I woke up early again and was out the door for my walk well before my alarm went off. I am disturbed by M.'s mom. She seems very rigid and controlling. I don't do well with that. She wants her daughter to think for herself and come up with the answers she would have given.
The mom had worked with M. on some of the answers. I had to ask M., "Did you write these answers or your mom?" Both. Then when mom didn't get what she said she wanted, she blew a gasket. The girl is sweet and a delight to work with. The mom, not so much. I think I can bow out now in good conscience. I think I accomplished what they 'said they wanted. I can't help it if they don't like the way it looks.
In my original interview with the mom, we had an interesting talk about the conflict between wanting something and reacting to the result. Mom said she wanted her daughter to think more the way American children did. I told her the story of my mom on this subject. She immigrated from Germany; she wanted me to be an American and then blew a gasket when she saw the results. No, no, no. Not that. The mom giggled knowingly. I should have had more compassion for her, but it was hard for me.
It's interesting. My therapist made some comments in our last session that she saw me as insecure. I doubt many people see me that way. I may be out of touch with reality about people because of my PTSD, but I'm not insecure. Unless you can say if someone puts a gun to my head and threatens to kill me, yes, I feel insecure. I feel out of control. I am scared, shaken. Now, if that's her definition of insecure, that's accurate. Even I know that my reactions are inappropriate. I just can't control them.
What did I do yesterday? I didn't write any notes. Surprise! Well, I was surprised.
Scott was finished with the floor. I contacted Mike to lay the carpet back down. Scott couldn't do it. It is a particular skill. Mike said it would be all right if Scott laid down the padding.
I had sessions with Eb and El. Eb. is making steady progress. We're working on two words per session; we analyze one word, break it into syllables, and identify all the sounds in the word. We use her speech, mapping the sounds onto the letters. For the second word, I select a word she might not know. There she has to start with identifying all the vowel letters. Next, she has to determine which vowel letters make sounds. The vowel sound is the cornerstone of a syllable. Then that unfamiliar word has to be divided into syllables, and each syllable has to be sounded out. The second process provides opportunities to work identity traditionally taught phonics patterns.
El. 's mother is complaining he wakes up late and is therefore late for school. He said he loved sleeping in because he felt cozy. This was a new feeling. Now, that's not bad. I think it means he is more comfortable with himself. Now, I had to help him feel more comfortable wake and in the company of others.
El. was born to two kids who were not in a steady relationship just out of high school. Neither was ready to be a parent. Dad died in a car accident when El. was about three. Mom grew up and became a woman committed to being a good parent. I helped El. Experience the love she has for him now. He was surprised—what a delight.
I teach that we are the only ones who can heal old psychic wounds. We are the only ones who have access to that aspect of ourselves. A wound we received at age two years one day can only be healed when we are two years and two days old by us. Yes, mom can hold us. That certainly helps. That creates the healing environment, but the healing the child has to do themselves. They have to let go of that pain. No one can do that for us.
We worked on the skill of opening a door in ourselves to allow others to love us. We can't pull love out of people, but we can open a passage or shut it out. This is a difficult skill. You don't want to open it too far because the other person can be frightened by the possibility.
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Musings:
There was a TED talk on polygamy. Did I hear it right? Polygamy is legal in 86% of the world! The speaker said she interviewed a man who had three wives. She asked him if he could have as many wives as he wished, how many would that be? As the man contemplated his answer, the interviewer imagined his response: 5, 25? His answer was, "None." Polygamy makes life complex.
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