There were twenty-two students in today's Bikram class. Wow! Great! I want the studio to do well. That will guarantee its survival. When I got home, I had my breakfast soup, did some work on the blog. Then I went out to do another hour's work on clearing the blue flower shrub off my neighbor's fence.
My leg was in pain. I felt it in the left calf and the inside of the left thigh. The doctors told me that when I experienced that pain, that's when I would need to have a hip replacement. I applied Salon Pas to my left calf, the muscles on my back just below my ribs on the left side, and the left side of my neck. The pain left. Let's see: Salon Pas or total hip replacement? If I can fix it, why should I consider major surgery?
Each time I experience nerve pain in my left hip or leg, I wonder, "Is this it?" I know I can run into an unmovable wall at some point. But so far, each time I get that pain, I can resolve it, and it is a door to even more significant improvement.
I showered and went to school to work with the two kids who are having trouble with reading. Most of the children were sitting on the floor on their computers. K. looked reluctant to come when I called her. I asked another student what they were doing. It was 'free time' on the computer; they could do anything they wanted- within the legal limits for third grade. I called her name more loudly to communicate that she could stay and have her 'free time,' I would work with the student in the other class in the meantime. I like to give the children as much control over their relationship with me as I reasonably can. If they feel more empowered and believe that I care about what they care about, they will be more cooperative. Mrs. Buffington repeatedly tells me that K. asks for me every day.
I worked with B., a student in Mrs. Davis's class. He said he was experiencing some improvement. First, I checked his recall of how the silent -e affected the preceding vowel. I wrote a list of single-syllable words ending with a silent e : pale, here, file, pole, tune. I had him point to the vowel chart, distinguishing between the long and short vowel sounds for each one and tell me how he knew it was a long vowel. Then he read a level J book, which is the end of 1st grade. His reading was much better. Blending was still a problem. He wasn't using the physical cueing I taught him, the cross-body blending. He switched a sound at the end of the word to the beginning of the word. He also had trouble holding a sound, particularly the vowel sound, even when he had correctly identified which one to use. He makes little use of context clues. He read almost as almist. I read the sentence for him using his pronunciation. To my ears, the meaning of the word could be figured out in the context of that sentence. He couldn't do it. I used the word in a sentence that I thought he would be more familiar with. "It is almist time to go home." In this context, he could recognize the word and correct the pronunciation.
Then I went to work with K. She brought a level J book, end of 1st grade. I went and got a level M, end of second grade. She was again reluctant to read. I had her name the letters and ask me to tell her a word when she couldn't figure it out. She did that for two pages and then lapsed into reading the words she could read and naming the letters in the words she couldn't or didn't want to try to read.
I asked her if she was reading at home. She said no. She found it boring. I asked her if it was boring because it was hard. She said no, she didn't find the material interesting. She's only interested in art and music. Oh, boy. Love this type of resistance. The boy I am working with is scared, but he is committed to learning to read, unlike this girl. I asked her what she is interested in. She said Bruno Mars and named some songs. She said she didn't need to read the lyrics because she already knew the words. Great!
It occurs to me to ask her if she likes movies. Books give us the script for the movies we create in our heads- if we know how to convert the words into visual images. I have found that many children don't have a clue about how to do this. I am going to work on this the next time I see her.
When I got home, I printed out some material on Bruno Mars and the lyrics of a song she expressed interest in. Then I grabbed Elsa, and we were off to the vet for her Lepo shot. The doctor told me that she is still overweight, although she has already lost 2 lbs. Since I had her there last. He said one more pound and she will be okay. I have taken to throwing her food across the kitchen floor. It's good for both of us. It creates a walking challenge for me, and it makes her rate of consumption more visible. I think Elsa enjoys it more. She has to follow the trail and find her food. I mentioned this to the vet. He said he did this for his dog too.
He did a check up on her and said she was doing well. He had told me that her wounds from her dog attack would get worse before they got better. I only saw extensive bruising on her abdomen, but the bite wounds were shallow and cleared up quickly. However, he confirmed that when one of the dogs was picking her up by the scruff of her neck, he intended to shake her to death. That takes my breath away. If Marsha hadn't been there, I doubt I could have saved her on my own. I have to let this trauma go. After all, she's fine except that she is overweight.
On the way home, I heard a Fresh Air interview with Charles King, who wrote "Gods of the Upper Air,' about a group of anthropologists led by Franz Boas, who set out to prove that white men of European descent were not biologically superior to all others. Still, their position of power was a result of accidents of culture. There has been a dramatic change in this viewpoint within my lifetime. I was introduced to some of these theories of equality by my father and the camp I went to, Ethical Culture School Camp, which was interracial. My mother, at least, was an early champion of a woman's rights. She wasn't political, just a free spirit who didn't like being confined as a child and climbed trees and ran free in the woods like a boy. Wonderful qualities in a mother.
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Musings: I'm putting this separately so those who are not interested can choose not to read it.
I think Mike saw that I did not see men as the enemy, any more than I saw any other human being as a potential enemy. I understood that men had their trauma. This does not mean that I didn't and don't resent the ways my life is confined by the cultural construct that makes doing certain things more difficult for me, and all women to succeed. But I do see it primarily as part of the cultural construct, and that, in one sense, men are as much victims of this construct as women are. I learned this from a rapist.
I was visiting a rural commune in Maryland sometime in the 70s. I was lying in the sun when this man loomed over me. He just made pleasant, friendly sounds. I would normally be alarmed, but I figured that someone involved with the commune was okay. Little did I know.
He proposed going for a walk. I joined him. It seemed innocent enough. As we were walking down a slope, I was a little ahead of him. I could feel his energy leap out to attack me. I knew his intention. Without turning around, I reached my right arm back to take his hand and said, let's go. His energy receded.
We walked down the hill a little way and sat down to talk. Don't ask me why I cooperated with this after that close call; I don't remember, but I do know that I felt safe. We talked for hours. He confirmed that he was about to rape me. I told him that now if he were inclined to hurt me, he would drive his head into a nearby tree. He also confirmed that.
He told me something about his childhood. I don't have any memory of the details, but I do remember that he had a woman or women in his life who were hostile to him as a male. I heard how he had been tormented for what he was. I thought that all men suffer from this to a certain extent.
My husband's mother proudly told me that she was determined that her son would never think he was a prince or had special privileges. Duh! Babies don't come into the world with that attitude. It is taught. I have also heard other members of the family define their sons by their testosterone in negative ways. I thought of the cultural prisons that men were forced into, particularly when I was younger. There were as many things men couldn't do and remain 'men,' as there were things women couldn't do and continue to be considered 'women.'. Technically, men have more power. They do in any number of areas. But I saw them as trapped much the way women are trapped.
While I appreciate that there are sins that are the only in the domain of men, there are also sins that are also only in the domain of women. Also, may I remind one and all, it is mostly women who raise the men. They hold the biases of the culture as much as men do.
It is not that I don't think there are problems with the cultural pattern, but I don't think men should carry the whole burden, particularly not individual men. I also know the problem with getting people to give up a supposed advantage for the sake of equality. It is hard to understand that they will be better off with the change themselves. I suppose you could say that is a spiritual perspective, but that's the one I use.
Mike presented problems for me because of his arrogance, which runs in his family in both women and men; he presented challenges for me because he was used to giving orders at work. I'd say, "Don't CEO me." Mike was willing to change. God, I loved and love that man. He was the best. He not only wanted to be a good person; he was willing to see the ways he failed to meet that goal and make changes.
My' rapist' friend was way beyond my reach. He never hurt me, but I am as sure as I can be that he went on to rape other women, and possibly men. But I came out with a different perspective on the male version of the human condition that made a significant difference in my life. Empathy never goes to waste.
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