I had a text upon waking from the grandmother of the boy I worked with yesterday. She said her daughter was ecstatic about my work with her son. I still don't know the long-term effects. I know that he was comfortable with me at the end of the session, but I don't know what he was like at the end of the day. The mother said she had no idea that I was so good at working with kids. I use the same approach with adults and kids alike: I respect their point of view and assume they have a good reason for their behavior. My job is to uncover the issue underlying problematic behavior and help them find a better solution. While teaching or doing healing, I feel like a safecracker. I have to listen very, very carefully to the sound of the tumblers if I hope to make a difference. Otherwise, I'm locked out.
I got in a nice long walk this morning as Dorothy. I cried a little as I talked about Mike and his death. I am getting weepier.
After meditating, I called Geico to ask if there was a charge for adding a person to the policy. The agent insisted it depended on the person's personal information, driving record, age, etc. I told her I just wanted a ballpark estimate. She finally said it could be zero or more. Zero is what I wanted to hear. If zero is an option, Progressive owes me an explanation for why they charged me extra for Adam. There may be a logical, legal explanation, but none was provided.
I realized I could call the State Insurance oversight agency to find out what was legal. I called, but the agent wasn't immediately available. I left my number and asked to be called back after 1 pm.
At ten am, I had my biweekly appointment with my therapist/life coach from Ohio. I told her how my grief over Mike's death had entered a new phase. I feel his energy is leaving the house, and now I am really alone. I have cried once or twice before. Both those times had to do with something not going well; my crying was a stress release. This is different. This is grief. It's only taken me a year and six months to register that he is gone.
The other day I gave him hell for pulling out. I told him he had to stick around until my death when I could join him. He could never stand seeing me in pain. The poor guy is still distressed by my distress. He tried to return, but it seemed like his connection to life was getting thin, and he didn't have that strength anymore.
It reminded me of my mother's death. Dorothy, Mike, and I were kneeling in front of her as she sat in a chair. She was already in Chain Stokes breathing and couldn't open her eyes. I had called the ER, and they told me that she was dying but couldn't tell me how long it would take. I was in high spirits. Death is not a sad moment for me. I said to her, "Mom, you can't die now. ( It was late October.) They're changing the inheritance laws in January." Can you believe it? She heard and struggled to come back. I was shocked and distressed. I said, "Mom, it's our problem. Go, go." She relaxed and allowed herself to die. I feel Mike making a similar effort in the face of the inevitable.
Shelly told me that in her experience, there is a period when they have to go, but they come back sometime later. It's a phase they have to go through, or maybe it's a phase that the living have to go through. This is the first time I see myself as truly alone. I am no longer Mike's wife. I no longer have someone in my life who loves me the way Mike did and does. It's gone for now. I have to reimagine myself.
I called Susan at church. I remembered I had called to find out the maximum measurement for the gravestone, and she hadn't gotten back to me. She had told me earlier that Fr. Lio usually accepts whatever measurements he gets. I am also getting messages from Brenda, who has the plot next to mine, to limit the size. Susan said Fr. Lio said I should just work with the place that sells gravestones in Hilo. I told her that that guy charges $7000 for a monument while the company I am dealing with on this side of the island only costs $700. There is no way I'm dealing with the Hilo company. Not only does it cost a fortune, but the owner doesn't answer phone calls. I told Susan if I had to spend $7000, the grave would have to do without a gravestone. Period end of sentence. I told her that I wanted the outside size limit, height, depth, and width.
Susan got back to me after speaking to Fr. Lio. He said he would lay down a cement base for the gravestone. After that is in place, we'll know what we're dealing with. He also said that the Hilo company provided 'sliders,' making it possible to move the gravestone when I die, enabling him to get my urn into the grave. Okay, back to the drawing board. He did tell me to check someone else's gravestone. Some poor woman lost her husband and two of her sons. They are all in the same grave. No way I'm spending $7000, so the gravestone can be moved. I'll order one and keep it in storage. Let someone else arrange to put it in place after I die. Also, I have no idea why it can't be moved since it must be moved to get it in place. I'll ask the Internet. Damon tells me daily, "Any question you have, no matter how obscure, ask the Internet. Someone will provide an answer."
D.'s mother texted me to tell me that D had misplaced the book we were working on again. Could we skip the appointment? I offered to help her get on Zoom on his computer. She sent me screenshots showing that it was not possible to do it on Chrome. I worked on the reading for the last two sessions skipping math. This was a good opportunity to go back to working on math.
I opened the tablet, which I inherited from Mike, and found I was blocked from entry. I had to enter some password of Mike's that I didn't know. What is this about? More problems with the tablet, possibly caused by the Microsoft customer support involvement. I got on my Apple computer and issued an invitation.
D.'s recall of the math facts was no better than it has been. So far, nothing I have done has worked. Remember, we are working with the same six math facts presented in various formats, horizontal, vertical, and switching the order of the numbers in the multiplication problem. Only six, and he still cannot remember what the answers are, literally from one minute to the next. We will review that 9 x4= 36; I will show him 3 x3=, and he'll get that. When I show him 4 x 9= next, and he will not know the answer. Maybe he doesn't know to convert all forms of 9 x4= to the format he remembers best. This is possible. I will see about this next time and teach that strategy. The kid has a lousy memory and relies on it 100%; how's that for a lose/lose proposition. I don't think he is cognitively impaired, just rigid in his thinking.
I have applied BrainManagementSkills techniques in the past, but they never seemed to do any good. D. has been frustrating to work with. I asked him if he was remembering how the answers looked or how they sounded. He said how they looked. He is working with visual recall.
Then I asked him where in his brain he was seeing the problem. He said at the top of his head. I told him I had never seen a case where that spot worked. I found it had to be seen in the area of the forehead. He shifted the image down a little closer to the forehead but still higher than I have seen work.
Then I asked him about his memory in general. Did he remember the names of his cousins? He said no, but he doesn't see them often. Okay. How about his address? He didn't know that. He finally said, "10." I asked if that was his apartment number. "Yes.!." Did he remember it by seeing it in his memory? "Yes." Where did he see it in his head? "In the forehead area." Okay. Okay. He remembered something using only visual recall. This is new. He also used the correct part of the brain. This is new too. Some students make the switch from one brain region to another quickly and easily. I have been working with D. for over a year, and I have never been successful. I have no idea what his problem is.
After he experienced recalling his apartment number, he could use visual recall differently. I don't mean he was 100% successful, remembering the right answers. I mean, he had discovered the part of the brain to develop, strengthen. We'll see what we will see.
When I was finished with him, I called Microsoft customer support. Alex answered immediately, "Hello, Elizabeth." He had a quick fix for the pop-up screen blocking my access to the tablet. He told me to hold down the start button for a forced shutdown and start it again. That annoying program demanding I enter Mike's password for his yahoo account was gone, and I had access again.
I called the elementary school where I tutored last year and spoke to their tech support person. She told me that Google Meet is free. She stayed on the phone with me to see me connect. I told her I would get back to her if I needed help. First, I had to do some exploration on my own.
I texted August to ask him if Mike, his grandfather, had the operating system and the virus loaded on his computer when he bought it. He told me to ask his dad, Damon. Damon called me back. He said, look it up on the Internet. You can get an answer to any question. He did that for me while we were on the phone. Sure enough, the operating system and the virus protection came with the original package. That is good for the life of the tablet. Why then did the customer support guy tell me that I needed to buy one? I will have to get back to Alex, the company owner, to find out what he says about this information.
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