is to slide, primarily sideways. We got into a discussion on slip, skid, and slide. They have slightly different meanings in the dictionary, depending on the context. All those concrete images have to be categorized under a single definition. Which one?

D made a mistake and misapplied a phonics rule. I was thrilled. Misapplying information and making mistakes are part of the learning process. He remembered a phonics rule I had taught him, even if he had it wrong. Besides, it was an opportunity to reinforce a learning model where mistakes are part of the learning process.

I got him to extend the lesson. I wanted to pursue his submission to his unconscious mind. It was only last week that I could speak to him directly about the different voices/wills in his head. We all have different wills. D is not alone in this dilemma. I had him dialogue between his conscious and unconscious minds. It took some work to get it out of him. I gave him a variety of possible responses to prime him. This is what he had to say.

Conscious: I don't appreciate you. Well, truth be told. I have mixed feelings about you. Part of me doesn't like you because you don't want to work on things I want to. Part of me does like you because you can do stuff without me thinking about it.

Unconscious mind: If you really wanted me to do something, you'd make me do it.

This is a wonderful start. D's right, of course. We all want everything to be easy and to flow. The flow state is when our conscious minds are in sync with our unconscious minds, probably vibrating at the same rate while we do something concerning the outside world. We usually think of flow positively, but sadly, that's not always the case. It is the pursuit of it that often leads to pure evil as often as it leads to pure love. Oxytocin is produced when we celebrate with our tribe or kill others outside of our tribe. Both put us in an exalted state. Now to figure out how to help this boy take charge of his life.

B called. He often calls in the evening to bid me good night. He lets me know he's in for the night and watching out for me. Not that he would even hear me if I needed help. He lives in a separate building several hundred feet away. Both our bedrooms are on the far side of those buildings. There's no chance he could hear me, but it feels good anyway.

I rented The Princess Bride last night. I remember loving it when I saw it in the theater a million years ago. I heard interviews with the cast and decided to watch it again. However, it is so violent and mean-spirited that I couldn't stand it. I found it upsetting.

I heard the side door open, then B said, "It's me." He had a large container of comfort food, a delicious Philippine soup that someone had served at a party he had just attended.

Friday, June 9, 2023

I got up too late for a long walk, given I had to be at the dentist's office by 7:40. What was I thinking? We just went to the end of the block and came home. I fed Elsa and jumped in the shower. I was done just in time to make it.

The dental hygienist, Roxy, said my plaque didn't look too bad. It was what she would expect if I hadn't just brushed my teeth. However, she found several cavities. One was actually black. Holy cow! I used a soft plastic pic between my teeth, followed by a metal bristle pic, followed by flossing. Then, I brushed my teeth with an electric toothbrush. She pointed out things I needed to be doing. She also said I had twenty minutes after eating to clean my teeth before bacteria started feasting on them, particularly if I ate any form of carbohydrates. The dentist told me that brushing once a day for two minutes would remove all plaque, which is the culprit of tooth decay. Taking good care of our teeth is more challenging than it seems. Waving a toothbrush in the general direction of your teeth doesn't cut it. I left feeling confused, helpless, and depressed.

I planned to go to town after the dentist to deposit money in my local account to cover the cost of my new iPad Pro + before Visa pulled the money automatically from my account. As I was leaving, it occurred to me I had yet to take my required four antibiotic pills before the dental appointment. Roxy assured me I could take it within an hour after the dental work. I went home immediately and promptly forgot.

I had an appointment with Shelly at nine am. I lay down to get some rest before the session. The morning activity left me exhausted. I wanted to work on my residual fear. I had the phone in my lap and was ready to answer it when it rang. A few minutes in, I jumped up, "OMG! I forgot to take my antibiotic." I ran to the bathroom to get the pills. Shelly said, "Trust your immune system." What was she talking about? I had to take the pills because I couldn't trust my immune system. I asked her why she said it. She said to help me calm down. She was denying my reality. How could that help me calm down? She hadn't understood that my reason for taking it was the vulnerability of my immune system. My surgeon and doctor had said I would be vulnerable to infection for at least two years after the THR surgery. The muscles take that long to encapsulate the implant and shield it from bacteria. She assumed my response was unreasonable. She never asked. How can gaslighting me help me calm down? I don't get it. I planned to pursue this with her. If I can understand her point of view differently than I do, maybe I can develop more tolerance for that behavior. As I see it from my experience with my mom and Mike, they calmed me down because my upset upset them. They were basically saying, "Shut up!" Now, maybe they were justified. My hyperness triggered them. Mike got to a point where he was open about that, and I tried to respond. He would say, "Are you a safe part of my environment now?" He didn't do what my mom did, accuse me of doing or being something wrong.

I recently had an insight into why some people see me as selfish. I want giving to others to be a joy. I question the value of giving that benefits the receivers and the givers only suffer. There are situations where that is necessary. Some believe you can only determine the value of the giving by the suffering of the giver. You should always search to perform giving as an act of pure joy. What a privilege, what a delight to give to someone else. Seeing how someone else's mind perceives reality differently than yours is fun. What a pleasure to adapt and see how something suits you. Is it because I don't wear the mantle of martyrdom that people think I am selfish and self-centered? Judy says I have an unusual outlook. She doesn't know anyone else like me. I'm sure there are others. The downside is that I expect it to be a joy for everyone and for them to feel perfectly comfortable when I ask people to accommodate me.

I wanted to work on the fear my mother instilled in me as a child. My mother's behavior terrorized me as a child, meaning, well, no less; she gave a gift that keeps giving. Shelly always asks where the emotion manifests as feeling in my body. It was on the left side somewhere along the bra band. When I get scared, I contract at that point and shift my body weight over to the right, throwing my back out. This is a lifelong fear response. When Shelly asked me to describe it, I gave it a color, black, and a shape, long and narrow; texture, a bit like fluid steel without being hot. Shelly commented this was the first time I had given that much detail. Strangely, I had never done it before because I would ask the people I work with to describe the sensation with descriptions. Shelly said she sometimes asks her clients those questions. That leaves me wondering why she didn't do it with me. I thought of another reason it never occurred to me to do it. I'm trained in Vipassana meditation. You focus only on the sensation to resolve feelings, nothing else.

Shelly recommended I view this sensation as an implant. In other words, it is not part of me but something someone else inserted into me. I have never done well with this image. Everything we learn in an implant. It's a parent's job to implant their values, beliefs, and rituals in their children. It's that or nothing for the kids. That would leave children without knowing any rules for surviving in the social world. Children with mental disabilities manage to avoid these implants. That's not good. If I learned it, it's mine. My parents implanted their language in me. I learned German and English. I did not learn Japanese or Swahili. I don't feel that 'implant' is an imposition, an intrusion on who I truly am. Some of what my parents implanted was good, and some bad. That's the way it works. I doubt there is such a thing as a parent who implants only positive aspects. No one escapes the human condition. The best we can do is just the best we can do.

I asked Shelly why I should view a feeling as an implant rather than an aspect of self. It took a while to resolve that: to help me get some distance from the sensation. Feeling responsible for our bad feelings makes dealing harder. Distance is good. I have other ways of dealing with that than blaming someone else for my continuing limitations.

I switched my perspective. Instead of feeling it, I looked at it from the outside. I recognized that I got my fear from my mom. I called her the high priestess of fear. Fear worked for her; it got her through life successfully. She was a brave woman who took on challenging tasks that would have overwhelmed a lesser person. My mom was a piece of work; I was so proud of her- and grateful for the positive 'implants' in my life. That fear may have worked for her, but it is not working for me.

I focused on the physical image of my fear and saw its connection to my mother. I've seen it before. We all want people who vibrate at the same frequency we do. When the rhythm is off, the interaction feels like bumper cars. It doesn't feel good. She wanted her children on her frequency. Her frequency was one of fear. If I free myself from fear, will I lose all connection to my mom? I know she's been dead now for twenty-two years. What am I talking about? When I focus on people, alive or dead. Each one has their own frequency. I can identify them by it as much as I can by their faces or voices. Through it, I can still feel my connection to them. I can feel their presence in my life. It's a wonderful feeling. Fear was a big part of the frequency I shared with my mom. How can I maintain the connection without fear? How can I resolve this problem, keep the connection, and be free from fear? That's the question I sat with for the session and afterward. How can I get both? Some would say, "Impossible." There must be a way. Whatever, I'm going to continue looking for it. It may be my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but pursuing ideals has often worked enough for me to make it worthwhile.

I got this strange text from Adolescent D's mom apologizing for the unexpected changes in the schedule. They were adjusting to the summer routine. Huh? What was she talking about? Was there a change in plans for today? It was a few minutes before my scheduled class with D. Yes, there was a change. Okay, What was it/? Finally, I got a message from D saying he was in a class and couldn't meet with me. Could we reschedule? Sure, but it would have been nice if you had told me earlier. It was obvious that his mother had told him to tell me. Why didn't he? He will say he forgot. That's probably true. His short-term memory is worse than mine. I suffer from that problem; I make notes or do the task immediately. I compensate for my deficit. He has to learn to compensate for his disability to do well in the world.

Paulette called. Was I coming up to get water? Good timing. I picked up the blue bottles for the Kangen water. Elsa went ballistic. She leaped into the car. As usual, I let her out at the bottom of the long driveway. She charged up the hill. I giggle every time.

I had a lovely visit with Paulette. She was feeling somewhat better. The drainage tube was out of the infected area. She knew the cause of her cough: a post-surgical problem. The Waimea Hospital hadn't identified the problem. The staff at Kona Hospital, known as a poor hospital to be avoided at all costs, identified the problem and gave her the gadget to practice deep breathing. Her surgeon told her it would be two months before the surgical site's inflammation completely healed. This is what Sandor reported happened to him. Oh, boy.

Scott played with Elsa while she rolled on the kitchen floor. He commented on how red her belly was. When I checked this morning, it didn't seem too red. I thought she was doing okay. I guess not. That redness indicates inflammation. It was late in the day. The sun was close to setting, but it was warm out. I threw her in the kitchen sink and bathed her. She's a good girl with this. We did our evening walk right afterward. It was starting to rain as we walked just to the end of Nehiwa before I turned around to head home. Elsa stopped to smell something. When I turned around, I saw Lutz coming around the corner. I walked back toward him to walk together until I got to my driveway. There was no way I was going to make my 10,000 today.

I was exhausted by the end of the day but didn't want to go to bed too early. I watched the end of a Netflix movie called Stromboli. It's not terrible, but it's a bit of an overblown psychological drama about recovery from sexual violence.

Thursday, June 8, 2023

I set an early alarm because we were supposed to have driveway yoga this morning. I was out the door before six am. I didn't go as far up Kukuna because I was concerned I would get home too late. I ran into a woman I had met once before. I didn't recognize her, but she remembered me. When she told me her name, Laurie, I remembered. She lives around the corner with her children, Christine and Noah. I was a little confused. I was thinking of an adult couple; was she thinking of children? We stood and talked for a while. I recommended we continue on our walk together. I got a few more steps in than I might have, passing my house to walk with her instead of going in.

I got home at twenty of seven- plenty of time. I completed the Wordle puzzle and the NY Times mini for the day and got to work writing a response to a letter that had been weighing on me. I was focused on writing the letter, knowing I would be called when the class would start. When I checked the time, it was seven twenty-two. I checked my phone. Yvette had texted at six twenty-six. It would still have been too late to get my full walk in.

I got an email from a friend in England who keeps up with my updates and periodically responds. Today, she gave me information about herself for the first time. She developed a heart condition two years ago, which slowed her down considerably. She's still getting used to the new normal. She's still relatively young; she must be in her fifties. We didn't know each other well before she moved back to England. She was the wife of one of my old students. While my student and I maintained contact for years, we are no longer in touch. Ironically, I do maintain contact with two of his ex-wives. He has good taste in women. They're all powerhouses, solid and capable.

I had two sessions today, both fascinating. I had a session with Mama K's crew. Twin A was first. She's the one reading at a third-grade level with support. I can't imagine she will progress at the rate she has been. She read the passage better than she had. Some of it was recalled from her previous readings. However, she reads more of the passage with each session. The new sections are unfamiliar. In the passages we had already read, she had to decode the multi-syllable words from scratch again. I had to remind her of the syllable structure and its implications. She had trouble remembering the c before i made an /s/ sound. I introduced thinking of it as two sets: if the c is followed by the e, i, or y, it equals the /s/ sound. If the c is followed by an a, o, or u, it equals a /k/ sound. I drew two circles.

ck= /s/ c=/k/

ce, ci, cy ca, co, cu

I wrote cat. Does cat belong in group one or two? She got the group right but not the sound. I created sets that she would be familiar with using her immediate family versus her extended family. She seemed to get that. When I asked her questions about the relationships in her family, she couldn't answer. Twin E overheard, and she answered the question. Is Twin E's thinking skills possibly much better than Twin A's? We'll see.

Next, I worked with Twin E. It's like she was trained in the Whole Language method of reading and took it to heart. She can't recognize words she has seen before but can remember the story. She infers words from their first letters and misreads the text, using different words with the same meaning. I asked her if she worked on saying the words that were right for the story instead of saying the words as written on the page. Yes. Okay. I removed the story from Screen Share so she couldn't see it. Instead, I 'read' the text to her, sounding out each phoneme and having her identify the word as I had done with Kindergarten Steven. She stumbled at first and then got the drift. I could feel her brain work differently as she did it. Then, I had her reread the passage. She read it accurately. Same goal; new approach.

The girls both reported that fourth-grade K was still asleep. I left the Zoom meeting and called their mom to arrange to meet with him later. She said he was up and could get on now. I sent another Zoom invitation. I asked him more questions about his feelings about reading. How did he feel about reading on a scale of 1 to 10? A five. How did he feel about video games, which he played a lot? A 9. That was a surprise. What was a 10? Playing with his friends at the beach. Wow! That was good news. His mom takes him and the girls to the beach as often as possible. She always has. She figures they can get their energy out that way. They also are away from electronics, getting exercise, and relating to friends face to face. It's a winning situation.

I couldn't get a clear picture of how he felt about reading. He would refer to reading out loud in class, but since he wasn't doing that with me, it wasn't relevant. I opened a reading selection. I had meant to download more stories on a fourth-grade level since he seemed overwhelmed with the work we did in our last session, but I had forgotten to do it. Instead, I decided to work on the fifth-grade story one paragraph at a time.

"What do we do now?" asked Gavin. It was his first time camping, and he expected a long, boring night. He and Eric had finished dinner, and it was only six-thirty.

I asked him questions. Where does the story take place? Who are the characters? How does Gavin feel about camping? Do you think Gavin has been camping before? How does Gavin feel about the camping? What do you think is going to happen in the story?

K had no problems answering the questions. It took me a while but realized I had sent K mixed messages. When I started working on comprehension, he would answer what he thought would be good without conforming to the text. He had a better story in his mind. I broke him of that habit. Then, he would quote the exact words of the text in response to questions and not infer or imagine. I have to teach him when to zig and when to zag.

Later in the day, I had adolescent D. I found a 'cheat sheet' for the Hawaii Driver's Test online. It's all electronic. You answer the question, and it tells you if you got it right or wrong. Fantastic! It's like one of his video games. It's easy to do and uses the correct study strategy according to Make It Stick; he has to constantly test himself. He can do this on his own easily. Would he? Probably not. I asked him if his conscious or unconscious mind said, "No." It was his unconscious mind. Why does he live as a slave to his unconscious mind? Why doesn't his conscious mind have any power? At least we're at a point where he knows the difference between his conscious and unconscious thoughts and feelings.

At the end of the session, I spent a few more minutes with him and started a dialogue between his conscious and unconscious mind. Here's the result after a few minutes.

Unconscious mind: If you really wanted me to do something, you'd make me do it.

It sounds like an excellent description of the inner conflict we have all experienced. With D, the unconscious mind is always dominant. At best, he won't make an effort to work independently. At worst, he will refuse, claiming the assignment is 'weird.' His future prospects are scary. Is there something wrong with his prefrontal lobe? Is this something he was born with, or is it undeveloped because he hasn't used it?

Wednesday, June 7, 2023

When I checked Elsa this morning, her skin was free of that rosy glow that indicated inflammation. That poor girl! She deserves a better human.

The scale said 146.5 this morning. I remember it being at 145 yesterday, but I didn't record it. Yesterday, I only had 12 Hersey's milk chocolate nuggets with almonds. The weight increase was from the fruit salad I had yesterday. I have a worse reaction to fruit than to poor-quality chocolate. Go figure!

As I turned onto Kukuna from Nehiwa to head up the hill, I ran into Janice. We have known each other since I volunteered at Kealakehe Elementary School. She has since retired from teaching. I often saw her walking with another woman. Lately, I have seen her walking alone. Her walking buddy has been on the mainland tending to her ailing sisters. They seem to be in need, one after another. It would be nice to walk with Janice. I know she would appreciate a walking buddy, and so would I, but it would have meant missing my climb this morning. My legs were doing so well I didn't want to forgo it.

When I posted last year's update onto the blog, I was reminded that THR can go wrong; any surgery can. A friend of Yvette's has dropsy as a result. She can't stand without a brace. Her profession requires her to stand for many hours. I'm not in bad shape. The doctor said I could easily go another five years. I'm not in pain. I wasn't in pain with my left hip. I had a limited range of motion and limped, but I wasn't in pain. I want to do the THR on my right hip now because of my age, my overall good health, the surgeon, and I have the money to pay for my health insurance. It doesn't cost me much. All I had to pay was $300 last year; that's it. I love Kaiser. I love the Kaiser doctors I have met.

Yesterday, I posted the following on Facebook to promote The Phonics Discovery System work.

Teachers and Parents:

Do you want a fun way to teach phonics using exploration and discovery instead of endless deadening drills? Check out The Phonics Discovery System on YouTube. It's surprisingly engaging and effective.

When I checked it this morning, I found at least four errors in spacing, spelling, and word choice. It's not the best advertisement for my expertise.

Walking up almost to the top of Kukuna was a breeze. I walked nearly 5,000 steps before I got home. I ran into Michael again as he was heading up the hill, and I was coming down.

Michael is visiting from England. He does work for some folks who live a few blocks from here. I have yet to find out what it is. I am curious. This morning, he asked me if I had had a haircut. You'd better believe it. He said I looked much younger. I have felt bedraggled. I hadn't attributed it to my hair but to my state of mind, which was not good. It was a lovely boost.

I was supposed to have Adolescent D at 2 p.m. I called to let him know I was on. He told me he was at a friend's; could we do it later? When? 7:30 p.m. That's not a great time for me. I reminded him to tell me ahead of time. I'm generally free, but not always.

I left to do some chores. As my friend Carol recommended, I locked Elsa in my bedroom with its tiled floor. Knowing Elsa, I figured she'd do her business right on my side of the bed just to let me know who's boss. We'll see. When she comes out, she'll go to the lanai and do her business on the carpet.

My first stop was Kaiser to get the latest vaccine booster shot. After that, I drove to town to drop off the glass bottles at the Atlas recycling center. I had emptied out our whole trash barrel. I didn't want to drive around with that much glass in my car longer than I had to. Next time, I'll take it all down at once. I got $5 for it. I just donated it to the homeless. I assume the folks there keep it. They can't be making that much money. However, B told me he had taken down a collection of cans once and had collected $80. That's nothing to sneeze at.

I was about to head home when I thought I would stop at Jack Be Click around the corner to speak to Bailey. Brian argues that I'm defeating my electronic systems using two different operating systems, Apple and Microsoft. Things would operate more smoothly if I used only Apple or Microsoft. Brian loves Apple products; he finds them more reliable. Scott has taken it upon himself to research which iPad would be best for me. If the computer's memory is too low, Zoom won't operate well. Instead of asking Brian, who seemed fed up with me, I stopped to ask Bailey.

I have called Brian repeatedly to tell him I get messages that my WIFI connection is unstable. He checks his equipment and assures me all is good on his end. He has made it plain he is sick and tired of me calling in a panic every time there is a fluctuation in the middle of a Zoom meeting. Now, Scott is on the job. He has had the same experience with my Internet connection. When my WIFI glitched, his WIFI immediately switched to Yvette's downstairs. Hers glitches, too, but not as much as mine. Scott is trying to figure out what is going on. There are dramatic fluctuations in the strength of the signal. It varies from spot to spot in the house and from minute to minute. Brian has told Scott that's how it works. If that's the case, why didn't he tell me? Scott sees Brian as low-key and quiet. I see Brian as restrained impatience.

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

I did the daily NY Times Wordle and mini crossword puzzles. It's becoming the first thing I do in the morning. If I'm frustrated, I'll check out Tom's hints. There's only so much of a challenge I'm willing to deal with.

I left shortly after 8:30 to make it for my 9:15 haircut appointment. I had time and stopped at Atlas Recycling to drop off Coke bottles. The workers were unloading a truck filled with large glass and aluminum containers—it must have been from a restaurant. Another woman was waiting her turn with a smaller truckload. I decided I'd come back after my haircut appointment.

I arrived just at 9:15. The door was locked. It had been the last time I had an early appointment. I knocked; no answer. I walked across the parking lot to get out of the hot sun and wait. No Randee. I heard my phone bing and checked for messages. Josh sent one about the controversy about how to teach reading. I listened to the Sold a Story podcast. I knew all about it. Here, I had a method of teaching phonics that would satisfy both camps, and no one would listen to me. Of course, some people in either camp will only listen to something consistent with their adopted point of view.

When I responded to the Bing, I saw Josh's text and one from Randee. Could I please come at 9:30 instead of 9:15? It was too late. I went to the car, turned on the air conditioning, and rested. I was already exhausted. I didn't know if I was more distraught by unsatisfying interpersonal relationships, my frustration with getting the reading techniques I developed widely used, or getting more clients. Everyone and his brother have gone into tutoring.

Randee looked great. She wore her hair short with bangs and completely natural. It's her color and her curls. I always enjoy seeing her. She told me wonderful stories about her three sons. The best was how her eighteen-year-old came up behind her, hugged her, told her he loved her, and wanted to help her pay her mortgage. What a gift for a parent to receive. Randee says she doesn't want to depend on her children when she's old. Those old folks are the best ones to take care of. She also thinks she will be taking care of her parents at the end of their lives. It's not an immediate concern for anyone.

I stopped at Safeway to pick up cream cheese. I asked Judy if she could pick some up for me yesterday. We had a long talk about getting it at Costco or Target. Salivating from our talk, I went home and defrosted a bagel and some Lox for dinner, forgetting I didn't have cream cheese. I called Judy to ask if she had some. She had a package and a half. She gave me half. I thoroughly enjoyed my bagel with cream cheese sprinkled with Costco's Everything bagel spice mix, some delicious tomatoes, and a good slathering of Lox. Yum! It never fails to please.

Besides the cream cheese, I picked up one 10 oz bag of Hershey's Milk chocolate nuggets with almonds. Safeway's was a good dollar cheaper than Long's, so I have to keep that in mind.

I went to the produce section, picked up some bananas, and looked for mushrooms. Lutz is pushing the medicinal value of mushrooms. I picked up some oyster mushroom fragments. The white button mushrooms didn't go well with me. I found a display I thought was mangoes. I asked the guy stacking another display if they were. Earlier, I had confused papaya with mangoes. He said, "No, they're oranges!" Huh! I thought he was serious, and he seriously confused me. I had never seen oranges that looked like that before. He was commenting on my ignorance. Not recognizing mangoes would have been bad enough if I were a tourist, but I was a ten-year resident with three mango trees on my property. Those two small mangoes cost over six dollars. I suspect they weren't from the island. I'm going to try the farmers market by the church on Sundays. That makes more sense.

I didn't stop at Atlas on the way home. I couldn't find where to bring the Coke bottles to redeem them for five or ten cents. Atlas deals with them like any other glass bottles—no special treatment. In that case, I would load the car with all the remaining bottles before stopping there. I wasn't sure if I would keep the money I got for myself or donate it to the homeless—the guys who work at Atlas.

My next stop was at Kaiser. Melissa told me a new vaccine was out to protect from viruses milling about. It wasn't available before she left for her stint in the Australian outback as a volunteer OB-GYN/surgeon, but it was when she returned. I didn't have the energy to wait for the shot, but I thought I could make an appointment. No appointment was needed, but the clinic was only open on Wednesdays. I would come back tomorrow.

When Melissa visited the other day, she spoke about an FDA-designer drug that had just been withdrawn from the market because it proved ineffective. So often, the tried-and-true, inexpensive drugs are the best. I asked her why she was so enthusiastic about the vaccines. She said she read the research and saw it was effective with only a few short-term side effects. I was glad I asked. People get worked up about the possible side effects. As one doctor said, unrelated to the vaccines, there are no drugs without potential side effects. It's always a possibility. I planned to go down to Kaiser tomorrow to get my updated vaccine.

I was going to stop at Costco to check out iPads. Brian and Scott say I would be better off with only Apple products than switching back and forth. Also, my Surface Pro is giving me some problems. These tech toys wear out quickly. They don't make anything like they used to.

When I got home, I worked on the updates and napped. I thought I'd only sleep one hour, but my alarm went off for my 2 p.m. appointment with Adolescent D. I had slept two hours.

A while ago, I told Adolescent D that they would discover a solution to his learning problems at some point in his life. It's unclear exactly what his problem is, whether one or multiple. He has an auditory processing problem; is it exclusively neurological, combined neurological and phycological, or just phycological? He has a memory problem; is it a poor working memory, where he can't store information in his short-term memory? If he can't do that, there is no way he can get it into long-term memory. Or is the problem coordinating short-term and long-term memory? Is it a result of a sleep disorder? Memories are consolidated and downloaded into long-term memory as we sleep. Does he have a seizure disorder? Seizures reset the brain, erasing whatever may have been in short-term memory or perhaps even erasing memories recently sent to long-term memory.

Today, I heard a talk about treating memory problems. The experimenters were targeting folks with Alzheimer's, not youngsters with memory problems. Suppose they find an effective solution to memory problems in older people. In that case, everyone else will also find a way to use it.

They've discovered that items go into long-term memory when short-term and long-term memory are in sync, vibrating at the same frequency. I will use this information to help D and Twin E with their memory problems.

Given that D's problem may be with auditory processing, I encouraged him to listen to the 5 Stories YouTube video at night. He said he listens to other things, such as podcasts on neurology. Interesting! I told him that might give him some information about his problem, but the information alone won't fix it. The 5 Stories audio file might.

I also learned that he can have the Hawaii Driver's Test read to him. No, he didn't know. I told his mother I would check into it; she already knew. Why didn't she tell us? I don't get it. I encouraged him to use Google Reader to review all the items to study for the test. My guess is he won't know how to study. So far, when we review the test questions, he does pretty well.

However, we would use the test material to continue working on his reading. Hopefully, we can get him to another grade level over the summer. I mostly acted as a coach, reminding him to use the strategies I had taught him. I could press a button with the announcement, "Decode every syllable separately, one at a time, before you blend them." If it's a three-syllable word, he tries to figure it out after he's decoded the first two. It's too much information for him to carry. He sometimes misses the last syllable and mashes up the whole word, switching sounds from place to place.

I proposed making an answer sheet for the Hawaii Driver's Manual. Then I have to teach him how to study. Don't look at the answer sheet before you figure out the answer yourself. I'm reading Make It Stick, which is about how memory works. They write about how people confused recognition with recall. They read and reread the same material but don't test themselves. You will know if you have learned the material if you test yourself. It won't stick.

I hadn't bathed Elsa in three days. I felt a few lesions this morning, and her belly was pink today instead of white. Here it was, the end of the day, and I hadn't done it yet. I bit the bullet and put her in the sink. Really! It doesn't take that much time. When I bathe her every other day, five minutes with the soap on is all she needs. I can do that.

Monday, June 5, 2023

I ran into Tammy this morning on my walk. I hadn't seen her for two months. I knew she would be gone; she and her husband rented an apartment in Paris. I was concerned about her. She tended to be an "is that all kind of person," always expressing disappointment. But no! She had a wonderful time and was glad to be back. Two months was a long time to be away from home.

I had Mama K's crew at 8:15 this morning. They signed in on time, but Mama K had to call me this morning to say they were ready. Usually, I have to follow up to ask what's going on.

I started with Twin E. OMG! This was a bad day. She couldn't remember the most familiar words. She decoded everything. I tried to push the automatic processing, but it went nowhere. I backed up. When she missed a word, I sounded the phonemes and had her figure out the word as I had done with Kindergarten Steven. She had trouble with that, too. How am I going to get this girl off the dime?

Then, I worked with Twin A. These girls are identical. I asked their mom how she told them apart. She didn't say it was easy. She listed some features that were slightly different. If I haven't told you already, they're both gorgeous in unassuming ways.

With Twin A, I worked at a third-grade level. She's moving along slowly. Slowly is good; we'll get there. We finished reading the whole passage today. Her only serious glitch was decoding ci as /ic/. I even gave her the sounds. When she heard the /i/ was long, she tried ice. Holding letters in the correct order is still a challenge.

Fourth-grade K was still asleep. I made arrangements to work with him at 10 a.m. and spent the hour meditating. However rattled I am, meditation calms me. It helps me find workable solutions to thorny problems and gives me the courage to take the necessary risks to make things better. Of course, those risks sometimes turn into miserable failures.

K came to the session. I had prepared fifth-grade material for him because of his improvement and his declaration that he found thinking fun. Reading comprehension demands thinking. It is fun.

He asked if we could work on math; it had been a while since we'd done any. I asked him what he wanted to work on. He said times table. I wondered if he was having trouble with them. Nothing. Then I asked if he wanted to work on math because he liked it, had trouble with it, or didn't want to work on the reading. He wanted to avoid the reading. It was too hard; it wasn't fun. I roared.

Getting information as to the exact problem was maddening. If K had been an adult, I would have concluded he had a mental illness. But kids are often that way. They can't identify the problem, so they throw something at the wall and see what sticks. He kept talking about not liking reading in front of the rest of the class. Did he feel that way reading with me? No. Then what was the problem doing the work with me? You get the idea. We went round and round and round again.

He was afraid of making a mistake. Was he afraid of making mistakes when he played video games? No. Why? He can try again. What was the difference between making a mistake in class and making a mistake in a video game? I was thinking of the difference between doing it with an indifferent machine versus other people who pass judgment; it's not a single mistake. The difference is enormous. I understand the difference better through this encounter. The video game only judges that single action- not your ability to perform it. That is a huge difference. I would like to know if there is something I can do to help students see their interaction with me that way. I wonder if it's possible. It's not just my input that counts. They know I'm a person and not a machine. Their nervous systems are designed to respond to that difference.

I called the church to thank them for posting the ad and to pay. They said they needed to determine the price and would get back to me.

I tried to call Judy or Paulette to see how Paulette was. No answer. Elsa and I walked up there. Paulette sat in her easy chair, and Judy was on the sofa. Judy looked so much better than she had been. She'd been looking frazzled. When I said that, she said, "You think?" While she claims to never feel fear, she does admit to worrying. She has a mental outlook that everything is going to be okay. She had colon cancer. It never occurred to her that she wouldn't be alright, even when she needed a second surgery because of an infection. It didn't occur to her that she could have died until a doctor flew in from Oahu to tell her personally that she was one of God's chosen. She was completely cancer-free. That rarely happens. Judy also nearly died of sepsis. Never gave it a thought until afterward. These two girls have been entertaining me with their medical mishaps. Fortunately, they are God's chosen and recover.

I visited with them for a while. Elsa spent the whole time looking for a toy mouse. She found a tennis ball and tried it but gave up soon. It wasn't as much fun as the mouse,

I walked up there because I wanted to make sure Judy knew that the dispatcher at the fire department said to definitely call 911 if Paulette had trouble breathing as she did the other night. Judy said she would drive her to the hospital if she had difficulty but hadn't been specific. When I asked her, she said, "Oh, no. if Paulette had trouble breathing like the other night, I would have called 911." It was a great relief to see Paulette looking okay, knowing the worst of her ordeal was behind her. She was no longer in danger. However, total recovery will take a while. Sandor said it took him two months to recover from a similar experience. Judy said it took her six weeks to recover from her sepsis. Paulette was only borderline sepsis. She got medical care in time.

I finally texted one of the teachers who expressed interest in my reading method. I recommended that she watch my YouTube videos on The Phonics Discovery System Phases I &II and then speak to me so I can help her figure out how to use them in her class. She texted back that she was on the mainland till mid-June. She would watch the videos and contact me when she got back. We'll see. I've learned not to hold my breath. It's too easy for us to let life activities get in the way.

I watched something called Dirty Grandpa with Robert DeNiro for five minutes. OMG! Who wrote this script, an eleven-year-old? I have heard DeNiro is hard up for money and will do anything. This was humiliating.

Sunday, June 4, 2023

I weighed 146 lbs and had eaten 20 Hershey's milk chocolate nuggets yesterday. Among other problems, this is getting to be an expensive indulgence. The price for a 10 oz bag was under five dollars; now, it's close to $10. How's that for a price increase?

As I always do, I sat on the south lanai for mass today. I enjoy it. I prefer the folding chairs over the slated wooden ones. They're harder on my tush.

I found my tutoring ad in the church bulletin. I always check the ads, but I don't know if anyone else does. I'm not counting on it, but I figured I'd be contributing to the church, at least.

Sandor was the deacon of the mass. I went to say hello to him afterward. He said he had my lemon-flavored cod liver oil bottle in his car. Judy came to say hello. She told him Paulette had been in hospital. Sandor asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?" When we told him the problem, he told us his story. He had had a huge boil or cyst, too. He was bitten by a spider on an airplane. He said the infected area blew up to the size of a CD and went through to the bone. His was lanced and drained as Paulette's has been. She already said she thought it was from a bite. Sandor's story supports her theory. Her infected area was also huge. Sandor said it took him two months to recover completely. Wow!

I stopped at the transfer station to drop off another load of glass bottles. A woman dumping her load said, "You know you can get money back for those Coke bottles." No, I didn't. Hmm! When I got home, I picked all the Coke bottles out of the trash barrel filled with glass bottles. I couldn't fit all of them into my small kitchen trash container. The next load will be the non-Coke bottles.

I stopped at Costco before I headed home. It was crowded. It was a day when they put flats of popular items in the aisles. The employees were running around clearing the shelves of emptied boxes as quickly as they could. When I went into the produce room, I noticed they reconfigured it. It was wider. Walking up and down the aisles, I only saw one sample table with food, a salad dressing. I love the samples; it is just enough to slake my hunger. The wait at the checkout counter was all right.

When I got home, I noticed several baskets of tools sitting on the front walk. Huh? Were these Scott's? I assumed so; I hoped so. Yes, he was going to a friend's to help repair something.

I plugged in my car the moment I got home. The weather forecast this morning said no rain for the day. They were wrong. Around two pm, it started to pour. It was raining too hard to run out and unplug the car. I don't like charging it unless the solar output exceeds the house usage. Why waste money when you don't have to?

I found a wet spot on the lanai carpet. This peeing on the lanai is new. It started when Elsa started using the doggie door in the morning. We had a love fest before, and I hugged and kissed her as I checked for lesions. She could easily use the doggie door when she needed to. She was used to using it. I'd even heard her using it on her own. So what's this about? Everyone's saying she's doing it because she's angry at me. Does she think she has me by the short hairs since it's clear I love her? Damn!

I got a Yoga-Go session in today. They're perfect for me. I get a full range of motion quickly without too much strain. It's not that it wouldn't be better for me to strain; I avoid doing it- except when I walk.

I participated in a Gokhale free seminar the other day. I love everything about this woman's work. I love her perspective. Don't exercise; modify your daily movements so you're healthier. She challenges several concepts of what people can accomplish with their bodies. She thinks anything is possible. She is modest in her presentation, and she loves doing the work. She learns as she teaches. Just participating in a workshop makes me feel good. I must have heard everything she has to say already. I read her book and have taken several of her free online workshops. They're like AA meetings. Each time you hear the story, you hear something else. You get a boost of enthusiasm to help you start again. It's a wonderful community because of her leadership. She provides the model I would love to duplicate in promoting my methods for teaching reading.