I decided not to go to church today. The incidence of viruses is higher. The priest wears a high-end shield while he consecrates the host, but no mask. For me, that means that his breath is being forced straight down onto the serving plate. That was forgivable while we had zero new cases on the Big Island, but now that the numbers have increased, no.
I am still feeling sluggish. This is a familiar feeling. It's the way I feel after a ten-day silent meditation retreat. It is a result of under-stimulation. I remember thinking years ago that I would go on one of these silent retreats if Mike died. Of course, I didn't do that. I had too much to do after he died to get my life in order. Now, this COVID virus has forced a retreat on me. Odd.
I texted Adam this morning, asking him to set up an appointment to work on my computer issues. I want to put the audio files on YouTube. My grandson may have set it up, but I didn't have a chance to review the videos before posting them. No, no, no. And my sixteen-year-old grandson, who has been doing work for me for free, has other things to do with his life. Adam was busy last week because his brother was visiting with his wife and two children. His brother lives on a different Hawaiian Island, Lanai. There is not a single case of COVID on that island. It is the only inhabited island that is free. Hopefully, they won't pick up something here and take it back. Adam's brother and his family left yesterday. Hopefully, he will get back to me soon. I am anxious about getting this material posted.
I have had great success with my work. I have been called a miracle worker. However, no one is interested in learning what I do. I have neither colleagues nor acolytes interested in acquiring my methods for teaching reading. It is very frustrating. I am interested in getting at least these audio files out, so they are available before I die. Death is not such a far-off possibility with COVID hanging over my eighty-year-old head.
I have been putting out information that I'm willing to work with people for free. My main target is families that are suffering financially at this point and want help for their children. Even here, I am having trouble finding interested people. Really weird. D. was recommended to me by one teacher.
I have people who admire my work, consider me a miracle worker, those who scoff at my work, and those who think I should be mocked or fired. One person who thought I should be fired was my husband, Mike. He told me at least twice over fifteen years that he would fire me if he were my boss, and he knew my methods were successful. Shortly before he died, I reminded him of what he had said. He said he was just responding out of fear because I represented chaos to him. He was terrified of chaos. Now, why would he have attached himself to me if he was afraid of chaos? He must have wanted to be challenged on that front.
I have told this story at least twice before, but I think it's worth repeating. Mike was always disturbed about the way my mind worked. He told me he thought I was one of the smartest people he ever met on our first date. That was saying something given the people he had known in his life. Steven Jay Gould was a good friend of his in college. But then he told me that I wasted my mind because of the way it worked.
Mikes' mind was into elucidation. For example, he read Plato and spent his life working on understanding his ideas better. My mind makes connections, new connections between things that seemed unrelated to Mike. We went to a therapist with this problem, Mike, complaining that I couldn't stick to a topic. I said to him, "I use primary sources," meaning I look at what is before me in life to figure out how things work.
Well, he was outraged. He said, "I use primary resources. I've read the original Plato and Aristotle." The therapist, thank God, has some background in philosophy. She said, "Betty is a phenomenalist." With that, Mike had a neat category for me and let go of his fear, and followed my line of thought. Shortly before he died, he said how much he enjoyed me. "I never know what is going to come out of your mouth next. You are endlessly interesting and fun." It took over thirty-five years to get to that point. Well, we were a work in progress.
Scoffers: When I worked at Licking Heights schools, the teachers appreciated my work. However, there was one couple, yes, married to each other, who referred to me as a quack. I announced that I prefer they not refer to me that way. The wife said, "How should we refer to you?" I said, "Mad scientist." I would often tell them that what I was doing would be routine within ten years. True, I was developing methods on my own. True, I still haven't come across anyone doing precisely what I am doing, either in teaching reading or in brain modification. But some forms of these ideas are already in the air.
Some programs claim, accurately, that they produce brain modification. These programs are generally expensive. This one program claims that it fixes people within thirty hours of work. I can believe that it is effective for many people and all people with a certain type of limitation. However, nothing works for everyone. There is no medical cure that works for everyone. My program is free. If it costs nothing. It requires no new materials. You would think school schools would be all over me. But no, that's not the way it works. Of course, I'm not exactly out there banging down their doors, either. Too shy. Too afraid of rejection. Too bad for all the people who would benefit from what I know and have developed and me.
My walking is limited because I have been wearing Oofos, which is a spongy flip-flop. They are too hard on my leg. It doesn't hurt; it aches.
I meditated and then napped. Mediation used to energize me. Now, it makes me sleepy.
A friend who was going to stop by this weekend texted to say he wasn't coming. His wife's aunt died in the night. They live in a large family compound. I think he told me twenty-five family members are living on the grounds. I don't remember how many houses are involved. Many. His wife's family is one of the old ones, of mixed Hawaiian and Portuguese descent.
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Musings:
I read an article in the NY Times that blew my mind. The Camden police department in NJ has been completely reorganized. There is a drastic reduction in police violence; there is also a drastic reduction in community-initiated violence. This suggests that the police department initiates at least some of the community violence. Not that the police start every shooting incident, but that the police set a tone of violence in the community that the community then follows.
I have heard people say police departments can't be changed; there are too many across very diverse communities. The interesting thing is Republicans say that. I thought they were opposed to centralized control. The Camden police department is proving that the police departments can be reformed one police department at a time on the initiation of the police department and the community.
In the case of Camden, it was the community that forced the reformation. Camden is a poor community; they weren't providing enough taxes to support a heavily militarized police department. Ten years ago, everyone in the police department was fired. Then those interested in being guardians of the community instead of enforcers were welcome back.
Note: I repeat: the murder rate in the community, Afro-American and Latino murders of Afro-American and Latino victims DROPPED. This suggests that the confrontational policing style was at least one of the causes of violence among the community members.
You might ask what a confrontational and violent police force would have to do with the murder rate in their area of patrol. I have an answer from psychology. When children are raised in an abusive home, some, not all, will seek to be like the abuser. Why! They want the power to be safe themselves. They see the abuser as causing harm but remaining untouched. They want to be like the abuser.
If children are raised in homes where everyone is treated with basic courtesy and see appropriate ways to resolve differences, they will imitate that behavior. If our police behave in nonconfrontational ways and with courtesy and respect, the children of that community learn to do that.
Here's a link to that article: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/12/nyregion/camden-police.html There must be many stories about this police department. When I spoke to my sister, who lives in New Jersey, she said she was familiar with the Camden Police department story.
For me, this represents hope. I want to live in a world where everyone is accepted as equal. I believe in the basic equality of all people.
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