Despite my late bedtime, I had difficulty falling asleep because I was overstimulated, and my neck hurt. I woke up at 6 am with ease, did all the things I do to get ready for yoga, and left in a timely way. The young woman who was staying with me asked if she could catch a ride to the beach. She wanted to surf. The plan was to drop her off at the intersection of Queen K and the entrance to that beach area.
She loaded her surfboard in the back of my Prius, sliding it over the top of the seats, leaving just enough room for her to slip into the front seat. I pulled into the access road to the beach and stopped at the traffic circle. As she prepared to get out, a friend of hers pulled up to the stop sign to come into the traffic circle just leaving the beach. He gave her a ride the rest of the way.
After Bikram, I had an accident on the way home. Guess how fast I was going? The traffic had just started moving after the light change. I had the car in a gentle roll. I blinked my eyes. One does have to blink one's eyes every now and again—Bam! Right in the back of a pickup truck. I sat for a moment, thinking, "Oh, shit! "The driver of the truck wasn't getting out, so I did. I checked the damage. There was none to his truck. His hitch attachment had gone into my bumper and put a big dent in it. I walked up to his window. He looked quite distraught and said, "The car in front of me stopped short." I pat his arm, assured him he had no damage to his car. He thought the accident was somehow his fault. I didn't actually tell him that legally, it was mine, period end of sentence. But I did say to him that I had planned to fix that bumper anyway because my husband had dented it just before he died. He was not to worry about it. I told him to get out of his truck and take a look. He still looked somewhat shaken. I asked him if he wanted a hug. He said yes. The two of us hugged in the middle of a major intersection of downtown Kona. It's Hawaii. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
I drove home, thinking all would be well. I tried to open the hood but couldn't. Then I tried to close it but couldn't. That made me think there was some damage to the frame. The plan had been for Shivani to take the car to go shopping while I napped and got ready for school. There was a change of plans. I showered, and we headed down to town together. I needed to stop at my local garage. I wanted Edwin to check it.
I had a 10 am appointment with my therapist. I couldn't imagine what I would work on, but those days wind up being the best. I just sit with where I am, feel into my body, and find something so essential to be transformative.
I got the image of a lemon grater, strainer, combing my body from top to bottom. It got stuck around my waist. The area below that was dark and dense. Ah, I remembered what I wanted to work on from two weeks ago. Our last session was about rage at my parents and how frightening that was. This was not a current anger, but my young child's anger. The choice as a child is survival under your parents' protection or killing them with your rage. Not a very good choice. I suppose we all face that rage in our childhoods, even with the best of parents. In my case, I remembered another incident of rage that scared the shit out of me.
I was 12. My good friend Mary and I were riding home from school on a public NYC bus. In NYC, there is no school bus service. We got bus and subway passes issued by the Department of Education and used public transportation already available. At any rate, I found a seat toward the back of the bus on the aisle. I sat down. A boy to my right said, "You can't sit there. I saved it for my friend." I told him he couldn't do that. The next thing I knew, I was sitting on the floor. His friend had come along and pulled, and the guy to my right had pushed, and there I was. I got up in a rage. I turned to my friend and said, "Mary, hold my books!" I then pounded on that poor boy's head for a good half a mile, laughing hysterically. I stopped because we reached our stop. My mother could see the bus stop from our twelfth story apartment window. When I walked in, she immediately asked what had happened on the bus. She could see something was wrong from that distance.
The experience scared me to death. I never rode that bus again. Mary, good friend that she was, walked the mile home from school with me every day. I actually considered that I might have to have myself hospitalized to protect people from me. I had one other incident in my life at nineteen when I lost my temper like that. In that case, I just yelled. While it was not nearly as dangerous, it was still scary to find myself so out of control, so taken over by my own anger.
In the therapy session, I sat with the darkness in my pelvic area. It slowly cleared. The therapist said I did good work. It's incredible how simple and how ordinary life-changing moments like this can be.
After the session, Shivani and I headed out. I dropped her off at Island Naturals to do some shopping. I stopped off at the vacuum cleaner repair shop before I went to the garage, just down the street. I found that the floor cleaning attachment had rusted, and many of the bristles were missing. To replace it, they needed the model number. I couldn't find one for love nor money. I put the whole apparatus in my car and showed it to the attendant. She had no idea where to look either. I would have to return some other time to have someone who knows what to look for.
When I got to JAWS, my garage, Edwin, easily popped open the hood. It didn't look like there was any damage to the engine. He said if there was, it would be my air conditioning unit. He successfully slammed the hood down, and it latched.
After Island Naturals, Shivani, Sidney, and I walked over to the used bookstore on the same lot. Shivani didn't see anything that she thought would interest Sidney. We went to Safeway. Sidney and I sat in the car while she shopped. Do you know you can have the windows go up and down to the rhythms of The Wheels of the Bus Go Round and Round? Do you know the map lights can be flashed like a light show to reflect the song as well? We entertained each other. Sidney took off his shoes and socks; I put them back on. Sidney took off his shoes and socks, etc.
As we were driving up the hill to get home, my air conditioning started failing. Then the red triangle warning light went on. Oh, well. I guess my car is broken. I called Toyota to make an appointment for a diagnostic. With any luck, it will only be a problem with the electrical communication system as it was the last time the triangle light came on. However, why is it coming on? Is something serious failing in the car? Oh, well. All for another day. Like Monday, when I have my appointment with the garage.
We got home around 2. Judy and Paulette came over to decorate the house for Thanksgiving. I had found another insert for the large dining room table. Once it was opened, it was large enough to fit 10 adults and 2 children. Little Luke will be in his rocker on the floor. Judy and Paulette brought several Thanksgiving-themed table cloths and checked what I had in the way of serving platters and utensils to figure out what they had to bring. They left announcing they would be here at 9:45 am to start the turkey. As a precaution, Judy exchanged numbers with Shivani so she could do it if they were late.
I did some clearing and cleaning of areas they wanted to use for preparing and serving food. I shoved papers and binders into a box and had Shivani carry them into my room. As I have with everything else, I'll sort it all when I retrieve it.
After Judy left, I went to bed and took a nap. When I awoke, I could hear a man's voice in the house saying that I had left a light on in the car. It was B. He came by to say he wouldn't be doing Thanksgiving with us. He had an invitation from the mother of his grandson to join that family. That is indeed his family here in Hawaii. It's where he belongs. He is involved not just with his grandson but with his grandson's sister and his younger brother. He had all three staying over last weekend.
I remember a time when he resented having Elijah's younger sister come over. He felt that it took time away from him and Elijah. I pointed out to him that Elijah was invested in being a good brother. If he supported him in his relationships with his siblings, he would be spending time with him. He got it right away. The rest is history.
Shivani, Sidney, and I walked Elsa. I called Darby to tell her that I would not be coming over because I had a house guest for a week. She had, in fact, put the house light on to welcome me.
Shivani cooked this fantastic dinner: salmon smothered in mushrooms and steamed broccoli with some butter and salt. Wow! I am so much more appreciative of tastes since my own cooking is for survival purposes only. Tomorrow will be a feast day. There will be two turkeys and tons of delicious starchy food, not to mention desserts. Then I will be treated to Shivani's cooking until Sunday night. She leaves to return home to San Francisco on Monday.
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