Thursday, January 11, 2024

  Thursday, January 11, 2024

 

   I had nightmares of falling. I cannot afford to fall again. Because of all the metal I have in my arm as a result of the shoulder replacement and elbow reconstruction, there is no give. The remaining bones would be very vulnerable.

   I drove around the neighborhood at 5:30 am looking for the woman with the two dogs that attacked Elsa. I didn't see her; however, I ran into others who walked at that time. They said they usually saw her, but not that morning. I think the woman realized what had happened and was in shock, too. I asked them to tell the woman her dog had bitten mine if they saw her.  

   I tried the harness on Elsa. It looked like it wouldn't come in contact with the wounds when I put it on. That proved not to be true; as we walked, it slipped around. I took her home and went out on my own. I ran into Dean, who was looking for me, and Shawn on his morning walk with Coco, his dog. I told them what happened. Both Dean and Shawn knew where the woman who owned the dogs lived. Dean even knew she had lost a dog within the last year and replaced it with a rescue to keep her remaining dog company. He even knew one of them was vicious. Yvette pushed me to communicate with the lady. She wanted me to follow up to make sure she would take action to prevent another incident like this from ever happening again to anyone, no less me and Elsa.

    At nine am, I had a Zoom meeting with the 80s Club. It's not particularly helpful for me, at least not yet. Apparently, the information I provided on the useless of my long-term health insurance was helpful. 

Mike and I put out $50,000 in premiums over ten years. As far as I can make out. We have a $95,000 deductible; they need two weeks or immediate notice to honor the claim. Then, they send out an insurance investigator to validate the claim. Also, I only have $72,000 in coverage. Let me see: it cost me $15,000 for three weeks of out-of-pocket coverage after I broke my elbow and shoulder.

  I heard something about long-term care insurance on the news yesterday. The industry is basically bust. They completely underestimated their ability to service their clients. They figured no one would live as long as people are living now and underestimated the rise in the cost of long-term care. They also calculated that people would drop their insurance along the way. Huh?  

   One of the participants, a retired professor of nutrition, gave a presentation on the Blue Zone Diet. I knew about it already. The key message is to eat less meat and more beans and have a robust social network. Those are the universals between all the Blue Zone locations. I did learn you're supposed to eat a cup of beans a day. Wow! That's at least one bowl of soup. Tofu products count. I don't like tofu.

   I had my appointment with Shelly, my therapist/ life coach, afterward. One of the daunting problems in my life had been resolved, a significant interpersonal relationship that had turned out to be a nightmare. She resolved something in herself, and things improved steadily from there.

   I started working on my reluctance to put the information about my teaching methods out there. I see anyone who wants their product known advertises, knocks on doors, sends emails – and daily posts on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Why is it so hard for me to do it? I remember when I would do something that I hoped would please my mother, and she would get angry at me for one reason or another. There was always something wrong with what it did. I learned not to try to please her. Learned helplessness. I appreciate this behavior when I see it in my students. It's easier to take failure because you didn't try in the first place than to fail because your effort wasn't good enough to succeed. Even worse than failure is to be yelled at for your efforts. That's one step worse than failure.

   I had a supervisor who did that to me. She literally screamed at me when she saw my work. On one occasion, the problem was she had never seen what I was doing and argued it could never work. It worked with the children she observed me teaching that day. One had fetal alcohol syndrome, and the other was very slow. The second time, she screamed at me, "This is the worst lesson I've ever seen," I had a group of students walk in and tell me what their teacher wanted me to work on. I had no time to prep. I couldn't figure out how to draw an octagon. I asked if one of the students could do it. One student came up to the board and drew it. I believe engaging students this way is much better than having them deal with the know-it-all perfect teacher. I think it's a teacher's job to model how to deal with not knowing answers and intellectual and academic failure. My supervisor did not. Despite knowing full well that she was wrong in both cases, I remain scarred by those events. She retraumized me.

    I worked on the old feelings I had from my mother's treatment of me. This is the first time I experienced the spin effect and release, a procedure I often use with my students.

    My acupuncturist was at my door moments after I hung up with Shelly. She did more cupping, which is helpful. She noticed that both my hands were purple. Apparently, this is a sign of poor circulation. That's alarming.