I was up by 6:30 and on the road. My left leg was bothering me. I walked an even gentler route than I had been doing the last few days. Besides protecting the leg, I fear that if I challenge my body too much, I will revert to old habits. I did walk a short way up Kukuna St. While walking that incline, something in my left hip popped. It was some sort of adjustment. There was no pain; I assumed it was all to the good. I did manage to complete over 5,000 steps, just going back and forth on the street where I live.
I texted Damon, asking him to call me. I was in distress over the conflict I was having with a friend. This would be a serious loss for me. I hope it resolves over time, not only mends but also becomes a better relationship as we resolve differences.
My straightforwardness frightened Mike. He was afraid of conflict. I'm sure it affected his relationship with me too. I would check every once in a while, asking him if he felt controlled because I didn't. He said no- not much I could do beyond that. If he did feel controlled, I was prepared to work on making adjustments. While some of Mike's behavior annoyed me, I trusted his intentions completely. Not making someone uncomfortable is impossible. Of course, there were moments where I failed, or he failed, but we both not only had positive intentions; we both did our best to change our behavior to accommodate the other's needs as well as our own. I think our relationship made both of us better people. I loved being his spouse. He was a wonderful man, a wonderful husband, a wonderful life partner. I couldn't have asked for better. Was he perfect? Was I perfect? Nonsense on both counts. But we were both good enough.
Boy, things are going from bad to worse. I'm isolated because of the spread of the Covid virus, I'm one year into losing my husband of 45 years, my sister may have Covid, I've had a major falling out with a very good friend, my beloved Rainbow vacuum cleaner is definitely broken, I cut my tongue, and I was out of fresh vegetables except for salad stuff. Bring it on.
I put out an APB for vegetables, broccoli, string beans, or asparagus. Within hours, B. dropped off a package of frozen broccoli. It was also the day to pick up my food from the farm next door. I don't know if I'm getting my money's worth, but it is something, and I am helping to support my neighbor. How bad can that be?
The cut on my tongue was scary. It bled and bled and bled. I looked up what to about it on the Internet. Rule #1: Do not touch it with dirty hands. I had been out weeding for about an hour and put those dirty fingers on the wound, pressing down to stop the bled. Okay, back to step one. I washed my hands, rinsed my mouth with Hydrogen Peroxide, and then I pressed on the wound for 10 minutes with a gauze pad without stop. In other words, no peeking allowed. It stopped. I think I cut it on a rough edge of one of my teeth, probably the implant.
I called Dorothy. I'm calling every day to check on how she is. She is doing well. She is taking steps to improve her chances of survival, should it be Covid. She regularly walks around her house, does nasal and throat rinses several times a day, and is working on breathing deeply. They discovered that people's oxygen intake improves when they lie on their stomachs. It forces people to use their back muscles for breathing. Dorothy has been working on using her back muscles more.
I learned about using my back muscles when I was in my early twenties. I decided to take singing lessons. I managed to take one. I didn't go to a teacher in the area where I was living, which was Northport, way out on Long Island. No, I engaged a teacher with a studio on Broadway in Manhattan. Now, that was not as big a deal for me as you might imagine. I was traveling there every Saturday for dance classes at the New Dance Group, which was on 47th Street off-Broadway, so I was there already. I only took one singing class, but the teacher showed me how to use my whole rib cage for breathing. I particularly remember him teaching me to use my back muscles. This may be why I became a deep breather. People have remarked on it several times. I think everyone would be better off if they learned to breathe correctly.
Mike was a shallow, rapid breather. He would take two breathes to my one when he was asleep, and I was awake. I have learned that kidney problems can cause rapid breathing because the person has to work harder to reduce toxins in the system. But Mike was always this way. He was that way when I first met him when we were in our early thirties. I don't know that it got worse over time. Could it be that shallow, rapid breathing can also cause kidney disease? Just a thought.
I have been reading a book on breathing. It describes the best way to breathe as well as breathing problems. According to this book, you are supposed to breathe in by contracting the muscles around the diaphragm. When I focus on the muscles in the front of my body, I find it hard to do. When I focused on using my back muscles to breathe, the contraction of those abdominal muscles happens automatically. Very interesting.
Scott and Yvette came up to deliver a fan to replace my broken one on the lanai. Scott had come across them for free on a job he was doing. The company he was working for changed out their fans and were getting rid of three of them. Yvette used two, and there was an extra one I could use. It had been sitting on her kitchen table for quite some time, and she wanted to finally get it out of her house.
I called Damon for comfort. The fallout with my friend was weighing on me. He was wonderful. He doesn't just take my side. He helps me to see the other person's side too. He is getting more wonderful with age; I think the analogy is to aged fine wine. I can't begin to say how grateful I am to him for how he helps me think things through. I can trust him to help me find the most peaceful solution possible. Thank you, Damon.
My talk with him helped soothe me. Then I got an email from a friend that couldn't have been more delightful. Thank you, dear friend. There had been a delay in communication because it was a long message; she wanted to type it on her computer rather than peck it out on her phone. However, she was having some problems with her laptop that had to be resolved first.
I'd say all's well that ends well, but it's stronger than that. While I don't think this works with the body, I think a healed tear in a friendship can make the relationship stronger.
No comments:
Post a Comment