I went to bed at 9 pm, and I was still tired when I got up at 6. I walked Elsa, did my oil rinse, washed my dishes, drank most of two cups of water, and took off for Bikram. Before the class started, I lay on the floor, tightening my right thigh muscle. It resulted in an adjustment to my back. Toward the end of the class, JJ came up and straightened me out. I was lying on my belly, and my legs were way over to my right. This is interesting. When the chiropractor straightens me out, she usually has to move my legs from the left over to my right. This little change is creating some major ones.
When I got home, I washed my Bikram clothes, showered, did MELT, and used the Tiger Tail. I made my morning soup and was ready when Shelly, my therapist, called. My concern for the day was my anger toward one of my students for not performing the way I want her to. If I feel I am angry with a student or a client, I consider it my job to work with my therapist to resolve it. I assumed that I was angry because she was disappointing me, making me look bad. This student has had an unusually difficult childhood and is living with someone other than her parents. The image that came up is that she is provoking anger because that is what she is familiar with. This would not be conscious, assuming it is true. This would be something unconscious that doesn't even clearly show up in her behavior. Whether she is provoking this anger, or it is a result of my ego being wounded by not being as successful with her as I thought I would be, I am the one who has to resolve it. I am the professional, and in this case; I am also the adult in the relationship. All the responsibility falls on me. There must be something in me that is responding to her provocations. At the end of the session, my anger was much reduced, although there is still a small knot in my stomach. This will take additional work.
I took a long nap afterward. I was, and frequently am, exhausted. I only napped for two hours but thought I could sleep for the next 24. I got up and worked on the blog and played FreeCell, and texted two clients, asking if they wanted to make appointments.
I got an email from Raymond James with the information on what to do with the Affidavit of Collection so they can use it. My lawyer has to make a slight change, but I will be able to avoid probate. Now let's see how the credit card companies deal with this situation. Are they going to demand that I go to probate to collect Mike's bonus points? If so, I'll rack it up to a learning experience. I hope it helps others from making the same mistake.
Judy texted. She was driving up to the doctor's today to have her pump removed. She also had a lousy day, exhausted and suffering from stomach cramps. Wow! This chemotherapy stuff sucks.
I don't know why I'm so tired. I think I'm getting enough nutrition. Yes, I'm eating less, but I'm getting eating a lot of greens, mostly salad, seeds, nuts, some cheese, some meat each night, and of course, something sweet. Wouldn't want to skip something sweet.
I walked Elsa and picked up the mail when I got home. The brewer's yeast I ordered arrived. I have it shipped to Dorothy from the Wellness Forum in Columbus, and she mails it to me by US mail. If Wellness Forum were to send it to me directly through UPS, it would cost $50. Shipping it to Dorothy in New Jersey costs $5. Then it costs an additional $8 for Dorothy to send it to me through the post office. I repay the money but not for her effort on my behalf except to say thank you.
There were two letters from Genworth in the mail tonight, too. One was a check for $3,227.27. Mike and I got survivorship benefits with the insurance. Good move. I don't remember being given a choice. I thought it was just part of the package. The survivorship benefit means that once one of us either required long term care or died, the other one of us would no longer have to pay premiums to hold the insurance. I always pay for everything by the largest sum possible. Mike would have paid it monthly; I paid it annually. I sent a payment of $5,432.00 last October. The premiums just went up this year, again. Mike and I talked about accepting lesser coverage but decided to bite the bullet and pay the increased premium. The $3,227.27 refund covers the balance of our coverage for the year.
There also was a book I don't remember ordering in the mail, Private Government. I have no idea why I ordered it. I probably saw in written up in the Book Review section of the NY Times and decided to get it. We'll see if it has any meaning for me when I get around to reading it.
I made my smoothie for tomorrow while listening to the Hidden Brain on NPR. The topic was the placebo effect, a subject close to my heart. As a healer and as someone who helps people heal both physical and psychological problems by having the conscious and nonconscious minds communicate with each other, I think the placebo effect is highly relevant. The traditional research involves tricking the nonconscious mind into believing something. My method uses direct and truthful communication. No tricks are played on the conscious mind.
The research they discussed was particularly interesting to me. It was on the placebo effects of surgery. As I remember, they only did this experiment on knee surgery- not knee replacement, though. Someone finally noticed that while medications are checked for viability, surgery is not. All improvements as a result of the operation compare the current procedure to previous procedures, but there is no research on the effectiveness of the procedure itself versus a placebo. What does placebo surgery look like? They must have done enough of an incision to make it believable or just bandaged the knee to make it look believable. I don't remember what they said on that subject. The doctor said he didn't know if he was going to do a placebo procedure or actual surgery until he walked into the room. He wound up doing a mock procedure, which took the same amount of time as the actual surgery; he went through the motions. The outcome for the placebo surgery was statistically significant.
As some of you may know, I am a candidate for total hip replacement. I have refused surgery because I am not in pain. At this point, there are no limitations on my walking. I can keep pace with anyone else my age; no, I am not up for running the Bostom Marathon if that is your criterion. I do have trouble bending the left leg at the hip. Up down motions, like sitting and standing up again, are somewhat of a problem. The doctors told me that I would experience increased limitations over time. That has not happened. I have been questioning why the surgery is effective. There are so many things that go on during operation, which part of it relieves pain, which parts of the body are modified, so there is a greater range of movement?
I walked Elsa. For dinner, I had a large salad and the rest of the frozen wontons I got sick and tired of eating a while ago. I watched TV and cataloged some books.
I took Elsa for the final walk of the evening, washed my face, brushed my teeth and went to bed. I said, "Goodnight, Elsa. Goodnight, Mike."
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