Sunday, February 3, 2019

Sunday, February 3, 2019, 10:30 am


            I arrived at the hospital about an hour ago. 
Good news: He is holding steady, and his eyes look more focused.
Bad news: His breathing is worse than it was yesterday. I raised the issue with the nurse because I have been told that there is liquid in his lungs that he aspirated from excess stomach fluids. When he pulled his ventilator out, the tube which was draining the stomach juices also came out. I am concerned that there is more liquid in his lungs as a result.  Oh, this is so much fun!  The nurse assured me that I have to expect his progress to be inconsistent besides slow.
            He continues to be delirious.  The nurse says he can tell you who he is but does not know where he is or why he is here.  Periodically, he says, "Help me!" Yikes, that enough to rip my guts out.
            Good news:  He continues to respond positively to the rosary.  I brought in his Microsoft Powerbook, which his grandson, August, helped him pick out on his last trip to LA.  Good thing we have a consultant in the family.  I couldn't figure out how to turn the thing on this morning, no less connect it to the WIFI and then YouTube. All's good now. The power book is propped up next to his head, and the rosary is being recited.  Now, how do I put it on continuously play, so I don't have to be here 24/7 to turn it on again?
            The rosary I put on came to an end. The next YouTube selection came up.   It was this man talking about his conversion from Judaism to Catholicism.  He talks about growing up in the 50s. This man is telling Mike's story.  I asked Mike if he wanted to listen to this. He said yes.  I was thinking of getting other programs on Catholicism to keep his mind active.          
            I started writing my side of the story.  A friend told me to write stuff down so I can remember it. I'm thinking if Mike makes it out of here, which seems likely but not a for sure yet, he can 'read all about it.'
            I slept in a Bnb last night with Shivani, my niece. She left early this morning to return to her partner and their two-year-old son in San Francisco.  I can't begin to tell you what a blessing it was to have Damon, Mike's son, and Shivani here with me.  The two of them made sure that I was okay.  They relieved me of a burden. Shivani found the Bnb, and she spent one night with me there, unbelievable. Damon took care of the car.  A friend recommended Turo, which is sort of an Uber for car rentals.  Damon looked for Priuses, which is the car I drive at home.  Also, this search is somewhat cheaper and more flexible.  Since each dealer is its own private corporation, the system is slightly less bureaucratic.  
        `Shivani and I took an Uber out to get the Turo rental car. The pick-up location was in a crowded suburban neighborhood.  I liked the informality.  We drove from there to the Bnb she had found.
            Shivani gave great thought about the Bnb.  She looked at many pictures and thought to select a woman closer to my age than someone in their 30s, thinking that person would be more responsive to me. We arrived, it wasn't quite what we thought it was.  It is a separate building, but the interior is somewhat jerry-rigged.  Shivani asked if it would be okay. I'm thinking: Holy Cow! For starters, it sure beats sleeping on the golf course, which was close to the hospital, and I might have considered.  Secondly, it's clean, neat and the bed is comfortable. Of course, we were coming from a 5-star hotel.   This is just fine.  And I slept like a baby.
            Shivani left before sunrise this morning to make her plane.  While I had slept well, I still felt 'hungover." Mind you, this is without the benefit of alcohol.  I got up, organized my possessions, and headed for the hospital.  I drove the speed limit and felt like I was the little old lady holding up the traffic.  Oh, yeah. Yvette, our goddaughter, has pointed out to me that I am a little old lady. 
            I am feeling drained.  I sent out texts telling people that Mike was steady but delirious.  And I didn't want to speak to anyone for the day.  The best thing would be a 24-hour silent retreat.  Not possible.
            I pulled into the hospital parking lot. When I got out of my car, I heard running water.  I went to the edge of the parking lot, and there was a small waterfall. It's kind of natural, in as much nature is making use of the man-made contours blasted out the side of the hill to build the parking lot.  I leaned against the wall of the parking lot, and just drank in the scene.  I can draw energy from nature and art.  I remained there for several minutes.  I noticed the tall grass moving at the side of this small waterfall.  There were tiny brown birds flying about and landing on the blades of grass, scarcely bending them.  I have no idea what kind of birds they were.  I would say it is a hummingbird.  Anyone ever seen a brown hummingbird?  I also caught sight of another bird I had never seen before.  This one is finch sized, black with white stripes on its wings. 
            I finally went upstairs, dropped off the computer bags, said hello to Mike, said some rosary, and went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. As I started writing this, I felt a little less drained.  I feel better when I can write. I have no idea why this would be the case, but I'll take it.
            Dr. Izawa, the specialist on his case, just came in. He tells me his blood count is higher, but they don't expect infection since it didn't show up on the CT yesterday. The good doctor said that today is just more of the same, "He's in a holding pattern." He said he was reassured by the results of the CT scan.
            I came back downstairs and finally got hold of my grandson to have him help me set up Mike's Powerbook. 
            Mike is sleeping now.  The nurse is coming by to suction him.  There seems to be something gurgling around in his throat. His eyes are wide open, and he is listening to the lecture.
             11:29am. I was just introduced to Daisy, who will be Mike's sitter to watch that he doesn't pull out any more tubes.   The care is really amazing.  I am so grateful.

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