I went to bed early last night. I was exhausted. I woke up shortly after 5, ready to get up and get going. Dorothy wasn't up for a long talk this morning. I called my friend, Jean. Her throat was still bothering her from the chemotherapy even though she was finished with the process. I'm sure this too will pass. We talked about her grandson, who is having problems adjusting to online schooling.
My leg hurt a lot by the time I got home. I was visibly limping. One could assume that the lack of cartilage caused the problem, which means that my hip is bone-on-bone. However, I was able to relieve the pain by massaging my back with the trigger point massager. Obviously, massage does not remedy the bone-on-bone issue. Then why does it relieve the pain? If the pain can be reduced with a few minutes of massage, why choose major surgery? I suspect most people would be massaging only those areas where it hurts. But the relief came from massaging my back and abdominal muscles.
I had a session with J, a six-year-old boy. When I asked him about what he didn't like about the school, he said he doesn't get the attention he needs. I wondered if the teacher said hello to the kids individually when she signed on. He said no. This should be included in every online lesson. When I went to the school to tutor, I observed teachers standing at the door during dismal and saying goodbye to each child. This behavior was part of school policy. Possibly they don't know how to apply this principle to these internet sessions.
I figure if Fred Rogers could make every child feel like he was seen, indeed, there is something teachers can do to make their students feel seen. Every class could be started with the teacher saying, "Hello, John. I'm so glad you're here, "and then at the end of the session, "Goodbye, John. So glad you were here." Yes, it will take a few moments away from instruction, but the likelihood of good learning fades without that connection. That connection is so essential for learning, particularly in elementary education.
In preparation for a 10 am. trial tutoring class with a new client, I took a shower and straightened up the dining room table if the little girl needed a tour of my house to feel more comfortable. The mother texted me a 9, saying she would send me a zoom link at 9:45 am. for our 10 am class. I had to laugh, wondering how these very precise people dealt with Hawaiian time. Hawaiian time is comparable to Hispanic time; it depends. Precision isn't an option.
I had no problems connecting to their 10-year-old girl while her mother and father both observed the class. They are very protective of her. They see her as fragile, shy. Her mother had selected a book she read last year for school. Fortunately, I had read it too. I started with remembering what I could, which was, at best, an imperfect memory. She participated with me, confirming and filling in details. I was very impressed. She could describe what was going on in the text, explaining her impression with supporting details. This child does not have poor comprehension problems across the board. She is good. However, there seems to be a problem with the unfamiliar material when reading social studies, science, and math. I suggested that we work with materials for our next class that she is known to have problems with.
It also came out that she is having problems with math. Her parents had sent her to Kumon for tutoring. While she was there, she was able to learn the material. But none of it stuck. Hmm!
I learned two interesting facts when speaking to the parents after the tutoring session. The girl had speech problems when younger and worked with a speech therapist. I don't know if the girl was traumatized by that original deficit, but I'm sure her parents were. They are very concerned that she does not think she needs tutoring because 'something's wrong with her.' They want her to believe she is getting tutoring for enrichment. They're really not that far off.
The other fact I learned was that dad was on Zoom from out of the country. He's serving abroad in the navy. No wonder they needed the class to be at a precise time. However, I did ask them at the end how they coped with Hawaiian time with their penchant for precision. The mom laughed. They are precise around work and school, but not otherwise. And, yes, they had to adjust to Hawaiian time.
Then the issue of scheduling came up. The mother and I were talking past each other. I heard the mother ask if it would be better to have one half-hour class a week or two. No, she was asking if there should be two half-hour classes or one one-hour class. I told her that I stopped the session after half an hour because I thought the girl had her fill. Half an hour was all I felt she could cope with. I suggested she ask her daughter what she preferred.
Either way, I passed muster. The dad said he liked the way I related to his daughter. My guess is mom was surprised by how quickly her daughter connected to me. At the end of the session. I said, "You see, I didn't speak to your daughter how I spoke to you." When I explained how I worked to the mother in our interview, she had said she didn't think her daughter would understand what I was talking about. I told her since I knew she, the mother, was an intelligent and educated person, I spoke to her with that in mind. I wasn't going to talk to a ten-year-old the same way.
This incident made me aware of how I spoke to the mom versus the little girl. I don't feel affected; I feel myself in both cases. I am entirely straightforward and honest regardless of who I speak to, but my style can be radically different. I compared it to speaking different languages. I not only sound different in language, tone, and context; I am different.
I realized that we are co-creation of ourselves and the person we are communicating with. Our contexts determine what aspects of ourselves we present. It's a little like acting. A good actor always finds those parts of themselves that align with the personality of the character they are playing. They don't so much become that character as they become that aspect of themselves.
It reminds me a little of the co-writing I do with students. I help the students write 'their stories." I sometimes have to pull it out of them. I do that with open-ended questions and multiple choices, but I never fill in the details. I express their ideas as close as I can to their speaking style while writing in complete sentences. The more verbal the student is, the closer that language is to how they would say it. When I reread the hundreds of stories I have co-written with students, I always hear my voice in there. I hear my concern for the human condition and ethics. I am manifesting a small part of myself I would never otherwise see in isolation. I love doing this activity. I also love acting, just not the profession. I don't even mind the endless rehearsals, just the full of themselves directors.
I had an opportunity to get into the movie business. A scout came through Wisconsin. I partnered with a friend for the audition. He didn't get a bite, but the guy told me to look him up if I ever decided to try. I was told by a graduate acting student that the students in the department said I was the only one that was a shoo-in for an acting career. I didn't have the temperament to deal with the profession, but I do love to play at it.
I needed a nap after the session. I was excited. It was good to relate to people at this level. I miss teaching. I do love it.
When I stood up after an hour, there was a pinching sensation in my hip. I rolled my left foot over onto the out edge. Then I went even further; I rolled my foot over so far that it looked like I was trying to walk on my foot's top side. Poof, the pain was gone.
I told the physical therapist repeatedly that I thought some of my leg problems were generated by my left foot and ankle problem. She said no. All of the issues in my left leg had to be generated from the hip. The problem may have been initially caused by hip displacement, but the whole leg was affected. Healing can be affected anywhere along the line.
I did a lot of work on the books in the library, consolidating and alphabetizing books. I pulled out another 50 to 75 books on the request list for St Patrick's seminary. I actually enjoyed it. I think I'm prepared to have all of Mike's books gone.
When I received the list from St. Patrick's Seminary, I kind of freaked out. He was prepared to take over a thousand books. Notre Dame in New Orleans only wanted about one hundred and fifty. I anticipated the library would be one-third empty when I had fulfilled this new request. This would be a significant loss. I wrote the librarian that I had to give myself some time to adjust.
As I am pulling books, I'm back to planning renovations for the library. I can see where to put the closet and where the bath might go.
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Musings:
Levels of teaching:
1. Many teachers see themselves primarily as 3D information dispensing machines, sort of live performance versus film in conventional school settings.
2. Some teachers are aware that the interpersonal contact between the teacher and the student(s) impacts the learning. Students learn better if they feel an interpersonal connection with the teacher if it is a good one.
3. Here's the third level. The teacher helps the students modify their learning skills. For this level of teaching, interpersonal contact is vital, honest interpersonal contact.
At level 2, an insistence that students comply with the teacher's demands makes some sense; at level 3, zero.
I have worked with students who are rude to me when we start. I have to assume that they have a reason for that behavior. I'm not tolerating it because I'm a sucker; I do it because I need to know how this student works to help them. I would rather work with a student who starts out difficult than one who is overly compliant. I never get to meet the real person then. If I don't meet the real person, there is no way I can diagnosis the problem to solve it.
When children are difficult, I assume being that way is hard for them. I will ask students if they prefer to stay that way or change. If they choose to stay that way, we're through until they feel a need to change. Then they can come back and work with me. I have the freedom to choose not to subject myself to abuse. Some children can leave you wishing you had never entered the profession—teachers who have to work in the compliance mode encounter that more than I do. I am afforded the luxuries of patience and compassion.
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