Wow! I got up at 7:30 today. I can't remember the last time I got up that late. Elsa and I did a short walk. There's a strain in the left hip and leg. Is it a good sign or a bad sign? The usual question. I called Dorothy while I walked. I wanted to tell her how much my vision had improved by switching to my extra pair of glasses. She has been making comments about her own eyesight. It has been a while since she had her eyes checked and her lenses changed. Sandor and Meali'inani have made it clear that my old leases had to be replaced even if a new prescription is not called for. The lenses were damaged, no matter how much effort I made to care for them. This results in obstructed vision.
When I checked my email, there was one from someone who wants help with the Language Arts skills for her 5th-grade son. She asked me about my approach and my fees. I wrote back that I thought both questions would best be answered over the phone. She emailed back that she would call me at 4 pm.
I spent a good part of the morning gardening. Then I showered, spent some time reading the NYTimes. I still had to complete the one from last Sunday. I did that and got started on today's.
Yvette pulled into the driveway and texted me, asking if I wanted her to come in to take headshots of me. I wanted some I can post with my tutoring ads. I have an appointment for a haircut tomorrow. I want to take some before the cut and some after to see which makes me look the best. I don't think there is any getting away with pretending I'm not an old lady. Fortunately, this is not a huge issue here in Hawaii. The elders are respected. I never feel invisible.
Sandor and Meaali'inani came over around the dinner hour to select more books from Mike's library. I had just prepared my meal and eaten it at the dining room table, reading while they worked. Sandor came out to tell me that he had plans for using the books to make a lending library for all the priests and deacons in the diocese. I had already felt that Mike is thrilled that Sandor is taking his books. He would be/is doubly thrilled with this plan to have his books shared this way.
Sandor and Mike were kindred spirits in many ways. Both had suffered due to political situations in their youth. Sandor's family had fled Cuba; Mike's family had lived in fear of McCarthyism. Mike was, and Sandor is a lover of learning. He is excited about acquiring these books. Sandor's like a kid in a candy store. Mike had a more serious look as he browsed books, but the sentiment was the same. Mike was, and Sandor is interested in academic learning. Mike had two (2) Ph. Ds to his name, one in political science and the second in theology. Mike loved teaching; Sandor has taken over his bible study class. Mike was a deacon in the Catholic church; Sandor will be ordained in January if the Covid 19 virus permits. Had Mike lived, they would have worked together as the two deacons in our parish. As it stands now, Sandor will just take Mike's place. The two men had frequent conversations before Mike died. Sandor loved Mike; what was not to love? He was a giving man. He loved to give.
I told Sandor and Meaali'inani that I felt sluggish all day. They said it was probably a reaction to having all the books removed from the library. When I heard that, I knew they were right. The feeling I had during the day felt like grief, but it didn't make sense to me at the time. Of course, the library was a huge part of who Mike was.
When we moved here, I tried to convince him not to take his three thousand (3,000) books. He said there were only two things that had to go with him to Hawaii: me and the books. Okay, if you're going to put it that way- the books came.
Sandor asked if Mike and I ever discussed how to deal with the books when he died. I told him that Mike wanted all the books to be kept together, every one of the three thousand. He wanted them to go to the seminary he had worked at in Ohio, the Pontifical College Josephinum. I called the seminary's rector before Mike died to find out if they would take the books. I didn't hear back from the librarian before Mike died, but I got the drift. I told Mike that "I was already in touch with Chris (the rector) about his books." I wanted Mike to die in peace. He had to have two things with him when he moved to Hawaii, and now there were two things he had to know would be taken care of when he died: me and his books.
Damon communicated to Mike how well I was taking care of myself. It was upon learning this that he let go of life. He was hanging on for me. Then, the other piece was his books. I figured out pretty quickly that if I wanted the seminary to take all his books, I'd better be prepared to build a wing built onto the existing library. Not only didn't the librarian not want his whole collection, but he also didn't want a single book. My guess is Mike made sure that the seminary library was well stocked while he was there.
It's not that Mike only thought of his seminary as a repository of his books. His first thought was of Mowg, Yvette's brother and our hanai godson. Ha! Ha! Mowg has moved; I don't know many times. Each time it has been at best a small apartment, more generally a room and a small apartment he shared with one of two others. There was no way he could accommodate all those books, no matter how much he loved reading and learning. Mike resorted to plan B. I'm on Plan C. I regret that I started contacting seminaries before realizing that Sandor would be the best recipient of the books. I already shipped out one hundred and seventy books to the seminary in New Orleans. Then I contacted another seminary. This librarian went through the catalog and ordered over a thousand books. I am sorry that he did all that work before Sandor, and I agreed that he should get first dibs. I will have to disappoint that librarian. However, pleasing Mike is more critical.
Some might ask why I'm doing all this now. Well, there are two reasons. First, I don't want to leave this for Damon and Yvette to deal with. It is a mammoth job. Of course, Damon would deal with it by ordering a dumpster. That was something to be avoided. Second, if I leave the books to just sit there until I die, they will be riddled with book worms. Yes, there really is such an animal. Third, I would like to convert the room into a bedroom with a private bath. I have some vision of someone moving in.
I'm not quite as enthusiastic about having someone living here as I was before I had those two young people as my guests. It was good when the young woman was here alone, spending a lot of time at home treating a skin ailment. Her presence was a genuine comfort. Once she was well, she was out and about most of the day, then came home, made a meal for herself, and disappeared. That was especially true once her boyfriend moved in too. It made me feel lonelier than if I had been alone. We were living two separate lives.
The question is what I am going to do with the 'library." I don't think I want to return that space to its original form: a two-car garage. I don't know which will make the house more valuable for the kids. I think I'm holding out hope that some family members will want to move here. We'll see.
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Musings
I heard Jane Goodall interviewed on Crista Tippet's show this morning. Boy, is Goodall ever a lady after my own heart. She is into animal rights and opposed to scientists using chimps for experiments. No surprise there. However, her approach is to engage them in conversation. She said animal rights activists ask her how she can stand to be around people who experiment with animals. She says that you can't get someone to change their minds by bullying them. In most cases, you can't get someone to change their behavior either that way.
Getting someone to change how they feel about animal rights, human rights, treating any person, place, or things with more respect is tricky. I agree with Goodall. If you get in someone's face and point fingers and call them bad, you're going to have the opposite effect from the desired one.
I face this problem when I teach. Students have to be approached with great caution if you don't want them to revert to whatever their old, dysfunctional behaviors and responses have been. I compared it to surgery. A friend of mine is a surgeon. She breathes deeply as she is performing surgery. She looks carefully for the least invasive way to make an incision to do the least amount of damage.
It made me think, is there ever a time where violence is necessary for surgery? Yes, when there is an emergency, and the situation is not ideal. When anything is better than nothing or the person will die. Cut off a leg that's pinned under a rock to get them out of a lava flow. You get the picture. I thought violence, physical or emotional is appropriate when that person's life is at stake.
Of course, I'm thinking of situations where you are getting someone to change somehow, not merely to stop someone from doing something destructive to themselves or someone else. We all have a right to protect ourselves. The issue is using no more violence than necessary to accomplish that end. That's what's being debated today.
Assuming someone's life is not immediately at stake, physical or emotional violence has little purpose – other than to declare, I have the power to do this to you.
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