My leg felt weak this morning. I think new muscles are being engaged; nothing terrible is happening. I completed the 5,000 steps on the morning walk. I got the day's blog posted, and then it was time for a nap. When I worked on grooming Elsa, I did much better. I believe there is such a thing as too little stress and activity, which is also exhausting.
I still had to finish trimming her front legs. Yvette came up and moved the table's base under the eve so I could work on her while it rained. I thought Elsa would give me trouble when she was sitting on the table, but no. She stood still. Finished. I won't go so far as to say she looks gorgeous, but it's good enough.
I meditated today. It boosted my energy and inspired me to do some miscellaneous stuff that had been on my list. I moved a pillow off the dining room chair, where it has been sitting for quite a while, waiting to be stored properly. I headed into the guest room to put it away and discovered that three other pillows were sitting in there. I put them all in the laundry room. They will be washed, sundried, and then I'll decide whether to keep them or donate them to the homeless.
I am concerned about the lady who runs the homeless project here in Kona. I have been hearing on the radio that the homeless have a high incidence of Covid. Lisa could contract it. She does a fantastic job. She's organized and caring. What a combination.
I've been watching Peak Practice. There are thirteen seasons with twelve to thirteen episodes in each one. There have been several changes in the cast. Sometimes they offer explanations for the changes, sometimes not. I'm on season 8. These are my favorite characters with some of the best scripts.
The show started with Kevin Whateley and Amanda Blake meeting and falling in love. Their characters were wearing a little thin when they left the show. I assumed the show's producers decided that they needed a change, but no. The rumor mill had it that Whately and Blake were having an affair, and their respective spouses demanded that they come back home. It was perfect timing for me.
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MUSINGS:
There's a lot of talk about the impact of loneliness since we are all confined to our homes due to the pandemic. Some of us experience this time as alone time, solitude; some experience the isolation as loneliness. Why are they different?
Let's say loneliness is a result of feeling disconnected. Disconnected from what? Maybe out of sync? We can be in the middle of a crowd and be lonely. We can be at a birthday party for ourselves and feel lonely. So, what is the magic ingredient that makes us not feel lonely?
T.S. Elliot's comment in his play the Cocktail Party had a significant impact on my life. He says somewhere in that play, as I remember or misremember it, "Everyone is lonely. Only some people know it, and others don't." I was in my twenties and feeling lonely. Hearing this allowed me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Realizing that loneliness is part of the human condition helped me come to terms with it.
There are two parts to not feeling lonely in my experience. One is being seen the way we want to be seen. The other is being in sync, in the musical sense, with those around us. Mike saw me as I saw myself. He was one of the few. No, that's not true, but he was one of the few at that time in my life who enjoyed me as well as admired me (or hated my guts) for what he saw in me. Some see the exact same things he saw and interpret them in negative ways. Listening to some, you'd think I was the devil incarnate. What can I tell you?
I talked to Judy about the topic of loneliness in the middle of writing about it. She helped me see another aspect that leads to loneliness. Many people put on false fronts so as not to offend and to be liked by others. That helps keep them out of trouble, but it does not address the issue of loneliness. If you are always putting on a false face, the one you think will be well received, no one ever gets to know you to like you or dislike. This is a form of self-imposed loneliness.
I think there are people out there looking for someone who will accept them as they are before they are prepared to show anyone who they are. That's half-assed and backward. While I certainly don't recommend anyone going around showing their worst parts at all times, simple honesty, in moderation, does it for me. That is a narrow path, but it works. It attracts people who like what I am and works as an insect repellant for those who don't.
The other part of not feeling lonely is related to music. No, I don't mean a shared taste in professionally created music or events where people all create music together, but those are nothing to be sneezed at either. I mean the music of daily life, the rhythm, pitch, duration, and loudness of our speech and movement.
There's the rhythm of our own lives and the rhythm of our shared lives. There are the greeting and departure rituals, there are the conversations where we match each other's rhythm and pitch when speaking and mirror each other's movements. We are making music together. Is anything more delightful than finding someone who quite literally moves to the same drum as you do?
There are nice people who I am not comfortable with because matching their music means sharing their anxiety, their insecurities. Participating in the music with our whole beings makes me feel the way everyone else feels. I don't want to go there. I don't want to become that person.
On the other hand, is there any greater high than being in sync with a whole community? Singing together in church can do it, but not unless you are letting loose. Unharnessing our inhibitions and throwing ourselves into a joint activity is a high. That's why rock concerts, classical music concerts, any live performance, a political rally, or a lynching can be so moving. It isn't just me feeling the event; everyone feels it just as I am. We are all marching to the same drum. Loneliness evaporates. Unfortunately, sometimes morality goes with it. Sometimes life itself can be lost with it. Being part of a greater whole is important to us as a species, but it can also be very dangerous. Scary, huh?
I was raised to be afraid of that impulse to join in the song. My parents were refugees from Nazi Germany. They had heard the rallies. (My mother wasn't required to attend because she was still unmarried and considered too old to ever have children. Little did the Nazis know.) My parents had seen what that impulse to belong, be carried along, can bring about. I was taught to fear it.
Primitive tribes with a small number of people can establish this kinship and maintain it. Esther Gokhale videotape a group of women from an African tribe who walked single file, matching each other's steps. I believe that unity makes the act of walking easier more relaxing, but it also creates conformity. Military groups can do that. Some people come back from war and miss the comradeship so much that they are ready to go back and risk their lives for the experience or commit suicide because they can't bear living without it once they have known it.
It all boils down to being part of something, doesn't it? It's that conflict between seeing ourselves as one or part of something greater than ourselves. That's the paradox that we can be a part of a whole and totally unique at the same time. The human hand exemplifies this paradox. All human hands are recognizable as such unless severely damaged, and each hand is totally unique. Like our hands, we are all both, exactly like all others and nothing like any other.
Feeling that commonality is where spirituality comes in; however, you interpret it. For some, spirituality has a specific face; they know the face of God. For others, it is Jung's collective unconscious; for others, it is seeing the commonality in all matter. There are many ways of achieving that sense of commonality with all humanity, all living things, or all matter. Or is it with all energy?
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