Today was my yoga class after visiting the chiropractor yesterday for my every other week's appointment. The first day after the chiropractor, I always experience something new in my body. Today, it was a much bigger stretch in the left leg, but then I needed to rest. I did. This is one of the wonderful things about the Bikram class. I can decide what my body needs. If I feel I have to lie on my mat for the rest of the class to allow my body to adjust to new circumstances, I can, and no one comes over and tries to get me to do something else. Ahhh!
I stopped to get gas at Costco and then went to Farm and Garden for soil amendment that Margo recommended. Margo used to run a full-on nursery and is considered one of the most knowledgeable professional gardeners (is that the right word) in Kona. Sunday, a week ago, I showed her I picture of a ground cover plant I wanted when I saw her at church. This last Sunday, she arrived with four plants in hand, hearts, and flowers, and recommended that a get some 'soil amendment.' Okay, so I went to the desk at Farm and Garden and asked for the 'soil amendment.' The woman looked at me like I had two heads and asked me what I wanted. I dropped Margo's name. Yes, she knew who Margo was, and these were the things she bought. When I got home, I texted Margo to tell her I needed more specific information. She gave me the name of a product. Yeah! She was giving me way too much credit.
When I got home, I set the alarm for 11:30 because I had a Petco grooming appointment for Elsa that I had made online for 12. While waiting for the alarm to go off, I drank my morning soup and worked on three days of entries for the blog.
When the alarm went off, I was surprised that time had flown so quickly. Elsa and I drove down to town. She likes sitting in my nap when I drive. I tried to put her in a carrying case or a restraint. Hmm! I don't think so. When I got to Petco, there was no record of an appointment, but the groomer agreed to see Elsa at 2 pm. Also, she said that she should be washed weekly if she is having allergy problems. Mike and I never did that. Too lazy or disorganized.
I drove us back home. I didn't have a lot of time before I had to drive back down to town. I did some weeding in the back yard, loaded the washer with Scott's and my Bikram stuff, took my shower, did MELT, dressed, and drove back down to drop off Elsa at 2.
I just reread the last several blogs and noticed that I haven't mentioned Catherine. Catherine is a stray Yvette picked up at the massage studio. She came in for a massage and stayed afterward to chat. It came out that the friends she had been staying with needed the room for visiting family, and she had to find somewhere else to live. I said yes, having no idea what this would entail. I went to camp. When I was twenty-nine, I moved into a commune. I was open. She moved in on Saturday night.
Catherine is a 30-year-old Swiss who is here in Hawaii on a long, long vacation. She had been living with Valerie and Larry for 2 months. Up to this point, things have been going reasonably well. She is an easy person to live with. She asks for what she wants and respects my space. One night, she was preparing to cook and asked me if I wanted some. I told her that I would like it if she always cooked enough for me too. She said she would be pleased to. She loves cooking. I heard her cooking in the kitchen. This is the first person in my life who never knew Mike, who was cooking in his kitchen. I could feel him being beside himself with joy that someone was preparing meals for me. He has been watching and knows that I have not been enjoying meals I prepare for myself except for the salad and that wonderful bread with butter. I often skip the rest of the meal because it doesn't please me. Feeling his joy over my being fed a good meal made me aware of his great sweetness and how I miss him. I actually cried over, losing him for the first time.
My first grief was for the rest of the world that knew him and benefitted from his knowledge and kindness. The second wave of grief was for him and how he couldn't continue to enjoy his current life, which was the happiest period of his life. Now comes the third wave of grief for myself and my loss of such sweetness in my life.
Catherine is working out very well. We've been negotiating space and facilities. I am grateful that she is here. I feel no need to be a hostess and take care of her. I don't feel a particular need to be sociable when I don't feel like it. I feel no pressure and no discomfort. There someone else who needed living quarters that I considered offering it to, but she is tense and generally critical of others. That would have been hard for me. Catherine is more interested in who people are and what they are thinking than getting everything her way. I'm pretty easy too. My years at camp and in the commune serve me in good stead. Of course, my idea of hosting sometimes drove Mike crazy. He would put out hors oeuvre plates with cheese and crackers, a bowl of popcorn, and some nuts. Me, not so much. I say, "Hungry?" and point to where the food is.
Since Catherine and I started talking about shared food, I showed her the freezer full of food that I had no idea what to do with. More to the point, I hate cooking and actually would almost rather not eat than cook. You would think the pounds are just melting off of me. Think again.
After I showed her the freezer, we checked out some of the cabinets. I had cleaned out all the cabinets sometime in March, but I hadn't been in any of them since. Well, we found one shelf filled with grains filled with bugs. Even in the closed packaging, the bugs had eaten everything worth eating in the package. I took all the compromised grains right out to the composter. Catherine got to work wiping down the drawers. When we pulled the shelves out, we could see an impressive collection of bugs on the cabinet floor. I got the vacuum cleaner. It's a Shark that Yvette bought for us before we moved here. (Yes, we are the proud owners of two vacuum cleaners.) I had no idea how to attach the tools to the Shark. After a failed attempt, I figured it out and vacuumed those little consumers out. I took the vacuum collection tank outside and dumped it into the garbage. When I came back, Katherine was wiping and swapping as these little critters had been let loose in our world. I finally sprayed the pull-out shelves with rubbing alcohol.
Then I sat down to call Airbnb and Turo to get receipts when I was in Honolulu with Mike before he died. My accountant tells me all the money I spent over those 5 weeks Mike was in the hospital are tax-deductible. The Airbnb site was pretty easy to figure out once I got the instructions. Turo said to go to my app, etc. I was on chat and told the guy. "I'm 78; what's an app?" That's somewhat of an exaggeration, but I would have liked more help. I knew Catherine or Josh would be able to help me.
I threw today's Bikram laundry in the dryer because it had been raining for two days. The stuff I hung up the day before yesterday was somewhat dry. I threw that in the drier too, except for the yoga towels that seemed to have some plastic in them. Figure they'd melt.
Catherine continues working on her leg wounds she acquired hiking. Scratches are not a good idea in the tropics. There's too much staph around, and wounds can get easily infected. Catherine's are. She has been treating them with turmeric, tea tree oils, and cleansing processes. The wounds don't seem to be getting worse, but they are not getting much better either. I am recommending soaking her legs in cider vinegar and Epsom salts. I remember when my toe got infected after an operation because the doctor unwisely told me I could exercise. Little did he anticipate what that meant for me. When I complained of the infection, he let me know I had overdone it. He said he meant moderate exercise. Moderate is a relative term. I thought I was being moderate. I would hardly consider myself an extreme sports nut.
Yvette texted me and asked if another stray could park his car in our driveway. Apparently, this guy lives on the other side of the island, Hilo, but is studying massage in a school in Kona. He has to be on this side of the island from Tuesday through Friday until July 7. He's been sleeping in his car and showering a Planet Fitness. He got a parking ticket for sleeping in his car. Hawaii has the biggest homeless problem in the nation. There are two reasons. One, obviously, the weather invites people from all over the nation. What they don't realize is that the ground here is as hard as a rock, literally. There is no smooth ground on the island that hasn't been flattened and graded or paved by man. One would think the ordinances against sleeping in one's car would be eliminated. At least that person owns a car. Unless they have plans to herd the homeless and drive them into the sea, some of these ordinances are draconian. Of course, the local businesses are affected by the homeless greeters around their establishments.
At any rate, this boy will either be sleeping in his car or more likely sleeping on one of the other beds in my house. I seem to be running a hostel for the thirty-something crowd. It's not really a bad deal. Especially since my grief for my sweet, sweet Michael is setting in. God, I loved that man. He was perfect for me, well as perfect as a human partner could get.
I was one fortunate lady. He picked me out of the crowd and said, "That one! That's the one I want." He saw in me what I wanted to be seen for, someone who would take care of herself and be equally as concerned about the needs of the other. I am unbelievably happy to say that he never changed his opinion of me after 45 years together. But this was as much his doing as mine. We were able to negotiate our needs. I know many people who are not up for talking and negotiating. They see all forms of negotiation as manipulation. They believe everything should happen 'naturally.' I know many people who won't even consider the other person's point of view. If I had such a partner, he would have believed me the most selfish, inconsiderate person on the planet. Mike saw me as I wanted to be seen and was able to use these qualities to benefit both of us. How lucky was I!!
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