Wednesday, December 14, 2022

 Wednesday, December 14, 2022

    I included bending my legs back in my morning exercises as per the chiropractor's comment yesterday on the unevenness of my legs when lying on my back.

   I was tired all day. I used my vibrating platform while I read. It did make me feel somewhat better despite my reading Shivani's book about the death of her beloved husband.

   I had a session with Shelly. I dealt with my mom's confusion between affection and cruelty. That confusion was understandable, given her experience. For the first six months of her life, she experienced a medical treatment to save her life that could be seen as torture. They administered this painful procedure every other day for her good. I'm sure they did it with great love and care. No wonder she was confused.

   I got the image or feeling of tremendous loving energy from someone with whom I had a problematic history. This sensation overshadowed the negative one with my mother. Shelly encouraged me to return to my mother's image, but this loving one surpassed it. My intuition was to stick with it.

    After five minutes, my mother entered the scene. Something about her entry shocked her and left her badly confused. Shelly proposed that she felt terrible about the way she treated me. No. That didn't feel right. It was more transformative than that. It was like learning the sun was the center of the universe when she had thought it was the Earth. She was experiencing cognitive dissonance at a deep and active level. I could do nothing to help her except be there, observe, and love her. She hadn't resolved that confusion by the end of our session.

   Many will argue that I was experiencing an aspect of myself. That's possible. But I'm psychic with enough correct 'guesses' to be impressed with my statistics. I like that my mother was experiencing that transformation, not me. There is no way her transformation could not affect me, too. I see no harm in viewing it that way, and it gives me pleasure.

   My eyes were bothering me no end. The vision out of my left is usually, but not always, blurry. It's exhausting. I finally called Sandor's office to say I wanted to come down to have my glasses adjusted. I doubted that would do it. I had to slant them to see through them clearly, so I saw out of the bottom left inner corner of the lens. I didn't know what the problem was. It could be my wandering eye was wandering more.

    I had Adolescent D at 2 pm. He chose to read rather than do spelling. They are two roads, both, hopefully, leading to Rome. He did much better. He wasn't error-free, but he made fewer mistakes, and his response was different. I perceived him as focusing more on the individual letters as he read.