I was awake at 5:30 when the alarm went off but didn't get up. My phone rang shortly before 6. It was Rick White, my financial advisor at Raymond James. I had written that I'm trying to get some projects done. I am preparing for the worst, total financial disaster and hoping for the best.
Yvette called as I meditated. She was going to have to leave at 9 am instead of later as she had originally planned. We took some headshots of me yesterday. I was concerned I would look the way I felt, sluggish. Not a good look when you hope someone will be enthusiastic about you as a tutor. We took some pictures with some bougainvillea hanging over my head and Elsa in my arms. Because we took the shots in the area where a table sits that I use to trim her, she didn't come when called. Definitely not one of her favorite activities. She holds still but contentedly.
I had a haircut appointment at 1:30. My plan was to get to my accountant's before that appointment to pick up my taxes, which had been sitting there completed since March. I thought I left myself enough time. I didn't. I arrived at 1:10, and Kitty had left already. I barely made it on time for my haircutting appointment.
Randee and I had a slight misunderstanding. She has been shaving the base of my hair closely for about a year now. Last time, after several months of growth, she left the top in a 'hangover.' As she cut my hair, I asked her to cut the top somewhat shorter. She didn't ask me what I had in mind. She cut it much shorter and left some long strands. Yikes! They tickled. I couldn't stand it. I had to cut them off when I got home.
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Musings:
I listened to a recent TED talk on what makes a good marriage. The keyword was generosity. The examples she gave did not include financial generosity; it referred to emotional generosity, our ability to forgive the failings of our partners.
As I write this, I think of terms like unconditional love and how self-love is key to our ability to love others. I like substituting the word generosity instead of love.
We can be generous to our bad selves, forgiving ourselves for our own failings and expecting others to forgive us. Mike helped me to become more generous toward myself. His inability to hold free-flowing conversations drove me crazy. It felt like he wasn't listening to me.
Every once in a while, he would accuse me of not listening to him. I remember one incident clearly. I was gazing in store windows and making comments about what I saw while walking down a street. Mike accused me of not paying attention to what he was saying. I quoted him verbatim. Mike couldn't focus on two things at once. He was really bad at it. Me, I can write and follow a conversation. My natural talent for this was challenged and improved in my role as a classroom teacher. If you can't focus on two things at once as a teacher, boy, are you screwed!
Many of Mike's failings were a source of amusement for me. I don't mean I derisively laughed at him. I thought he was cute, so cute. I can see why he might have taken offense. It is similar to the way we respond to a young child's attempts at navigating the world. For most of us, that comes from loving the child. Almost everything he did was tolerable because I understood the goodwill behind all his actions.
There was a long period of his life where he expressed himself arrogantly. He confused showing his negative opinion about something, like American movies, versus putting them and those who did like them down. It was a rhetorical problem. His parents had modeled opinion expression. There was no difference between liking or not liking something and having respect for those who agreed and contempt for those who didn't. The opposite of generosity.
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