Friday, October 4, 2019

  October 4, 2019 

   I woke up way before the alarm went off. I'm good about falling back to sleep again, maybe too good. When I can't sleep, I do my healing prayers for those twenty-two names on my list.  I think I know who I covered before I fell asleep. I seem to have a better memory of where I left off on the list before I fell asleep than of where I left my glasses two minutes ago when I was wide awake.  

    I had an appointment with the acupuncturist at 10 am.  I took a shower so I would be somewhat clean after Bikram. I walked Elsa.  My leg felt pretty good but not perfect.  I did all the postures while lying on my back, including the breathing at the beginning and end. Where yesterday, I felt it was right to stop during the standing series; today, I was able to do something for every posture. I wasn't in pain yesterday; my body went into learning mode, and I had to let it do its work.  I was able to get up easily today.  No problems.

The next class was the Pilates class with Agnes. I have been interested in participating. As I suspected, it was a fast-paced class, which didn't work for me. When a class is too fast, I can't hear my body's messages.  I was told that I could do the exercises any way I wanted; one set instead of the ten the instructor gives the class; I could do it as slow or as fast as I liked. I'm interested because I saw the difference in Crista's body after she started Pilates.  I was going to watch the class.  I waited until 9:30, when the class started. Then Agnes told me that everyone just lay on their backs for the first three minutes.  I had to go.  I wanted to return something to Ace Hardware and make it to an appointment.

     Wednesday, there was some concern that I wouldn't be able to make it to the acupuncturist's office. There's a ramp, but walking would be a challenge.  Yvette sweetly volunteered Scott to carry me like a baby, like a bride. Oh, boy.  I don't care how strong he is; that sounds terrifying. Fortunately, my back was not a problem; getting up the ramp was a piece of cake. 

     When I got there a few minutes early, Erin, the acupuncturist, was ready.  I went in. She asked me how my hot flashes were doing. I don't think there is any difference. I still had those private downpours I started shortly before Mike died.  Yes, my hot flashes have been getting worse at 79. 

   She treated my hot flashes and sciatica by placing needles in my upper back between my shoulder blades. When she was finished, she told me to take it easy for the rest of the day and not lift anything. When I got home, I realized I wasn't quite sure what she meant. My first thought was of a box. But I did have to lift the yoga mat out of the car; did that count?

I lay down and slept. I wasn't particularly tired. I have an amazing capacity for sleep. Mike did, too.  I hear complaints from my peers about sleep troubles.  Not me. 

    Today, I have been keeping a record of my hot flashes.  I have had five since I came home from the acupuncturist.   Right now, I have a slow burn that's leaving me uncomfortably damp. 

      I had a long talk with Judy.  She has a sore throat and is down for the count.  She listened while I complained about miscommunication problems between several people and me. They're all angry at me because I don't see it their way; I don't know what is in their minds. What can I tell you? I understand that it is frustrating. It's frustrating for me too.  It downright hurts. 

    After dinner, I went into the library to sort more books. I'm just arranging them in alphabetical order by shelf.  I decided to do the bottom shelf. So I'm lying on my side, pulling out the books and moving them. OW!  There went my back.  Just as bad as it has ever been. I couldn't even walk Elsa.  I took Advil, put an ice pack on my back, and went to sleep.  

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Musings:

I'm dealing with some people who don't know the difference between arguing and discussing, which is very frustrating. Arguing is when two people hold to their perspective and try to get the other person to see it their way. Discussing is when two people present their point of view to see the other person's point of view. There are three possible objectives:

a.    Problem-solving: The participants are looking to arrive at a different solution from the ones they started with. The assumption is that the outcome will be better for the joint input. Example: Mike and I went shopping for silverware at Fortunoff's many years ago. We looked at the samples separately and then met up with our selections.

    I came back with something very modern; Mike came back with something from the 19th century.  We looked at each other's selections and returned to the displays without saying a word.  Mike came back with something more modern, and I came back with something with more classical lines.  When we came back together, our selections were still far apart from each other while closer than they had been.  We returned to the displays again.  The third time, Mike came back with one we both liked. We still have it, and I still love it.  This became our story of how we solved problems, the one we tried to live up to all our lives together.

Another example: We had this fantastic contractor when we renovated our house in Hawaii. He, Mike, and I would sit around, throwing out ideas. We all loved the process.  When all the work was completed, we had a celebratory dinner.  Ken said it was a joy working with us.  Were we lucky, or were we lucky? 

b.    The second objective is just getting a better understanding of the other person's point of view without thinking of changing anyone's mind.

c.    The discussion's third objective is learning something you hope will replace your current opinion. 

Here's an example of this:

   I was 'arguing' with my nephew David about the value of traveling. He would present his point of view, but what he had to say didn't impress me. He would say something else, and I communicated that it still had no meaning for me. 

    His sister asked, "Why are you trying to convince him?" I told her I wasn't; I was trying to get him to convince me. I wanted to see the value of travel because my beloved husband wanted to travel, and I had less than no interest in it.  I wanted to see it differently.