Today would have been Mike's 79th birthday. I woke up early but stayed in bed until 7:30. My back felt good, but I only walked up and down the street, I live on instead of around the block, so I was never too far from home. I used the walking stick while I walked, but I didn't need it. I stretched out the right hip joint, meaning the psoas muscle.
When I got home, I sat in my typing chair and drank my two cups of morning water- but then, when I got up, oh boy! It was bad. That pain comes and goes. When my back was good, it was perfect; when it was bad, it was really bad. I managed to shower and get dressed. I texted Judy to pull into the driveway to pick me up because I could barely walk.
I made it out to the car and, with some help, into the church. There was no way I was going to miss today. The mass was dedicated to Mike, and Fr. Lio was officiating. When I saw Fr. Lio yesterday at the celebration Mass, I made sure he would be at Holy Rosary for the 10 am Mass. I wanted to share that moment with him because I know he loved Mike. The new priest, who usually does our Sunday mass, had never even met him.
Lio didn't say much about Mike, but his sermon combined today's readings with those from last week. Last week's was about a widow who persuaded a judge to consider her appeal by badgering him into submission. The message was to be persistent in prayer. If a judge could be moved by persistence, think how much more our appeals will move our heavenly Father.
I knew he had included this reference to the widow for my sake. But he said something even more interesting from my perspective. It was as if he knew the way I thought. I know Lio hasn't seen enough of me to know, but maybe Mike told him.
Lio discussed the purpose of prayer. He said it was there to help us keep hope alive. He said to pray as if it is all in God's hands, and act as if it is all in our hands. He also said prayer's proper function is to change us, maybe even change our minds about what we are praying for. I have never considered prayer changing us, but that makes sense. God represents ideals. If we spend a lot of time praying, we think about our standards and ideals. That influences who we become.
There were refreshments after church. We sat around and chatted. I spoke specifically to Margo, who runs a nursery. Mike and I planted bougainvillea on the edge of the upper lanai next to a low-lying fence. On the other side of that fence is a 10-foot drop. The bougainvillea were there to discourage Peaches and Horatio, our two 50 lb. Portuguese Water Dogs from getting near enough to the fence to jump over it. For those of you who don't know, both Peaches and Horatio died before Mike and I moved to Hawaii. Also, for those of you who don't know, bougainvillea has thorns. I once leaned on one and punctured a vein; I bled like a stuck pig. Those thorns can get big enough to flatten truck tires. They are monsters. However, it was not the thorns that were bothering me.
The plan was to keep the shrub trimmed. I had to go out and trim it daily. The more I trimmed, the more aggressively it came back. It has become a monster plant. I wanted it gone. I didn't need it because I have Elsa now, a 12 lb. dog. She had to make an effort to jump up on the couch. Good-bye to those bougainvillea. I spoke to Margo about something else I could plant in that area. I want something that has a yellow flower.
Judy and Paulette stopped in when they dropped me off to help me consider the carpet samples I had brought home. I was struggling to decide what would look best with the area rugs in that room. Paulette said, Forget the rugs. You can get other ones. Think about what you like best about the samples. What a freeing suggestion! Making my mind up was easy then. Paulette also worked on my back. She has healing hands. She knows what she is doing.
After they left, I lay down on the loveseat/antigravity couch with a heating pad to see if I could improve my back. I read a little and slept a little. Around 1:30 pm, Damon called. I hadn't spoken to him in three weeks. He had a lot on his plate, and I didn't want to bother him. His mother was diagnosed with heart problems and had to have open-heart surgery last Monday. He had a major project due at work the day after her surgery, and had a busy week at work this last week. He didn't need to worry about my problems as well.
One thing we need to solve immediately is my flight plans for Thanksgiving. Besides needing to order them, I have been called for Jury duty starting November 19. I had to send in a copy of my flight itinerary to get a delay. I will be on the East Coast for the week.
It has indeed been a stressful few weeks for me. Besides dealing with some differences in communication style, personal style, and actual differences of opinion, I had to make decisions about the acoustic insulation project. It was only yesterday that I could put the flooring project to rest after visiting the flooring store and discovering they knew precisely what they were talking about and had the absolute best solution I had seen to date. Ah!!!!
Yvette's friend Scott mentioned another potential problem with the flooring that could create noise. I hadn't understood what Yvette was saying. I thought she meant that there was a problem when the laminate panels rubbed against each other. No, that's not it. The problem could be that the support beams had been nailed together, and the mitered ends rubbed against each other. I don't know if that is the problem, but it would be better if it's checked before we lay a new floor above the ceiling, if the subflooring has to be lifted to fix that problem. Whatever it takes, we have to find a way to deal with the noise Yvette and Josh have to deal with downstairs.
On a previous occasion, Yvette used the word 'sacrifice' to describe her living downstairs. Sacrifice is not part of my vocabulary. Sacrifice is an extreme situation where I submit to unrelenting discomfort because I can't find a better choice. There is nothing good about a situation that requires sacrifice. I do not consider myself to have sacrificed anything when I spent eight hours a day by Mike's bedside in Oahu for five weeks; that was primarily a joy to be there for him with some discomfort. I wouldn't have had it any other way. For Yvette, it means doing something other than what she had initially planned to do. That is very different from mine.
My question is, how much is positive and how much is negative about her living in the downstairs ohana? If it was more negative than positive, she and Josh should have talked seriously about what they would prefer, and we should have made that happen. I don't enjoy people sacrificing themselves for me. No, thanks. There is always a side order of resentment that comes with it. That's not the way I want to live. I want a win-win situation. Then, Yvette and I can have a flourishing relationship. That's what I want.
After Yvette gave me a fantastic leg and foot massage that helped relieve the pain in my back and right leg, we went to Kua Bay in the late afternoon. This beach was Mike's favorite. We didn't go down to the shoreline because I could barely reach the sea wall's edge. We sat there and watched the sky, the waves, the swimmers, and the boogie boarders. I texted Damon, saying that I would FaceTime him so we could share Kau Bay with Mike. He was driving home from his dinner with friends. I told them to pull over. They were on route one and said they couldn't. I flashed a short shot while Damon slowed down to glance at the screen on Cylin's phone. Later, I took a short video and sent it to him. I didn't do that initially because I wanted to share the scene with him in real time. It was Mike's birthday; I wanted us to all be together: Damon, Cylin, Yvette, me, and Mike.
When Yvette and I got home from Kua Bay, she walked Elsa. We each had a slice of the pizza she bought the day before. Although we've known each other for 50 years, in many ways, we're only getting to know each other now. During the past 50 years, we had cartoon images of each other, which are only now being fleshed out. The bad news is that there are things we don't like about each other; hopefully, it's just that we don't understand each other. The good news is that we are both interested in working things out for our mutual benefit. We both understand that we will become bigger people with a more extensive vocabulary of responses to the human condition as we work things out. Very exciting and, at its best, lots of fun.
After Yvette left, I hit the couch again with the heating pad. I did some release work on the left side of my neck. I had known for hours that that was part of the problem, but I did nothing about it. When I got up after playing with my neck, I was able to walk more easily. Who knows, I may wake up tomorrow with my back feeling like it never had a problem in the first place. Oh, there is no question that the problem is with a tight psoas and a weak latissimus dorsi. I'm working on remedying those two problems. Hopefully, this won't take forever. I feel quite limited when the pain hits. It's exhausting. Combined with grief, it's a total package.
I finished reading the Sunday New York Times and did some work on the blog. I'm not walking Elsa tonight. I'm not risking not being able to get home and having to spend the night sleeping in the street. (It's not that bad, but close.) Elsa will have to use the backyard. ____________________________________________________________________________
Musings:
Lio spoke about the transforming impact of prayer. Later, as I read Kerr's A Very Short Introduction to Aquinas, I came across that theory again. Aquinas believed that if you continued to pray for something, you would eventually see God's will for you. I think this is supposed to happen because keeping the ideal of God in mind transforms us. So, praying for something leads us to accept what is. Interesting theory. I can see how it might work, but by now, I've learned that no method will always work for everyone.
In another book I am reading, Spiritual By-passing, the author questions the value of Vipassana meditation, which the Buddha developed. This meditation requires awareness of sensation with a sense of equanimity. Equanimity means calmness, a persistent sense of well-being that remains undisturbed by our awareness of physical or psychological pain. The theory is that calmly viewing our pain transforms it. Now, this method has worked for me in a big way. But I have seen others use it to escape their feelings. No technique will work for all, and there is always that person who can use every conceivable method to avoid the transforming benefits of an activity, if they are so determined. Prayer guarantees nothing. Mediation guarantees nothing. There is no single cure. Too bad. Life would be so much easier if there were.
I made it out to the car and, with some help, into the church. There was no way I was going to miss today. The mass was dedicated to Mike, and Fr. Lio was officiating. When I saw Fr. Lio yesterday at the celebration Mass, I made sure he would be at Holy Rosary for the 10 am Mass. I wanted to share that moment with him because I know he loved Mike. The new priest, who usually does our Sunday mass, had never even met him.
Lio didn't say much about Mike, but his sermon combined today's readings with those from last week. Last week's was about a widow who persuaded a judge to consider her appeal by badgering him into submission. The message was to be persistent in prayer. If a judge could be moved by persistence, think how much more our appeals will move our heavenly Father.
I knew he had included this reference to the widow for my sake. But he said something even more interesting from my perspective. It was as if he knew the way I thought. I know Lio hasn't seen enough of me to know, but maybe Mike told him.
Lio discussed the purpose of prayer. He said it was there to help us keep hope alive. He said to pray as if it is all in God's hands, and act as if it is all in our hands. He also said prayer's proper function is to change us, maybe even change our minds about what we are praying for. I have never considered prayer changing us, but that makes sense. God represents ideals. If we spend a lot of time praying, we think about our standards and ideals. That influences who we become.
There were refreshments after church. We sat around and chatted. I spoke specifically to Margo, who runs a nursery. Mike and I planted bougainvillea on the edge of the upper lanai next to a low-lying fence. On the other side of that fence is a 10-foot drop. The bougainvillea were there to discourage Peaches and Horatio, our two 50 lb. Portuguese Water Dogs from getting near enough to the fence to jump over it. For those of you who don't know, both Peaches and Horatio died before Mike and I moved to Hawaii. Also, for those of you who don't know, bougainvillea has thorns. I once leaned on one and punctured a vein; I bled like a stuck pig. Those thorns can get big enough to flatten truck tires. They are monsters. However, it was not the thorns that were bothering me.
The plan was to keep the shrub trimmed. I had to go out and trim it daily. The more I trimmed, the more aggressively it came back. It has become a monster plant. I wanted it gone. I didn't need it because I have Elsa now, a 12 lb. dog. She had to make an effort to jump up on the couch. Good-bye to those bougainvillea. I spoke to Margo about something else I could plant in that area. I want something that has a yellow flower.
Judy and Paulette stopped in when they dropped me off to help me consider the carpet samples I had brought home. I was struggling to decide what would look best with the area rugs in that room. Paulette said, Forget the rugs. You can get other ones. Think about what you like best about the samples. What a freeing suggestion! Making my mind up was easy then. Paulette also worked on my back. She has healing hands. She knows what she is doing.
After they left, I lay down on the loveseat/antigravity couch with a heating pad to see if I could improve my back. I read a little and slept a little. Around 1:30 pm, Damon called. I hadn't spoken to him in three weeks. He had a lot on his plate, and I didn't want to bother him. His mother was diagnosed with heart problems and had to have open-heart surgery last Monday. He had a major project due at work the day after her surgery, and had a busy week at work this last week. He didn't need to worry about my problems as well.
One thing we need to solve immediately is my flight plans for Thanksgiving. Besides needing to order them, I have been called for Jury duty starting November 19. I had to send in a copy of my flight itinerary to get a delay. I will be on the East Coast for the week.
It has indeed been a stressful few weeks for me. Besides dealing with some differences in communication style, personal style, and actual differences of opinion, I had to make decisions about the acoustic insulation project. It was only yesterday that I could put the flooring project to rest after visiting the flooring store and discovering they knew precisely what they were talking about and had the absolute best solution I had seen to date. Ah!!!!
Yvette's friend Scott mentioned another potential problem with the flooring that could create noise. I hadn't understood what Yvette was saying. I thought she meant that there was a problem when the laminate panels rubbed against each other. No, that's not it. The problem could be that the support beams had been nailed together, and the mitered ends rubbed against each other. I don't know if that is the problem, but it would be better if it's checked before we lay a new floor above the ceiling, if the subflooring has to be lifted to fix that problem. Whatever it takes, we have to find a way to deal with the noise Yvette and Josh have to deal with downstairs.
On a previous occasion, Yvette used the word 'sacrifice' to describe her living downstairs. Sacrifice is not part of my vocabulary. Sacrifice is an extreme situation where I submit to unrelenting discomfort because I can't find a better choice. There is nothing good about a situation that requires sacrifice. I do not consider myself to have sacrificed anything when I spent eight hours a day by Mike's bedside in Oahu for five weeks; that was primarily a joy to be there for him with some discomfort. I wouldn't have had it any other way. For Yvette, it means doing something other than what she had initially planned to do. That is very different from mine.
My question is, how much is positive and how much is negative about her living in the downstairs ohana? If it was more negative than positive, she and Josh should have talked seriously about what they would prefer, and we should have made that happen. I don't enjoy people sacrificing themselves for me. No, thanks. There is always a side order of resentment that comes with it. That's not the way I want to live. I want a win-win situation. Then, Yvette and I can have a flourishing relationship. That's what I want.
After Yvette gave me a fantastic leg and foot massage that helped relieve the pain in my back and right leg, we went to Kua Bay in the late afternoon. This beach was Mike's favorite. We didn't go down to the shoreline because I could barely reach the sea wall's edge. We sat there and watched the sky, the waves, the swimmers, and the boogie boarders. I texted Damon, saying that I would FaceTime him so we could share Kau Bay with Mike. He was driving home from his dinner with friends. I told them to pull over. They were on route one and said they couldn't. I flashed a short shot while Damon slowed down to glance at the screen on Cylin's phone. Later, I took a short video and sent it to him. I didn't do that initially because I wanted to share the scene with him in real time. It was Mike's birthday; I wanted us to all be together: Damon, Cylin, Yvette, me, and Mike.
When Yvette and I got home from Kua Bay, she walked Elsa. We each had a slice of the pizza she bought the day before. Although we've known each other for 50 years, in many ways, we're only getting to know each other now. During the past 50 years, we had cartoon images of each other, which are only now being fleshed out. The bad news is that there are things we don't like about each other; hopefully, it's just that we don't understand each other. The good news is that we are both interested in working things out for our mutual benefit. We both understand that we will become bigger people with a more extensive vocabulary of responses to the human condition as we work things out. Very exciting and, at its best, lots of fun.
After Yvette left, I hit the couch again with the heating pad. I did some release work on the left side of my neck. I had known for hours that that was part of the problem, but I did nothing about it. When I got up after playing with my neck, I was able to walk more easily. Who knows, I may wake up tomorrow with my back feeling like it never had a problem in the first place. Oh, there is no question that the problem is with a tight psoas and a weak latissimus dorsi. I'm working on remedying those two problems. Hopefully, this won't take forever. I feel quite limited when the pain hits. It's exhausting. Combined with grief, it's a total package.
I finished reading the Sunday New York Times and did some work on the blog. I'm not walking Elsa tonight. I'm not risking not being able to get home and having to spend the night sleeping in the street. (It's not that bad, but close.) Elsa will have to use the backyard. ____________________________________________________________________________
Musings:
Lio spoke about the transforming impact of prayer. Later, as I read Kerr's A Very Short Introduction to Aquinas, I came across that theory again. Aquinas believed that if you continued to pray for something, you would eventually see God's will for you. I think this is supposed to happen because keeping the ideal of God in mind transforms us. So, praying for something leads us to accept what is. Interesting theory. I can see how it might work, but by now, I've learned that no method will always work for everyone.
In another book I am reading, Spiritual By-passing, the author questions the value of Vipassana meditation, which the Buddha developed. This meditation requires awareness of sensation with a sense of equanimity. Equanimity means calmness, a persistent sense of well-being that remains undisturbed by our awareness of physical or psychological pain. The theory is that calmly viewing our pain transforms it. Now, this method has worked for me in a big way. But I have seen others use it to escape their feelings. No technique will work for all, and there is always that person who can use every conceivable method to avoid the transforming benefits of an activity, if they are so determined. Prayer guarantees nothing. Mediation guarantees nothing. There is no single cure. Too bad. Life would be so much easier if there were.
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