I woke up at 4:30 and slept restlessly for the rest of the night. A friend from yoga has severe back problems. I did one impromptu healing session with her. It may have done something for her back at the moment, but it didn't last. X-rays show her spine is a mess. Winds up, she was hit by a semi-truck some years ago. It left her out of commission for about a year. It finally came to me that we should work on relieving the trauma of the accident. One would think that suggesting that would have occurred to me before. It's a standard response to any physical accident. But, I never do anything until I 'get a signal.' I often find myself in a position where I 'know' what I can do in my healing work, but I haven't gotten some internal okay to do it. Following this advice has never failed me. While it is sometimes embarrassing to tell this to a client who expects me to know what to do, waiting reveals there is something more important or appropriate to work on.
Judy was the lector at Saint Michael's today. I had to choose between going with her at 8:15 or to Holy Rosary for the 10 am mass. I decided to go with her. While I like Paulette, Judy is the primary source of comfort for me these days. Given the stress I'm going through at the moment, having someone who fulfills that role is particularly important. I was glad I went for several reasons. I saw people who only attend St. Michael's that I haven't seen in a while. These folks are also part of my church community. I got to see Maya, who is very loving and kind. The priest who did the Mass was recently ordained, and this was his first Mass at St. Michael's. Mike had worked with him when he was still a seminarian. He remembered Mike. I'm glad I was there, even though it was challenging.
I came home to read the Sunday New Times and nap. Naps do seem to help. When I woke up, I was lying there, meditating and feeling my body's boundaries. I was fine. Being in an encapsulated state, having no existence beyond the limits of my skin, is soothing. I am fine. The rest is" just problems to be solved." That's what Mike would say when I got upset about something. That expression remains with me; it's the gift that keeps on giving.
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Musings:
I have heard the words of the Mass over and over. I could hear different meanings. Building on the subject of altruism is a concern not just for self and tribe but also for others: This is the message associated with Jesus. It's a pretty good message. I don't know if any other religion emphasizes it as much as Christianity. That being said, it doesn't mean that all who consider themselves followers of Jesus interpret it the same way. Some believe it is their job to kill people who are not Christians or convert them to the 'better' religion.
The theme of today's readings was patience and to hold faith. Since I'm in a down space now, looking at the possibility of a grim, well, somewhat grim future jam-packed with conflict, I have to hold on to the hope that what is considered the spirit of Christ will dominate in me and those whom I have to come to rely on. What I can't handle is the resentment. I'll be more than fine if we work for a shared agreement. I must hold on to the faith that this is possible until proven otherwise.
This message also concerns God coming through for us if we are patient. Now, I hear this message similar to the Buddhist message that we must gear up to deal with change. 'Good' things can come out of 'bad' things, and 'bad' things can come out of 'good' things. I put good and bad in quotes because people generally mean that getting what they want is 'good,' and not getting what they want is 'bad.' The message from both religions is that things will turn around if you are patient.
In the context of Buddhism, it is made plain it can go either way. Buddhism's message is that you must learn to accept and cope with the ups and downs of life, and here's a way to do it. In the context of Christianity, they only talk about good things coming if you keep the faith. It's a variation of the Buddhist message delivered a thousand years before the Christian one. The second coming is the return of the good, where good is always associated with the presence of God.
Buddhism teaches coping methods with life that don't involve faith in a deity, and that change can go both ways. Christianity requires belief in a Creator and that things will work out eventually – if you believe in God. I see the value of both methods in dealing with life. I have no idea if there is or is not a God. I wasn't raised in a home where God was a given. At best, it was 'your guess is as good as mine," at the extreme end was 'it's total nonsense.'
I've adopted the 'your guess is as good as mine' approach to belief. But, I allow myself to believe because it helps me in many ways. There's an expression in the Bible of not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing that applies here- literally. The passage refers to giving alms; you're supposed to do it in secret. I adapted the expression, which is meant metaphorically, to apply to something unrelated to the topic.
The right hemisphere controls the left hand; the left hemisphere controls the right. The right hemisphere is associated with imagination, the left with reason. It requires faith and imagination to believe in God. Because I think it is best for me, I allow my right hemisphere to accept things my left hemisphere finds doubtful. However, my left hemisphere made that choice and gave that permission. My right hemisphere is in the dark about my left hemisphere's skepticism.
We are all of many minds. Even the most devoted experience doubt: the left and right hemispheres battle for our attention. Having come to faith as an adult with a background of no faith, my resolution is pretty easy compared to those born into the religion. On the other hand, I never experience total surrender to faith others do. It's a trade-off.
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