Friday, November 26, 2021

Friday, November 26, 2021

 

  As I lay awake in the early morning hours, I felt this electricity pouring through my body.  I felt it before. I don’t feel anxious; it can’t be that.  I have no idea where it comes from.  Is it just a burst of high energy?  I have assumed that my high energy as a kid was due to anxiety. Now, I wonder.  I know the high energy drove me to do something, anything.  I felt like a car revving in neutral.  It wasn’t a great feeling.  I felt out of control.  As I felt it this morning, I tried to just observe.  I released anything negative about hating the feeling. The dislike of it drove the behavior, the need to move faster than the energy surge. It actually hurt to sit still.  That pain didn’t resolve until I learned to sit through the sensations while meditating.  What a relief!

   When I ran into Julie this morning, I raised the issue of the objective versus subjective voice. I had looked it up on the Internet.  I was right; the ‘correct’ grammatical form is, “It’s I,” not “It’s me.” I pointed out that both it and I were pronouns.   Julie took the position that if “It’s I” is correct, we should all be using it.  I am not of that school of thought.  Language is there for the purpose of communication. We should use the form that is most comfortable for those we are speaking to.   Of course, we also have to take our own comfort into consideration too.  No one these days says, “It’s I,” instead of “It’s me.” On the other hand, we need those who are conservative to pull us back so we don’t move ahead too fast, completely undoing the existing social structure.  Things will proceed regardless of efforts to restrain it. Language and culture change.  That’s the nature of things. Some embrace the new, and some hang on to the old. It’s that way in all things. We each have a role to play. Hopefully, neither side becomes murderous as it champions its point of view.  We are a tricky species.  We are also moving ahead a lightning speed.  It’s scary.   Of course, on the other side, some want to go back to the early 20th Century.  That’s pretty scary, too.

     I had an appointment with Katie, my PT.  Katie is good at observing what I do with my body and advising me on exercises and how to modify my movement to improve my posture. While waiting outside for my 9 am appointment at the other rehab place, I saw an instructor lead a group in a movement exercise across the parking lot.  They ran one way, kicking up their heels like a mule. Then they ran back, running sideways doing a grapevine. They returned, doing the grapevine facing in the other direction. Finally, they did an easy conventional jog.  I could see different muscles were involved.  I decided to incorporate these movements in my ‘walk.’  I walked perpendicular to the road doing the mule kick; I walked parallel to the roadway doing the grapevine; I walked across the road lifting my knees high, doing a modified goose-step; then walk parallel to the street, facing the other direction than I had on the first round of the grapevine and doing another set of twenty steps. This square pattern was repeated for 500 steps. Then my muscles started to speak their peace.  I had to take it easy.

  I thought of asking Katie if I could forward her my videos on my method for teaching phonics. I thought against it.  Then she said, “I thought of you in relation to my step-daughter, but I can’t remember why.”  Did it have to do with reading?  Yes. She is in second grade and has a serious problem. While she can write by sounding out words, she cannot then read what she wrote. Hmm!   Katie will have to consulate her boyfriend and the girl’s mother. She was interested in getting my video and willing to pass it on to others.

    I had an appointment with Shelly shortly after I got home.  I generally feel comfortable discussing whatever I worked on here. I don’t on this issue.  It is a trauma I experienced when I was seven.  It was a result of an accident; it still had a significant impact on my life. I believe it contributed to the problems I have with my body. Time to fix this. Neither Shelly nor I could think of a way to approach it.  I did a release on my craving and aversion for fixing it. 

     I didn’t take home any leftovers from Thanksgiving yesterday.  I hadn’t brought any containers, and I walked home with Elsa on a leash.  Yes, I took her up to Judy’s. She was great. Mike would have had my head.  She was allowed to run around unconfined. Every once in a while, I would call for her. She was always in sight. Wonderful! Also, she always responded when I called.  She doesn’t do that when we’re home. Paulette loaded the chairs they borrowed into my car while Judy packed up food from what she had in her kitchen. The bag with the goodies was sent down. Then Paulette loaded up some more food from her kitchen. There wasn’t room for all the food in one refrigerator. 

  I had adolescent D at 2 pm today.  We’re usually scheduled for Thursdays, but that was Thanksgiving Day. I asked him if he would be willing to do a make-up.  He said yes.  He doesn’t actively dread our sessions. That’s good.  Because of several things he has said, I asked him, “Do you believe you’re not ‘reading’ when you have to figure a word out? Is it only reading when it just pops into your head?  Yes. Oh, boy.  As far as I know, the only way to change existing behavior is to think about it consciously.  We need to teach our nonconscious, fast-thinking system using our conscious minds or the slow-thinking system. So far, he has been using me as his conscious system.  I tell him how to decode a word when he gets it wrong. He always waits for me to help him.  Over time, that will work.  Eventually, his brain will be rewired with enough repetitions, and he will learn to do something differently. However,  that is a sadly ineffective system.  There is no way a teacher meeting with a student a  few times a week can do that effectively.  If the student assumes that responsibility, they can work on the problem many times a day. If we want to progress, we have to engage our conscious minds in the learning process, monitor ourselves, and enforce behavior and neurological changes.

   I asked him how he felt about using this conscious mind.  He was vague, but it was negative.   I led him through a release, letting go of anything negative about his hatred for using this system and keeping anything positive or anything he still needed. And then doing the opposite, releasing anything negative about his love for using this system, etc. etc. That’s all we did for the day.

   I sent out more emails announcing my videos.  The hope is that people will pass on the information to anyone they feel comfortable imposing upon, not just those they believe will be interested.  You never know who will be interested.   Someone may have a relative with a problem.  FYI: I’m not expecting to make any money from this. I was not even expecting to get more people to tutor.  I believe this is an easy to learn, easy to teach method that has proven surprisingly effective.  I want it out there before I die. 

   I check my YouTube views at least once a day.  Today, when I checked them, I saw my numbers had gone down. How did that happen?  How could I have had 115 views yesterday and only 112 today?