Tuesday, April 23, 2024

 Tuesday, April 23, 2024

  I had a bone density test at 7:45 am in town. The tech measured my height. I was 5 2 ½ inches. I was measured at Kaiser about a month and a half ago when Esther evaluated my posture. i measured 5'3 ". I have since completed the group sessions with Lisa. I lost ½ an inch. Esther said I would gain height with her method. I can accept that I didn't gain height, but I find it unlikely that I lost half an inch in that period. When I got home, I took a nap. Why was I so tired?

  When I met with twenty-six-year-old S, I had her read a story she hadn't read before. I want to push accuracy in reading. The objective would be better served by reading unfamiliar material. She still won't do cross-body blending, but I think she pictures it when she gets stuck. She is very resistant. I told her she already knew everything she had to learn about reading. Now, she has to force her brain to use the knowledge. My job is to coach her in this process and ensure she reads words accurately instead of sliding over them, only using the word's first letter.

  I continued with the syllable classification work with Adolescent D. I wondered if the activity was improving his reading, so I planned to have him read the text instead of coding in our next session.

 In the book The Chimp Paradox, Steve Peters discusses how the 'chimp' doesn't represent who we are. The chimp brain is invested in our survival and egos as it is connected, rightly or wrongly, with our survival. We should identify only with our conscious, rational minds. I suppose this will help someone be more objective about those impulses generated by the 'chimp' part of our brains, but wow. The author, Steve Peters, does say we are responsible for the behavior dictated by our chimp brain. Still, he repeatedly says that when we act badly, it is not us. Our bad behavior doesn't define us. Here's the big question: if our bad behavior doesn't define us, why should our good behavior define us? I heard in a lecture at Princeton University that even serial killers will say they are no bad people; they have only done some bad things. Really?!! At what point do we say people are dangerous for others- may be bad.

  The human tendency is for people to see bad behavior in themselves and their peers as the exception and bad behavior in 'others' as the norm. It is called prejudice when it happens between social groups. When it manifests in close relationships, it is equally destructive. You have one partner seeing their faults as minor and those same faults in others as serious. They may see they did something offensive to the other but accuse the other of unreasonableness. At the same time, they remain hypersensitive to any infringement of their values and needs. 

   Those who advocate, as Peters does, argue that there are no bad people, only bad deeds. At Princeton University, I heard a speaker say that serial killers claim they aren't bad people; they've only done some bad things. Really?!!!  While we all do bad things, at what point can we reasonably say someone is actually bad or, for that matter, good?

  Criticizing someone's character in interpersonal relationships is generally not a good idea. All relationship counselors will tell you criticizing someone's character rather than their behavior is a relationship terminator.  It should only be pulled out when there is actual abuse. If you're in a relationship with someone who can never hear they have done something displeasing or hurtful, run like hell. My mom was like that when I was a child. The person responds at a physical survival level. Something happened to them before the age of four, if not younger, to lock them into that mode. My mother was that way.    

  My mom changed a bit when she got older. She wanted to be a better person. When she was young, she was drowning in fear and struggling for survival. Sad, but potentially lethal non the less. When she lived with me at the end of her life, she told me the one thing she regretted was that my dad never got to see her grow up.