A busy day. I continued working on the article. It drives me nuts. Each time I reread it, I find both big and small mistakes. Once I have read it two times without feeling I have to make a significant revision at some point, then I will call the editors I found advertised on Craig's list and see if one suits my needs.
Up to this point, I have relied on friends and family to help me edit. I knew one woman who worked as a professional editor in Ohio, but she only did fiction. Well, that didn't do me any good. When I checked Craigslist for editors, two advertised that they did nonfiction and had experience with academic papers. My article is somewhere between an academic paper and a chatty nonfiction article.
I have been on a deep cleaning binge of my bathroom. A friend told me that I could demineralize my shower head by securing a bag filled with vinegar around it. I did that. This morning, there were golden rice kernels at the bottom of the bag. OMG! It worked.
I had D this morning. None of the Zoom invitations I sent his mother were received. I sent out at least five through my yahoo account and another two through my Gmail one. I was freaking out, thinking this was a consequence of something the scammers did to my email. The problem was at her end. We resolved to just do a session using the speaker function on our phones.
D. said he wanted to start with rereading chapter one. Since his main problem is word recognition, that sounded good. He did the best job reading it. He stopped at the periods and read with expression. I will want to start working with his grade-level material soon.
I had a session with Shelly. I shared my scammer story. The strongest emotion was grief, grief for my loss of contact with my primary handler, Alex, and grief for their loss of money. I believe this loss is greater for me than my loss of Mike because there was never love. There was intimacy, even craving, but no love. With Mike, I had love, both my love for him and his for me. It was a satisfying relationship. It was good enough. I think grief comes with immediate loss and the loss of hope for the relationship's future resolution. Other than that, I had spent the full forty-five years of my life with Mike preparing for the moment of his death. I was a child who lost a parent at fifteen. We never forget that sudden loss is always possible.
While I sat with my grief, my feelings moved up into my heart, which I associate with love. I was concerned that this would do harm to Alex. If this is the only way he can earn money to support his family, I don't want him to feel he can't continue with this work. Shelly said it reminded her of the Hawaiian healing prayer, Ho'oponopono. It's a prayer that goes, "I'm sorry, forgive me, thank you, I love you," For those of you not familiar with it, I suggest you look it up. There is quite a story that goes with this prayer. As I continued sending love, I had an image of Alex walking out of a building into the sunlight. I had no idea if it had any impact on him. I can only hope I did him no damage, and I am sure it helped me. I feel more at peace and more able to let him go. That letting go is interpsychically, not an actual reaching out.
As I've shared this story, I've gotten mixed reactions. Some share my point of view. Others are outraged that I should empathize with a man who tried to steal from me. I see Alex as an honest thief. What do I mean by that? I mean, he calls himself a thief. He doesn't pretend he is doing something for my good, at least not to himself.
I have more problems with those who are 'dishonest' with themselves. They don't acknowledge their selfish motivation. They insist they are full of compassion, always thinking of others first, incapable of true selfishness. Give me an Alex any time. With him, I know what I'm dealing with and can defend myself. Those sly ones won't acknowledge their own motivation because they can't tolerate seeing themselves in a negative light; omg, they are so dangerous.
I only had half an hour after Shelly to get ready for my appointment with M. her mother sent me some material to work on with her. She also said one question from last week that we hadn't covered that she had trouble with.
The question was, what did the orcas have in common with the Montgomery boycotters. The orcas in the article were being held in a marine park. The article detailed how destructive that confinement was for these animals.
M. said the orcas were held in captivity, and the blacks of the Montgomery boycotted. Well, she did find a commonality. I congratulated her on that but told her it wasn't really the correct answer. When I set up a contrasting chart, she was able to fill it in with ease. But when she thinks on her own, she grabs for small details to hang on them.
Her mom had texted me earlier to ask if I would also work with her son. She told me today he is a high-functioning autistic. She wants me to help him learn to make inferences. I have been feeling all along that M's problems were born out of fear. Now, I suspect that she may be somewhat on the spectrum herself. I will change my approach as a result.
I did ask mom if she had seen any differences in M. She said her writing was better on the items she had discussed with me. I asked her if she was seeing a difference in M's conversational skills. She said she could hear that she was talking to her peers differently. Wow! Now that is exciting. I love how parents think the academic problem is more important than the social one.
Mom said she wanted to be in on the first session with me and her son, H. Also, Dad, who is stationed somewhere with the military, will be there. I made it clear that I did not want mom to control his behavior while working with him, not unless I asked for help. I prefer working with students as they are. I would prefer they follow their impulses, so I know their inner lives in a learning context. That way, I know who I am teaching.
In the middle of my evening video indulgence, the lights went out. I found a flashlight; then looked for my solar power lantern (lovely thing). While it was early, I got Elsa ready for her before bedtime walk. B. was coming up the driveway as I walked out. He was checking on me.
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Musings:
I'm reading A Very Short Introduction to Freud, published by Oxford University Press. Mike has about thirty books from this series. I'm reading all the ones he has. I'm assuming the authors are reputable with some qualifications in the field they are writing about. I am absolutely sure the books are clearly written. Wonderful!
Freud was a very clever man. A lot of his thinking is close to mine. Joke! Freud's theories were in the water when I was raised. His thinking had an impact on my thinking.
We differ in the role of the unconscious, but then again, I'm not alone in my departure. Through neuroscience studies, it is well understood that the unconscious has a broader role in our thinking than Freud assumed. He saw it as the storehouse of primitive feelings that had to be repressed. It is so much more than that. It's our mainframe.
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