Saturday, August 21, 2021

 Saturday, August 21, 2021

 

       I spoke to my friends, the Zims, on my morning walk. They both sent me information on ivermectin, encouraging me not to take it. I assured them I was not taking the vet-sized pills. Ivermectin is approved for removing worms from horses. Who even thought of trying it on humans for any purpose? That's got to be a story and a half. From what I've read, this drug can only be dangerous if taken in large quantities- like a horse pill.  

      Judy encouraged me to get on this medication. Her husband's doctor prescribed it and the accompanying protocol, including vitamins and aspirin. This doctor is very committed to this protocol and willing to prescribe it to anyone interested. (Yes, he does charge a $75 consultation fee.)  I will not take the daily 325 mg of aspirin or the 250 mg twice daily of quercetin because I know both can have a negative effect.

      John challenged me. I told him that taking ivermectin made me feel somewhat safer. The purpose of the vaccine is to defeat the virus; the purpose of the ivermectin protocol is to boost my immune system so I can fight it. Yes, I am vaccinated, Moderna. If I can bless myself with holy water and believe it can do some good, why not take ivermectin? 

       Do I believe in the placebo effect? Let's see: I'm an energy healer, and the placebo effect is the most tested medical procedure in history. The placebo effect has been tested against all other tested medications or medical procedures. While it may not prove to be as good as the AMA-approved method, there is no question it does something.

      Elsa and I encountered Bella and her humans on our walk this morning. We often ran into them if I got up at six instead of 5:30. Elsa never gets to have contact with Bella because we have been warned Bella is violently aggressive, particularly for other female dogs. Someone else told me she had been abused before these folks got her. Today, the guy told me precisely how fierce Bella could be. She killed three pigs that came on their property. These are wild animals with tusks. They can be well over one hundred pounds. I don't know the size of the animals Bella killed.

     Dorothy called. She sounded excited. Would I be available this coming Friday at 8 am? Well, I had an 8:30 tutoring session. Could I change it? I wondered what was going on. She once got me to view a dance concert out of Philadelphia on Zoom. That was great. I thought this might be something comparable. But no- her son David was getting married.

     We had talked about this before. David and Marliese were getting married so David could accompany her to England for the year. David has German citizenship and a passport through our father, a refugee from Nazi Germany. Since Brexit, his EU citizenship has no meaning in England. A formal marriage didn't have much meaning for them. Marliese's family lives without it. They see it as an arrangement with the state, having little bearing on their relationship. They planned to have a civil ceremony in the local court. Dorothy hadn't sounded excited about it then. Why the change?

    Well, there had been big changes. Having a simple civil ceremony with Covid in the air wasn't so easy to get. Now, there will be a full-on Jewish wedding in Dorothy's backyard, Rabbi, chuppah, broken glass, and ketubah. There would be about ten people at Dorothy's house, and the rest will be on Zoom. Friday, they will get married; Sunday, they will leave for England.

     Yvette texted me warning me that we were supposed to be hit by a storm. It's been raining daily. I guess this means wind as well.

      I have been feeling blah all day. I believe it's about my confusion about my work. It's so different from the traditional way of teaching phonics. I have been using this method in some form for thirty years with success. Recently, I started using Phase I more with the kids. I usually introduce it when I start with a student. I use it for longer periods with total non-readers. But if a student has any knowledge, I tend to switch to Phase II. In Phase I, you know the word and figure out the individual sounds of the word and the letters that represent them. It works. The problem is that you uncover all the inconsistencies in the relationship between English pronunciation and spelling. 

     Traditional phonics instruction only teaches consistent relationships; exceptions are taught as 'sight words' to be memorized. My method requires hearing all sounds as they are. Some of these relationships will be 'regular,' and some will not. This method requires the teacher to deal with the unexpected. I have a high tolerance for confusion, uncertainty, not-knowing, and being wrong. How can I expect others to do this work if I'm feeling this distressed?

    The principal works. I'm reasonably sure it's the one good readers use. For those who think it is all sight recall, neuroscientists believe that our nervous system speculates about everything we perceive. Our nervous system delivers a 'definite- this is what it is – whether a chair or a tree-to our conscious mind; our nervous system spends time arguing/discussing possibilities before it delivers its final verdict. Our nervous system plays with statical likelihoods. This is our natural state. This method makes use of that system. I believe good readers tap into the system intuitively/accidentally. There is no way someone can become a good reader- at least In English- if they don't use this system.

    I recently revised my will, making some adjustments in the percentages. All very depressing. Except for Damon and Shivani, none of the children try to reach out to me. I leave them money both because these are the children in my life and because the connection is important to me. Nonetheless, their total disinterest in me is sad.

      I tackled a shrub covered with a wandering vine with small red flowers, the trailing coral, which is happy to take over the island. As I pulled up the vine, I discovered there was no shrub left. Only the remaining branches of a dead plant supported the vine. 

      I got a text from Yvette telling me the Dog Groomer had closed his shop. I hoped he's okay. It's perfectly possible he got Covid and died.

 ______-_____-_____

Musings:

    Do we pick our friends by how they treat all people or how they treat us? Conclusion: It's some combination.

      I see myself as someone who looks for the person's character and doesn't expect them to be radically different with me than with others. Then I chose Mike as my partner. I saw him as someone who intended to be respectful of me. I didn't realize at the time that what seemed like joking behavior as he put others down wasn't. OMG! I nearly blew a gasket. It was too late to end the relationship, but I never lost faith in his intention. Truth be told, his intentions were very specific to me. He saw me as someone who deserved his respect. There were occasions when he didn't respect me, and someone convinced him he was in the wrong. When he realized his error, he sobbed- literally.  

       It took me years to convince him to give up his disdainful, contemptuous ways of relating to others. I called him an equal opportunity arrogator; he had contempt for everyone, regardless of race, religion, nationality, sex, or age. He changed when he converted to Catholicism, but he still had a way to go. I can remember the day I finally got through to him; there was a difference between not liking something and putting down the people who did. He would often speak of his bad ole days from the pulpit, telling people how arrogant he used to be and regretting his actions. 

     Through it all, I never once felt emotionally unsafe with him, despite his arrogance. I wonder now how much of that is because he was a man who reminded me of my dad. My dad had his problems, but he never put me down. I also knew he was a man who wanted to be respectful and caring of all human beings. He married my mom so she would do his dirty work; she did a spectacular job. My experience with Mike makes me wonder how much our relationships with our parents form our capacity for trust. If we had a good relationship, we expect it to be that way with others. Is that what happened in my relationship with Mike? My trust in him wasn't all based on objective experience. Or was it? Did I know at some deep level the person he wanted to be? Did he marry me precisely because he 'knew I would be the one who would help him become that person? I know I married him partly so he could help me become a better person. I think we were successful.