Sunday, April 3, 2022

 Sunday, April 3, 2022

    I liked being alone yesterday. My sadness lifted at the end of the day. Grief came in waves. Deep and agonizing, then gone. I welcomed the relief. 

   I had another good night's sleep. It was finally starting to get light in the morning. As the days get longer, the greater change occurs at sunset, with less change at sunrise. I don't know if that is only true for Hawaii or if this is a universal fact. I just checked it. It's universal. 

    I drove myself to church this morning for the 9am mass and saw Judy's car sitting at the front of the church. I left about 5 minutes after she did. When I arrived, the cars were backed up, getting into the parking lot. I made a U-turn and headed for the library parking lot. There's a walkway from their parking lot to the church. Judy got a spot quickly when she arrived.

    Sitting two rows in front of us was a family of five. At the end of mass, I confided to Judy that I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the relationships. She had done the same. Which was the mother? How many were adolescent kids? What was the relationship of the man to the family members? Managing to catch glimpses of the faces, I concluded there were two kids. The mother didn't look much older. The second woman was the grandmother, and the man on the far left was her husband, the kids' grandfather. I had no explanation for why the two kids, both teens, didn't receive the Eucharist when all the adults did. Judy disagreed with my analysis. As we were leaving, she positioned herself to get a good look at one of the women to check out her age. Once she did, she agreed with my conclusion.

   I stopped at Ace Hardware. It's so much easier to shop there than at Home Depot. I looked for tape to secure the plexiglass to the screen to set up the portable air conditioner in the guest room. Damon plans to come in May. The air conditioner must be set up. Scott said to get Gorilla tape rather than duct tape.   In the front of the store was a display of Flex Tape, something I had never seen before. I saw an employee. I asked which was better, Flex-Tape or Gorilla tape. She said they were about equal. I asked about duct tape. She made a face. I threw two five-foot rolls of Flex Tape in my cart and went to find shammy cloths to wipe down my car. The shammy cloths ran in the twenties. My car wasn't that precious. I picked up two $6 terry cloth mitts. 

  When paying for my items, I discovered the price of the Flex tape. Wow! Close to $30. I parked my cart and checked on the Gorilla tape. I went to check on the price of the Gorilla tape. It was much cheaper, but they only had it in silver. The Flex Tape was transparent. I settled on the Flex Tape.

    I stopped at Target for salsa and, hopefully, a doggy brush. The one I had disappeared. It must be in the house, but where? 

   Because Target did have a doggy hairbrush, I didn't have to stop at Petco and went straight home and napped. I didn't have any sessions today. The M &W sisters canceled because of a basketball tournament. They also canceled for Monday because mom had to pick up her dad from the airport. 

    I drove to Judy and Paulette's to pick up more Kangen water. When Paulette turned around to let Elsa in, she discovered Aya, Adam, and Jazzy's new labradoodle at her door. Adam and Jazzy there were out; Jazzy at a birthday party with the kids; Adam playing golf with Otto. Paulette wanted to confine Aya till someone came home and could bring up a leash. She had gotten out when she shouldn't. I once found her running on the road. Whenever I picked up more water, I spend time visiting Paulette. It's a wonderful respite from my solitude. 

    Elsa came in with me. Aya and Elsa had worked on setting boundaries in the two previous meetings. Elsa would growl at Aya when she got too pushy. Aya would back off. Today, Elsa actually snapped at her, possibly nipping her on her face. Paulette and I figured out Elsa felt Aya was after the cat's toy mouse, which Elsa had claimed. Paulette picked it up and put it out of her reach to keep her calm. While Aya whined briefly, she looked okay.

   Damon wrote an email rather than calling. He had Covid. His voice was raspy, and he wasn't up to calling. 

   In the Orton Gillingham method, you focus on the consonant letters to determine where to divide words into syllables. In The Phonics Discovery System, you focus on the vowels and aim to make every syllable look like it could be an English word. The latter has fewer rules and fewer to remember. 

   My loss of Mike changed my perspective and forced me to see my mother-in-law's loss in a new way, well, possibly. She complained she was alone. I said, "You have your children." She said, "They're married to other people." Her response freaked me out. I understood her to want that kind of relationship with Mike. She did have boundary issues. My interpretation may still bear some truth. However, I understand her complaint in a new way.  

    With my loss of Mike, I'm not number one for anyone. When Mike was alive, I was always on his radar, and, just as significantly, he was always on mine. In case of emergency, he was no longer a possible source of support any more than my legs were a 'possible' source of my support. He was a given. I didn't have to ask. I didn't have to wonder. I knew if there was any way he could be by my side, he would be. I had the privilege of being the same way for him. I know some couples don't function that way. Wow! So sad. Being linked together like that was wonderful. We always knew there was a loving, caring person to count on. Boy, I miss that. Not having it makes me feel so alone. Reality. It's not that there aren't people in my life willing to give support, assistance, and help. It is just that support, assistance, and help are not a given.