Friday, August 6, 2021
I followed my usual morning routine, walking and working on updates and blog entries. At 11:30, Judy stopped by. She spent the morning delivering Turo cars for my next-door neighbors, who already have fifteen cars in their stable and aim for thirty. This is a great gig for Judy. She was looking for a way to earn extra money. Our neighbors offered a decent annual salary. They're not just paying per drop-off. There may be days when there will be no deliveries or pickups. This is amazing. Judy reported what she had learned about their plans. These folks are amazing entrepreneurs.
I was down, missing companionship. I decided to make it an easy day. I watched the rest of the Harlan Coban video Safe on Netflix. I never watch tv during the day. I haven't done this since, well, forever. But today was a day to wallow in sadness, and this show was my idea of comfort. Other than that, I did a little work on my updates.
I worked with sixth-grade D. In Monday's session, we addressed his hatred of working with me. He, like A, hates himself for his reading problems. At the end of our last session, I remembered the fear element. D. denied fear. His family is Mexican; Latino men don't feel fear. I explained we all have inborn fear. I explained my theory of the function and effect of evolutionary fear. I asked his permission to explain the theory. I am careful to make people feel in control of the situation; they have to know they can stop me if they don't like what I'm saying.
When humans wandered the savanna in small, isolated groups hunting and gathering, there was little tolerance for diversity. If someone had a handicap that would negatively impact the band, that person had to go. If a child was born who could not adapt to the group expectations in a timely way, that child had to be abandoned. Diversity is a luxury of abundance and safety.
After explaining the theory, I tell the student to focus on their prefrontal lobe, right behind their forehead. Using only that section of the brain, they determine if they believe/know that no one will kill them even if they never become good readers. Thankfully, most children find that a silly question. Then I tell them to picture a little 'them' in the area beneath the soft spot, behind the prefrontal lobe. They are to turn their 'little them' around so it's facing the back of their brain and announce the good news to every cell in their brain. So far, every student I've done this exercise with has experienced relaxation. I know it's weird, but it works. People learn better when they are relaxed instead of controlled by fear. D reported feeling more relaxed.
I have been working on seventh-grade material with D. His word accuracy improved, but his reading was still labored. I wanted to work on automatic processing. I told him what I was after and asked him if I could have him work on much easier material for this purpose. While he said yes, I did not tell him that the material was on a second-grade level. I wanted to remove the burden of longer words that would require decoding.
I showed him how to allow automatic processing to occur. After showing him the brain pathway I was familiar with, I instructed him to wait in a relaxed state for his brain to tell him what the word was. I also told him to focus on the left side of his brain. This is what fires when recognizing words. He did very well. He said it felt different. This is great. At one point, he started making errors again. I told him he would have to use his conscious mind to make sure he was engaging his left hemisphere. When distracted, he reverts to overusing context clues to figure out what the sentence is saying. He brought his attention back. Then he read some sentences perfectly. He said he kept his focus on the right side of his brain. Interesting. Now, this is possible-once he has the left side operating automatically. The right side is responsible for the music in our speech and comprehension. Whatever he used, this was an improvement.
I had a 9 am with Shelly, my therapist/life coach. Of late, she has been doing more work as a therapist since I've been overwhelmed with sadness. I tried sitting with that feeling. I couldn't do much. I have no idea.
Shelly asked if she could share something about her own recent experience. She rarely does that in our sessions. I figured if she was so inclined, it would have meaning for me. I work that way when I'm the healer, too. She once sneezed without apparent cause in our session. We both assumed that had significance. We didn't know what. However, I started yawning. I yawned 20 times. Neither of us knew why that happened, but we both believed it was significant. I am delighted to have a therapist who is on the same page in so many ways.
At any rate, Shelly's story was that she dialed back her energy in her sessions with her clients. She said she felt that she wasn't even there, or she might as well not have been. She described herself as intense. I don't experience her that way. She is very laid back with me and allows me always to take the lead. As regards her energy, I suspect it is just a match for mine. I asked her to show me her dialed-back state. I thought it was delightful. It had a lightness to it. I had the image of a hovering Tinkerbell. Afterward, I thought butterfly. I told her she was very much present, almost more so. I also told her that her energetic presence was in the context of her behavioral interactions with her clients.
There is a difference between energy and behavior. I had a therapist whose energy was delightful but whose behavior was atrocious. OMG! was she bad! but she served a purpose for my healing. Witnessing Shelly's shift made me experiment. I am often seen as compassionate and loving, but I doubt anyone would classify me as gentle. Unfortunately, I associate gentle with manipulative. I have had bad experiences with gentle. People have used it as a gun silencer; they hide their real intentions. I present clear boundaries. I suspect I need to do some work on this myself.
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