Tuesday, November 15, 2022

 Tuesday, November 15, 2022

Either I didn't do much today or forgot to write notes. I had a standing appointment with second-grade L at 11 am that got canceled. Her mom and dad are separated or divorced and not on good terms. She initially hired me to work with her daughter during her time with her. She used to teach reading, and her dad taught math. He wanted to switch. He probably thought L's failure to learn to read was mom's fault.

   Then his mom decided since he was teaching the reading, the tutoring session should be on his watch. Then she canceled our Friday meetings since she was scheduled on her dad's time. I met with her once on Tuesday. The following Tuesday, he canceled because he forgot to bring her tablet. I was exhausted that day and glad for the excuse. That was the last I heard from her dad. Mom said that was just like him. The mom expresses her frustration with the dad. I did not want to get in the middle of that situation. I pitied the child. Mom said let's not do any more sessions. Who's the winner here?

  Yvette emailed me a link to the Joy Summit broadcasts. They were free for forty-eight hours. I watched one, a conversation between Bishop Tutu and the Dalai Lama. It is always interesting to see what men like that have to say. They've been through a lot. They present life lessons on how to respond.

 I was in a panic about eighth-grade K. In today's session, he showed me his paper. I was amazed. It was very well written. There were supporting quotations with page numbers. I called his mother over to read it. We both said we couldn't have written anything that good in eighth grade. Then I started thinking about it. How did this boy who can barely speak coherently produce this paper in one day over the weekend? I was convinced he had cheated. The notes he dictated to me on the characters had nothing to do with the theme his teacher approved; his supporting evidence contradicted his idea when he stated the new theme. His selected theme was family is more important than money; his supporting evidence was Walter used the money Mama gave him for himself and set aside his sister's education all for his purposes. From what he said, he wrote the paper "the other day." He said nothing about getting help. If he had said he had gotten help from someone, I could have believed it was a cowritten piece. That would have been perfectly acceptable.

  I had to decide if I would continue working with K. Tutoring is an intimate relationship requiring trust. I must know that the student is as honest with me as they can manage to be. A student who overtly cheats is forever concerned that they will be found out. There goes trust in the teacher. This was a difficult situation for me. I composed letters to K's mom explaining my position and that I could not continue working with her son unless I had better proof he had done the work other than "his word."

   I was reading Useful Delusions by Shankar Vedantam, the host of NPR's The Hidden Brain. Very interesting. Quite a rebuttal to those who believe we are rational animals. Vedantam was one of those. The evidence accumulated, he had to relinquish his belief in his rational nature. He argues that no relationships could survive if we didn't have a few useful delusions. I thought about how this applied to my feelings about Mike. I loved him to bits and pieces and was so proud of him. I also recognized that he was sometimes a jerk. Instead of turning all the positive feelings negative, I thought it was just adorable. Some of my ability to see him in a positive light was a delusion, but there is another possibility. Social scientists have studied couples to find the magic formula for successful relationships. It's mathematical. There must be five to seven good interactions for every bad one in a moment of conflict. My ratio with Mike was in the fifty to one at a minimum. With that much good going on, forbearance for some annoying behavior comes easily.

   I came across a concert pianist on YouTube, Khatia Buniatishvili. She plays like she's making love. Wow! I was exhausted just listening to her play, even if I wasn't watching her.

   I ran into Judy and Paulette on my before-bed walk coming down the driveway on their way for a late-night Turo drop-off or pick-up. I danced in the street as they spent a few minutes talking to me before they went on their way. I felt so good from my day of hard physical work. I was downright joyful. I don't have enough vigorous movement in my life.