I had a terrible night’s sleep. Fr. Lio had Brenda call me and tell me that we couldn’t extend the time for the eulogy from 15 minutes. He also said he didn’t want us, Damon, Yvette, and me, to just talk story. He wanted the eulogy to relate to Christianity. I pictured him angry with me for not making Mike’s role in the church as a deacon the theme of all our talks. He wasn’t a deacon to us. Being a deacon was something he did, like being a driver of a car. For us, he was a husband, father, grandfather, godfather. We loved him in those roles, not his role as a deacon.
I suggested I send copies of all our eulogies to Fr. Lio. I spent a difficult night worrying about it. I thought if he really wants our eulogies to be all about him as a deacon, maybe he should give it himself. My agita was all to waste. He thought all our eulogies were great, including Yvette’s which is more talk-story than either Damon’s or mine. All’s good.
I worked on practicing the hula dance which I was planning to perform along with the other women in the hula ministry at the funeral. Good luck! Guess what? I am not the agile, coordinated, quick study I was at 40. Coordinating the top and the bottom half of my body is not going smoothly. I feel like a stick stuck into a rock instead of a boat gently rocking on waves. I’ll see how it goes. I can’t imagine crying while doing the dance at the funeral unless I fall and hurt myself, a real option, because I will be focused on remaining upright.
The morning routine was the same: I woke up at 6am, walked Elsa, did my oil rinse, drank my two cups of water, washed some dishes from last night, went to Bikram. It was another small class. But I continued to notice more small changes in my body in what I can do, although my midback continues to complain. I drove home, showered, and boiled water for my morning two cups of miso soup with tofu and greens.
I sat down to call State Farm, which had Mike’s life insurance, and then the Long-Term Insurance company to inform them of Mike’s death and start whatever processes are appropriate for each company. Both were already closed. I have to make phone calls before I leave for Bikram at 7 am or immediately when I get home at 9:30. I only have a small window for contacting these east coast companies before 11 am my time.
Judy stopped by, picked up two bowls and a spatula she left here from last night’s dinner. Now the two bowls were filled with the remains of the chocolate pudding and the Chantilly cream she had made for the dessert. Hmmm! I licked those bowls clean.
I found the will the other day. I’m amazed I had any idea where it was, but I found it right away. Today I called our lawyer. I would file the probate and be done with it. How hard can it be? Well, apparently, if you don’t have all your t’s crossed and all your I’s dotted, your screwed. You need a lawyer to do it as much as you need an accountant to do your taxes. Our lawyer is someone my chiropractor recommended who is also a Bikram student. It’s a small town. She was a delight to work with. I left a message for her and also sent an email
I took a much-needed nap after a lousy night’s sleep. Judy called. When she picked up the bowls, she forgot to take the remainders of the chicken Brenda brought over to make chicken soup. She stopped by to pick it up.
I tracked down Elijah, who I am helping go to the Science Camp this summer. Did he send in his application yet? The head of the organization called me back to tell me he hadn’t received it. Kids! I didn’t like to have to worry about this while I was in the hospital with Mike and now, but my larger concern is for Elijah. What kind of an impact is this behavior going to have on his life long term? He said he forgot. He reminds me of Mike, who just checked out when things got too stressful. I’m a fight/flight responder. If I’m under stress, everyone knows about it. There is nothing quiet about me. I’m just getting to understand those who go into freeze mode, also manifesting as a total retreat from the existing world.
Closing activities: walked Elsa, ate dinner, watched TV, walked Elsa, did not do my facial routine tonight, too tired, read NY Times a little, and went to sleep.
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