Saturday, August 3, 2024

 Saturday, August 3, 2024

  I used to do morning seated yoga in the living room at the front of the house, resting the computer on the massage table permanently set up in preparation for the acupuncturist who comes to my house once every two weeks.  I haven't followed the YouTube video for quite a while. Now, I do seated yoga on the screened lanai overlooking the ocean and the morning sky. I often start the yoga while the sky is still dark. While looking west, I see the sky lightening as the sun rises.  I combine the yoga stretches with Gokhale postural instructions and the laughter yoga. 

    After breakfast, the N.Y. Times puzzles, Wordle, the mini crossword puzzle of the day, and Connections, I filled another bucket with green waste from Casey's trimming job on the Plumbago bush. I was going to walk the container I filled yesterday and the one I had just filled over to Darby's, but I was running later than I thought. I was expecting Joseph, a potential renter, to come by at 10:30 to see the house.

   Joseph is a young man Judy knows from church who she is ready to adopt. He was looking for a place to live. He's been living with his folks, but they are moving to the mainland. The cost of living here can be prohibitive.  Joseph was born and raised in Hawaii. His brother still lives here. His sister has moved to the mainland. Joseph has a decent job as the manager of an Enterprise. I had occasion to speak to him last Sunday after church. He seems like the lovely young man who has his life together for a twenty-eight-year-old.

    I was not sure that his long-term stay would work out, but I could guarantee him a temporary place to stay until he found another suitable living situation. We're talking one or two months.

   I showed him all three available rooms. I told him the limitations of all the selections. He chose the 'guest' room, the only one already set up as a bedroom.  He will be moving in on August 20 

   I worked on the updates, which had been neglected while Damon and Cylin were visiting. I had plans to carry the two buckets filled with green waste over to Darby's but then realized I was running late. Dean and Nina were coming over around 1:30 to play Sorry. They are fun to play with. 

   Dean's sister called while we were playing. She commented on my putting up with Dean. Dean had a rough time as a kid. He didn't quite fit in.  He speaks of himself in negative terms, but he is a lovely, kind man. I told his sister I liked Dean and didn't feel I had to tolerate him. Of course, being somewhat of an outlier, I may be more comfortable with people on the edges.

   Nina's parents live downstairs from Dean and Nina. They are not kind or generous people. Dean often says they have never said anything nice to Nina. Today, Nina spoke about her mother's childhood. Her grandmother hit her mother so hard that it caused epilepsy. Nonetheless, Dean and Nina have taken in her parents and attended to their needs. 

   Mike and I took in my mom, a somewhat difficult person. However, my mother adored her two kids. She believed criticism was better than praise. She didn't do it to be dominant, well, not all of it. Also, I got control of that situation. I figured out how to deal with her behavior if she criticized me.  She could only say something nasty three times. Then, I would make an excuse and leave. I would return with the same planned response, leaving.  When I set that rule in my mind, she stopped being critical. 

   It was only after Mike died that it occurred to me that she knew Mike wouldn't tolerate that behavior. He wouldn't have thrown her out but would have spoken to her like a patient adult with a naughty child. If her behavior wasn't somewhat controlled, either one of us would not have agreed to have her live with us for the last 18 years of her life.  I am so happy it did happen. It had been a dream of mine. The relationship never became all I would have liked, but it was good enough to make me happy.

  I spoke to Adolescent D's mother today. She told me he went to school today to get his photo taken for his school I.D.  It was the first time anyone had seen him without a hat. He wore it to hide his hair, which he hated.  When I saw D at Costco the other day, I was shocked to see he had a gorgeous head of hair.  He is a changed boy.  I can finally see a bright future.

   I continued talking to her about his work at Costco, which offers a career option. His mother was concerned about how much money he could make. Would he be able to support a family? What else could he do that would be here, on the island, or for that matter, anywhere else?  He is not going to get a college degree. I'm concerned about him sticking out the two years to get a high school diploma. If he doesn't stick it out, I doubt he could earn a G.E.D. He doesn't have any self-discipline. Everything happens, or it doesn't.  D's mom told me she had relatives who worked as Costco employees. They loved it.  I suggested she ask them about the opportunities for advancement and a decent salary.

    His mother and I agreed he needs to get a driver's license. I studied the driver's manual with him for a while. Because of his memory problems, I was not optimistic about his passing. My two Ph.D. husband failed the test.  How was D going to succeed? His mother said she had made several appointments to take the test, giving him two months to study. He never took it.

   I recently learned a woman I used to work with took the driver's test and passed. Her reading is poorer than D's, her study skills are nonexistent, and she doesn't present as bright as D.  I told him to take the test without studying and see what happens. If she can pass, so can he.

  To encourage him, I told the story of my passing my German reading test for my master's in 

English literature.  I'm a terrible language student. Faced with needing to pass a foreign language reading test, I chose to do it in German. I am a heritage speaker, meaning I learned it at home but don't speak it well.  I have the vocabulary of a preschool child. I don't understand German movies.  However, I have excellent pronunciation and a sense of grammar only a native speaker could have.  I decided to take the test without studying at all. I passed. How much was dumb luck, and how much was the application of skill, I will never know.  I skimmed each item and picked the one that 'felt right."  I had no idea what the words said.  D agreed to take the test without studying. Even if he fails, he will get feedback on what he already knows and what he has to study.