While I ran out to do my last bathroom run before the yoga class, someone, a yoga angel, spread out my towel on my mat. It was Jeff. I leaned over and kissed him on the head. Then I went and lay down on that mat. My back was too tight; I asked Jeff to help me. He got up, lent me his arm, and reminded me that he was there if I needed any additional help. At the end of class, one of the students spontaneously came over and kissed me on the head. Have I mentioned how much this community means to me?
After class, I stopped at Target to buy a magnifying glass. I had one, my mom's old one, but it's disappeared. When the kids moved into that small room, they moved things around. I'm sure it will turn up someday. I asked an employee where to find magnifying glasses. She looked it up and gave me an aisle number. One small problem: there was no such aisle. Where it should have been was an open display of home décor. One of the employees finally helped me locate it. I need a magnifying glass to read the directions on food packages. I have to say, the frozen chicken pot pie I ate yesterday was a disappointment.
When I got home, I worked on the blog and wrestled with disconcerting feelings. I have started attacking myself when I feel I've done something wrong. These are minor actions, like saying the wrong thing. This is how I lived when I was a child, always under attack from my mother and myself. It was a nightmare, a waking one.
Judy called. I told her what I was dealing with. Mike not only protected me from the assaults of others and comforted me when he couldn't protect me, but he also protected me from myself. He'd hold me, and his loving energy would infuse my body and calm me.
Judy asked what I could do to stop this state of mind. I know I have to work on it with my therapist. She asked me what I could do in the meantime. I said, keep busy, distract myself. I did calm down during the day.
I had plenty to do; instead, I played FreeCell. That exhausted me, and I had to take a nap. I slept for about an hour. I was planning to work with K, B.'s grandson. I heard them leave in the morning. B. was taking his grandson's bowling. When they came back, K. came in.
I asked him how much he had been reading on his own. He said his mom had him read the first Carpenter story every night. I had him read it to me. I was disappointed with the results. He misread several words; it was as if he had memorized the story but wasn't even reading it correctly. Then I had him read stories 2, 3, and 4. He did a perfect job. There's a child I have been working with at school who I see three or four times a week, and he is still struggling with the first story. K. was sailing through four stories. I went to print five more so I could try him on them tomorrow.
At one point, he reversed the letters. I asked him if he experienced spinning. I lead him in a spin release once he told me where the spinning was and what direction. When I asked him if he was comfortable doing it, he said no. I told him to stop. I asked him if it hurt or made him scared. He said, scared. I told him to stop. He shouldn't do it if he is scared. I have never had anyone hurt by doing a spin release, but I don't believe the process can work if someone is scared. They automatically fight the process.
People who have this spinning sensation that disrupts the order of the letters make every effort to slow it down. This usually doesn't work. With the spin release, the objective is to allow the spin to spin-off. However, it shouldn't happen in a way that is frightening for the person. It should feel safe, comfortable, easy, fun, and effective; I mean that literally. I showed him how to build in a braking system to slow down the spin release and feel safe. I told him to allow the spinning to start and how to stop it. This is to help him experience control of the process. After he did it several times, he was no longer scared. He was able to allow the spin release to progress on its own. He asked if he could go back down to his grandfather's house. I said yes. He needed to relax and allow the process to complete on its own. My experience is that if the release is going to work, it's much like removing a dam from a river; the water flows freely on its own.
I called his mom to tell her the improvement I saw in his reading. She said his teachers in the school see no progress. I can believe that, but I think it's as much his avoidance of being in a position where it makes a mistake in front of his teacher as any reading problems he has. She showed the material I had prepared for him to his teachers. I code the material, dividing every word into its phonemic units, D-i/v-i/ d-i-ng e-v/er-y w-o-r-d i-n/t-o i-t-s ph-o/n-e/m-i-c u/n-i-t-s. His teachers said he may read that material, but he cannot read words in their usual format. I have him read a regular book, and he can recognize many of the words we have already worked on. I am as sure as I can be that she has nothing to worry about.
Yvette came in with dinner from the Thai restaurant. I was Jonesing for the chicken noodle soup from this Thai restaurant on Kuakini. After dinner, she and Josh went out bowling with some friends of Josh's from his workplace.
Later, I did some straightening. I am overwhelmed by the trail of disorder I create. I got used to Mike doing all that surface straightening. Boy, I miss him.
Then I watched more of this odd tv series called Blood and Water, a mystery series. I don't know where it was made. I think it takes place in America. The lead character is the adopted daughter of a white woman. However, many of the characters, including members of the police force, are Chinese people who speak Chinese and English and switch back and forth.
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