Wednesday, June 24, 2020

    I went to bed very late last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie The Healer (2018). It is a feel-good movie. Ah! Enough of TV shows showing crazy cops chasing crazy criminals. 

    I must have slept right through my alarm this morning. When I went to bed, I gave myself permission to sleep later. None the less I woke up around 7 and headed out with Elsa. I suffered from urinary urgency again this morning, but it was not as bad as yesterday. Our walk was just up and down and up and down our street to be on the safe side. I stopped each time I passed the house to go to the bathroom. Because I didn't take Elsa's leash off when I stopped by the house, she waited for me to leave again. I had never done that before, but she intuited the plan. I managed to get 5,500 steps in. My gait was more symmetrical today.

    I continued listening to TED talks as I walked. I also called Dorothy. I love calling her whenever even several times a day. So far, she hasn't objected. Unlike Judy, she usually answers her phone. Judy puts her phone down and then doesn't hear it ring. Maddening. She did order an earbud. Then she won't need to find her phone – unless she takes it out and leaves that somewhere, too. She did order one, but it didn't hold a charge. The brand she ordered is known for that problem. She ordered a new one.

    I worked on the updates. I also called the adjuster from Progressive. She told me that the extra charge for the Ford was due to Mike's accident with a rental car when visiting Maui. I want to know the name of the rental agency. Mike and I always got insurance whenever we rented a car. Why, then, would we be charged extra on our car insurance? How did Progressive even find out about it? I have another question for Progressive. Since the increased premium was because of an accident a driver had rather than the car, does it make a difference that that driver is no longer on the insurance? No less, no longer alive?    I called the adjuster to get the name of the rental company. Now, I have to get the bill out of them to see if Progressive was charged.

    My therapist/life coach from Ohio called. I told her how I've been feeling, blah. It is mainly about the political situation. Everyone is upset; we see everything from opposite perspectives. My problem is not being able to run away from the horrible reality of how black people are treated, particularly black men—this is malicious treatment. One guy was shot in the back for running away from the policeman. Was he resisting arrest? Yes. The policeman wanted to arrest him because he wanted to walk home while drunk rather than accept a ride from the police. I have sympathy for the police, who have to fear for their lives in their jobs. How about some sympathy for this poor black man who had good reason to suspect he would be in worse shape if he surrendered to the arrest than if he ran. He panicked, too. And the only weapon the man had in his hand was the policeman's taser. Remember, he was running away, not charging the police officer. The police are seriously undertrained. 

    I have a long history of low tolerance for contempt and cruelty. I have friends who refuse to watch movies with me because they know I will leave a room when the going gets rough. I've been known to charge up the aisles of movie theaters in an involuntary run. 

    It drove Mike nuts. He would say, "It's a movie. It's not real." I would say, "The behavior represents a possible behavior of human beings." I can't stand seeing it, even thinking about it.  

    I am more disturbed by my internal problems than what is happening in the world. I can be calm and accepting of what may occur when there is political upheaval as things become more equal among people. It's not that I will like the impact. It's that I understand what caused the change was unjust. 

            What I can't accept is my own anger from intolerance. My intolerance doesn't manifest as an annoyance of whole groups. I don't mean that I am comfortable with everyone. Not at all. The intolerance I am uncomfortable with my intolerance for those around me, my spouse, a child, and my students, when I don't get things my way. When they do something that I don't think is 'right,' my way. I don't like the anger that grows out of what I consider my ego's intolerance for not getting my own way.  

    My mother was like that. She was comfortable acting out and attacking me to relieve herself of stress so she could feel better. I didn't have children because I was terrified of being like her. Much of the limitations I have put on my life result from harnessing that type of anger. There are other types of anger, righteous anger. Of course, it is not so easy to discern the difference. 

    A white person might consider his anger righteous when he shot a black man for not stepping off the curb when he walked by. I remember a story about Sidney Poitier. He had been raised on a small island in the Bahamas. Things were relaxed there.

    Then, he moved in with a relative in Miami. He got a job as a delivery man. One evening, the KKK surrounded their house. His family said, "What did you do?" He had the nerve to deliver a package to the front instead of the back door. Those white men felt that their anger was righteous. They were entirely in the moral right to lynch the whole family if necessary. Discerning the nature of our anger is tricky, tricky, tricky.

    I plugged in my car to get it fully charged. If I get it fully charged once, I will have some left after most trips to town, and it will take less time to recharge it. When I got in the car, the total charge was 24 miles, not 26, as promised. Is this one of the variables Damon was talking about?

    I drove to town to get my license plates and registration. Someone from Kia called yesterday to let me know they were in. While there, I asked how to change the position of my rearview mirror. I just had to apply force, but I wanted to do that when I was sure that was the case. Also, I discovered there are some buttons on that mirror. I had pushed one by accident, and it announced it was calling for roadside service. Fortunately, I could cancel.

    When I got home, the first thing I did was plug the Kia in to recharge it. The electric motor still had 9 miles available; I had used 15 miles. It's not really linear miles. I don't use any electricity when going down Kaiminani; I use double the charge on the way up. 

    I finally put all the rubber floor pads into the Prius and took pictures. I washed the trunk and closed it. I thought we had the problem of opening it solved even though the latch had fallen off. Scott and I had figured out there was a small strip with a little red button that could be pushed. It just took knowing where it was. I couldn't get it to work. Therefore, I didn't get any pictures of that area. Once I take those final shots, I will send them to Scott to post on Craig's List. Judy said she doesn't even bother looking at an ad unless there are pictures. I hope there will be more responses once the photos are posted. 

    I also took all the clothes off the line. They weren't dry this morning, but they were now. The day was bright and sunny.

            

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

 

    I went to bed very late last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie The Healer (2018). It is a feel-good movie. Ah! Enough of TV shows showing crazy cops chasing crazy criminals. 

    I must have slept right through my alarm this morning. When I went to bed, I gave myself permission to sleep later. None the less I woke up around 7 and headed out with Elsa. I suffered from urinary urgency again this morning, but it was not as bad as yesterday. Our walk was just up and down and up and down our street to be on the safe side. I stopped each time I passed the house to go to the bathroom. Because I didn't take Elsa's leash off when I stopped by the house, she waited for me to leave again. I had never done that before, but she intuited the plan. I managed to get 5,500 steps in. My gait was more symmetrical today.

    I continued listening to TED talks as I walked. I also called Dorothy. I love calling her whenever even several times a day. So far, she hasn't objected. Unlike Judy, she usually answers her phone. Judy puts her phone down and then doesn't hear it ring. Maddening. She did order an earbud. Then she won't need to find her phone – unless she takes it out and leaves that somewhere, too. She did order one, but it didn't hold a charge. The brand she ordered is known for that problem. She ordered a new one.

    I worked on the updates. I also called the adjuster from Progressive. She told me that the extra charge for the Ford was due to Mike's accident with a rental car when visiting Maui. I want to know the name of the rental agency. Mike and I always got insurance whenever we rented a car. Why, then, would we be charged extra on our car insurance? How did Progressive even find out about it? I have another question for Progressive. Since the increased premium was because of an accident a driver had rather than the car, does it make a difference that that driver is no longer on the insurance? No less, no longer alive?    I called the adjuster to get the name of the rental company. Now, I have to get the bill out of them to see if Progressive was charged.

    My therapist/life coach from Ohio called. I told her how I've been feeling, blah. It is mainly about the political situation. Everyone is upset; we see everything from opposite perspectives. My problem is not being able to run away from the horrible reality of how black people are treated, particularly black men—this is malicious treatment. One guy was shot in the back for running away from the policeman. Was he resisting arrest? Yes. The policeman wanted to arrest him because he wanted to walk home while drunk rather than accept a ride from the police. I have sympathy for the police, who have to fear for their lives in their jobs. How about some sympathy for this poor black man who had good reason to suspect he would be in worse shape if he surrendered to the arrest than if he ran. He panicked, too. And the only weapon the man had in his hand was the policeman's taser. Remember, he was running away, not charging the police officer. The police are seriously undertrained. 

    I have a long history of low tolerance for contempt and cruelty. I have friends who refuse to watch movies with me because they know I will leave a room when the going gets rough. I've been known to charge up the aisles of movie theaters in an involuntary run. 

    It drove Mike nuts. He would say, "It's a movie. It's not real." I would say, "The behavior represents a possible behavior of human beings." I can't stand seeing it, even thinking about it.  

    I am more disturbed by my internal problems than what is happening in the world. I can be calm and accepting of what may occur when there is political upheaval as things become more equal among people. It's not that I will like the impact. It's that I understand what caused the change was unjust. 

            What I can't accept is my own anger from intolerance. My intolerance doesn't manifest as an annoyance of whole groups. I don't mean that I am comfortable with everyone. Not at all. The intolerance I am uncomfortable with my intolerance for those around me, my spouse, a child, and my students, when I don't get things my way. When they do something that I don't think is 'right,' my way. I don't like the anger that grows out of what I consider my ego's intolerance for not getting my own way.  

    My mother was like that. She was comfortable acting out and attacking me to relieve herself of stress so she could feel better. I didn't have children because I was terrified of being like her. Much of the limitations I have put on my life result from harnessing that type of anger. There are other types of anger, righteous anger. Of course, it is not so easy to discern the difference. 

    A white person might consider his anger righteous when he shot a black man for not stepping off the curb when he walked by. I remember a story about Sidney Poitier. He had been raised on a small island in the Bahamas. Things were relaxed there.

    Then, he moved in with a relative in Miami. He got a job as a delivery man. One evening, the KKK surrounded their house. His family said, "What did you do?" He had the nerve to deliver a package to the front instead of the back door. Those white men felt that their anger was righteous. They were entirely in the moral right to lynch the whole family if necessary. Discerning the nature of our anger is tricky, tricky, tricky.

    I plugged in my car to get it fully charged. If I get it fully charged once, I will have some left after most trips to town, and it will take less time to recharge it. When I got in the car, the total charge was 24 miles, not 26, as promised. Is this one of the variables Damon was talking about?

    I drove to town to get my license plates and registration. Someone from Kia called yesterday to let me know they were in. While there, I asked how to change the position of my rearview mirror. I just had to apply force, but I wanted to do that when I was sure that was the case. Also, I discovered there are some buttons on that mirror. I had pushed one by accident, and it announced it was calling for roadside service. Fortunately, I could cancel.

    When I got home, the first thing I did was plug the Kia in to recharge it. The electric motor still had 9 miles available; I had used 15 miles. It's not really linear miles. I don't use any electricity when going down Kaiminani; I use double the charge on the way up. 

    I finally put all the rubber floor pads into the Prius and took pictures. I washed the trunk and closed it. I thought we had the problem of opening it solved even though the latch had fallen off. Scott and I had figured out there was a small strip with a little red button that could be pushed. It just took knowing where it was. I couldn't get it to work. Therefore, I didn't get any pictures of that area. Once I take those final shots, I will send them to Scott to post on Craig's List. Judy said she doesn't even bother looking at an ad unless there are pictures. I hope there will be more responses once the photos are posted. 

    I also took all the clothes off the line. They weren't dry this morning, but they were now. The day was bright and sunny.