Betty David-Ross, Mike's wife.
First, I want to thank everyone here for giving Mike the best four and a half years of his life. He was so happy living here and serving you. He would say that he should have born wealthy so he could have always volunteered his services.
For me, he was my life partner, my roommate, my best friend, my lover. With his death, I am viewing him in a broader sense. While I always knew about his larger impact on the world, without our daily contact to remind me of who he was for me, I see him from a different perspective and realize what a loss he is to this world. Losing him is somewhat like losing a young person; he had so much left to give. Mike's knowledge alone is a loss to the world. He has four file cabinets filled with notes, and that is nothing compared to what was in his head.
He loved to learn and share his learning. He was considered an excellent teacher from his first job teaching philosophy at Columbia University. His students loved him. He also thoroughly enjoyed preparing for the distance-learning classes he did for the Josephnium Seminary and teaching his bible study here. He could inspire and engage students. I thought of going myself, but I didn't want to be 'taught' by my husband.
Mike wasn't perfect, but for me, he was about as close to perfect as a human partner can get. I am not just saying this now; I felt that way when he was alive. While he didn't always respond without judgment and criticism, some appropriate and some not so much, he was always committed to respecting me on my own terms. As I did him. It's not easy seeing the world, or how the toilet paper is put on the roll, from another person's perspective, but you can be committed to trying.
Mike often spoke about how arrogant he used to be before his conversion to the Catholic faith. Trust me, he was. There are even some who thought he was just looking down on them. But, no. Mike was an equal opportunity 'arrogator' (one who expresses arrogance.) But Mike was someone who was open to change. His conversion and ordination as a deacon marked a point of deep change. Mike always wanted to be a good and loving person. His faith helped him make changes so he could become more of the person he always wanted to be.
Despite my grief now, I feel, and I will always feel that I have been so blessed to have been part of Mike's iife for all these years. In addition to being the fortunate partner of a person who could freely give as well as accept love, I believe that we both became better people from our partnership.
Finally, Mike's work with the Church and the wider Kona community added so much to his personal professional and spiritual joy. For this, I thank you again.
Damon Ross, Mike's son
When my dad first told me that he was thinking of moving to Hawaii, I had to chuckle. Only a few years before that conversation, he was scoffing at the fact that I would routinely spend Christmas in Maui visiting my in-laws.
"I could never spend Christmas in a place like Hawaii. It's not cold. There's no snow. It just wouldn't feel like the holidays! Uchhhh!"
Cut to several years later- I'm sitting in this beautiful Church, listening to my dad, the deacon, give a midnight mass sermon on Christmas eve.
Hawaii became his life. And I'm so happy it did. Not just because of the awesome vacations we spent here...and the awesome waves at Kua Bay...
But because of all of you. This community...this congregation...this diaconate...are the reason my dad's last years of life were his happiest and most joyful.
Thank you.
Yvette Minear, Mike's Goddaughter.
Aloha, my name is Yvette. My relationship with Michael has held a few titles. Early on, I called him my Uncle, but that was difficult on the mainland because people asked which side of the family he was from. Later, I switched to Godfather, although it was not a Catholic baptism. Hanai Father became appropriate once we were dwelling on the Big Island. Truly, all of these titles are accurate descriptions of the ways Michael supported me in my life.
We met in N.Y., during the early 70's, when he & Betty got together. I was 5 & he was an adult. Michael & Betty were the first people who I never could have known would shape so much of my life. During the turbulence of childhood & my young adult life, Michael was a self-dedicated, primary adult in my life. He demonstrated unconditional love in action for 45 years.
I remember him driving me & his son, Damon, to the YMCA to go swimming as kids. Michael was always a consistent example of staying active & he supported me endlessly in my quest for a second career in the field of wellness.
As a child, I would spend occasional weekends or holidays with Michael & Betty. Damon would always be there when I visited. We used to pretend we were siblings & all of us were a family. Some of my fondest memories are infused into that imaginary family time. I always knew Michael loved me. He extended the love of family generously to many.
Every Christmas, for a long as I can remember, Michael made a grand celebration of the season! Food, decorations, food, gifts, food, music, food & then some food. The man LOVED to cook & even more, he loved to feed people! He fed us literally, emotionally & spiritually.
Michael was something different to each of us & we all have our own stories about how special he was. Please share them with each other & let him continue to inspire the greatest qualities he brought out in you!
Aloha & Mahalo
Jean Ross, Mike's first wife
I met Michael Ross in college, 58 years ago We were married in 1962, remained together through graduate school and our early professional lives, and then parented our son, as part of a family with our second spouses, Better David-Ross and John Womack.
It is a tribute to Michael, and the four us, that we were able to parent our son, Damon, together, and become as close as a family can be. This is why I mourn Michael as a brother, who has been part of my whole adult life.
The characteristics that I have loved and respected in Michael, through all the changes in his life were his intelligence and love of learning, his talent as a teacher, his resilience and courage in seeking personal improvement, his hard work, his wide range of interests, his contributions to his communities, his respect for our differences, his humor and kindness, his graciousness and generosity, and his love for our son.
Indeed, the personal beauty we see in our son, is a testament to Michael as a father, as well as in his role as a member of our family, his Church, and the community.
Cylin Busby Ross, Mike's daughter-in-law
I had been dating Damon for a few months when he planned a trip home to Princeton, where I would meet both sets of his parents. I had been well-prepped for the unusually cooperative relationship between his long-divorced birth parents and his steps, but it still came as a shock to me that all six of us went out and had Chinese food together that night. Damon's parents- all of them- were lovely and warm to me, and I immediately felt comfortable with them. Soon after meeting them, Michael took me aside, and with a twinkle in his eye, said: "You didn't tell me you were Catholic!" He was so tickled., I found it hard to admit that I hadn't been to Mass in years. But the news didn't bother him. In fact, he seemed to take it as a challenge, inviting us to come out and attend Mass whenever we could.
I soon learned that a great number of the traits I adored in Damon could be found in his parents- that wiliness to forgive and move forward in life, the unending optimism, and delight in getting to know me and accept me, just as I was, were all evident in Michael as they were in his son. At our wedding, I thanked both Jean and Michael for having Damon and for raising him to be the wonderful man I married. Later, when I saw Michael in the hospital in February before his death, I took advantage of the opportunity again to thank him for being such an amazing, loving father to my husband and showing him how to raise our beautiful son by example.
I am truly blessed to have joined this family and to carry on the Ross family name in my son, August, Michael's only grandson, whom I know Michael loved 'to bits and pieces," as he would say.
Obituary: Deacon Michael David Ross, Ph.D.
Deacon Michael David Ross, Ph.D., 78, a former Professor and Academic Dean at the Pontifical College Josephinum, died Sunday evening, March 3, 2019, while hospitalized in Honolulu, Hawaii, of kidney failure and complications from severe pancreatitis. A sign in his room asked that he be addressed as "Deacon Mike," reflecting his commitment to and love for the Church.
Deacon Mike was born in Brooklyn, N.Y., in 1940, to Sidney Ross and Lee (Genud) Ross, both first-generation Americans of Jewish descent. As members of the Communist Party, his parents worked actively with poor and marginalized people for democracy and justice, providing role models for their children's lifetimes of social justice service.
The Ross family moved to Baldwin, Long Island, in 1948, where Michael graduated high school. He then attended Antioch College, class of 1963, where he majored in and taught history at an Antioch summer program. Following graduation, he attended Columbia University, where he earned a Ph.D. in political science and went on to teach and serve as Assistant Dean at Columbia College.
In college and during a year abroad at Leeds University in England, Michael was a leader in civil rights activities, helping to integrate a barbershop in Yellow Springs, Ohio, and to desegregate public accommodations in both countries. While studying and teaching, he also participated in community programs at a drug rehabilitation program for young adults in New York City.
Michael transitioned to working as an administrator for several psychiatric hospitals in New York and New Jersey. He was the Acting Chief Executive Officer of Ancora Psychiatric Hospital and the CEO of both Greystone and Marlboro Hospitals in New Jersey, from 1981–1994.
In 1990, Michael converted to Catholicism and returned to school to enrich his education and capacity for religious service. He was ordained as a Deacon in the Church on May 14, 1994, and served diaconal ministry at St. Paul's Church, Princeton, N.J. (1994–2003). In 2003, he earned a second Ph.D., in theology from the Catholic University of America.
In 2003, Deacon Mike moved to Columbus, Ohio, to become a systematic theology professor at the Pontifical College Josephinum. He was later appointed Josephinum's Academic Dean and then its Provost. While in Columbus, he served at St. Mary Parish, Columbus (2003–2007) and St. Joan of Arc Parish, Powell (2007–2014). After retirement from the college, he remained active with the Josephinum Distance Learning Program, which he had founded in 2008.
Deacon Mike and his wife, Betty, moved to Kona, Hawaii, in 2014, where he served as the Coordinator of Spiritual Formation for the Deacon Program of the Diocese of Honolulu, and an instructor and advisor for the Office of Permanent Deacon Formation. During this time, he also served as the President of the Board of Directors of West Hawaii Habitat for Humanity. He was actively serving in ministry at St. Michael the Archangel Parish in Kona at the time of his death.
Deacon Mike is survived by his wife of over 45 years, Betty David Ross; his beloved son, Damon Ross; his first wife and Damon's birth mother, Jean Ross; and Jean's husband, John Womack; his daughter-in-law, Cylin; his grandson, August; his sister, Randy Ross; his nieces, Tara and Shivani Ganguly; his grand-nephew, Sidney Roth-Ganguly; and his godchildren, Yvette Minear, her husband, Josh, and Michael "Mowgli" Bunce. His energy, kindness and wit, and his example of scholarship, service, and love of family and community, continue to live on in those who survive him, and inspire those who have been privileged to know him. We will never forget him.
Funeral services will be held on Saturday, March 30, 2019, at St. Michael's Catholic Church in Kailua Kona, Hawaii. Visitation at 9 AM, Mass at 10 AM, and reception at 11 AM.
In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to the following organizations that Michael was deeply involved in:
The local chapter of Habitat for Humanity in Kailua Kona:
Habitat for Humanity
P.O. Box 4619
Kailua Kona, HI 96745
The St. Michael's Catholic Church
75-5769 Ali' I Dr.
Kailua Kona, HI 96740
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