Saturday, August 20. 2022

 Saturday, August 20. 2022

   I had to get up early again because I had my Saturday morning office hour for Step Up Tutoring. I had to limit my walk. While I didn't walk around the block, I did take on one of the side hills. After reading Gokhale's article on the benefits of walking down a set of stairs versus up, I walked down the hill as slowly as I could, moving from foot to foot with sustained movement.  

     The Gokhale article described an experiment to determine which creates greater muscle strength, walking upstairs or down. They had two groups: one walked up ten flights of stairs three times a week and took the elevator down, and the other took the elevator up and walked down the stairs. When walking down the stairs, the muscles have to stretch and resist at the same time. We had a clear winner: walking down the stairs promoted greater strength, reduced cholesterol, and more significant gains in bone density and range of motion.  

   The most effective way to kill a roach is to strike it with my hand. If I go to step on it, it gets away. If I go to swat it with an object, it gets away. My best guess is so few people hit them with their hands that the roaches still need to develop the necessary defensive senses. However, tonight, I swatted at one, and it was roach one, Betty minus zero. It got away, and I hurt my hand.

  I walked 9,000 steps today. I was increasing the number of steps by one hundred daily. I planned to stop pushing the envelope at ten thousand.

  I noticed Elsa limping. She was holding her left front paw in the air when she wasn't walking. I massaged the leg and shoulder to see if I could find the source of the pain. She didn't respond. I would wait a day before I called the vet. These problems often clear up on their own.  

Friday, August 19, 2022

 Friday, August 19, 2022

 

  I had a 7:30 a.m. appointment with Katie, my PT. I told her how I applied the heel shift she taught me last year while I walked. She timed my walk. I did three hundred steps in two minutes with the walking stick and the same without it. That was a good pace for my age. My gait was more syncopated when I walked without the stick. That's why I walk with it, to make sure my gait is symmetrical. She timed how long it took me to execute five sit/stands. It took me thirteen seconds. Five sit/stands in fourteen seconds are good for my age. I asked what was good for a forty-year-old. There was no standard for that age. It was eleven seconds for a sixty-year-old. I could reach that goal. 

   I had a dental appointment at 9:10 in the new industrial district. Did I have time to deposit the check from one of my parents? I got there before the bank opened. Fourteen people were already in line. When the bank opened, there were only two bank tellers. I set my alarm for 8:55. If most of the people in line were there for personal transactions, I would make it out in time. If several were people there with business transactions, I would have to leave without completing my business. I made it out with time to spare.

   I had a short wait when I arrived at the dentist's. I suspected my visit would be a waste of time. I wasn't feeling any discomfort. It was probably not my teeth but my sinuses that were bothering me. KC took an X-ray of the area. Dr. Kris confirmed I had a bad cavity under the cap where I was feeling the pressure. He recommended I get that tooth extracted as well as the one that sheared off last week. He said this one was about to break anyway.  

  When I got home, I called the dental office with another question. The doctor answered. That was great. It was him I wanted to talk to. I asked him if he thought I should also have the back tooth with the abscessed root extracted. I was scheduled for a root canal on September 8. Would it be better if I had it removed first? He told me that I wouldn't need a root canal if I had the tooth extracted. If I went the route of the root canal, I would need to have the cavities filled and then a new cap. Given the bad state of my teeth, how long would that last? He said at most five years. He said that given that my teeth are cavity-prone, it would be best to go for the extractions and implants. Implants don't get cavities. I have the money now. Will anyone have money in five years? Best to take care of things now, so they last now. I was going to have three extractions in one day. Wow!

   I was supposed to have a Zoom tutoring appointment with second-grade-homeschooled L at noon. There was no response. I called her mother. "Oh, so sorry we forgot. We're out of the house. Could the session be postponed till two pm?" Sure. A few minutes later, she called back. She hadn't done anything I had asked her to do. Could we just skip this week? Sure. A bit later. She called back. She had done what I asked; could we have a session now? Sure.  

   One of the things I asked the mom to do was compile a list of sight words L could already read. I wanted to use words on that list to develop a list of words with the same ending. I used the word cat again. I had used it in a previous session. As I led her through the exercise, figuring out words that all ended in -at but started with a different letter (bat, cat, fat, hat, mat, pat, rat, sat), L kept saying, "I can spell dog." Boy, she wanted to avoid working with sounds. She did reasonably well with the exercise. She can't stand not getting everything perfectly. Perfectionism is a dead end.  

  I started her on the first Carpenter story. She didn't know the word there. She immediately got up and walked away, saying, "It is such a long word." I must think about approaching her slowly so I don't frighten her. I planned to say, "I want you to try what I give you. If you can't do it, it's my fault, not yours." I hope that eases some of her fears. It is valid to say it is my fault. It is my job to figure out how to help the student. They also have the difficult job of not allowing themselves to be terrified of failure. That's a lot trickier.

   Judy had carpel tunnel surgery yesterday. She was doing well. It was also her 49th wedding anniversary. Howard scattered 49 roses throughout the house. He had some in a small vase on the dining room table, surrounded by a ring of roses at the base. Rose heads were laid in a line on the floor with an arrow pointing to that vase. The remaining roses were a huge bunch placed in another vase. Who would have thought Howard was the romantic type? Although it was already evident that he was crazy about Judy. The two met in eight-grade. They have been friends ever since. They became more than that while in college. Theirs was a slow-grow courtship. 

   Buddhists advocate selflessness. As Batchelor describes it, it is not a state where you think of others instead of yourself; it is a state where you surrender any clear definition of yourself and any sense that you have a core being that lasts through all changes. When you let go of a fixed sense of self, you feel more at one with the rest of the universe, particularly other people. Buddhism does advocate sitting with negative feelings about the events in life. Buddhism does not tell us how not to accept what happens to us blindly. S. N. Goenka, the guru who brought Vipassana back to India from Burma, said, "You're not a vegetable; there to be sliced."  

Thursday, August 18, 2022

 Thursday, August 18, 2022

 

 I had to get up early this morning because of the 7 a.m. driveway yoga. Five people were in the class today, including one new person, Yvette's boss at Island Heart Care. And  Deb joined us from Seattle via Facetime. I saw a difference in the bend of my left leg. It is a result of the exercise Katie gave me. I lie flat on my back with my left leg bent as far as I can comfortably with my right leg straight. The position puts a gentle pull on the muscles of my left leg. Dr. Salassa was not optimistic that I would ever be able to touch my left foot again. When muscles remain contracted for long periods, it is hard, if not impossible, to stretch again. We'll see.

  I attended Julia's office hours. There were several other people at the Zoom meeting. Some were only checking in because the program required attendance during office hours for new tutors. I offered to do in-classroom tutoring via Zoom. When I made my offer, Julia said, "Noted!" in what I thought was a surprisingly stern tone of voice. I have no idea what prompted it.  

       I have been concerned that I got myself blackballed because of the BrainManagementSkills I did with one girl. I had never had a problem before. The girl was fine with the process. It involves releasing the mind's excessive spinning, which interferes with ease of perception. Students will describe how letters move around in their minds or on the page. When they move on the page, the problem is generally more serious. This child was comfortable with the release. However, she described the size of the spin as being as large as the city of L.A. I have yet to hear from the parents or the tutor she was working with again, despite repeated efforts on my part. I suspected she had told her parents about the experience. Because of the silence, I imagined the parents were evangelical and interpreted their daughter's experience as having to do with the devil. Oh, boy. However bad the result might be for me, it would be much worse for the girl. She already knew she had problems with spinning. To have her parents associate that with evil would be very dangerous for the girl. The release wouldn't harm her, but the parents' reaction would.

  Jean called. The children in the family were visiting: Jean's son Damon with his son, August, John's children James and Lisa, and her son Connor. They all went for a walk with John while Jean stayed home. Jean and John moved recently. They had three storage units with mostly paper they had to sort. Six or seven boxes were Damon's that had been stored in the old house's attic. After throwing out items like his second-grade spelling books, he mailed the three remaining boxes to his home in L.A. He spent the summer cleaning out his garage, which had become their storage unit. Damon suspected Cylin would not be pleased to see three new boxes come into the house.

  Jean said while it was delightful to have Damon visit, there was a downside. He had to leave. So sweet. So true.

   Damon and August were in NYC for a music event with computer-generated music. Jean told me that August would be performing. I hadn't known that. I was looking forward to hearing about the event.

  Elsa and I went up to get water from Paulette. Elsa loves visiting Paulette; she has a cat. I had to stop a bit lower down because a workman was parked at the top of the driveway, where I usually park. Elsa had no problems finding Paulette's door. I just picked up the water and spent only a few minutes visiting. Paulette had to deliver another Turo car in a few minutes. Usually, when I get in the car and call Elsa, she comes. Today, she ran around the house. Paulette had to chase her. Once Elsa was clear about where I was, she jumped in the car.

    While I continued to be fascinated by Indian Matchmaker, I had some reservations. All the people being served by this matchmaker are extremely wealthy. Their homes are off the wall. No, not quite true. One fellow from a middle-class background worked in the public sector where everyone else on the program was in business- from 'good' families. As I watch, I am painfully aware that arranged marriages are not always a good deal for the couple. Twelve-year-olds forced to marry fifty-year-old men are also arranged marriages. The people 'Sima from Mumbai serves are all wealthy enough to afford her.

  When I was in high school, a classmate from Afghanistan was returning home after graduating. Her parents had selected a husband for her. I was horrified. She assured me she could reject him if she didn't like him.

    The concept of an arranged marriage sounds more appealing now- at least as presented in the Netflix series. Both parties can say what they want in a partner and reject people. One fellow had been on fifty arranged dates before he accepted a woman as a wife.

    Sima said she had no choice in her marriage. It was a marriage of their two families. What the kids wanted was secondary, if not irrelevant. I think she said she first met her husband on her wedding day. Fortunately, she was happy in her marriage thirty-five years later. Several long-married couples were interviewed. They were all happy with their circumstances. 'With the arranged marriage, the concept is "marriage comes first; then comes love."  It's a more realistic approach to marriage. If you marry someone with a good heart who understands that marriage requires commitment and work, that is a good place to start. Many 'love marriages' start with "love" and assume everything will work out without effort. The concept behind arranged marriages is closer to reality. Those in a 'love marriage' have to reach the point where they understand a good marriage requires commitment and work.

  The series only shows the best of marriage. There are glimpses of the other side. The wife has to move in with the husband's family. The mother-in-law remains the queen of the house. The woman has to adapt; adaptation is not mutual.

  I chose Mike from a place of appropriateness more than love. I wasn't passionately in love with him. I didn't find him irresistible. I found him comfortable and 'right.' For those familiar with the old USA public pay phones, you listened for the sound of the coin as it dropped. Sometimes it didn't catch. That produced one kind of sound. When it did catch, there was a feeling of satisfaction and lightness. I felt right about him. He was committed to respecting me, even though he had a terrible hatred of women due to his relationship with his mother. He suffered from an insufferable case of arrogance. That's a wordplay. It was bad, but it wasn't insufferable. That was one quality he changed with pressure from me. Love did come. I was crazy about the man. I thought he was wonderful. He was a decent human being; he adored me and was an affection junky as I was. We took great pleasure in making each other happy. In our last years, I often said, "I love you so much, it's silly." I couldn't have picked better.

 

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

  Wednesday, August 17, 2022

 

         Vince and Julie yelled, "Good morning," as they passed the driveway as I transferred the bush cuttings from the infected shrub myrtle crepe into the trash instead of green waste. I managed to walk around the block again this morning. Sometimes my muscles don't feel up to that challenge. I believe it is because I was waking up muscles that haven't been engaged for years. They go into complaint mode. I give them a day's break.

    I remembered getting a notification that someone else was on my Netflix account, someone from France. Huh! How does someone manage to hack my account? Netflix told me to change my password. I tried, but all the directions were in French. I found a telephone number for Netflix support. They led me through the process after they changed my default language back to English. When I signed on, I got avatar pictures of six people on my account. I couldn't close the screen. I called back. They told me how to delete the other participants. I was not to delete the first one because my history was attached to that participant. The 'primary' member was named Dum-Dum. That sounds about right. I wouldn't have acted this fast if he hadn't changed the language. I had to change this primary member back to my own name. Bye-bye, Dum-Dum.   

   I started a new book by Batchelor, Living with the Devil. I love the way this man thinks and writes. His version of 'the devil' isn't like the Christian version. It is that annoying voice in our head that gets us to think about "sensual desire, discontent, hunger and thirst, craving, lethargy, fear, doubt, restlessness, longing for praise, honor, and fame and extolling oneself while disparaging others." 'The devil' of Buddhism closely resembles the voice Ethan Kross, the neuroscientist and author of Chatter, describes in his book. 

   I resonate with the definitions of 'emptiness' and 'egolessness' as Batchelor defines them from his reading of the original Pali texts. It has to do with letting go of any fixed definition we have of ourselves and accepting that we are in a state of constant flux. When we let go of a precious self-concept, we die -or that version of us dies. We become more open to others because we are not constantly fighting for our own concept of – everything.  

   On the other hand, we do exist; we do have an obligation to preserve ourselves. As S.N. Goenka said, "You are not a vegetable to be sliced." We are not supposed to be passive in the face of life. Buddhism does not address that question. Is it any less moral to allow ourselves to be destroyed than to allow someone else to be destroyed? How do we navigate between the zig and zag of life? The A.A. Serenity prayer comes the closest to addressing that question. It's what I call the narrow path. I'm sure someone else has defined it in the same way. I quickly checked Taoism, which uses the term 'the way.' However abstract my concept is, theirs is even vaguer- go with the universe's flow. What the hell does that mean? Mine has to do with choosing between myself and another person, any other person. That's a little more concrete but no less ambiguous.

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

 Tuesday, August 16, 2022    

 

   Before falling asleep, I massaged my skull with a tennis ball. That relieved my headache. It may be that the plates in my skull shifted because of the change in my alignment. I had pushed the flesh of my left heel over to the inside of my foot, and I did a slight bend to the right as I walked. I slept well for the rest of the night. When I got up, my head felt great, and my dizziness was gone. I made it all around the block with ease. I ran into Carol with her dogs, Luke and Max, as I came to an end of Punawele. I turned around to walk with her. She spotted a loose dog and decided to turn around. She had experience with dogs attacking her dogs.  

     Carol told me about her neighbor from hell, not here in Hawaii but around their home in Oregon. She has to pass her neighbor's house when she walks her dogs. They've taken in a rescue dog who charges her and her dogs whenever they pass. There are ordinances against loose dogs. This woman is undeterred. From the stories Carol told me, this woman is self-destructively narcissistic. She has an enlarged sense of entitlement which gets her in trouble repeatedly.

   Step-Up Tutoring had a town hall meeting today. Julia announced the professional educators on the Step Up Tutoring Instructional team would require tutors to use programs they selected. They will observe tutors to make sure they are using the prescribed lessons. Professional educators are obsessed with 'canned programs. Not only are they bringing in required math and reading programs, but they also require the completion of three forms a week; one for the student's teacher, a second for the student's parents, and a third for Step-Up, tutors have to attend a Town Hall meeting once a semester and attend someone's office hours. The program is making demands on the volunteer tutors that rival the demands on teachers in school systems. Teachers are quitting because of the demands and accompanying pressures. What do they think is going to happen with volunteers? The feedback from parents and teachers has been good so far. If they lose tutors who don't want to dance to their tune, they won't have anything to offer students. I suspect they will have to cancel my service because I teach a different method than they are advocating. It is personally depressing. 

   I counted the participants in today's required town hall meeting. There were about twenty-five. There are something like seven hundred volunteer tutors and two town hall meetings a semester. What are the chances the other six hundred seventy-five would show up for the other Zoom meeting? 

      The one up note was I met up with Howard, who attended one of my office hour sessions in the breakout session. There were supposed to be four people in our group. The other two didn't have their videos on. I suspect they signed in but didn't participate. The last time I spoke to Howard, he said he was dealing with health issues. He told me he was feeling better but had been struggling for a year. He had a very bad reaction to the Covid vaccine. Seeing Howard again was a treat. 

   I watched more of the Indian Matchmaker. It looked like the series had ended. Too bad. I was enjoying it.  I watched another show Une Vie ou L’autre.  I was surprised to find this was an American film, all in English. Why did it have a French title? There was a lot of French writing on my Netflix site. I wasn't sure what was going on. Whatever, I loved the movie. I watched to the end, even though it was way past my bedtime.

 

Monday, August 15, 2022

 Monday, August 15, 2022

 

  Before I went to bed, I became concerned about the pressure I felt on the left side of my face. Was this a sign of a tooth infection? I have severe problems with two teeth now. I needed a root canal with one of my back teeth; with another, I lost a cap. The dentist glued it back on temporarily until I could have work done. Then, the tooth sheared off at the gum line. Now, I needed a second extraction. I had thoughts of all my teeth going. Scary. I had visions of my teeth being the cause of my death; I would develop an infection and not have the money to deal with it, develop sepsis, and die. What a way to go!  

  I was dizzy when I got up in the middle of the night. It is the third time this has happened. The first time, I couldn’t stand up. In the second incident, I felt too dizzy to walk Elsa. I was afraid she would pull me over. I walked her this time, but not as long as usual. I did take it easy for the rest of the day. 

  I had my Reading and Writing office hour for the Step-Up Tutoring program today. No one had signed up by last night. I checked this morning on a whim. Someone had signed up. The tutor hadn’t met with her student yet- hadn’t even had a student assigned to her yet. She was nervous because she had never tutored before. I felt well enough to be fully engaged. I felt somewhat better with the interaction. That was a good sign that I was not ill. If I am sick, the interaction does not make me feel better.

   I had a session with adolescent D today. Boy, this kid is frustrating. I continued by giving examples for the six syllable types and then identifying the types of syllables in a story. He remembered that V stood for Vowel today easily and quickly named the vowel letters. He struggled with the rest of the activities: giving examples for each pattern V- a, e, i, o or u, VC- ap, et, im, ob, uc, etc. That was a struggle. The last activity was identifying the pattern in each syllable in a reading selection, even if the word wasn’t phonically regular. All this was a struggle. At the end of the session, he said, “How long do we have to do this? This is easy.” What!!! He had trouble doing it; what did he mean it was easy? He desperately needed this exercise. He never did anything to practice reading. It either happened or it didn’t; therefore, I have to drill him. I have no choice with him. I wouldn’t dare have done this when we started. He was so ego-defended.

   While I didn’t get my 8,500 steps in today, I did get several loads of laundry done. I hung them up on the line. I was a little wobbly, but I didn’t keel over.  

   I tried a full-body MELT treatment to deal with my headache, assuming my spine was out because of changes I had made in my movement. I shifted the flesh of my right heel over to the inside of the heel and did a slight side bend to the right as I walked. The MELT treatment didn’t do any immediate good. Before I did the exercise, I asked Yvette to be ready for a call, asking her to help me get up from the floor. I didn’t need her. 

  I took a Covid test this evening on Yvette’s insistence. She was concerned my headache might be a symptom. When Scott didn’t feel well, he insisted he didn’t have Covid. Yvette insisted he take the test. He had Covid. My result was negative.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Sunday, August 14, 2022 

  

  I ran into Rosemary on my early morning walk. She told me I looked good. I thought she was referring to my stride since the operation, but no. She said my hair and my skin looked good. Okay. I’ll take it. I thought it might have something to do with the shock I got upon realizing how damaging my mother’s behavior is considered to be. While the information was shocking, it was also affirming. It’s amazing what shattering thoughts can do for your looks.

  I finally had a session at 8 a.m. with Mama K’s twin girls. She couldn’t find time for me to work with her kids over the summer. Drove me nuts. K was in fourth grade now. I wasn’t worried about him. His word recognition skills were on grade level. I did two sessions on comprehension using my questioning method on sentences. His response was good enough last spring. I believed he would continue to improve over the summer. Mama K confirmed it. He read a few books, and his ability to understand what others said and express his thoughts was better. That’s what I expected.

   However, the girls were a different matter. I teach metacognitive skills, skills that students use to teach themselves. K had already demonstrated his absorption rate. The girls had not. When I started with them last August, they didn’t know all the letters in the alphabet, no less read words.

In the spring, both of them were doing some basic reading. Twin A could read the first two Carpenter stories. Twin E struggled to read the first story. Mama K already told me they did no reading over the summer. Twin A said she did some reading online, probably when playing games. I asked her if she had thought about how to read words. She said yes to that. Wonderful. The school was thrilled with their progress from a low pre-school level to kindergarten. That’s a huge leap. I was nervous that they had lost everything over the summer. I was prepared to discover they couldn’t even remember the names of the letters in the alphabet. But that’s not what happened.

   I started with Twin A. She sailed through the first two stories we had worked on last spring. She read them faster than she had. Twin E was the real surprise. I hadn’t started her on the second story because she struggled with the first one. She sailed through that story at a fluid rate. Amazing! 

   Statistically, students lose ground over vacations if they don’t read independently. With my methods, this has happened only once. I expected it with the girls because they were so weak, but it didn’t. It breaks my heart that the method is not widely used in schools. It is easy to incorporate. 

    Damon sent me an article about schools reinstituting highly sequenced and structured phonics programs. Schools dropped this method because teachers hated it. It was reinstituted because there was a dramatic drop in reading performance with the decline of the method. I incorporate directed phonics instruction. There is no way we should expect students to reinvent the wheel. But we should expect students to have fun figuring out the words rather than do grueling worksheet exercises. Some students figure out how to apply what they learn from traditional phonics lessons to reading. But some have no idea how to do that. This is what my method teaches. 

   I made it to Mass. I usually sit outside for my sake. Today, I did it for everyone else’s sake as well. I was exposed to Covid by Scott. I didn’t know if I had it. I didn’t want to risk anyone else’s health. After Mass, I gave Carolyn, at the church gift shop, Mike’s remaining religion-related items. I gave her things right after he died. Then parishioners were eager to have items of his. I didn’t know if anyone cared anymore. That didn’t bother me. Mike’s impact is from what he did. That will last forever. 

  I stopped at the refreshment table, grabbed half a donut, and then at the table in front of the church to donate $75 in cash for Fr. Lio’s walk for Catholic Charities. I had forgotten my checkbook again. I paid in cash, handing Karen fives and tens. She asked, “Are these your dancing tips?” Got to love this woman. I told her yes. 

    Next, I stopped at Island Naturals to pick up more raw almonds to compensate for the reduced number in Hersey’s milk Chocolate nuggets. I was not too sleepy when I got home. I am usually exhausted after church.

  I missed the Wordle puzzle today. The word was Khaki. I thought of the kh combination but knew it was from the Indian language, not used in English. I forgot about the possibility of a borrowed word.

  I got a call from the gardener asking if they could come tomorrow. I got to work trimming to bougainvillea and pulling down the fallen palm fronds in the yard off my bedroom. I put them in a pile for the gardener to collect and take to the dump. 

   My sister sent a text saying that her son-in-law, his sister, and his father were at the Salmon Rushdie talk when he was attacked. OMG! Can you imagine seeing that happen? It must be hard to comprehend. 

   I got a nap in before Elsa and I did our before-dinner walk. I walked around the makai (toward the ocean) block. I hadn’t done that in at least a year. I was delightfully surprised by the improvement to one of the properties. I had been a mess with the previous occupants. They did not attempt to maintain it. Now, all the garbage was gone; they painted the outside of the house a rust orange. Two men were out front working on the yard. I thought they looked like an older man and a much younger one. I spoke to the older one, complimenting him on his work. He said the other man was also an owner. I assumed they were a couple. That was confirmed by Lutz later in the day. 

  I finished watching Finding Ola this afternoon. I would have loved to see more. Netflix offered me Indian Matching Making. I accepted. It’s a documentary and fascinating. 

Saturday, August 13, 2022

 Saturday, August 13, 2022

 

   As I awoke this morning, I dreamt I was spreading a blanket or tablecloth with another person. I wasn’t sure how it went, and my body seized up with fear. Good, God! Are we all like this, or is it just me?

   I had to get up early this morning; I had seven am Reading & Writing Office hours for Step-Up Tutoring. Seven am my time is ten am in LA. It was the earliest I could manage. I figured it would leave room for people to get on with their day in LA. Concerned about the time this morning, I limited my walk to the street I lived on with a short detour up part of a hill. 

   I signed on to the meeting shortly before seven. While I waited for someone to show up, I worked on posting the blog update. The one person who signed up never showed. I enjoy these sessions; the tutors who attend have no background in education and are open to my suggestions as no teacher would be. Teachers these days are afraid to use anything if not officially approved by their school district.  

    The person who signed up for the office hour never showed. I got lots done. I posted my blog entry after editing it, I completed the Wordle puzzle and ten mini NY Times Puzzles, one for today and the rest from 2015, and I started work on proofreading my typed copy of the section of my Will. Not bad for an hour’s work.      

     When editing my update from August 13, 2021, for posting on the public blog, I read about something Katie, my PT, did. She taped the flesh of my left heel, pulling it over to the inside edge of my foot. I modified my walk, making that shift happen by stepping on the outer edge of my heel and pushing the flesh to the inner edge. I also used something Katie told me to do in our last meeting;  to do side bends, especially to my right. My body was over-stretched on the right and over-contracted on the left. I incorporated that bend to the right as I stepped onto my left foot. 

      Today was primary day in Hawaii. I filled out my mail-in ballot. I had it ready to mail when I realized I wasn’t sure what signature I used. I had to do in-person voting. I took the completed ballot with me to copy my choices. I researched the candidates. I looked for experience. Enough of people for whom this is their first civic position. They at least had to have a record on community organizing. Politics requires specific skills, just like all other professions. Many people assume politics and teaching require no particular skills. Oh, boy.

    The voting site was at the Civic Center. When I arrived, I saw someone looking around, confused. There was no sign showing where to go. I pointed. It was easy to find once you knew what direction to go in.  

   I explained my situation to a security guard. She spoke to one of the election officials, explaining my situation. The official said it should have the same signature as my driver’s license. She was able to check my ‘official’ signature. She told me I had used the right one. It is not the one on my driver’s license. On my license, I used Betty on my registration form; I used Elizabeth on my voter registration form.

  I finished editing my Will and tried to email it to Howard. I saved the document in One Drive but couldn’t find it when I wanted to send it as an attachment to the email. This aspect of One Drive drives me nuts. 

   I trimmed the second crepe myrtle on the property. It also had mold. Once the sun set, I sprayed it and resprayed the one I had treated the other day. 

   I continued watching Finding Ola. The more I watch this show, the more I like it.

Friday, August 12, 2022

 Friday, August 12, 2022

Last night on Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantam talked about our need for affection. There was a period when parents were advised not to show affection to their children because it created dependence. Mothers were to think of themselves as dispensers of food and medical care, not affection or emotional support. It was an outgrowth of Behavioral Theory. My mother denied me affection. I thought it was just her problem because she was touch-averse. But no, this was an actual trend. The show didn't say when doctors were dispensing this information. I do know that Mike's mother got that advice. Mike often retold the story of how he was allowed to cry himself to sleep. As his mother also told the story, she sat in the living room and cried while Mike did. Holy cow!

  Harlow's experiment with his monkeys brought a different perspective to the role of affection in mothering. I lived across the street from his lab in the 60s. I went over to visit once. The only things I saw were the cages with the wire 'moms' and the cages with the terrycloth 'moms.' The lab tech who showed me around told me how the baby chimps preferred the terry cloth 'moms' over the wire ones. They would go without food if it meant letting go of the softer, terry-cloth ones. The experiment made clear a primate's need for physical contact. It was primary, maybe even greater than food.  

  My mother was not an affectionate woman. When writing this, I searched the Internet for when doctors gave this horrible recommendation. I found nothing on American doctors, but I did find information on parenting Guidelines in Nazi Germany. Parents were advised to ignore their children's emotional needs to toughen them up to be good soldiers for the German cause. From what I could make out, this advice fell on fertile ground. German parenting practices were harsh already and open to this draconian advice. My mother immigrated to America from Germany three years before I was born.

   I learned something new about Harlow's experiments. He went way beyond the wire versus terry cloth mom experiments. He became the poster boy for inhumane experimental practices.   He devised a 'mom' that put out barbs if the baby sought affection from 'her.' Holy cow! That resonated with me. That's what my mom did. I remember wanting to kiss her cheek so badly. She pushed me away as if I wanted to do something harmful to her. It was very frightening. Often, if I wanted to 'help' or do something I thought she would like, she would scream at me. In Harlow's experiments, the babies treated that way became obsessed with appeasing the 'mother' rather than abandoning her. I became obsessed with mine.

  In my case, the obsession led to a good result. I didn't pursue appeasing her. I 'gave up' and retreated and fought back. The retreat set the necessary boundary. As a result, I could invite her to spend the last years of her life living with Mike and me. While it wasn't a perfect relationship I would have liked, it was good enough. I wasn't afraid of her anymore. Unfortunately, the damage did affect other aspects of my life; it still does, even though she has been dead since October 16, 2001.

  I believe Mike's experience with his mother was comparable to mine. We bonded over the similarity. Affection and playfulness were hallmarks of our relationship. Besides that, we could resolve differences amicably.   

  The situation with my mother was more complex than the experiment with Harlow's monkeys. My mother wasn't a wire contraption with one response and one motivation. As one friend observed, my mother was a complex human being who was capable of love. Moreover, she did love her children passionately. Other friends told the story of reaching out to their parents. When their parents asked what they wanted, they responded, "Love." The parents, this is two unrelated sets, replied, "What do you think this is, a Hollywood movie?" My mother would never have responded that way.

  While I was shocked to recognize my experience with the barbed 'mother' in Harlow's experiments, I also think many children share this experience. Given the bad chances of recovering from that experience, I think I've done a pretty good job creating a productive, loving life. Much of my life was formed due to my relationship with my mother. Fortunately, I didn't see myself only as a victim. I saw myself as responsible for my recovery. Even the educational systems I have developed are in reaction to her. She got angry when I didn't know what she knew. I work hard to see it from the student's point of view and design the lessons accordingly.

 Today was the first day since my total hip replacement operation I walked all around the block, completing over three thousand steps to start the day. When I got home, I meditated. All spiritual work knocks me for a loop. I needed a nap afterward.

    I had my second post-operation appointment with Dr. Salassa today. I did a pre-check-in online. When I arrived at the site, I had to enter a password to let them know I was there. I sat in the waiting area for a while. Since few people were waiting, it seemed odd that my wait was that long. My phone rang. "This is Kaiser. You have an appointment with Dr. Salassa today."  "I'm sitting in the waiting area." I thought I hadn't pressed the send button. I often do that. When I checked, I saw I had.  

  At our last session, she told me I could do an online visit or in person. I chose in-person because she is such a delightful person to connect with. Today, she didn't seem thrilled to see me. There may have been other things going on in her life. She seemed a bit faded and frazzled. When I announced the PT thought I was way ahead of where most people are at this time, she nodded. I suspect she had me pegged before the surgery. She had had me walk down the hall to observe my gait. She said, "Are you always that conscious of your stride?" I wasn't sure how she interpreted that at the time.

    I had questions about what was possible. Yes, I could use a vibrating platform without concern for the hip. There are no movement limits for the hip with the anterior approach. I will be limited by scar tissue and fascia from before the surgery. I might never be able to cut my own toenails again.

       When I got home, I heard Yvette and Scott talking in his bedroom. She came out wearing a mask and announced he had Covid. He must have gotten it at the memorial celebration for Jared at My Bar. I wasn't concerned about possible contamination. First off, the current strain isn't a killer. I was never closer than at least six feet from Scott, and we only saw each other in the open-air parts of the house. There is a good chance I was never close enough to catch anything. But to be on the safe side, I called Kaiser. I wanted to know what I should do if I did come down with it. There is some medication available to people in my age bracket. She said to call Kaiser; they would contact my primary, who would prescribe the medication. I also told them to tell Dr. Salasa. 

Now, I was sorry I insisted on an in-person consultation.

  When I met up with Lutz during my evening walk, I told him I had been exposed to Covid and needed to keep a distance. Lutz regaled me with stories of Covid boring into the brain and causing dementia. Lutz has a gift for sharing inappropriate information. I told him to shut up. I didn't need to hear that right now. Brian, his son, was walking with him. He said, "He does that all the time." Lutz is a sweet, well-intended man who is missing a few synapses when it comes to understanding another person's perspective.

   On the other hand, he was amazing when he inspected five-year-old Sidney's bumps to see if he could determine the cause. He spoke to him gently and knelt by his side. Lutz is also the guy who flew over to Oahu to pick me up after the surgery. Where he's good, he's very, very good; where he's bad, he's horrid. Nay, Lutz is never horrid in my experience, only somewhat annoying.

  B stopped by to drop off more food from Nedda. He said she would call me to talk about the food. Ah, she was starting a business. I thought she was giving me the food as an act of caring because of the great work I did with her son. I will eat the food she provided, but none was to my taste. One dish looked delicious, with beautiful shrimps. Only I'm allergic to shrimp. I texted B and told him to pick it up and eat it himself.

   I watched Finding Ola on Netflix. Wow! This is good. It takes place in Eygpt, one of the modern Islamic countries. Ola doesn't wear a hijab while her mother does.   The script and the acting are fantastic. My only problem was I had trouble following the captions because I couldn't take my eyes off the performers.

Thursday, August 11, 2022

 Thursday, August 11, 2022 

   Yvette led a yoga class this morning. It was a small group: Scott, Elise, and me. 

   I managed to get some things done I had been putting off. I bathed Elsa, mixed the horticultural oil with water, and sprayed the crepe myrtle. I felt good to get chores done that had been nagging me for days.

   I had a 4 p.m. appointment with my PT, Katie. The receptionist directed me to go into the room while Katie walked her last client to the door. She was an elderly woman; Katie was advising her to use two canes if she wasn’t comfortable using a walker. The woman looked up at me with a combination of confusion and recognition. I thought she might have dementia and prepared myself for a confusing conversation. But no. She was sharp as a tack. “Who cuts your hair?” she asked. I told her Randee Jennings at Muse Salon. Katie went to the front desk, grabbed a piece of paper and pen, and wrote the information down. I told her Randee was highly tattooed. Was that alright with her? She was fine with it. I told the woman I got compliments on my hair days before my next appointment. She did not have a very good haircut. She needed a Randee in her life.

  It was Katie’s thirty-fourth birthday today. One of the employees had a Haku lei made for her. It is worn like a crown. It had the largest flowers I’d ever seen. Katie said it was heavy. She also had a neck lei one of her clients brought her. I managed to wish her a happy birthday. I had thought of doing more but couldn’t get it together.

 Katie said I was one of the most successful hip replacements she had ever seen. That’s not saying much since she can’t be in the business for over five years. The other person was a twenty-year-old with other health problems whose hip gave out. Can you imagine needing a hip replacement at twenty? We were the only two people who understood you have to change your body mechanics after the surgery. Our bad body mechanics caused the problem in the first place. When the hip got bad, we made even more adjustments around it. All that had to be corrected. If we don’t, we will have other problems in the future: back or knee problems. Most people are glad to have relief from pain and want to return to activities. They stop using the walker or cane before they should. I made the correct body mechanics more important than driving or shopping, even walking rapidly. 

  Katie and I spoke about how most people don’t want to think about themselves consciously; they don’t want to change anything about themselves. They argue they are what they are. We do what we do, and we cannot change ourselves.

 

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

 Wednesday, August 10, 2022

 

  On my walk this morning, I asked Vince about the rumor I heard that there are no fish in Hawaiian waters anymore. Vince is eighty-one now. He still goes out fishing every Thursday and earns money making fish jerky. He confirmed the rumor. Due to climate change, the currents passing the islands have changed. They are cooler. The fish like warmer waters. This is a disaster. If the islands are cut off from the mainland and supplies, we will not have a food source. The news hit me hard. I don't know why this piece of news was so much more difficult to take than all the other bad news about our world, the physical disaster caused by climate change, and the social disaster caused by our politics. Dystopia, here we come.

  I drove to Hualoaha to pick up the bread I ordered from SunDog Bakery; a young hippie couple set up this bakery. They started just selling it on the street once a week. The restaurants and hotels discovered it and became their biggest customers. They only sell food to the general public once a week. You can order online between Friday afternoon and Tuesday morning. I did order, but they had no record of it. Fortunately, they still had the types of bread I wanted. 

  As I drove home, I called Judy to find out if anyone would be home for the next half hour. I bought a loaf of sliced sourdough white bread for them. I prefer the unsliced deli sourdough- a rye sourdough.

  My family lived on Jewish sourdough rye bread when I was a kid. We bought half a loaf of unsliced seedless 'cornbread' from Hanscom's once a week. Judy remembered her family buying the same kind of bread, but she had never heard it called cornbread. We talked about how dense the bread of our youth was and the crust was thicker too. Oh, my God, that bread was delicious.

   I met with adolescent D. We continued working on the six-syllable patterns. He still had trouble remembering that V stood for vowel. He used a metacognitive trick to retrieve the memory. Instead of saying "Vowel" in response to the V, he named the vowel letters. That helped him retrieve the name. It was the first time I observed him using a metacognitive strategy I hadn't introduced. He didn't do it consciously; he fell into it.

   Two seconds later, when we looked at the second pattern, VC, he couldn't remember the word vowel when I asked him what the V stood for. Does he get stuck because he gets scared he won't be able to remember, or is there a neurological problem? He was better at illustrating the syllable patterns. When given VC, he quickly gave a vowel and a consonant. Well, more quickly. He still had problems identifying the vowel sound for each pattern, but he knew it had to be either long or short. 

   I told him to remember examples he could read of the VC pattern, as in, on, or an. "Is the vowel long or short? Listen. Does it make its own name? If not, it's short. Use the knowledge you have to figure out something unfamiliar." To do that means having pattern recognition. He doesn't seem to have that. He may not have functional pattern recognition in the 3-D world or the social world. We did a whole sentence identifying the pattern in each syllable. He did reasonably well. But he still borrowed letters from other syllables. So, in the word ve/hic/le, he said the second syllable had the VCe pattern, borrowing the e from the last syllable. He said his reading is improving. No, he is making no conscious effort to look for patterns. Yes, he's listening to the audio file. No, his mother is not involved. No, his mother has not tried to get him to read the transcript I sent. All I can do is ask repeatedly. Wheedling, whining, and bullying don't work.

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

 Tuesday, August 9, 2022   

 

 I had nothing scheduled for today. On my morning walk, I ran into Paulette, a walking buddy. Elsa barked, and Paulette jumped. A few months ago, she was attacked by a dog while walking on Hiolani. When Paulette passed a property with many homeless people living on it, a dog came out, latched on to her lower arm, and bit through to the bone. She said," I used to love dogs. Now, I'm afraid of every dog. It's horrible. However, I also feel I want to hang  on to the fear." I understood both statements. She said she was so relieved to talk to someone who didn't just tell her to get over it. She had a classic case of single-incident PTSD, simple PTSD. I recommended EFT.

  Scientists have proven that we run on automatic-pilot most of the time. Our conscious minds become involved AFTER we've started to act. We should all value our unconscious responses. However, while functional ones serve us well, some are dysfunctional and don't serve us well. They are lessons applicable to very limited circumstances. Yet, we still hang on to them.

   The father of the two girls I worked with last year called. I had asked repeatedly for information on the schedule for the upcoming year. I heard nothing. I also had a cool email exchange with the mother. I assumed they decided not to continue with me. Guess not. We'll see.

   The father told me the girls wouldn't continue with the other tutor. Going into second-grade M's reading was strong enough, and the speech therapist cost a fortune. I bet. Why did they have her see a speech therapist? She was just for her supposed dyslexia. I had my doubts if that was her problem. It resolved too easily.

  Going-into-sixth-grade W was starting a new school, a high-end, academically competitive private school. Dad got a reading list in the spring. He didn't read it correctly. Two books were supposed to be read over the summer. W was listening to the audio versions now. I asked him to send me copies of all the books she has to read. He said he ordered them for me and would send me an email. There was no email later in the day. Dad is a nervous wreck. I'd say he has an anxiety disorder. He makes everyone nervous.

  I worked on the revisions of my Will. Howard, Judy's husband, who is a lawyer, was helping me. He told me what changes to make to the document. Since the Will was on a disc, he said to fill in the information and send it to him. I opened the disc using my external DVD player. I couldn't figure out how to unlock the document. I started typing it up.

    I heard Ethan Kross, author of the best-selling book Chatter, talk about the default brain. It's the part of our brain that chatters away when we aren't focused on something else, and often even if we are.   This brain function has a lot in common with the physical act of breathing. Breathing is automatic. It is the only automatic body function we can willfully control. The default brain is like that. If we don't consciously direct it to do something else, it will run on its own. Like breathing, chatter is necessary for our survival. We don't like it when it goes awry, but we're screwed if it does goes away altogether. They did a test with college students. They gave them math problems. When working on the problems, the chatter stopped. The moment they stopped working on the math problems, the chatter started up again.

 I love Confessions of a Buddhist Atheist by Stephon Batchelor. Anyone interested in Buddhism should read this. I have learned about several sects of Buddhism, Batchelor's thoughts on Buddha's thinking, and Buddha's life. Batchelor talks about how the politics of the time affected Buddha. He didn't have an easy time. Like all great leaders, he was not universally valued, no less loved.  

   Batchelor also helped clarify a definition of 'self,' which Buddha said does not exist. What is this thing that does not exist? From what I read, it means there is no constant internal self. It is often understood metaphysically. Christianity believes there is a self that survives the death of the body. Many sects of Buddhism hold a comparable belief. The belief is the 'self' passes on to another life. Batchelor argues that Buddha's reference to the self was not metaphysical. He meant that any concept we have of ourselves, as in "I am a       -----." It is not fixed. It has no permanence. Everything is open to change. Life circumstances force us to redefine ourselves. It is clinging to some image of self that causes suffering.

Monday, August 8, 2022

 Monday, August 8, 2022

 

   I didn't sleep that well. I dozed on and off after 3 am. Of course, I had that three-hour nap after church and another one-hour nap later in the day. I was back to feeling tired a lot. It could be because of the lost tooth. Who knows how it all impacts me?

     Before Josh returned to work, Yvette spent more time up here just visiting. I missed those causal exchanges. For the most part, her interactions with me are purpose-driven. Sue, one of my walking buddies, complains about the same thing with her kids, and she has six adult children. They only contact her when they have to tell her something. "We're doing a safari in Africa." There was no talk about thinking about it or planning it, just, "You need to know we won't be home."  I've seen people pay more attention to their cars.

       The dentist's office called and gave me an appointment for 12 noon to check my sheared-off tooth. My concern was an infection in the tooth spreading to my hip. 

  Three people were sitting at the reception desk this morning. The other day there were only two; there's usually only one. The one person is the doctor's mother-in-law. His wife is his dental assistant, and his sister-in-law is his dental hygienist. The second person at the desk the other day was Susan's oldest grandchild. She was being introduced to the working world. Susan was training her to take her place for a week while on vacation. Good luck! Susan knows the business inside out. She didn't learn all that in two weeks with the inexperience of an eighteen-year-old. 

    Today there was a third person at the front desk. I thought it was the dentist's wife. But on closer inspection, I realized it was a sister I had never met. She was the one who stayed home and did childcare for the whole family. Now the kids were going to preschool, and she was getting back into the working world.

    The dentist checked if the root was exposed. I could have told him it wasn't. If it were, I would have been groaning. He didn't think infection would be a problem for at least three months. The remaining tooth will have to be extracted. I planned to call that doctor tomorrow to make an appointment. My dentist would put in that referral today. Should I get a bridge or an implant? I knew a bridge was pointless. The surrounding teeth were vulnerable. They couldn't be counted on to support a bridge. The tooth that snapped was capped close to fifty years ago. Ah, I remember it well. It was my first cap, a problem from the beginning. I would have plenty to entertain me for the rest of the year: a tooth extraction, an implant, and a root canal. Good thing I get along with all these practitioners. Yep, there are three. I was already acquainted with all of them.

     After my appointment with the dentist, I had time to drive up the hill and pick up Elsa's skin medication at the vet before my 1:40 appointment with my primary phyaicians. The parking lot was empty when I pulled in. There was a sign saying they were closed for lunch. I Googled the vet. They didn't post their lunchtime. I figured I'd wait. It was 12:30. I was good sitting there and reading as anywhere else. They opened punctually at 1 pm. I dropped another $50. 

    Then I drove back down the hill/mountain to go to Kaiser for that appointment. I love seeing Dr. Reed. She is warm and loving. I made the appointment because Katie, my PT, was concerned about the blood flow in my legs because of my varicose and spider veins. In respect for her, I had them checked. As I suspected, I have excellent blood flow to my feet. I have the ankle pulse of a younger person. The veining is just decoration. 

    I asked her to renew my PT prescription. She said it wasn't necessary. The PT should request additional sessions when I run out. The prescription was active. I also asked for a prescription for a chiropractor. I found one who takes Kaiser's insurance and comes highly recommended. 

   I showed the doctor my missing tooth and told her of the three dental treatments I would need in the future. She prescribed three doses of amoxicillin. I had to take four pills before each treatment. 

   My blood pressure was 126/ 77, with a pulse of 78. It was good today. I told the doctor I had been taking my blood pressure daily to determine if I needed medication. She said taking nothing one day and two the next wasn't a good idea. Even if the blood pressure is low, always take one pill. Taking none sometimes creates spiking. The idea is to keep the blood pressure under control, not encourage it to zig-zag all over the place.

   I went to the pharmacy immediately to get the antibiotics. I also picked up N95 masks. I got fifty for $25. I had no idea if that was a good price, but I did know I'd have a bunch now. I checked. Amazon sells them for less. Oh, well. It was done.

  I learned  I could get dental prescriptions filled because Kaiser doesn't provide dental care. I couldn't get my optometrist's prescription filled because they have one on staff.

            I contacted my friend in England to ask her how about her experience with their socialized medical system. I sent her the email from my friend in Canada. Here is the British friend's response:

     

     Well written, Carolyn. 

     For the UK, the picture around delays is worse and got even worse because of covid and Brexit. But overall, the picture Carolyn paints is quite similar to ours. And the key point about care being available to all at no cost is absolutely true. 

       However, many years of right-wing government means privatization by stealth has been occurring, and serious underfunding back at the time of that Forbes article has weakened the system.   

        I profoundly believe in the state system and generally am very happy to pay taxes and duties to provide support for health education and care. I just wish we had a very different government. 

 

    I had a session with adolescent D.  When I asked if he had done any reading, he said yes. He had to do some for school. "How did it go?" Good!!! Wow. D is rarely positive about anything, no less reading. I was a little nervous. Was it a very easy selection? Did he just think he read it well enough to understand?

   Then we returned to the drill. What does the V stand for in VC? He answered, "Verb."  That's not great, but it is more important that he remembers what the vowel letters are than what they're called. The bigger problem is his recall of anything. The good news was he did recall the vowel letters; he reeled off. "A, E, I , O, U, and sometimes Y." I reminded him that V stood for vowel.  

     We proceeded to the next part of the exercise: he had to give me letters for the symbols: V, VC, VCe, VV, and Vr and identify the sound the vowel can make in all cases. I had to help him name a single vowel letter even after he could name them all. What is causing that problem? If he can name the vowel letters, why can't he name a single vowel letter?             

    For VC he gave the word me. I had to remind him the pattern started with the vowel letter. He still couldn't think of what to do. It didn't occur to him he had to reverse the order of the two letters.   No, this boy is not considered cognitively delayed or cognitively impaired, what used to be called mentally retarded. I don't know how he tested on an IQ test. Given that vocabulary is a big part of it, I can imagine he did very well. The depth of his learning disability is becoming more apparent. Why didn't I know about it sooner? I am considered an excellent diagnostician. This boy uses whatever intelligence he has to mask his problems. He hides. The school administered a standard evaluation. His mother didn't share it with me. She just told me he had a processing problem. 

    His mom's a problem too. I have recommended that she turn the audio file on for him every night. It doesn't look like she's doing that. Dash said he did listen to it two nights ago. It doesn't seem he does it regularly. 

    The other day I had a frightening thought. His ability to make sense of what he sees and hears is so poor I wondered if this wasn't an early stage of schizophrenia. I don't know enough about this disease, but it involves severe mental confusion. D has so much trouble making sense of the world, I wonder. 

  I watched the Netflix original, On The Verge, about four women friends on the verge of making a big change in their lives. The characters are somewhat annoying, but the script and the acting are amazing. Tonight, I watched an episode that elevated the danger to one of the characters to another level. Outside forces were threatening her. I didn't know if I would continue watching. I can't handle the stress.

Sunday, August 7, 2022

 Sunday, August 7, 2022  

 

  When I ran into my walking buddy Carol, she asked if it rained. The streets were still wet, and there was standing water. It poured so intensely last night that it woke me from a sound sleep. I thought I heard a loud machine. It took me a minute to figure out what was going on. Then I fell asleep again. I wouldn't have remembered the incident if Carol had asked about the rain.

  Elsa is very bright. She knows the walking schedule. She knows when we're driving up to Paulette's to get water. When she wants to go for a walk, she's at the door waiting. She knows we walk before she eats, both in the morning and at night. I get the leash and stand by the door. What does Miss Elsa do? She stands in the middle of the kitchen, insisting she is fed first. I have to go to her to put on her leash. She is too bright for me.

  I went to church this morning for the first time in a long while. I still wear my mask and sit outside on the lanai to avoid contagion. As the Mass began, I felt Mike's presence. He was so happy I was in church. The Catholic religion meant a great deal to him. I was so happy he found a belief that joyfully shaped his life. It doesn't have as much meaning for me. It did once.

  My attraction to the Catholic church had nothing to do with Mike. It started when I was twelve. My family took a trip to Quebec and a side trip to St. Anne du Beaupre, a healing shrine. In 1953, the walls were hung with crutches. I found it interesting, even moving. 

   My atheistic father revealed his hidden need to believe when we got home. The warts on my fingers had mysteriously disappeared. My father said he had lit a candle in the church. It wasn't just the coincidence that impacted me; it was the impact it had on my dad. It was contagious.  

   The irony is that my attachment to the church waned once Mike converted. I'm prepared to believe I was led to Catholicism to support Mike's conversion. We only met when we were thirty-two. He made fun of my spirituality when we met. Ha Ha, on him.

   A family of five sat on the chairs near me during the Mass. I was struck by how good-looking the man was. I rarely have that kind of reaction. I wasn't attracted to him," I just thought he was stunning. The rest of the family was a pleasure to look at, too, but nothing compared to him. After the Mass, he approached me and said, "Miss Betty? Do you remember me?" Nope. "I did landscaping at your house." I remembered we used a company called the Golden Tree before we got our current company. Yes. It was many years ago. He said I hadn't changed at all. Sweet. Yes, he knew Mike had died. Speaking to him face to face, I could see this was a man who had no investment in his looks. His investment was in his family.  

   When Mass was over, I went to speak to Fr. Lio and Sandor. I told Fr. Lio that I had picked up the gravestones from the port. Did he know how to attach them to the cement pillows? "Just let me know when you're ready. I get epoxy and take care of it." I was spared most of the expenses of Mike's post-death events: the funeral, the after-funeral meal, the gravesites, and the foundational gravesite slab were all provided by the church. I paid for the two granite slabs, the engraving, the two cement pillows, and the shipping costs to get the granite slabs to Oahu to the engraver; no one on the Big Island did it. The biggest expense was the crating for shipping the granite slabs to Oahu from Kona Trans. They had a minimum fee of $400. They lowered it to $250 because I had asked for an estimate, which they didn't give me. If I had heard $400, I would have known something was wrong. They didn't do little jobs. I should have gone to a frame shop for this job. Someone directed me to Kona Trans without realizing the consequences.

   Sandor wasn't at church today. I was immediately worried. There are health issues he and his wife are dealing with. But all was okay. He was on Oahu for a deacon retreat. Widowed deacon wives are welcome at these annual retreats. I didn't get one because I made it clear that I wouldn't come. For many of the wives, this became an important community. I felt out of place at first. I was never the devoted Catholic they were. Some of these wives want their husbands to be ordained more for status than religious reasons. I was involved to support Mike.  

    Over time, I connected with some deacons and their wives. It was to them I reached out when Mike went to the ICU the first time. I called John, the director of the deacon training program, and said, "I can't be alone." Within minutes, someone was at my side. I didn't even know who she was. John had called Lina, who lived near the hospital. She stayed by my side until John and his wife Kathy arrived. They stayed with me until Damon, my stepson, and Jean, Mike's first wife, arrived. I don't know how I would have coped with the situation if I hadn't had the support of that community. If one of you is thinking, "Why couldn't she call upon the members of my church?" We lived on the Big Island; the hospital was Oahu. You can see the problem.

  I had the bowl Paulette had packed with the freshly cut mango in the car. I planned to return it to her at the end of Mass. I didn't see her, and I was exhausted. I figured I'd give it to them the next time I drove up there for water. I was heading to my door after plugging the car in when Paulette pulled into the driveway. I handed her the bowl and went in for a three-hour nap. Church exhausts me. 

  Unless I missed it altogether, I was getting the Wordle puzzle on the third or fourth try. I devised a strategy that works for me. I have my three starter words: ready, stomp, and quick. I don't put in the third if I get four letters with the first two trial words. I missed coyly the other day because I was too lazy to use my method. I put down five blank lines for each letter and write one of the letters in every possible space. It allows me to see possible combinations. Some people like to do it in their heads. I can't do that, and I like my method. It's fun.

   Cylin gave August and Damon their Kua Bay T-shirts today for their birthdays. August said he liked it. Cylin and Damon may have told him to fake it. I was surprised. He just turned nineteen, too sophisticated for father/son matching shirts. 

   I called August to sing happy birthday to him in the Ross way – off-key. He was very conversant. I enjoyed talking to him. I asked him if he would consider calling once a week. That would be great. Then, he announced, "My dad wants to talk to me," and abruptly hung up. I texted him instructions on how to end a conversation before the other person seemed ready. My sister gave me explicit instructions. I needed them. "Don't sound enthusiastic and say "okay," in a languid way." It's partly a 'hint,' but it also impacts the other person's unconscious mind.

   Judy and Paulette got a $600 water bill instead of the usual $200. They called the water company. They told them to look for a leak. They couldn't find the water meter. Ours is at the property line on the street side. Walking up and down the block, I could only find six meters set up as ours was. I have no idea why the difference. Many of the houses were built at the same time. Mei and Peter live in one of those houses, as do Adam and Jazzy. Our house does not follow that model. It was curious that we have different systems of delivery.

Saturday, August 6, 2022

 Saturday, August 6, 2022

 

Last night, as I bit into an almond, the cap the dentist had just replaced came off. No, wait! I didn't lose the cap. The whole tooth sheared off at the gum. There it was, wedged inside the cap. I called the dentist's office immediately to leave a message. "We don't have to worry about the fillings in what was remaining of that capped tooth." No, we were at a whole different level of dental care now.  

       I couldn't have dental treatment for another month. I have to wait three months after hip replacement surgery to avoid infections – in the hip. This means I have to live with this gap until then. I have to be careful when I smile. If I was discreet, I could hide the gap.

      Then I thought, what if the exposed tooth poured bacteria into my system? I would need to be on antibiotics. I left a message for the dentist expressing my concern. My one objection to Kaiser is that if the dentist prescribed antibiotics, Kaiser wouldn't cover them. Medicine had to be prescribed by a Kaiser physician. However, Kaiser doesn't cover dental care. Medicare does. Medicare limits what dentists you can go to. There is only one dental practice in town that accepts Medicare. If I call my primary and tell her my dentist wants me to be on antibiotics, she can't prescribe them. The good news is I will be seeing my primary on Monday. I made the appointment a while ago because the PT was concerned about the varicose veins in my legs. I have several things to discuss with my primary.

 Judy was still not driving herself. She passed out behind the wheel, a potentially hazardous situation. She was crossing a four-lane road and swerved into the oncoming lane. Fortunately, that lane hadn't started moving yet, and she was going slowly. It was a minor fender bender. She stopped driving while having a series of medical tests to determine the cause. None showed up. It looked like it was dehydration. But she still wasn't driving. She arranged to take an Uber to the church this morning. I would have driven her if someone hadn't signed up for my Saturday morning Reading & Writing Office Hours. I hoped the person wouldn't cancel out at the last minute and make me feel lousy for not driving Judy. It would usually be nothing for me to do it. I'm up at that hour.

  The tutor who signed up didn't show up immediately. I sat there fretting about abandoning Judy in her hour of need. When she did show up, she was a delight to work with. She was an experienced tutor who had yet to meet with her student. I told her I would forward Julia's information on what to do in the initial sessions. It was her second year with Step Up Tutoring; she didn't need that. She read the notes of the previous tutor on her student. Wow! I didn't know that was available. I wondered if the other new tutors I worked with also had such notes on their students. From now on, I will know to ask. The notes were very helpful.

  The student was a third-grade girl from a Latinx family with comprehension problems. "Wait! I have something you can use." I showed her the questioning process I had developed. It teaches students how to decode sentences and understand the relationships of all the words to each other.

  I'm including the process here. It can be used with any language. I have used it successfully in several situations. I had a fifth grader ask for help with comprehension. She saw a difference after one session and was now in honor's English classes. It's a simple process. If you decide to use it, don't feel you have to do everything perfectly. I don't think that way, thank God, because I make constant mistakes. This process teaches us to ask questions. It doesn't have to be perfect.

 

INSTRUCTIONS: Don't worry about doing it perfectly. I've been doing this for over 30 years and still make mistakes. The object is to teach the students to ask questions as they read. We don't need them to be able to ask those questions themselves when they start.   Exposing them to this process teaches the unconscious mind to do this work. This is what all good readers do automatically. For example, if you read the sentence:

 

  

"She stood gazing at the sky." Your mind is going to ask, "Where was she standing?" It will provide an answer. Each person's response may be different.

 

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants. Formerly, they washed the large animals with brushes. Now, they put them through a car wash. It takes only a minute or two. "The animals seem to enjoy it," says the zoo manager.

 

 Hopefully, anyone reading this will find the answers obvious. Don't assume the same holds true for your student. If they do well, move on to a close examination of paragraphs.

 

We did the following exercise over several days. This student enjoyed it. If you have one who doesn't. Cut it short. Do a little every session, just one of two questions.

There are people at the zoo in Portland. Oregon.

They have a new way to do something.

They wash elephants.

These are the four types of questions.

IN THE BOOK: In this section, all the answers should use the "exact" words in the sentence. It is a way of teaching different syntactical options to students. It's a great way to teach English syntax to those who speak another lesson.

THINK & SEARCH: In this section, you make inferences explicit. Connecting one part of a sentence to another or one sentence to the preceding sentences in the passage.

THE AUTHOR & ME: Here, the student brings in background knowledge, definitions, previous experiences, etc.

BEYOND THE TEXT: Prediction or speculation comes in here.

 

IN THE BOOK:

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants.

1.             Who has a new way to wash elephants? People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon.

2.             Where is the zoo? In Portland, Oregon.

3.             What do the people at the zoo in Portland have? A new way to wash elephants.

4.             What do the people at the zoo in Portland, Oregon wash? Elephants.

5.             What kind of a way do the people at the zoo have for washing elephants? A new way

THINK & SEARCH:

1.             Where do the elephants live? In Portland, Oregon, in the zoo.

THE AUTHOR & ME:

1.             Who do you think the people who wash the elephants are? Zookeepers.

2.             What do you think the old way of washing elephants is? By hose

3.             What is the opposite of new? Old

BEYOND THE TEXT:

1.             What do you think the new way of washing elephants might be? Putting them in a pool.

 

 

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants.

 Formerly, they washed the large animals with brushes.

IN THE BOOK:

1.             Who washed the large animals with brushes formerly? The zookeepers

2.             What did they wash? The large animals

3.             What did they wash the large animals with? Brushes

4.             When did they wash the large animals with brushes? Formerly

THINK and SEARCH:

1.             What did they wash? Elephants

2.             What were the large animals? The elephants

3.             What does 'they' refer to? Who are 'they'? the zookeepers

THE AUTHOR & ME:

1.             What did they wash the large animals with besides brushes? Water

2.             Where did the water come from? The hose

3.             What does formerly mean in this sentence? It means before they did it another way.

BEYOND THE TEXT:

1.             How did the elephants feel about being washed with a hose and brushes? I think they felt relaxed because they like cold mud.

 

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants. Formerly, they washed the large animals with brushes. Now, they put them through a car wash.

 

IN THE BOOK:

1.             Who puts them through a car wash? The zookeepers

2.             What do they do? They put them through a car wash.

3.             What do they put them through? A car wash

4.             When do they put them through a car wash? now

 

THINK & SEARCH:

1.             Who is "they" in this sentence? The zookeepers

2.             Who does 'them" refer to? The elephants

THE AUTHOR & ME:

1.             What is a car wash? Where you wash your cars.

2.             How is a car wash different from washing your car at home?

a.             You don't have to get out of the car.

b.             You don't have to wash it yourself.

3.             Why did the zookeepers use a car wash?

a.             Because the elephants are too big for the zookeepers to do it?

b.             Because the car wash is big enough for them.

BEYOND THE TEXT:

1.             Are the elephants alone? Probably not. The zookeepers are walking through with them, guiding them.

2.             What is happening to the zookeepers as they are walking through? They're getting soaked.

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants. Formerly, they washed the large animals with brushes. It takes only a minute or two.

IN THE  BOOK:

1.             What takes a minute or two? Washing them in the car wash.

2.             What Is it? Washing them in the car wash.

THINK & SEARCH:

1.             What does 'it' stand for? Going through the car wash.

THE AUTHOR & ME:

1.             Is a minute or two a long time or a short time? (This student said, "a long time." I took the occasion to teach her that degree of length requires a context.

2.             How long does a car wash take? 4 minutes

3.             How long do you think it took the zookeepers to wash the elephants without the carwash? An hour

4.             Do you think it takes less time to wash the elephants in the car wash? Less

 

People at the zoo in Portland, Oregon, have a new way to wash elephants. Formerly, they washed the large animals with brushes. It takes only a minute or two. "The animals seem to enjoy it," says the zoo manager.

IN THE BOOK:

1.              Who says the animals seem to enjoy it? The zoo manager.

2.             What is he a manager of? The zoo

3.             Who seems to enjoy it? The animals

4.             What do the animals seem to enjoy? To be washed in the car wash.

AUTHOR & ME:

  

1. How do the animals feel about being washed in the car wash? They feel relaxed.

1.              Describe what happens to the elephants in the car wash? How do they get washed?

They are soaked with water and soap. There are these scrubby things they scrub the car with.

The wipers, which are red and blue hanging things made of smooth cloth. They cut it into strips. They turn around like this. The car gets dry because they have these blow things, kind of like straws.

2.             How do you think the elephants get through the car wash? They walk or they get lifted.

 

Here is the comprehension exercise provided by the author for this passage.

-Elephants were cleaned in the car wash because:

a)             there weren't many cars

b)             it was faster

c)             the animals got cleaner

 

 

   

  Yvette texted me about a particular mouth wash she and Josh were ordering. Her father-in-law's dentist or heart doctor recommended it. Stellalife is supposed to promote dental health daily, particularly after dental work. This is a current concern of mine because of my broken tooth, particularly since I couldn't have dental work for at least two more weeks. The theory is any infections in the mouth can lodge in the new joint. After three months, I need to take an antibiotic before each dental treatment. My tooth couldn't have been in good shape if it broke off. Were there bacteria in the remaining tooth that could infect the hip? How do I know if I have an infection?     My first response to Yvette's information about this mouthwash was, "Eh!' Once the tooth broke, I decided I needed maximum protection. I ordered it.