Thursday, August 18, 2022

 Thursday, August 18, 2022

 

 I had to get up early this morning because of the 7 a.m. driveway yoga. Five people were in the class today, including one new person, Yvette's boss at Island Heart Care. And  Deb joined us from Seattle via Facetime. I saw a difference in the bend of my left leg. It is a result of the exercise Katie gave me. I lie flat on my back with my left leg bent as far as I can comfortably with my right leg straight. The position puts a gentle pull on the muscles of my left leg. Dr. Salassa was not optimistic that I would ever be able to touch my left foot again. When muscles remain contracted for long periods, it is hard, if not impossible, to stretch again. We'll see.

  I attended Julia's office hours. There were several other people at the Zoom meeting. Some were only checking in because the program required attendance during office hours for new tutors. I offered to do in-classroom tutoring via Zoom. When I made my offer, Julia said, "Noted!" in what I thought was a surprisingly stern tone of voice. I have no idea what prompted it.  

       I have been concerned that I got myself blackballed because of the BrainManagementSkills I did with one girl. I had never had a problem before. The girl was fine with the process. It involves releasing the mind's excessive spinning, which interferes with ease of perception. Students will describe how letters move around in their minds or on the page. When they move on the page, the problem is generally more serious. This child was comfortable with the release. However, she described the size of the spin as being as large as the city of L.A. I have yet to hear from the parents or the tutor she was working with again, despite repeated efforts on my part. I suspected she had told her parents about the experience. Because of the silence, I imagined the parents were evangelical and interpreted their daughter's experience as having to do with the devil. Oh, boy. However bad the result might be for me, it would be much worse for the girl. She already knew she had problems with spinning. To have her parents associate that with evil would be very dangerous for the girl. The release wouldn't harm her, but the parents' reaction would.

  Jean called. The children in the family were visiting: Jean's son Damon with his son, August, John's children James and Lisa, and her son Connor. They all went for a walk with John while Jean stayed home. Jean and John moved recently. They had three storage units with mostly paper they had to sort. Six or seven boxes were Damon's that had been stored in the old house's attic. After throwing out items like his second-grade spelling books, he mailed the three remaining boxes to his home in L.A. He spent the summer cleaning out his garage, which had become their storage unit. Damon suspected Cylin would not be pleased to see three new boxes come into the house.

  Jean said while it was delightful to have Damon visit, there was a downside. He had to leave. So sweet. So true.

   Damon and August were in NYC for a music event with computer-generated music. Jean told me that August would be performing. I hadn't known that. I was looking forward to hearing about the event.

  Elsa and I went up to get water from Paulette. Elsa loves visiting Paulette; she has a cat. I had to stop a bit lower down because a workman was parked at the top of the driveway, where I usually park. Elsa had no problems finding Paulette's door. I just picked up the water and spent only a few minutes visiting. Paulette had to deliver another Turo car in a few minutes. Usually, when I get in the car and call Elsa, she comes. Today, she ran around the house. Paulette had to chase her. Once Elsa was clear about where I was, she jumped in the car.

    While I continued to be fascinated by Indian Matchmaker, I had some reservations. All the people being served by this matchmaker are extremely wealthy. Their homes are off the wall. No, not quite true. One fellow from a middle-class background worked in the public sector where everyone else on the program was in business- from 'good' families. As I watch, I am painfully aware that arranged marriages are not always a good deal for the couple. Twelve-year-olds forced to marry fifty-year-old men are also arranged marriages. The people 'Sima from Mumbai serves are all wealthy enough to afford her.

  When I was in high school, a classmate from Afghanistan was returning home after graduating. Her parents had selected a husband for her. I was horrified. She assured me she could reject him if she didn't like him.

    The concept of an arranged marriage sounds more appealing now- at least as presented in the Netflix series. Both parties can say what they want in a partner and reject people. One fellow had been on fifty arranged dates before he accepted a woman as a wife.

    Sima said she had no choice in her marriage. It was a marriage of their two families. What the kids wanted was secondary, if not irrelevant. I think she said she first met her husband on her wedding day. Fortunately, she was happy in her marriage thirty-five years later. Several long-married couples were interviewed. They were all happy with their circumstances. 'With the arranged marriage, the concept is "marriage comes first; then comes love."  It's a more realistic approach to marriage. If you marry someone with a good heart who understands that marriage requires commitment and work, that is a good place to start. Many 'love marriages' start with "love" and assume everything will work out without effort. The concept behind arranged marriages is closer to reality. Those in a 'love marriage' have to reach the point where they understand a good marriage requires commitment and work.

  The series only shows the best of marriage. There are glimpses of the other side. The wife has to move in with the husband's family. The mother-in-law remains the queen of the house. The woman has to adapt; adaptation is not mutual.

  I chose Mike from a place of appropriateness more than love. I wasn't passionately in love with him. I didn't find him irresistible. I found him comfortable and 'right.' For those familiar with the old USA public pay phones, you listened for the sound of the coin as it dropped. Sometimes it didn't catch. That produced one kind of sound. When it did catch, there was a feeling of satisfaction and lightness. I felt right about him. He was committed to respecting me, even though he had a terrible hatred of women due to his relationship with his mother. He suffered from an insufferable case of arrogance. That's a wordplay. It was bad, but it wasn't insufferable. That was one quality he changed with pressure from me. Love did come. I was crazy about the man. I thought he was wonderful. He was a decent human being; he adored me and was an affection junky as I was. We took great pleasure in making each other happy. In our last years, I often said, "I love you so much, it's silly." I couldn't have picked better.