Friday, August 27, 2021

 Friday, August 27, 2021

 

Wedding day:  It was scheduled for 2 pm EST, 8 am Hawaiian time, and 8 pm in Europe, where Marliese’s family lives. I tried to sign in before 8 am on the tablet. The link didn’t work. I called Dorothy. While she looked for someone who might help, I tried the link on my Apple computer. Ah, it went through.  

     Marliese looked lovely; David looked uncomfortable in his suit. It took quite a while before the ceremony started. The bride and groom had to sign papers. In the meantime, I took in the setup. They made the chuppah of tree limbs and branches found in the surrounding woods with a Jewish prayer shawl draped over the top.-a very simple design, probably what the original chuppahs looked like. 

     The ceremony was simple and lovely. David and Marliese had prepared speeches describing what they enjoyed about each other. There were more than ten people there. Friends of David’s and Marliese’s came. Two of her friends played cello music. Marliese is a cello player. David and Marliese play music together, her on the cello and him on the recorder.

    The only down note was the photographer, who made herself the most visible person on the Zoom video. I think a photographer would know to dress like a kabuki set mover, all in black with every inch of skin covered. Not this lady. She wore a brightly colored jumpsuit with shorts that came up to her mid-thigh with plenty of skin showing. Then she stood in front of the camera while she waited for a good shot. I was screaming at the computer screen. I was on mute. 

     After the ceremony, the wedding party moved inside for refreshments. After a while, there were some speeches. First was Marliese’s six-year-old nephew, a gorgeous little boy. He read a prepared speech in Dutch. Karin, David’s sister, spoke next. I learned things about David I hadn’t known. It was good to have someone speak who knew and loved David as much as his sister did. Marliese’s father spoke next. He said he spoke for all of Marliese’s family spread out over Europe, Holland, Italy, Germany, and at least two other countries. He spoke in English, and I learned more about her as I had from David’s speech about her earlier.

      The Zoom wedding inspired me to work on recording my video on my reading method, or practice recording it. I need to have the computer sitting on something if the camera is to take in my whole image instead of from my forehead up.

   Someone said they see me as the type who wants others to like everything about me. Huh? I had a successful forty-five-year marriage. That would have been impossible if that had been my expectation. No, Mike didn’t like everything about me, and I didn’t like everything about him. Some of the traits we accepted with minor irritation, and others we openly complained about.  

   But there were things we did have. First, we were committed to greet each other joyfully at all times. There were a few failures at that too. This did not mean that we felt that way. One afternoon early in our relationship, I was in a loving mood, and I told Mike I was full of love. It was the type of full joy you feel when you smile in delight at a baby. He didn’t push me away, but he apologized and said he didn’t feel that way. I said, “That’s okay. Just tell me you love me.”  He said, “I love you,” in a flat tone. I said, “No, no. Say it like you mean it.”  He said, “IIII looovvve you!”  Yes!!!! That did it. I don’t know if that was the change moment of our lives, but we always greeted each other joyfully for the rest of our days. When we didn’t feel it, we faked it until we made it.  

    None of that means that we didn’t have differences, things about each other we didn’t like. What we did share was a pleasure in giving and receiving love. Mike didn’t rebuff my affection that day. He just said he wasn’t in the same place. He didn’t feel guilty because I was a ‘better person’ or hate me for making him feel less than. We were just enough for each other. We made each other feel valued and glad the other was there.

    We once had a friend in our kitchen as we milled around. She said, “Sometimes I think my husband just wants me to smile at him.” Mike and I looked at each other and thought,” Duh!” This woman never smiled at people, not even her children, who she deeply loved. How do you explain the impact of simple kindness?