The event of the day was a session with my therapist/ life coach. I have never been in better shape in my life and am amazed by each session how much more there is to do. This session was about fear. So much to be afraid of, a major national crisis with the coming of the election. I can't see how it won't be bad one way or another. The country is so split in such extreme ways.
I'm also facing all this alone. I've had some talks with Mike about this recently. He would always say, "It will be okay." He was the perennial optimist. Me, I prepare for the worst and hope for the best when I'm in good shape. When I'm not, I get overwhelmed by fear contemplating all that can go wrong. When I reminded him that things could indeed go south, he would say, "It will be okay because we will be together." We would face the problem as a team. Neither of us would be alone. Just thinking those words were comforting, even though we will not face the future together. Despite all that is going on and my being alone, my bout of grief seems to have passed. I assume it will come back again sometime. I'll deal with it then.
In the vein of the political divide, I heard one man on NPR, someone who was called to share his opinion, that he believed the Biden would become a dictator. He is convinced that he is a 'socialist' and all socialists establish dictatorships. The idea that this country could become a socialist dictatorship is as likely as the idea that this country could become a theocracy where abortion is illegal and the use of contraception. I suppose both are possible, but not immediately likely, although we have someone in the white house who advocates for the theocracy.
In dealing with my emotions, I use imagery. When my therapist asked where I was experiencing my fear in my body, I found it sitting in the pit of my abdomen, looking a little like an upside-down heart.
When I released it, the image took the form of a creature looking a little like the cat from The Cat in the Hat, running like all get out, dragging me behind. That's sure how it felt.
I have been working on extending love to those I disagree with, foes, and friends. I dread being overwhelmed by fear and hatred if I find myself under attack because I'm on the 'other' side. That's the worst for me. I want to go down as a loving person, not to be a good person but because it feels good to be loving, and it feels absolutely terrible not to be.
I realized that the only way to calm this fear was to love it. When I sat and sent love to this creature pulling me all over the places, it shrank, deflated in effect. I don't want it to go away. When working with clients, I compare fear to a barking dog: it barks at everything. It is for me to discern what requires a response. Really, the mailman doesn't. Just because Elsa barks indiscriminatingly doesn't mean I shouldn't love her. I can tell her to quiet her bark, but I count on her to warn me if something untoward is going on.
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