Saturday, February 6, 2021

 Saturday, February 6, 2021

 

            My God, it was cold this morning. At the end of the day, I learned that it was only 61 degrees this morning. I thought it was colder than that. There was snow on Mauna Loa, and arctic air was blowing down the mountain. 

            Despite the cold, we had yoga. I raised my left leg higher than I have in the past. Hmmm? Is this just standard progress or because of the stem cells? It's only been a week. I doubt that the new cells grow that fast.

            At 9 am, I had an appointment with an eight-year-old girl, K., who lost her mother two years ago. She is applying to get into a private school for children of Hawaiian descent. Her sister already attends the school. Her last name is hyphenated; her mother's name is Japanese, and her dad's English. She had to have enough Hawaiian DNA to qualify. She had to write an essay as part of her entrance requirement. I wanted to work with her for half an hour a day, but each weekday session was canceled because of a conflict with gymnastics.

            I finally met with her today. Yes, she had thought about the essay. One sentence said she wanted to write about her mother, and a second said why she missed her. That's it. That's way below the minimal standard for 3rd grade. On a positive note, it didn't take that long to pull a substantial amount of information out of her. There were some grammatical errors, but she also produced some complex sentences. This all took half an hour. They had a party to go to today. Dad was going to call me when they got home. It's eight pm, and still no call. On his behalf, he is stuck raising two girls on his own. He works on the docks for Matson. He must be confused.

            After K, I had an appointment with S, a seven-year-old in first grade. She allowed me to give her more feedback today. I try to give more positive than negative or corrective feedback. The latter wears one down. Again, I watched the mom snap orders at her. After our class, I asked the mom if we could have a telephone conversation. 

            OMG! Here I thought the mom was acting out some self-hatred on the little girl. That's some of what my mom did to me, accusing me of all her own failings. I am so glad I worked on my reaction to the station with my therapist before speaking to the mom. 

            When S was three, she was diagnosed with genetically chronic pancreatitis. This is the very thing that killed Mike. Her mom told me that she was in the hospital for 6 weeks being deprived of food. That may sound cruel, but food passes through the pancreas and worsens the suffering. Sadly, they have no idea how to treat it. It's all still very primitive. S has had only one attack since then. Mom is vigilant about her diet. Sweets can trigger an attack and ultimately kill her. She is her only child. It's a terrifying situation. 

            I do a lot of work with parents on fear-driven responses built into our nervous systems. Those fears can be resolved. This did not apply to the situation of 2021 with Covid. But the fears this woman is living with are current and real. However, her continually snapping at her daughter doesn't remedy anything. The woman detailed several other challenges in her life. She clearly carries more than her fair share of grief.

            While we were on the phone, S. made a racket and made our conversation difficult. Mom snapped at her. I suggested that she say it gently. She changed her tone; she whined, begging her daughter to behave. I got it. Mom's in a power struggle. One has to be dominant. That's something we can change. I offered to work with her. I also suggested she see a family therapist to work on her issues and behavior. 

            Since nothing she did quieted the girl, I asked to speak to her. I said, "You think your mom and I are talking about you." I told her I had nothing bad to say about her and, "You're safe. You're safe. You're safe." She quieted down.

            I told mom S was afraid of her. Mom insisted that she wasn't. I told her that her acting out was an expression of her fear. I told her S overheard her saying her name with annoyance. She admitted that she would be frightened if she heard her boss saying her name that way. I told her that's how we all work. We're wired that way. It's not a choice. 

            I have to say this much for mom; she will listen while I say the hard things. Hopefully, she will also let me help her. She says she doesn't have the money. Okay, so don't pay me. That power issue should be relatively easy to resolve through healing.

            After I got off the phone with mom, I had enough time to take a shower before I had to leave for my 1 pm acupuncture appointment. I had worked with this woman before. I wasn't impressed. But so far, I have never had a good experience with acupuncture. I probably wouldn't have gone if I didn't have three free sessions as part of the stem cell package. 

            I had a very different experience. The acupuncturist carefully examined my body with her hands before inserting the needles. She had good insight. She observed things that no one else had, or at least no one else shared with me. In the end, she gave me some interesting simple exercises which I think I can incorporate.

            This woman once responded to my ad for tutoring. I assumed she hadn't called because she had found someone else. But no. She just didn't follow up. Her fourteen-year-old son is reading at a first-grade level. I would love to work with him, but she showed no interest. That's not much I can do about that. Of course, I can never promise to be successful. Some people I can help in a few minutes, some in a few sessions, and some not after a year. Think of D. 

            At 3 pm, I had an appointment with A, a seven-year-old in 2nd grade who is reading at a low kindergarten level. This was our second session. I had worked with the material he introduced in the first session. Today I introduced the Carpenter materials. It's based on word families. The stories are simple with limited vocabulary but more extensive than what he had been reading.

            Mom sits with him through each session. I want her there because I want her to learn how to work with him. He was able to read the material using careful decoding. Mom saw there was already a difference.

            However, he missed the word several times. I asked mom if he had difficulty with memory. She said sometimes. I said that means he has a problem with memory. I initiated the BrainManagementSkills. His visual working memory seemed to be in good order. His auditory working memory seemed to be working oka too. The problem was that he didn't connect the visual image to the auditory one. "What fires together wires together." He wasn't simultaneously firing the two sensory images. They weren't going into long-term memory together. He was able to say that doing felt different. That's a good sign. It means we're on to something that may resolve his problem. 

            When I did my evening walk, I wondered if I had ever checked this out with D. I would have to the next time I saw him.