I'm getting tired of writing daily updates. Sandor told me to skip days but not to abandon the project altogether. I suppose if I get enough tutoring students, I won't have the time. Part of the compulsion to keep going is driven by routine, but part is driven by a much older habit. I get all these insights, and they collect in me like stones if I don't share them.
While Mike loved my intelligence and curiosity, he had difficulty with my mind that found everything fascinating. He enjoyed explicating revered thinkers and authors. Me, I enjoy coming to my own conclusions, making my own observations. It was a habit of mind instilled in me by my dad, for better and for worse.
At the end of Mike's life, he found me endless entertaining, never knowing what would come out of my mouth next. I would announce, "I had a thought," to which he would respond, "Oh, no. She's had a thought." As I think about it now, it never led to a discussion. He never shared his thoughts on the subject. He wasn't good at improvisation, i.e., unstructured conversation.
Now, I no longer have an outlet for "my thoughts." You, my readers, are stuck with me; unless, of course, you choose not to read these updates/blogs. I have wanted to do something like this for a long time. I find my thoughts interesting; is it fair to think someone else might do so too? Again, dear reader, you don't have to read them.
I think where my thoughts are most helpful is in the field of education. I have developed methods of teaching reading, writing, and math skills that are very effective and worthwhile learning. Also, they are easy to learn and require no new materials. You can use anything. That makes them cheap at half the price, as Mike would say.
While my methods are easy to teach and easy to learn, they may not be that easy to apply. They require the teacher to be in a discovery mode as well as the student. It requires the teacher to make mistakes in the presence of the student. Heaven forbid!
In the nineties, I had a supervisor give me hell, "the worst class she ever observed." Because I got a last-minute request from a teacher to teach something. I wound up needing some help from the students to explain a particular point. I thought that was brilliant. The students were more engaged because they knew I was flying by the seat of my pants, and they could be there to catch me. I also modeled failure with dignity, a more valuable lesson than anything academic I could have taught them. The supervisor didn't see it that way. I'd say," What a jerk!" but she was just following what she had been taught when she went to school for. I remember getting the same lesson. "Never let the students discover you don't know something!"
Today is my niece Karin's thirty-sixth birthday. When I called her this morning, I just got voice mail. I sang a rendition of the Ross Happy Birthday song; each one is unique; no two are the same.
I called Karin later in the day, feeling a need to have direct contact. She and David had their son Sam's daycare teacher come over to babysit for a few hours while they went to the beach. It was there that I caught them. We made plans for me to sing Happy Birthday again when Sam was around. I would love to see his reaction to my singing. Karin doubted that he was familiar enough with how the song sounded to know how weird my version was. We made plans for her to call me when they got home from the beach around 3 pm my time, 6 pm theirs.
Karin told me a little bit about Sam's progress with the language. She said he understands most of what is said to him and can speak about thirty words, even though they are only understandable to those near and dear. One of the words is 'mask," As his dad was leaving the house, Sam reminded him to put on his mask. Can you imagine? Mask is one of the first thirty words a child learns. Yikes!
As always, I needed my mid-morning nap. I read some NY Times before I snoozed. I am about a week behind. I came across an article on 'empath' as 'imperialism." This is the first time I have read someone who articulates this side of the equation, which is the one that raises my hackles. (to be discussed under Musings).
I went through one bay of books in the library, finding ten more, and packed up three boxes for shipping. Packaging them up reminds me of my youth.
My parents were refugees from Germany. Because my mother was Lutheran, her parents remained in Berlin until 1950. From 1945 to their move to the US, my mom sent regular care packages. I watched her wrap those packages. It was my job to put my finger on the string so she could tie the knot. I know how to prepare a package for shipping.
I don't use book boxes; they're much too heavy for me. I use Four Monks vinegar boxes. They are the ideal size. First, I wrapped duct tape around the box. Then I write the address on the side of the box. Then I wrap the box in brown paper, scotch-taped every loose edge, and fold. Once I have written the address on the covering paper, I move the box out to the car and start the next one.
Judy's son Adam has chickens and has been collecting eggs. He noticed that egg production had fallen off. He looked up information on the Internet and discovered that hens are only good egg layers for two years. It sounds like they go into menopause quickly. Industrial chicken farmers buy a massive quantity of baby chicks. When that cohort no longer produces eggs, they kill them. The kindest way is to gas them. Some are sold to animal food companies. Apparently, post-menopausal hens don't even taste good.
For those of you with high toilet seats, which are comfortable to sit on but not as good for your digestive tracts, a Squatty Potty is a good solution. However, if you're like me, you can't bend your legs evenly because of hip problems. I have discovered a few other solutions to assist the digestive process. 1) While sitting on the toilet, raise and lower your heels while keeping your toes in contact with the floor. 2) Rock front to back, and 3) rock from side to side. I found these movements solved all and any problems I might have.
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Musings: NYC article "The Trouble with Empathy."
"Yet skeptics say that what seems like empathy may be another form of presumption, condescension or domination."
Seems, seems. That one word sums up a huge problem. The Buddhists have a label for actions that can be labeled positive but are really negative, "near enemies." The near enemy of compassion is pity. Actually, I found a formal list on the Internet. (See, it is good for something other than spreading hate.)
The near enemy for:
Loving-kindness can degenerate into possessiveness.
Compassion can degenerate into grief or being overwhelmed.
Equanimity can degenerate into apathy or indifference.
This article discusses the way people use empathy to use other people's suffering to elevate themselves, to prove they are good people.
I have an easy measure (I'm sure it can be misused. Can't everything.) for genuine empathy. If you have empathy for all the black men who have been needlessly killed, can you also have empathy for many, not all, the policemen who have killed them? If you feel for the poor, can you also feel for the rich? Everyone suffers. Does empathizing mean agreeing and supporting? No.
While I can empathize with those bankers who suffered when their salaries were cut from five million to a mere one million, that does not mean they should have kept their five million a year salary. While I can empathize with those who demonstrate violently, understanding their accumulated rage does not mean I support their destructive actions.
One of the downsides of empathy that I have read about already is the tendency to extend empathy to those on "our side" and deny it to those on the "other side." If anything, it fosters the lack of empathy for those on the other side. They become subhuman, unworthy of minimal consideration; all they do is born of evil- not like our side. Isn't this what we're facing now?
You are either on black lives matter or blue lives matter. You can't care about everyone. Even Chauvin deserves empathy. Does that mean I should understand that the poor guy felt his life was in danger and had a right to kill Floyd? No. Chauvin is an extreme case even for me, who always questions my distribution of empathy. Does that mean that I think he shouldn't be charged with manslaughter if not murder? No. But Chauvin is a victim of the system as much as Floyd is. He has been trained by the police force to use violence to restrain arrestees. We have one of the most violent police forces in the world.
I'm a teacher. Would I like a return to the system in use when I was a child, where the principal had a paddle in his office and could administer physical punishment? Do I want to be part of a system that deals with noncompliance that way? I'm sure some do.
Of course, as I write this, I am forced to look from the point of view of those who see compliance to authority as the ultimate good, particularly when that authority loves them. I think of Mike's need order. Why did he love and marry me? Your guess is as good as mine.
We, meaning society, need both. We need those who value order and compliance and those who challenge that order and practice disobedience. If we swing too far in either direction, we're screwed.
As I see it, those on the side of law and order are screaming their lungs out. I think the source of the disorder is the Internet. No, I don't think the Internet is inherently evil as my mother-in-law did, but I do think people have been overwhelmed, with too much diversity of ideas coming at them at once.
I have been fairly lucky. I am a first-generation American from a cosmopolitan educated family. My parents came from radically different backgrounds, which added to all the differences I had to deal with as a child. I survived that crazy, mixed-up background. Because of it, I have a tolerance for dealing with the unexpected and trusting my judgment from one minute to the next. There are so many who don't have that advantage. Their quiet, conservative lives are under attack. While I empathize with them, understanding how they feel their lives are in jeopardy, that does not mean I support their need to eliminate anyone who doesn't conform to their expectations. I can only hope that we can hold on instead of being ripped apart by the partisanship developing worldwide.
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