Saturday, August 14, 2021
I was in pain last night. I used the acupuncture pen on my abdominal muscles. On my morning walk, I continued focusing on the heel shift. It involves anchoring my foot and shifting my hip over to the left, which pulls the flesh of the heel over to the inside of the foot. I focused on shifting the left hip over before, but this is different. Instead of focusing on how far I can get the hip forward or over to the left, I focus on the heel shift and see how it impacts the hip. I feel the difference in the heel and the outside of the lower left leg. A small change, especially at a peripheral point of the body, can create a seismic shift in the core muscles and the spine.
I asked adolescent D's mother to call me. She texted me to tell me she had given my name to the Special Ed instructor from the local public school. I wanted to know what it was about. She said the school couldn't find someone to hire to tutor D and might want to pay me.
Last spring, I was included in an evaluation meeting for 3rd grade D. Now, he was starting fifth-grade. I pushed mom to refer him for special services because he has zero memory for his multiplication facts. We saw considerable improvement in his reading. The special ed teacher asked me what method I used to teach him reading. I delayed answering, composing my thoughts, when she said, "As I guessed. You use your intuition; you don't use evidence-based practices." Well, she had my number. I was concerned I would have to deal with her. I realized it's unlikely. Adolescent D is in middle school. There hopefully is someone else responsible for special ed in there.
I had a session with adolescent D's later in the day. We had been working on 1st and 2nd-grade sentences per his choice. His reading improved considerably, but it was still halting. He still does not pay attention to the letters when words are long. When he had to decode a two-syllable word, he couldn't decode each syllable separately. He blurs the first syllable with the second one. I wrote hurry as hur ry, as two separate words, and he could do it. At the end of the session, I modeled phonemic analysis of words in a sentence context. He found it boring. I did it more slowly; he found it more tedious. O dear, that usually indicates a serious auditory processing problem. Most of the time, when I slow the process down, the student responds differently. Not in D's case. I have to figure out how to get through.
Dorothy called to tell me her son David might get married. He was with a woman, and they were committed to each other. However, marriage was an alien concept. Her parents never married. Her sister was in a long-term committed relationship with several children and was not married. David and Marliese are thinking of getting married because it is the only way he could accompany her to England for the year. He has German citizenship due to our father's holocaust history; he has an EU passport; he doesn't need a visa. He has all the rights of a citizen; he is a citizen. Since Brexit, his EU citizenship carries no weight there. Marliese will only be in England for one year. After that, she has a job offer at a German University. David will be good there.
I proposed doing the wedding by zoom. It will be a civil ceremony in a court. Dorothy didn't think they would allow zoom videos. I think there must be tons of people who got married in a court without witnesses because of Covid. The court must have some way to live stream the events. Either way, she will zoom the following celebration, assuming either one of them will be willing to put up with that, given their feelings about legal marriage.
I can understand their feelings. My mother came to America when she didn't have to (She was Christian; he was Jewish) to be with my father. Three days after she arrived, they had a court wedding with my uncle and my father's cousin as witnesses. At the last minute, my mother announced she didn't want to get married. She didn't want to give up her independence. She was willing to live with him, keep his house and bear his children, but she didn't want to get married. Someone caught a picture of my mom sitting rigidly while my dad pleaded with her. She gave in because he told her their children would be illegitimate- something unacceptable in that day and age.
I put off marriage for nine years. Mike wanted to get married immediately. I was terrified it would ruin our relationship. I would become like my mother. A good friend of his ex-wife's convinced me to do it. I had a year to prepare. I told everyone that I was married. I lied. That way, when the time came, I didn't know what the truth was anymore. Was I married, or wasn't I? I wept through the whole ceremony. They weren't tears of joy.
Judy called. She referred to what I had said about our positions on people changing. She clarified her position. As I suspected, we wound up polarized because of how the discussion went. We were pretty much on the same page. It's not that people can't change; the nature they have come in with, and the traumas they experienced have already molded them. Those have to be taken into account.
I think either position in a truly polarized argument is a dead end. If people believe that all people can change all aspects of themselves, they wind up being very hard on themselves and others. The other extreme is total acceptance of a person as they are in the moment no matter what. That must lead to a lot of suppressed anger. If you're lucky, you have a sensitive eye for when to push yourself or others to change. Timing is everything
I spent time listening to my Saturday shows. I finally cleaned the kitchen cabinet doors with Murphy's oil soap while listening to The Moth Radio Hour.
As I lay down to nap, Elsa settled in on my belly. I found new lesions. She had a shot for this problem exactly a month ago. I will have to try the cream the vet gave me to apply to each lesion as it comes up.
I called A's parents yesterday about a behavior pattern I noticed. They didn't call me back. His mom apologized and said it was quite a day. A's school called and told them to come immediately and pick him up. One of the students in the class had Covid. The child's parents knew he had Covid and sent him anyway. Wow! I assume they were desperate for childcare coverage. I sure hope so. Now, A's whole class is in quarantine for two weeks.
I had a question for A's parents. When I ask A a question or ask him to do something, he often doesn't respond. I will ask him if he heard me; he will say yes and still do nothing. I will repeat my request. He usually responds on the second try. I wanted to know if they saw similar behavior. Their experience with their son is entirely different from mine. They see him as a funny, bright kid, aware of everything. They have a family game. When driving together, they all pitch in and create a story. The mom will start it with "once upon a time," and everyone is in. She says A has a great imagination. We agreed to do a session with mom to guide the situation to see this other side.
She told me how A once stood up for his older brother. Someone had taken his older brother's toy, and A stepped in to correct the situation. This story made me revert to my original theory. I don't think A was sticking up for his brother; I think he was making sure the world was the way it's supposed to be. His mother and I did agree that he is stubborn. I think it is rigid. I don't think A is power-hungry, just compulsive about order. If I'm right, we're back to the drawing board.
While they described A as funny, I envisioned a child with a good sense of humor. Afterward, I thought perhaps he's funny because he does things you wouldn't expect a child to do: tell an adult the right way to do something. This behavior may be cute on a child but think of what it will look like on a thirty-year-old man. He won't be able to hold a job. In addition, this is a black family. His life could be at stake if he corrects a cop when he's stopped. I wanted to make sure their interpretation is correct. If I see it differently, I have to do everything I can to push them to get him evaluated by a child psychiatrist and the help he needs to learn appropriate social behavior. There are two diagnoses I'm considering: autism and obsessive/ compulsive disorder. The mental rigidity and his behavior suggest he lacks a theory of mind that helps him imagine what another person is thinking. All sorts of problems lead people to feel they are right to tell others what to do as if they are the only ones who know the right way to do something. I think a bully can get away with that behavior more easily than A can get away with his. A bully recognizes they are dealing with another person with thoughts and feelings. I wonder if A is capable of that.
The autistic lack a theory of mind. It means they cannot understand what others think or feel. How is this different from narcissism? It is, but I'm not sure how.
I found new episodes of Grace and Frankie. Fonda had some work done on her face. Too bad. Also, she is having more trouble moving about. Her hips are giving her trouble. I like Longmire better.
No comments:
Post a Comment